I am feeling kinda stressed out today. And it's only 12:30pm.

Today starts a new WW week. Last week was right down the middle. Not amazing, not awful. I got in some excellent workouts. I made some poor food choices. I've been eating emotionally, I think. But the 4 mile run I took last night was really lovely and my body is appreciating the exercising I've been giving it lately. There's always room for more, but I'm in an okay place right now. I don't actually move into Kevin's until July 5th, but I've been staying over there and hanging out there more often than usual. It's really nice and conducive to healthy living. The living room is huge so I can spread a yoga mat out right in front of the TV and stretch, do pilates, do situps, or just relax. And the nearby park is constantly calling me to go for a jog. Plus the big kitchen, as I've mentioned, is ideal for cooking and eating in. I made a huge salad for dinner last night. The other best part is that I know the feeling of not being "home" when I'm there is about to change. And nixing the hour-long commute between our two apartments from our lives is going to be delightful. I think we don't even realize the negative impact it's had on us to have that time drain.

In other news, I feel, today at least, like I'm being pulled in a lot of different directions. And I'm just feeling resentful and pissed off about it. The new book I'm reading "The Female Brain" has been a bit of a god send in my life right now. It's incredibly interesting info about the human brain and how our brains, obviously, dictate how we perceive our reality. I'm loving it and it's helping me understand myself better. So I'm not surprised that I'm feeling how I'm feeling this week. It's probably more neurochemical than anything else. But regardless, I feel pissed. And that's my reality at the moment.

I pissed that I have to go get my headshots retaken today, I'm irritated about the work flow at my job today. I need some ME time and the work just feels like it's constantly coming in - and everyone just wants to pass on the responsibility to the next person. I'm feeling on edge about the people at work who tend to annoy me. I don't want to talk to them today or hear the sound of their voice. I'm feeling pissed off at having to be the bigger person in another situation in my world right now - feeling actually fucking furious that it often comes down to this - feeling so fed up that people can't have more patience and forethought. I'm annoyed with an old friend from college who's general attitude often brings me a great deal of frustration and the distance I feel him creating right now is making my skin crawl. I'm annoyed that I have to be the bigger person there too and that he's such an emotional child - even at the expense of this friendship. The lack of support I feel from him during this time of big change in my life is so upsetting and is likely based in his own insecurities and selfish feelings. But to ask for his support just sounds like an uphill battle that I've fought - and lost - with him many times before. My forehead feels scrunched up and my shoulders feel scrunched up. I'm dreading the next interaction with the debbie downer at work who sits next to me. She's easily the most negative person I've ever met and almost everything she says is laced with daggers. It's laughably so. On a good day it doesn't bother me but when I'm feeling on edge it really makes me livid. I'm sick and tired of dealing with all the cold sales calls that come in to my job from various vendors and service companies throughout the day. We don't want whatever you're selling. I deal with ten plus of these calls a day and spending the mental energy to navigate each call, find out exactly what they want, because god knows they can't just come out and say it, and then saying thank you we're not interested is more than I can handle some days, when everything else feels like it's closing in.

There are absolutely a million and one things to be grateful for. And I'm well aware of that and practice living in that mindspace as often as I can. But right now, I feel pissed. And that's something I'm going to move through today, rather than try to escape. I'm sure it's mostly me, not the rest of the world. But it FEELS like the rest of the world. So thppppppppp. Eff it.

The busy-ness of the next few days/weeks overwhelms me also. This weekend is very busy - I'm cat sitting and shooting some videos and I've got a show to perform and another to see. Next weekend - the big move! And it's a holiday weekend. And another show and video shoot. The weekend after that we're going to introduce our cats to each other which is, apparently, a complicated, time-consuming process that requires a great deal of attention from the humans involved. So we'll be at home that whole weekend. Come to think of it, I shouldn't complain about that because I sorta don't mind the house arrest, to be honest. Anyway, somewhere in there I've got to make and attend a vet appointment with my animal. Oh AND research flights for a handful of potential travel weekends, which, on its own, is enough to make my hair turn gray. The noise all these tasks is creating in my mind right now is making me tired. I don't want to deal with anyone. I don't want to go home to my house tonight and deal with my roommate's grouchy demeanor. I don't want to go to my HST meeting and argue with my friends about our latest team issue. I don't want to humor the annoying girl at work who needs a ton of validation and attention. I just want to spend a week by myself. Talking to no one. My cat can come.

I'm not sure writing about it has made it better....Now I'm even more pissed off. ;)

Oh well. At least it's a beautiful day today. :)