Of course, what goes up must come down. Or, I guess in this case, what goes down must come up. I knew I spoke too soon last week when I boasted about the incredible ease with which I was navigating food reality. I think the natural response from my subconscious to that kind of boasting is almost always, "Oh yeah? Well, navigate THIS, bitch."

I did alright last week during the week re: food. And I eked out a couple workouts. But when the weekend came, most was lost. Not all, but most. Friday night was a party at a friend's apartment. I didn't do too much damage there, but I'd ate plenty of tortilla chips.

Then Saturday was when things got ugly-ish. Kev and I had a few friends over for a last minute BBQ - just people who we knew would be in Brooklyn and lived nearby. But we were very excited about the food. Because - come on - BBQ. So we spent a lot of time prepping burgers and turkey burgers that morning. And we did a veg plate and other yummy stuff and I made this delicious summertime slushy drink called a whiskey sour. We didn't eat anything until the party started and when the first few people got there we all just basically stood around and grazed on a TON of chips and dip. I was so full from drinking my whiskey sour and eating chips every time I walked by the table that by the time the burgers came out (they were amazing, btw - we did good), I was already stuffed. The burger put me over the edge. And then it was there was cake and pudding pie. It wasn't good. I felt SO. FULL. (And drunk.) By the time the day was over I had to take a nap just to power-up so I could go perform in two shows in the evening.

Then on Sunday we went to Kevin's parents house in Nanuet. I didn't eat very well then either. We had a lot of different stuff. Bagels, pizza, pasta, cake - OOF. It was no good. Kevin and I ended the night decompressing from the visit at a cafe around the corner from my apartment where we had fries and spinach pie! What was I thinking! I didn't eat a TON of any of the foods (besides the chips on Saturday) (and the pudding pie) (and the...kidding) but I definitely didn't have healthy stuff and I definitely felt stuffed on more than one occasion. And no exercise anywhere in site.

Monday was no better. I did okay during the day but I didn't get in a workout and I went home to Kevin's after work and had a leftover burger from the BBQ and some popcorn and some whiskey sours and some pudding pie and jesus CHRIST JEN. STOP.

I don't know what got into me. I guess I knew that today, Tuesday, was the beginning of a new week. So there came a point where I just started to let myself enjoy overeating. I haven't done it much at all lately. And the GUILT that can easily overwhelm me when I do is its own kind of sickness. Even though I knew I shouldn't have been eating those fries and that spinach pie on Sunday night it was also like, you know what? You're going to sit here and enjoy this food - you ordered it, you wanted it, and you'll stop when you're full (which I did) - and you're going to PRACTICE not FREAKING OUT and obsessively thinking about it. Just sit here and enjoy your boyfriend and enjoy the hilarious story he's telling you and enjoy the beautiful whether and the cute cafe and the fact that you're young and happy and you have the time and money to have expensive late night snacks and stop worrying about the fact that you haven't eaten well today. Curbing that, for me, is just as much of a victory as is avoiding the bad foods all together. Because I know that I will not let myself go day after day eating poorly. It's just not in my mindset anymore. I would be SO unhappy if I did that. I can't even imagine it. So all that extra worry and obsession over making a mistake at one (or 6) meals is just that - extra worry. For no reason.

I'm right back on today, like I knew I would be. I ran for 30 on my lunch break, had a healthy breakfast, a healthy lunch, a snack of cereal just now, and I'll do something light for din. Maybe subway sandwich?

Just goes to show how dangerous it can be to get cocky about this stuff. I'll never be cured from being a former fat chick, a food WANTER (not just a food lover), and a girl with a huge over-eating urge. I will always have to manage those issues. I didn't manage them very well this past weekend. But whatev. The scale, which I have avoided for the last few days, will not look kindly on these errors, but what can you do. I hope to have a great week this week and to FINALLY get in the 4 cardio sessions I've been daydreaming of for the last little while.