Don't open mail that comes to your house for me. I know I haven't lived there in almost ten years, but you can still just as easily drop the UNOPENED envelope into the mail and send it to me in New York and save yourself the agony of wondering what this bill means, which I know is keeping you up at night, you goose. Seriously. Don't open it. It's a federal offense. And I don't know why they still have your address.
I love you.
Love,
Your daughter who has a different relationship with money than the one you wish she had but she's a grown woman and it's no longer your concern.
p.s. Note to self: Call and have that mailing address changed, asap.
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