I'm pretty sure I'm depressed. Smoking, drinking, doing nothing...these are all pretty good indicators that I'm wallowing in some self pity, some I don't wanna, and some this is really boring.
I haven't had a job in a month. I'm pretty sure that, barring any major obstacles that should arise, I'll be getting up a reasonable time of the morning tomorrow, putting on some nice clothes, and going to meet with a temp agency woman. I need to start doing something with my day time. My birthday is over, the party is over, the Weekend Of Shows that I've been anticipating for a while now is over and I need to fucking pull up my boot straps and shut the fuck up about it.
I seriously MISS having a semblance of a real life. Because as much as doing nothing all the time is rather freeing and as much as you realize, DANG that job thing took up a whole lotta time, those feelings wear off pretty quickly and you end up getting real used to sitting around all day, waiting for your friends to get off work. And you end up getting real used to hating it. I miss being super busy and not being able to stop to think about whatever the fuck I want to whenever the fuck I want to.
The worst part of feeling blue like this is that the little things people do that usually wouldn't bother you at all, or usually would roll right off your back, are the things that make you feel like shit for 12 hours straight. And that's just completely unfair to everyone. Especially your loving happy friends who have lives that don't revolve around you.
I NEED A FUCKING JOB.
Omg i need a goddammed job.
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2 comments:
Yeah, I think about a month is "a nice break from the working world" and anything beyond that is "I am starting to feel like a pathetic loser with too much time on my hand." Not to say that's what you are, but that's how it starts to feel. Been there, done that, have the t-shirt.
What ever happened with the idea of working at Trader Joe's? I STILL think that would be really fun.
It's going to be ok. As you know I am in the same boat and I have been there more then once. Try not to get too down on yourrself, and do your best to get work. Don't worry you will have a fulltime job soon enough that you will have day dreams about leaving;)
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