I'm working with a headache and a bad attitude this morning.

Sometimes work really gets to me. And it's never the acutal tasks - it's the people. I just started to write a few sentences where I bitched and vented about the specificities of these people, but I deleted them. It's not really worth it, is it? They do things that annoy me, they have personality traits that I don't care for, and we work together. So we're all bound to get a little sick and tired of each other's shit. Simple. (But if the phone rang and I answered it and I didn't say it was for you and I took a message and hung up the phone and never said it was for you, why are you asking me "Was that for me?" NOPE! IT WASN'T! MAYBE IF YOU DIDN'T INVITE YOUR 20 CLOSEST FRIENDS TO CALL HERE THREE TIMES A DAY TO CHIT CHAT YOU WOULDN'T WORRY THAT THAT CALL WAS JUST FOR YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.) (Among other annoying-as-fuck crap.)

Ahem.

There's also a cookie on the counter over there from yesterday afternoon that I'm this close to stress eating. But I won't. Because I know it will just serve to make matters worse five minutes from now when I want eleven more cookies. But oh good god the bliss it would be for the 8 seconds of chewing...let's just imagine that. Mmmmm. (Update: Ate the cookie. It was delicious.)

So. Aren't I a delight this morning? Wish I knew what it was. Or, wish I didn't have so many ideas about what it might be.

I started packing last night. It was certainly weird. I started packing up all my shit. I told Daniel last night that I can't tell if there's either not that much stuff or a whole lot of stuff. You never know until you're deep into it and can't find another box to fit this whole drawer of crap you just unearthed but had forgotten existed. Luckily I'm feeling merciless about chucking stuff. I got rid of a bunch of clothes that I never wear but have bizzarely insisted on hanging onto for years. And some books of the same nature.

I'm definitely right in the thick of this move and all the emotions that go along with it. The cat's all up in arms too.

We went to the vet last night for a check up and he was PISSED about getting into that cat carrier. He was really very nice about it at first - Nope. Not going in there lady. Do your damndest, but it's not happening. It was like a cartoon, always one paw clinging to the edge. He's so strong, this cat. Then, when I'd shoved too hard one too many times he was done being nice about it and clawed my arms. He'd had enough. Then I yelled in his face. Feel really guilty about that. I was covered in black cat hair - I think he was shedding at rapid rates during the whole stressful experience. I finally just summoned up all my courage and shoved that little fucker into the carrier. I knew I was hurting him but I didn't have a choice. Whew. We successfully got to the vet, had our appointment, and got back home. (The vet didn't have any easier of a time getting him back into the carrier but I was just glad it wasn't me doing it again. Poor kitten.)

Not soon after we got home did all the packing and rearranging of life-as-he-knows-it begin. So I think he's still a little confused. And naturally I had this crazy dream where I saw another cat chase him down the street and attack him and I went all postal-kitty-mommy on this other cat. It was wild.

So our lives are changing and it's scary. At least we've got each other. ;)

I've gotten all my books and clothes packed, with the exception of a few small pieces. There was so much dust, my allergies are through the roof today.

When I moved out of my last apartment into this apartment I was very upset to be moving. I loved my old apartment. It was huge and I lived there alone and it was a wonderful experience. I only lived there for about 9 months but they were wonderful months. I decided to leave that place to move in with Daniel, just a few houses down on the same block, to save money. And I know I spent some time crying over it. Moving into this smaller, darker, smellier place with a BOY was the opposite of what I wanted for my life. But it was cheap. And it was only going to be for 4 months. Almost 4 years later, I'm finally moving out.

The day I moved into Dan's, Kevin was just my friend. We'd been friends for a few years and we were becoming better friends all the while. He lived a few blocks away and came over that day to help us move. I found out later that afternoon that he'd just broken up with his long-term girlfriend that morning. She was also my friend. They'd been together for three years, but she had just moved to Texas a few months earlier. They were going to try to make it work long distance but it couldn't and they broke up the morning that he came to help me move in. I got a voicemail from her about it while I was walking a box down the street to the new apartment. She didn't know he was helping us move and I didn't have the heart to tell her. I knew he just needed to get out of the house, but I wasn't sure she'd see it that way. It was an intense day all around.

And he and I subsequently spent the next four years becoming better friends than we'd ever been. I settled into Dan's apartment while Kevin moved from Astoria into Manhattan and then later in to Brooklyn. And now...after all that time...I'm finally moving out of Dan's apartment. To move in with Kevin. Because we're in love.

Wild.

You really never ever know where life is going to take you. I could not have imagined I'd be here if you hit me over the head with it. And if, four years ago, on the day I was moving into Daniel's someone told me that in 4 years I'd be moving back out because Kevin and I were in a serious relationship and moving in together I would have laughed hysterically and told you to go fuck yourself. ;)

You just never know.

Despite my stellar exercise from this past week, the scale is up today. And I just can't give a shit right now. I'm moving. The workouts for the next week will be sporadic and unfocused, I imagine. Every day is packed to the brim right now. So whatever. I'm gonna let it be what it will be and check back in a week when I have the mental space to give it. By that time I'll be fully positioned in my new kitchen, armed with healthy groceries and plenty of opportunity for healthy living.