I'm depressed. Simple. I feel crappy. I'm feeling misunderstood and alone in my struggles. I'm sick of it being so fucking muggy and hot all the time. There was a tornado in Brooklyn this morning and I couldn't get into work all day today. I'm sick of getting up early. I'm sick of being sick of getting up early. I'm sick of bitching about my job on here - with Kevin - to my friends - to my coworkers - in my improv. I want to turn the whole world off for 21 days. I want time to stop. I want to go home to Illinois and eat cheese and crackers in my grandparents kitchen while time stops and nothing matters. I'm sick and tired of the crazy woman at my job exhausting the fuck out of me with her insanity - she's the nightmarish great aunt or obnoxious oldladynextdoor that everyone hates. I'm pissed off that I don't know what next, that I have to work daily to rewrap my mind around why I'm doing this, what it gets me, and what reality would be like if I weren't doing it. I'm furious that leaving this job would cause a lot more problems than it would solve. I'm furious that being at this job is causing at a lot more problems than I expected it to. I'm pissed off, I'm tired, I'm hungry all the damn time for no realistic reason, I'm CONSTANTLY HAVING TO DEAL WITH THESE ENORMOUSLY DIFFICULT PERSONALITIES AT MY JOB AND I'M THE LAST PERSON ON THE PLANET WHO WOULD WIN A "CAPABLE OF TOLERATING INSANE BEHAVIOR AWARD." I'm fucking pissed fucking off. Okay? And that's the goddammed long and short of it. I wish everyone would shut up and get outta my face.
And as livinginthemoment, which is how I'm trying to live, would have it, I apparently have three choices: remove myself from the situation, change the situation, accept the situation.
I'll think on that. Meanwhile, fuck this.
4 comments:
I think I can relate to almost everything you just said.
I just want to go on vacation, 10 days, I don't even want anybody to come WITH me, that's how badly I need a break. I just want to park my ass on a beach for 10 days and not be talked to and not have to do anything I don't wanna do. Including: running, counting points, drying my fucking hair, laundry, unloading and reloading the dishwasher. The only person on planet earth that I'm not annoyed with right now is my dog.
Did you ever think that maybe it's YOU?
Every job and everyone is always Awful according to Jen.
You sound like a disgruntled adolescent - mean.
No one is making you unhappy - you just are and must like it that way... otherwise, you would do something about it.
Well that was uncalled for. And pretty much just a mean version of what Jen said in her last paragraph anyway.
Thanks, very helpful.
Mr. I- sounds like *someone* has himself a little crush. She's taken you little minx!
Jen-whenever I read a post like that I know it's someone just processing and venting, and it's healthy. you deserve a better job, but vent all you like!
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