Cookietown, Population: Me.

I've had one of the better weeks I've had in a while this past week. Proud of myself for the extra effort.

I did, however, eat two relatively big cookies today, that someone cruelly brought into work. These are amazing, delicious, yummy cookies. And there's been a whole huge tub of these babies sitting in the office kitchen since like 11am. I didn't discover them until 12noon; when I saw them, I became overjoyed, panicked, grabbed one and ate half of it on the spot like if I didn't devour it right then someone would come steal all the cookies and I'd get none.

It was a bit much.

Then, of course, I saved the other half of the first cookie to have after lunch. Which I did. And then I wanted a second cookie. I'm polishing it off right now.

And it's delicious. But let me remind myself that it will be gone in a few seconds and I sorta wish I didn't have the second one afterall. Oh, food addicts. Aren't we the wildest?

Otherwise, I've had a really nice week. I've eaten less this week than I've eaten in months - I'm so proud of that. I still went over flex by a few, but nothing like 20 points over. More like 10 or 12, which is seriously a record for me. Plus, I got in a nice amount of cardio (not the four sessions I was hoping for, but three really good sessions) and a pilates class.

I did no lifting this week and I'm eager to get back to it because I love how lean and strong it makes me feel, but I think taking a break from it for a week allowed me to drop some on the scale, even if it's only a pound. I'm feeling very slim in general right now. My clothes are fitting well, my skin feels tight, my body feels lighter, like I can move through space with ease. It's nice.

In two weeks I'll be heading off to Charleston, SC for a week to perform at a comedy festival down there. We went last year, you might recall, and had SUCH a great time and we're going back for the same Piccolo Spoletto Festival this year. Kevin's joining us, which is basically the best thing ever. He was there last year too. I'm nuts about the kid, so it's delightful for me that he comes on these trips. He does the lights and sound for HST (and he's a master at it).

Anyway, as it relates to this blog, the trip could prove challenging. I'm sure I'll have some opportunity to exercise - we'll be staying downtown, and there's plenty of places to go jogging, but food might be a bit more difficult to navigate. I'll basically be on a working vacation with 9 of my closest friends. It's hard to eat perfectly in those situations. But I will give it my all. In the meantime, it's important that I do plenty before the trip to offset any potential damage. I'm excited to weigh-in tomorrow. Even if I've only lost a pound, it will be a step in the right direction. Not to mention, I KNOW the last 4.5 months of exercising more diligently and eating more mindfully (I recommitted after a year of being really lax on 1/1/08) have made a big impact on my body, even if I don't see the results on the scale all the time. I'm buying/wearing clothes that I wouldn't have dared put on a few months ago. I just bought the cutest blue summer dress at the gap that hangs on me in a way it would NOT have in January. I'm really pleased with this. My body has changed shape. That's key.

My success this past week certainly related to the fact that Kevin and I went grocery shopping and I ate those foods for many of my meals. We've really had fun preparing stuff together in the kitchen - he's cooked me dinner a couple times which is pretty much the greatest. And I've been bringing salad's to work for lunch, eating lower-calorie breakfast foods, and making smart choices for dinners. I think it's definitely the key to having a successfully healthy summer - eating-in more than we've been known to do. I think we're both excited for that. And the cash savings goes without saying.

I hope to have another stellar week this upcoming week. We will get in another trip to Trader Joe's soon, I hope. And I will do my best to make good use of all that we buy. And I plan to get at least two lifting workouts in, in addition to a pilates class. Last week's, although easy, was a nice change of pace from doing it by myself. I also hope to get in 3-4 cardio sessions once again. Hopefully some nice long outside jogs can happen.

We shoot Sesame Street on Thursday and Friday of this week. I'm looking forward to it and I think it will motivate me to have a great Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday in terms of food and exercise.

I've been thinking a lot lately about how beautiful I feel. Perhaps that sounds a bit vain, but when you were once 260+ pounds, it's not vain, I promise you.

When I was a young kid, I wasn't heavy. I definitely had body image issues, always felt less girlie than the pretty girls at school, and fat, because my mom bitched about her body. So I thought I should dislike mine too. And then it became a self fulfilling prophecy. I got as fat as I felt. And THEN I realized, gah, I was never fat before. I was just misguided. And that same cycle, in ten pound increments, repeated itself until I was unrecognizable. What a difficult series of years.

And the worst part was, it was during the time when the rest of the young women in my age group were, for the most part, learning to dress in cute, sexy clothes that flattered their figures, and discovering how to wear make-up and do their hair perfectly and eventually don bikinis in the summer. And I never felt like that was stuff I could or should be doing.

I will say that, on a psychological level, I'm sometimes glad I didn't have the opportunity to be vain in that way as a young woman, because it gave me a level-head about what really mattered and it also gave a sharp sense of humor, which I grew to combat my hurt feelings. It's sort of nice to have had to wait until I was a little older to feel so self confident. Because I can appreciate what life is like when you don't feel self confident.

But lately, I'm feeling really lovely. I'll probably never be able to wear a tiny bikini on a beach full of attractive people and feel fantastic. But I'm not sure that anyone I know can. Regardless of any of that kind of stuff, I feel good about who I've become.