All Hallows Eve

I had such a great time last night.

I suppose my posting has been relatively minimal lately. In fact, I don't even remember what I've updated about and what I haven't. But things are good. Work is great, comedy is great, boyfriend is excellent, cat is still nuts, roommate relations are good, exercise is reasonable. I feel pretty happy. Though, I haven't had much time at all for leisurely things like posting on this blog (or doing my laundry or fighting off this cold I seem to have collected somewhere along the way).

But there's been plenty to blog about, certainly, and I come into work each morning hoping to have time to write, but it never pans out. Work is hectic too. However, the main complication is that my computer at work is inSANEly slow. It's got a mere 256 MB of memory which is apparently pathetically little. And it's next to impossible to get stuff done efficiently during the day, let alone, navigate between websites. I'm getting a memory upgrade soon, thank god. I seriously need it. When I try to toggle between windows it sometimes takes a full 90 seconds JUST to open the new screen. Do you have any idea how long 90 seconds is when you're staring at a frozen computer screen? While someone really 'important' is on hold waiting for the information you're supposed to be looking up? At a law firm? Where shit moves fast? It's maddening and feels like I'm working on a tin can from 1987.

And it also reminds me that we as a culture have become very impatient. Or perhaps just I, as a culture, have become impatient.

Anyway, I had a great time last night.

First of all, it was my good friend Fanny's birthday. Her name is Faryn. We call her Fanny. And she loves cookies and sweets. So we all went to this chocolate restaurant for dinner. Delish. Everyone was dressed up for Halloween and it was adorable. I was dressed as a rabbit (and Kevin was dressed as a rabbit hunter.) Then we had to rush out to go do a show at the PIT. I was still dressed as a rabbit, but Kevin had to change into something else for the show. I truly and sincerely hope he'll green light me putting some photos of the event up on here because oh my good god, you want to see them.

Anyway, the shows were a blast - very festive and spooky-feeling. Everyone had such fantastic costumes and their performances were equally wacky. Nothing like a good holiday to spice up your improv. Afterwards, there was a keg and other party favors to go around so I hung out with friends and chatted and laughed the night away. It wasn't until 12am when Kev and I were cuttin a rug on the dance floor like we were the only two souls in the room that we realized that it was a lot later than we thought it was and we were supposed to meet back up with the Fanny Party. But it was too late and we missed out. I was bummed.

So we went home to eat pizza and stay up even later instead. :) Fun fun so much fun.

I had a few beers at the party but I have been drinking so infrequently lately that that was all I needed. I was pretty tipsy and I definitely made the most of it.

This week and next week feel so super-charged to me. There's so much exciting, rewarding stuff going on. Costumes yesterday, a fun dinner out tomorrow night, and Saturday (!) is a very exciting day (!) because Kevin is surprising me with some birthday activities that he won't reveal. All I know is that I wasn't allowed to make plans on Saturday. So THAT sounds like the right idea.

Then next week is even more intense. I'm doing FIVE shows next week - three improv, two sketch. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday. And Thursday is my birthday party. Oof! I'm really looking forward to it though. I love the way it all fell into place like this. It makes me feel fantastic to know I'll get to perform so much next week because it's the perfect way to celebrate turning 27.

I can't wait to put up pictures of Halloween. Don't die when you see them.

Again!

Another Harvard Sailing Team video up on Dot Comedy! Now we have two videos up on their home page, which is pretty great.

(Btw, there are more videos on our myspace page, if you like videos.)

Nice.

NBC Universal has a comedy website called Dot Comedy. After several face to face meetings and what I'm sure were many phone calls and emails, they wanted to purchase some of Harvard Sailing Team's videos. This was awesome news because we love making videos and we love when that equals fame and fortune. The first video they bought is up on their site now. And I'm in it. That's me, above, doing some serious acting with my main bitch Clayton. Pretty neato. :)

But!

I didn't want sugar in the iced coffee mister! I said no sugar, not yes sugar. And I certainly can't go back down there to ask you for new coffee! Who will answer the phones? Ohhhh...I really can't drink it with the sugar in it. I really want to, trust me, but I really can't. Every sip feels like it's >sip< rotting >sip< my >sip< insides. Dramatic? Perhaps. But if you don't like sugar drinks you just don't. Who wants this iced coffee? I'm sure it's delicious.

Health Watch

Am I srsly eating (and enjoying) a hummus sandwich from Pret? I srsly am. It's pretty good. I did go pick some cheese from some sandwiches we had at work on Friday out of fridge and stick it on my plate, but cheese, veggies, hummus, and grainy bread for lunch sounds like I'm a healthy rabbit.

I could really use it after this weekend's Eat 2007 Festiganza.

That's not a real festival. That's just a made up festival that I celebrated this weekend without telling anyone else that there was a festival going on.

On Friday night, before we saw our friends in Too Much Light Makes The Baby Go Blind (which was good and interesting) we went to FriendHouse, which we love. We ate a fuckin boatload. And to think, he almost ordered an additional entree to compliment the 7 other plates of food we'd requested, but thought better of it at the last minute. Phew.

Then, Saturday, I surprised him by navigating us to this amazing Italian place I mentioned yesterday. And we ates and we dranks and then we saw a movie during which we also ates and dranks.

Yesterday I decided I was never eating again, after which I had tapas and sangria with Daniel in Astoria. And snacks later. And some of Friday's leftovers after that. And then an ice cream novelty. I'm not pregnant, I just play one on tv.

Ridiculous.

But delicious.

So today I must be nutritious. And drink diet colas. And tomorrow I must exercise.

True Crime Sunday

My birthday is one month from today. Yessssss.

My mom's birthday was yesterday. She turned 46. She turned 19 on October 6, 1980, and had a baby a month and a day later. Can you imagine? She's awesome. I sent her flowers. Her hubby took her to see The Producers. I love my mom.

Kevin's dad's birthday was also yesterday. Kevin is visiting his parents today. Birthdays are for celebrating.

My cat has some sort of psychological problem, I think. He has an obsession with a blue bouncy ball. And he cries and moans if you won't play with the ball with him. (He fetches it. Obsessively.) And he cries and moans and bites people in the middle of the night. He's been keeping Kevin awake for hours. I woke up in the middle of the night last night and Kevin was sitting up on the side of the bed, looking really defeated. I got the sense I'd woken up in the middle of a desperate moment in his life. The whole thing is pretty stressful, but thinking about it right now makes me laugh. Anyway, I have to take the damn cat to the vet.

I'm doing nothing today. I'm getting a mani/pedi, I'll go workout later even though I rillyrilly don't wanna. And I'll hang out with Daniel later tonight.

I slept IN today. Sleep tonight is a long way away.

My friend Steve and I are doing a two person improv show this Friday evening. Maybe I'm nervous, maybe I'm not. Who knows.

I saw Michael Clayton last night. I really liked that movie. I really liked it a lot. We also had dinner at a place called Celeste on 84th and Amsterdam. It was small, loud, and we had to wait 25 minutes to get a table, but the food was so so delicious and it was so cheap! It was a recommendation of Chris and Rebecca's. And while we were there, Rebe's roommate and best friend Sonya showed up with her parents who're visiting from Miami! We barely got to say hello, the place is so bustling. While we were waiting outside for our table, I overheard a bunch of people who walked by with their friends say something like, "This place is amazing," or "This is Celeste, it's supposed to be incredible." It was. I had a lot of fun. And wine.

I also lost my wallet last night. This happens once every two months. It's just how it is.

a little late and irate

(Hey! My blog was a year old last month and I didn't even realize it! Okay. At 12noon today I'm throwing myself a Blog Birthday Party. I'll celebrate by surfing the internet.)

Isn't it cliche to bitch about the transit problem in New York? Tough. This might be the most cliche thing you've read all week. Leave this website now if you can't handle the obviousness of it all.

FUCK YOU, MTA. Seriously. FUCK youuuuu. I actually hate you. I'm talking actual hate. And I'm not the only one, ya hear? At one point this morning, during my hairy, ugly commute (a commute who's only consistency all week long, whether I'm coming from Brooklyn or Queens, has been its close resemblance to every horror film I've ever seen) I glanced around me at the sweaty New Yorkers becoming more miserably acquainted by the second with platform they'd been damned to wait on all morning long, at the train passengers sitting on the stalled-and-definitely-not-leaving-the-station-any-time-soon train for what would probably end up being another ten (FUCK YOU, MTA!) minutes, at the people people everywhere who just want to get to work you awful transit system - we just want to get to OUR JOBS - and I noticed that at least a quarter of the people were visibly shaking their heads in silent, defeated disgust. It's a common sight to see a disgruntled straphanger shaking their head in silent, defeated disgust. And that, my dear transit authority, means YOUR SYSTEM ISN'T WORKING SO WELL.

When I can generously estimate that 25% of the people who use your system are unhappy with it, you need to rethink your business model. If you were a real business, an actual business that ran and functioned the way capitalism dictates that most american businesses function, you'd have been run into the ground by now. But we don't have a choice, we citizens of this fair city. Do we. And you take advantage of that like we're a school girl in ripped prom dress who's had too many wine coolers. You suck. You suuuuck. YOU SUCK. I actually fantasize about physically harming your employees. That's no good. That doesn't a peaceful city make. You create a rage and an anger in all of us that just doesn't need to exist. Because we're pissed off enough having to pay upwards of $12 for a sandwich and bottle of water.

In 2006, the US Census estimated that there are approximately 8 million people in New York City. That's a lot. So I'm gonna do some layman's math right now, just for shits. Let's say 1 million of those people use the subway per day. I'm sure it's more like 3 million, but I want to be really generous with my estimation. So if 1 million of them ride the subway ONCE a day (it's probably more like twice, but again, I'm trying to you paint you in the best possible light, MTA) that's $2 million PER DAY in your pocket. That's $10 MILLON PER WEEK IF WE DON'T COUNT SATURDAY AND SUNDAY. THAT'S $40 MILLION PER MONTH. ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU CAN'T PUT, OH, TWO MORE TRAINS ON THE TRACKS DURING MY MORNING COMMUTE FOR $40 MILLION A MONTH? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? ARE YOU USING ACTUAL PAPER DOLLAR BILLS TO FILTER THE COFFEE IN YOUR OFFICE KITCHEN OR POT THE PLANT AT THE RECEPTION DESK OR PAPER THE WALLS OF YOUR CONFERENCE ROOM?

FUCK. YOU.

And naturally, the real solution is for me to leave my house 15 minutes earlier each morning. I feel rather indignant about that - I shouldn't HAVE to - but fine. Just because I can conceivably get somewhere on time in 30 minutes doesn't mean that the MTA WANTS TO MAKE ITSELF USEFUL FOR THINGS LIKE EFFICIENT TRANSIT. Good thing they do other helpful things like have nice stations and functioning speaker systems in their - wait a minute. So I suppose I must choose to begin to account for their delinquency by cutting into my precious morning minutes and leaving earlier. That does not seem worth $2 a ride to me.

Phew. I feel a centimeter better. If you read that whole thing, you win.

In other less irate news, I'm thrilled it's Friday. I need to catch up on some sleep. Had a nice chat with the ol' bf last night, but we were up pretty late. He's a gem though, that guy. I'm pretty crazy about him.

Tonight: A show I've been meaning to see. Tomorrow: The beach! Sunday: We rest.

gotta be fo me

I have no idea who still reads this thing. Even when I send the boyfriend the link to share with him one thing or another, I'm pretty sure he only skims through to see if his name is in the entry. He's like that. Maybe I'll start calling him Rick in these entries so that he never finds his name when he skims through. I would delight in that in a mean way. I'm like that.

Kidding, Rick. Love.

Being back in an environment that suits my headspace has been really soft and comfortable and feels like getting into bed after a long day of swimming and running around the park. I'm now able to be productive in personal ways that are hugely important to me and I don't feel like I'm suffocating under the weight of anyone else's insanity. That's also hugely important. I don't take so well to insanity. I'm also enjoying my life outside the work place a lot more than I was befo. It's important for a lot of reasons including things like friends and lovers.

Along with this blessing of freedom comes the curse of freedom. You who struggle with that dichotomy know what I mean. Luckily, I'm older, wiser, more patient, less angry and generally more capable than I was when I used to have the freedom of this job, so I anticipate that I will wear it better than I did before.

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately. New blogs, old blogs. It's an oh-so-favorite pastime. I love getting hooked on some unsuspecting stranger's, oh, say, May 2004 entries and reading until my eyes cross. I'm captivated by getting 'a sense' of a person. I realized this about myself last night when I began asking my friend Steve P. question after question about his father and his parents and what they're like and how they relate to him and to one another. I could ask anyone anything all day long. I thrive off asking people questions and listening to their answers and discovering that I have more questions based on what they've said. I'm curious. It's my nature. I oft (too oft) fantasize about officially conducting an interview series so that I'd feel a little less creepy about stopping Interesting Person X on the street and asking them at least ten questions about where they're going, what they're doing there, why they're making that face, if they know they're making that face, and how many siblings they have.

So the blog phenomenon (can it be called a phenomenon? i say no.) is right up my alley. I don't get to learn things on my terms necessarily, which is its own wonderful struggle, but I do get to absorb a great great deal of information about a person's experience as a human on this planet. And I can glean even more information about them based on what they haven't chosen to share. It's drool-inspiring. And if we're all lucky, they've got photos too!

But it also gives me a strange inferiority thing, the over-reading of blogs. Makes me sit and ponder whether or not I'm doing enough creatively with my own writing. Makes me wonder whether or not I actually have anything interesting to contribute to this interconnectedweb or whether I'm just writing to hear the click of my own keyboard. Does it fucking matter? Naturally not. And this thing's gotta be just fo me. Ya know? I'm this. I'm this exact person.

Twenty-seven, and all of you who've been there done that can commence eye rolling now, is definitely the age which, as it approaches, has caused me the most reflection and the most well-well-well-look-who's-actually-getting-older-and-cooler sense of myself than any other approaching age has in the past. And I've probably said that every single year since I was 15 and I'll probably say it for at least the next 90.

Comin' Up

A lot goin on.

Last Thursday, September 27, marked an anniversary which I let completely pass me by without realizing what was what. It wasn't until the following morning that it dawned on me that I'd missed the day. It's an important day to me, although it might seem like a goofy thing to keep track of. It is the day I started Weight Watchers and began the ol' journey toward losing 100 pounds. Yip. Tis. And Thursday marked five years since that day. It's a big deal for me. Five years later, I weigh myself maybe once a month, I write down what I eat so I can remember it later when I'm wondering if I should bite into six donuts at once, but beyond that, I don't do much tracking or record keeping anymore. I'm able to make good food choices naturally and best of all, I still exercise. And I enjoy it. Oh yeah and I've kept the weight off. So I'd say that mess has been cleaned up and cleared away to the best of my ability. Five years later, done and done.

I was on vacation last week, as you'll recall, and it was loveleh. I had a really great week off, got a lot done, reorganized myself in a variety of ways, did plenty of exercising, cleaning, tidying, dish-doing, hung with mah man, watched tv and performed in our shows and ate good meals and he took me on a little day trip up the Hudson and it was really a nice time. And this morning I woke up very comfortable with the idea of returning the work force. New-old job is just fine.

Naturally, as things go, I will have to save my pennies for a few weeks (or for the rest of time) and be frugal and aware of what I'm spending, since I'm desperate to pay off some debts by November 1. And there will be an adjustment because I won't get out of work until 7pm every day. But listen, I like this place and I don't mind the work and the job serves its purpose in my life which is to afford me the fiscal opportunity to play in comedy shows for no paychecks.

I'm intent on turning 27 (which will happen on November 7) as a confident, comfortable, joyful, relaxed young lady. I feel older and more self-organized and self-aware than ever. I love the month of October, I love the fall, I love that guy I sleep with (his friends read this blog so I'll spare you the lovestruck language), I love my cat, and I'm feeling well-rested and eager to tackle the next.

Today.

Was the first day of my vacation. I woke up this morning in the 7 o'clock hour and smiled, thinking of all the people at the job I left last week, working working away already. I was thrilled to be in bed instead.

I got up and did laundry today. And had brunch with Kev. Then I grocery shopped, cleaned up my apartment and did the dishes and dressed the bed and vacuumed, and Daniel can home from San Fran and I chatted with him. I have some more things I want to accomplish tomorrow. And some things I want to think about.

Have you ever seen the pick up artist on VH1?

Watch it.

Oh definitely.

The job is over.

I'm a very happy quitter.

A huge weight has already been lifted.

I got home from work around 2 today. And now I'm about to walk out the door of my apartment to go to my old acting school to teach some students about sketch comedy. Funny, that.

>sighs, grins, sleeps<

one more to summer

I cannot get out of here soon enough. I mean, I seriously cannot get out of here soon enough.

You know how sometimes you'll move through life tolerating something? Like, something you think you have to stand because you simply have to and it's not gonna end any time soon so rather than let yourself feel how you really feel about whatever it is, you just steel yourself to the fact that you have to learn to tolerate it because that's ultimately easier and healthier (or so you've decided) for your psyche than walking around bemoaning your never-ending troubles all day long. People do it all the time - with relationships they should have gotten out of years ago but didn't, with friendships they know deep down are no longer functional, with their lifestyle choices, like drugs or weight issues or health issues, and naturally, with jobs they know they should escape - people tolerate less than. People create normalcy around something that doesn't deserved to be normalized in their lives. People let themselves be okay with stuff that isn't okay. Because it's what people do.

But then...you know how sometimes you'll suddenly realize you've been tolerating something that you just don't have to fucking tolerate anymore? Something will click inside you or something will happen to shift life's circumstances around. And suddenly the whole world opens up like a giant oyster and reminds you that you don't have to do, be, live, think, eat, or feel a goddammed thing you don't want to do, be, live, think, eat, or feel.

And when that click or shift finally happens, along comes with it the realization that whatever thing you've been tolerating, whatever thing you've been subgigating yourself for, is actually a lot less worth tolerating than you thought. And your true feelings come rushing forward like a giant wave of salty ocean water. And you remember who you are without this albatross around your neck. And you wonder why the fuck you ever thought it'd be a good idea to stick it out in the first place.

I guess sometimes you have to stick shit out.

And sometimes you're done sticking it out and you have to get outta your own way and let that giant salty ocean water wave knock you down and soak your clothes and tangle your hair and fill your mouth and burn the inside of your nose, so that when the wave receeds back into the sea, you're left standing there, small, insignificant, blinking the sun out of your eyes, grinning, really glad to that you caught the bus to the beach.

Darling, it's been too long.

Well. I'm sleepy. So there's that. I should probably start by telling you that.

But I'll tell you the best news. I quit my awful job.

Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssss I did.

I gave my notice on Tuesday. They asked me to "give it another week" before I made a final decision. I said I would, but I mostly knew that my decision wouldn't be changing. I'll tell them on Monday that Friday is still my last day. (I would've told them earlier, but they've all been out since Wednesday afternoon for the Jewish holiday.)

The events leading up to my quitting will remain some of the most memorable in my professional life's history. Basically:

The crazy woman flipped OUT at me, completely unprovoked, when she couldn't successfully connect our boss, who was in Boston at the time, to a conference call. While she was throwing her temper tantrum (she threw shit, far and hard, across the room), stomping around, slamming doors, I figured out the conference call so that nobody got their butts ripped off by the boss man. This infuriated her. She told me I always pretend like I don't know how to do something and then wait til the last minute to save the day so that I can come out looking like the hero. Among other hilariousawful shit. So, based on her fury over this scenario, she then proceeded to enact what I like to call the Get Someone Fired Show for the next 3 days. I'm not kidding. I'm not exaggerating. You wish I was. I wish I was. I'm not.

The Get Someone Fired Show is a show I've witnessed several times before, but I've never been the 'someone.' Boy oh boy was I the someone this time. I won't regale you with all the unpleasant details – it was uuugly. But I will tell you my favorite favorite part:

After she spent two solid days performing the Show, slamming the doors to various conference rooms to make phone calls to or have meetings with various coworkers to tell them how awful I am (and I know because I CAN HEAR YOU EVEN IF THE DOOR IS CLOSED EVEN IF I'M NOT TRYING), whispering to anyone and everyone while gesturing in my direction, she finally got our boss on the phone, who was still in Boston, to tell him to fire me. Now, our boss likes me. And I should probably add that I'm a stellar employee at this place. I am here exactly on time every day, I work hard, I am always polite and pleasant and helpful. So she couldn't convince him that I had done anything wrong, let alone anything job-termination-worthy (probably because he's not a complete idiot). And it was frustrating her more and more by the second, enraging her really. She was yelling and screaming shit about how I "never do any work" (which I hear her yell while I'm sitting at my desk covered in work) and a whole ridiculous host of other accusations that couldn't be further based in the opposite-of-reality. But then the kicker, the real kicker. This sixty something mentally unwell mean horrible lady actually said to the multi-million dollar, no-nonsense President who doesn't give a fuck about anything but making money for his huge construction company, "…and if you think this is about me being jealous of her because she's young, it's NOT! I could get fifty fucking men faster than she could!"

As if the Universe weren't already marvelous enough, it sent me a great signal later that week in the form of a phone call from an old job that I loved and only left because I'd been there a year and I needed more money. They need me to come back indefinitely until I want to move on to some place else. And they will pay me the same thing I'm making now. And I don't have to be at work until 10am every day.

Sold.

Rrrrrrromance. (That's 'romance' in Spanish.)

After our zipcar trip up the Hudson last night, Daniel, Randy, Kevin and I stopped for ice cream cones. I was eating mine in a hurry, but I had at least five solid bites of the delicious cone left (and if I'm being honest with myself, those five bites are my favorite ice cream cone bites) when I dropped it on the pavement. Yes. That.

And without even missing a beat, my very sweet and generous boyfriend stuck out his arm and handed me the very last bite of his own delicious cone.

This, ladies, is what you're looking for in a man, whether you realize it or not.

i might get fired someday over these posts who cares

I had two glasses of wine last night after the Baldwins show; I haven’t really been drinking much in recent weeks. The first year or two that I was hangin around improv folk, I was out at the bar a lot more often than I am now, and I’d probably have a few drinks every time, but oof, you can only do that for so long. So now I only really go on Wednesdays and Saturdays, after improv and HST shows, with a few exceptions. And I’ll only have a drink or two, if any, (except for LIT night, right Clayton!? >pukes<) and last night was the same. Two glasses of Chardonnay, and I only had the second glass because Steve the manager bought it for me. THE POINT IS, I have a wee headache this morning from just the two glasses! Silly.

Psycho’s on the war path this morning. She’s been huffing and puffing and exasperatedly sighing all morning long, slamming doors and banging things around, snapping at people and whispering to whomever she can pull aside. And then she stopped dead in her tracks, looked up in a huff and said in a whine, “Do you pray for me?”

Oh gawd.

She meant it too, as a genuine query. She wasn’t just being rhetorical or facetious. Soon she’ll start laughing manically and acting like we’re all soulmates. She’s like a huge child that you have to ignore because there’s no other way for her to understand that her behavior is intolerable.

She’s out tomorrow. This is a blessing beyond blessing.

I feel like I’ve gotten through the thickness of this week and am just gonna sit pretty for the next few now. In case you want to read my preplans about it (tickticktick): Tonight, Dan, Randy, Kev and I will have an evening adventure upstate somewhere. We’re grabbing a zip car and we’ll just drive up the Hudson, chill out, and drive home when we’re sick of it. I’m looking forward to it because I never get to hang out with this iteration of friends and I happen to enjoy them each quite a lot, so all at once is thrice the fun. Then tomorrow, she’s out, which is bliss for me, and then I have a few things to do in the evening. And then Saturday morning I’m off to Chicago. I’m really looking forward to being at home – hoping the weather will be slightly cool, for a taste of fall – sitting on my mom’s couch, having a snack, seeing my family, laffing, catting with the cats, generally being my old Midwestern self.

p.s. Baldwins had a good show last night, I really enjoyed it. We’re finally finding our groove and it feels purdy good.

fruit and mattress

- fruit tastes good
- my mattress feels good
- thanks for foolishly giving me your mattress, Daniel
- i like smooching
- tongue sandwiches smell like pastrami but it still makes me barf to know i'm smelling tongue (a woman in my office eats tongue at least twice a week)
- going to Chicago on Saturday
- excited about it
- my hair feels really nice lately
- i have twiddled my hair (or my mother's hair) since i was an infant, no joke
- maturation feels good
- i'll be 27 soon, that's pretty adult sounding
- Daniel and Randy and Kevin and i are taking a zip car somewhere tomorrow night
- for fun, that's why
- people in the construction industry yell a lot
- we, as a nation, ARE. SO. WASTEFUL.
- i hate throwing away paper
- i'm definitely a child of the mid-eighties recycle everything movement
- cats

I just ate, how am I hungry?

I sort of love this morning. I got very little sleep last night – getting home from improv/bar stuff at 130 or so, and not getting into bed until 2 – but for some reason the lack of sleep isn’t that painful.

I mean, check in with me around 6pm when I have to go to HST practice and Baldwins practice from 630 to 1115, collectively. Oof, that might be a challenge.

But it’s so cool and fall-like here in the city for the last few days - what could possibly be wrong with life? I have always adored the fall, in that sentimental, nostalgic, football game sense. There’s a bittersweetness to it that makes everything sad feel sadder and everything happy feel like perfect sweet apple pie life. Plus kisses.

The crazy lady at my job might have quit. More on that later. But she’s not here this morning, at least, and it feels like a taste of freedom I haven’t known since she started here 6 weeks ago. Now give me a raise, dammit.

And to make matters more interesting, I’m going downtown on my lunch break to see about another job. It’s a year long freelance job I already landed at the beginning of the summer, but the start date kept getting pushed back. When I got this new gig, I never told the freelance job I would be unavailable when their start date finally rolled around, just in case it didn’t work out here. Well, things are finally “moving forward” with the freelance job and they want me to come back and meet with them to discuss. So I’m going. It seems the responsible thing to do. Keep the connection open, as Kevin would say. I’ll see what their deal is, what the hours will be like. I can’t imagine I’ll decide to switch jobs, but I want the option available to me if I need it. The place I’m working at now is notorious for a high turnover. People stay here months, not years, and walk out for good one afternoon without looking back. If/when I leave this place I hope to be more graceful about it than that but the harsh reality is that this place pushes grown men with families, families who’re depending on their six figure salaries, to abandon their desks mid-afternoon in tears. So perhaps if the other option looks more appealing, I’ll consider the switch.

I could have just as easily summed that all up by simply saying, “I might change jobs, I might not. I have to go see a guy about it today.”

It feels like fall out there!

I’ve already written several updates that never got posted. I have a habit of doing that.

The vacation was, all things considered, quite lovely, and there was a 14 month old baby along for the ride which is, although I’m sure many will disagree with me, a great way to vacation. I enjoy a nice baby every now and again.

I’m working working working. It’s gotten easier for a host of reasons: 1. I don’t care anymore. 2. The desks got moved around and it’s made my life a lot easier. A LOT easier. 3. 8am isn’t as early as it was at first. I’ve been at this for 7.5 weeks (I added that up just now, I haven’t been keeping track, or keeping a daily count, or carving a chunk of flesh out of my thigh each day – I haven’t!) and 8am doesn’t feel like death any more. I’m sure there are people in the world who have to get up at 4am to be at work by 6am, and for that I’m very sorry, but I’m notoriously anti-early-morning and an 8am start-time was painful at first, even if that sounds lame. But then I got real and came to terms with the fact that it’s just not that early. Apparently that’s called ‘adapting.’

I’ve also done a major clean of my bedroom and Daniel and I worked on some of the common spaces. Major accomplishments were made. And it has done wonders for my psyche. We’ve thrown out probably ten big garbage bags filled with crap. And beyond one pang of regret a day later over throwing out an expensive leather bag I kinda still liked, my show-no-mercy declutterization hasn’t had any negative repercussions. The streamlining of my crap has been a welcome change. And I’m doing more each day and trying to keep up with the tidying up each day. Tonight’s tackle: CLOTHES. Oof.

I’m also enjoying the cool weather. And mah cat. And mah man. And I’m going home for Grandma’s 75th b-day extravaganza which is over Labor Day. Stoked about that. Family is nice.

Dings for everyone.

vacate.

I'm on vacation. In the Berkshires. It is wonderful. I was here over the weekend, had to go back to work in the city on Monday and Tuesday, and returned tonight after work; Kev picked me up from a train station and now here I am at the hotel.

I'm very pleased. Perhaps even thrilled. And happy to be thinking of nothing but relaxing for the next five days.

Bye.

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

That concert was AWESOME.

That was the perfect way to spend a Thursday night. I had a FUCKING BLAST.

Pretend there's a photo here.

Thanks Jess...

...for your comment. It actually made me feel a lot better. (And btw, I think you commented a while back and I never responded. Thanks for that one too.)

It’s funny because as I was writing that post last night, I was actually thinking of you. (You, whom I barely know.) Because I remember you writing things like that before – that you need two weeks away from everything. We are same.

I’m feeling better today, internet. Writing that last night probably helped a lot. And my coworker was in her usual miserable form today but somehow it slid more easily off my back.

Speaking of, I’d like to refer everyone to the comment left by “irritated” on yesterday’s post. I think that might be my first ever experience of a drive-by-inappropriate-blog-comment! which I know all you seasoned bloggers are old pros at receiving. (Btw, if you ever want to read some doozies of nasty comments go to Dooce's blog. That poor woman gets more nasty hatemail…But she wonderfully weaves the best hatemails into hilarious posts on her blog every month or two. I love her.) Luckily, I’m relatively easy going about meanies, so it wasn’t terribly upsetting, but if you have a second, take a glance at it. I’m pretty proud of it – as it’s my first ever.

Oh and I should add, I might take some stock in what “irritated” had to say if I hadn’t written a post just inches down the screen with the title “Happy As Clam.” Somehow I feel like that and other positive entries preclude me from having to justify job stress. Waaaait a minuuuuute…do you have me second guessing myself, irritated? Certainly, no. Back to regularly scheduled self-assurance.

p.s. Beastie Boys concert in Bklyn tonight! Whuuut!

>sighs<

I'm depressed. Simple. I feel crappy. I'm feeling misunderstood and alone in my struggles. I'm sick of it being so fucking muggy and hot all the time. There was a tornado in Brooklyn this morning and I couldn't get into work all day today. I'm sick of getting up early. I'm sick of being sick of getting up early. I'm sick of bitching about my job on here - with Kevin - to my friends - to my coworkers - in my improv. I want to turn the whole world off for 21 days. I want time to stop. I want to go home to Illinois and eat cheese and crackers in my grandparents kitchen while time stops and nothing matters. I'm sick and tired of the crazy woman at my job exhausting the fuck out of me with her insanity - she's the nightmarish great aunt or obnoxious oldladynextdoor that everyone hates. I'm pissed off that I don't know what next, that I have to work daily to rewrap my mind around why I'm doing this, what it gets me, and what reality would be like if I weren't doing it. I'm furious that leaving this job would cause a lot more problems than it would solve. I'm furious that being at this job is causing at a lot more problems than I expected it to. I'm pissed off, I'm tired, I'm hungry all the damn time for no realistic reason, I'm CONSTANTLY HAVING TO DEAL WITH THESE ENORMOUSLY DIFFICULT PERSONALITIES AT MY JOB AND I'M THE LAST PERSON ON THE PLANET WHO WOULD WIN A "CAPABLE OF TOLERATING INSANE BEHAVIOR AWARD." I'm fucking pissed fucking off. Okay? And that's the goddammed long and short of it. I wish everyone would shut up and get outta my face.

And as livinginthemoment, which is how I'm trying to live, would have it, I apparently have three choices: remove myself from the situation, change the situation, accept the situation.

I'll think on that. Meanwhile, fuck this.

Has it really come to this?

I'll try to write more later today. But has it really come to a weekly blog update? Yeeps. That's terrible.

I'm workin like crazy and it makes me tired and I have a little self pity over it this weekend. I had to bail on plans with friends of Kevin's today because I am desperate to get some laundry done and spend a little time at my apartment. I feel awful about it because nobody likes a plan-bailer, but I had to make this decision.

Luckily, I got to catch up with Keith and Phil last night at the bar, which was great. I rarely get to sit down with those guys anymore, so it was really nice to get to chat and laugh with them.

I have been grouchier, more irritable, and less patient lately. And it's taking its toll. Kevin's being awesome about it, but I still wish the circumstances could be different.

This weekend, like the others, will probably go by too quickly, especially with an HST video shoot tomorrow at 9am. I'm livin day by day right now with a paycheck-as-carrot being constantly dangled in front of me.

Happy As Clam - July Edition

I'm sitting in my bedroom in shorts and a tankini top; I'm about to go outside and read Harry Potter in the sun, only after I eat the brown rice sushi I bought at Go Wasabi on Ditmars. My hair is currently air-drying because I was instructed to show up at my 5pm hair appointment with my hair down, not pulled back, with minimal product in it, so that they can see what they're "working with," she said. Have I mentioned that this salon specializes in curly hair? And that I've wanted to go here for probably four years? And that I need a haircut badly right now and I have a good feeling about this one? Oh and I just got back from my massage appointment. Holy. Fuck. That was pretty much actual heaven. I feel so good right now. She did 45 minutes of reflexology which is apparently just some sort of magical manipulation of every single muscle in my feet - that was unreal. Then she did 30 minutes of incredible back work. I died, came back to life, died again, and solved world hunger - I was so zen. Oh and I went to sleep at 11pm last night and slept for 12 hours in my freshly laundered bed with my kitten by my side. Oh and I bought new earrings on sale at the spa which are adorable. Oh and this morning I organized a shitload of money stuff and paid some bills that desperately needed paying. Oh before going to sleep last night I did laundry and folded all. my. clothes.

This is the best day.

I'm finally using the massage gift certificate Todd gave me in OCTOBER tomorrow. And I'm getting my hair cut some place fancy. And tonight I'm doing laundry and doing nothing and relaaaaaxing bigtime. The ol' bf is out of town for the night and as much as I'd love to go get my groove on in town, I'll probably be asleep by 10:30. It's pathetic and delicious.

Booked my tix home for Christmas today. My cousin Trisha is getting married on December 29 so I'll be in the midwest for a whole week this holiday. Interesting. My cousins, Mallory, Trisha, Kalan, and Leia are my mom's brother's four girls. My mom and her brother have grown extremely close in their adulthood and we five girls were very close growing up too. I love them like sisters and they treat me like one. As the wedding gets closer I get more excited about seeing Trisha get married.

I just googled myself.

It felt weird.

I'm wondering how much I can talk about work on here and not get someday fired for it. I'm paranoid about being fired. Being fired sucks. It feels shitty.

Yo, so, I've come home from a day of this life and, look, it is a LOT. I always say one day at this place feels like two days. And today at the end of the day I was physically exhausted. No joke. I could feel it. Yikes.

I had a fight with my manager today. A fight. We were mad at each other. And she was mean to me. There were tears. It was...I'm exhausted. I'm just exhausted.

I feel so solitary in this experience. I feel like no one can relate to my unique point of view right now. And I am juggling a lot - not just schedule, obligation, or commitment wise, but psychologically. It's a lot. This woman I fought with today, my relationship with her has been a draining factor at times. But it's also this environment, the hours are just long here. People work hard. And I'm learning a lot about myself. And I'm working out on my goddammed lunch breaks.

And it's ripping me up that this is all I want to talk about for the first ten minutes of seeing anyone I know and love. Poor Kevin. He said he owes me for the years he talked to me about his job. He did, however, point out that he didn't leave me 2 minute long voicemails about his job. Which I did leave him. Today. So.

WHAT ELSE! Life! Comedyyyyy, my loving frieeeends, my pretty caaaat. Things else are okay. I don't have time for them not to be. I'm going to see SidViscious! tonight, which is always so fun and I'm glad to be going out and seeing some humans.

Priorities have become, in no particular order, sleep, exercise, comedy, loved ones, job, cat. That's all I really know right now. Oh and I'm rereading Potter 6 in prepartion for 7 which sits on my dresser. It's still summer, dammit. And I can't wait for the weekend.


p.s. I miss my life on the internet. I miss you, Internet Life. But we probably needed this break.

"We're doing the best we can!"

laying on couch. watching kathy griffin show. eating donut. drinking iced coffee. needed this so bad.

what a dumb day.

except for one really cool part.

and a good workout.

and sushi for lunch.

and i'm so tired.

and i'm looking forward to conquering tomorrow.

Monday? Feck.

"Honey, what you don't understand is that I want to talk to someone here in the United States of America."

Someone at work was calling their phone company and the call was outsourced. I mean, how could I not laugh?

I am so aware of trying to be careful about my blog content these days. I could see myself getting swiftly fired from this place for writing basically anything at all on my blog. In fact, I could see myself getting fired for writing stuff that doesn't even have anything to do with work. And I could certainly see myself getting fired for the very paragraph I'm writing right now.

But life's too short, ya know?

Current status is as follows: I'm cold because of the rainy weather and a little grumpy because I have cramps. I'm glad to be working because the money is nice and I blew some of it at Target this weekend which was fun. I'm not glad to be working because I miss my boyfriend who has had to put up with my falling asleep at what sometimes feels like 8:30pm and my being tired all the time and napping sporadically. But I have about ten days off from anything HST related. It will be nice to have a little break. And I'm really enjoying improv stuff right now. Had a good productive enlightening practice yesterday and will have another one tonight. As soon as I can afford it, I'm getting new headshots. Harry Potter warms me.

I love this photo of Sara...

It breaks my heart

that I haven't blogged in so long. Keith.

I have accepted a new permanent job at the company I was temping at last time I posted. The 12 month gig kept getting pushed back and pushed back, so I was gonna keep temping. And I wasn't really looking hard for something permanent because I wanted the flexibility that temping offered so that I could focus on comedy, but the boss at this latest place offered me way too much money for me to turn down and I felt obligated (to my bank account and outstanding debts) to take the money.

I'll work here for as long as I can tolerate it. And the thing is, for now at least, I sorta don't mind it as much as you'd think I would. Don't get me wrong: the hours are long, I have to be here at 8am every day and I'm the opposite of a morning person so that blows, and the work itself, although not terribly difficult or mentally challenging, can definitely be exhausting at times. I leave work completely numb after working basically non-stop during the ten plus hour workday. I started to find pockets to carve out a little internet time here and there - then I found out the boss can see every single website we visit and even read to whom we've sent gmails and the subjects of the gmails, all with some fancy securty software he has. So.

But here's what I tell myself: I'm making some money. Good. I'll pay off the minor debts I have and be at $0. I'll take an hour lunch every day that I possibly can, because I must. And one of my gym locations is literally in the same building. I've gone twice already. It's pretty ridiculous how perfect that part of it is. The first day I was already changed into gym clothes and on the treadmill 120 seconds after leaving my desk, I said, "This is awesome." I'm going to utilize that as much as I can - score a plus one for mental sanity. And the only other sector that's on my mind is my comedy. The first few weeks I worked there I was late for, missed, or slept through three different comedy obligations due to adjusting to this hecticness. This week I did a lot better. So that's got to remain a huge priority. I'm only working this job so I can keep doing that stuff.

Hopefully it will be managable for a while. The structure isn't my enemy, I think.

All else is good. Busy busy busy - shows practices rehearsals shows meetings socializing etc. I'm wiped out. But I'm sleeping hard when I can and that feels nice.

Oh and hey Kevin! Yeah, Kevin. Hey you! I like this picture of us and I'm putting it on my blog. And right now, I'm writing to you. You can take it up with me later. ;)

This would be more interesting if I had the time.

This stuff:

- working a new temp job until my 12 month gig begins. the boss is demanding and yells a lot and i sorta don't mind. the hours are 8-6. it's brutal to wake up that early every day, as the morning and i are not close friends, but who cares. money train.

- my momma's in town this weekend! with my aunt lisa! very cool. haven't seen them since christmas. they'll see the show, we'll shop around, they'll hang with the HST, and they'll meet Kev. grin grin.

- i'm working on a better body image relationship. it's an uphill battle.

- all i want in the world right now is to reclaim the path to financial wellness. and i will do it, dammit.

- next week: EXERCISE. i have not been doing enough of it. but eating healthy is going pretty well. someday it will all line up exactly as i imagine it should. and naturally, i'm aware of my body even more right now because my mom is in town. ladies, you know what i mean.

- i love cats. so what.

And coming up next....!

I got home from Brooklyn around noon this morning and have been doing verrrry little all day long. In fact, aside from exercising for an hour and a half around 8:30 this evening, I have done nothing but sit on my butt and watch delicious television all day long. I've watched three different hour long episodes of The First 48, which rivals only the various SWAT shows (e.g. Dallas SWAT, Kansas City SWAT, Detroit SWAT) in terms of exciting true-crime docu-dramas. Frankly I wish I had three more of those puppies tivo'd. Then I watched a new show called Confessions of a Matchmaker, which was a delight. That woman tells it like it is. She even outted some 41 year old guy who didn't even know he was gay until she set him up with a dude! (He didn't know he was gay, though? Come on.) I most recently just finished an inspired episode of The Best of Bridezillas. O.M.G. Those bitches is crAAAzy. You kinda wonder if the show purposely causes stressful things to happen on these people's wedding days because it's almost too convenient that in every segment, someone's florist just doesn't show up, or someone's mother-in-law is 90 minutes late to the ceremony. Regardless of whether or not these "disasters" are fabricated, the psycho control freak brides flip OUT, big time, and without fail. It's pretty uncomfortable and hideous. If I ever get married and behave even a fraction that crazy, I hope someone would have the good sense to just put me out of my misery right there. Aside from all the miserable female bridezillas, the show featured one male bridezilla, who was marrying his partner. Oh man, that dude had a screw loose. At one point, after deciding that everyone had betrayed him and was trying to steal his spotlight, he was caught wandering from room to room in his apartment yelling "It's MY DAY. This is MY DAY. IT'S NOT MY FAULT. IT'S NOT MY FAULT," over and over. Lord have mercy on us all.

I'm not a big tv watcher. Rarely home, and never home during the good tv hours. But I think I reached my quota for the month today. I've still got three Gene Simmons: Family Jewels tivo'd that I haven't watched yet, and two movies at my beck and call should I so choose. Also, I'm saving that Bridezillas show for Daniel. That gay needs to see it.

>runs back to indented spot on couch, returns remote to gentle resting place in right hand<

This weekend I'll

go to a bar to watch the Mets game with Chris, Rebe, and Kev
go to see Knocked Up, where Fanny and David will join us. yaaaay.
exercise
clean some areas of my house
rehearse
do a show
watch Kevin's show
hang out with my old friend Steve
relax

and it will probably be in that very order.

It's been a strange week that ended roughly. But I booked that freelance gig I was talking about, so that's nice. It should begin July 1. I'm broke until then, but it can only get better from here.

not working today...

Does anyone else feel uncomfortable with the relationship between Montel Williams and his psychic ghost-reader mistress Sylvia Browne? I mean, I guess I understand the intrigue, but what about her finger nails?

par

for the course.

I'm feeling crappy. After all those good times and joyful feelings, today I feel crappy. I'm tired because I've been staying up late and sleeping in really late and everything feels outta whack, I don't have a new temp job yet, and everything just feels useless today. I have to clean my room, go to the grocery store, workout, and run two errands. These all sound like things that I am NOT interested in doing. And I'm feeling bummed and blue about it and fighting every possible urge in existence to keep myself from just snuggling back into bed and doing nothing productive all day long. But I know that will make me feel even worse when all is said and done.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

And now for a public service announcement.

My new "step-sister" (my father is married to his fourth wife she has two kids) Anna is in her early teens, or maybe she's just twelve. She has a myspace page and she's pretty active on it. She's been posting her phone number for her friends and asking them to post theirs, and they do. I'm fairly disturbed by this and find myself making promises to myself about my own eventual parenting. Weird.

Adam's on his way over with a brownie and a diet snapple. Holla.

We're back!

Yo, that festival was a smash HIT. We had a blast, we got so tan, we vacationed like rock stars, and best of all, we had five packed houses, five hit shows, and we got some really stellar reviews.

Kevin came with us, the darling, and we were so glad he was there. <3 And besides being a general joy to have around, he took some really great photos of our tech rehearsal on the first day.



Charleston is a beautiful city with a lot of culture and wonderful people. The Charleston City Paper, who scored each show at the festival on a regular grading scale, gave us the only A+ rewarded to any performance. And said, "Saturday night live wishes it was as funny as the Havard Sailing Team." Here's the rest of that article...awesome:

Charleston City Paper

And this reviewer loved us too, calling our show, "just as good as you've heard it is" and our sketches as "deeply creative vignettes that are as often self-referencing (i.e. about the Harvard Sailing Team) as they are reflective of pop culture stalwarts" (and I'm one of the puppets in that marionettes sketch he praises ;).

Plus we were on the morning news program, "Low Country Live" which was one of the single most hilarious experiences of my young life.

We got to see some great comedy while we were there, too, and I even ran into my old friend Jeff Gandy who happened to be in Charleston with his really delightful show "The Fowler Family Radio Hour" which stars a bunch of Chicago improvisors who I happen to know sort of sideways-style way through the blogging community and Arnie (who I actually don't know at all, but I read his blog religiously, okay??)

Oh Charleston, how I miss thee. I loved that trip. Best trip in a long long time. Ding!

I have to get ready for rehearsal now. We're playing On the Jitney tonight at the PIT and I think there'll be an energy in the air; right back into it. And then it's Steve's b-day at the TC. And tomorrow I rest. :)

WHEEEEE!

I already love this day. Sometimes I feel anxious about loving days like today to the extent that I want to love them, because how disappointing when other days aren't like today, but who cares. I love today.

I took a nice shower this morning, my hair's all wet and curly q right now, I'm wearing something super summery with exposed upper arms(!) and short pants for summer fun. Even better, though, is that I didn't have to be here until 10am and I get to leave at 3pm. And it's sooo warm out and I really enjoy working at this job and when I leave here I've got some errands to run and laundry to finish and I'm gonna squeeze a workout in, I think. And then tonight it's shows, drinks, birthday boys, and summer fun.

I can't imagine I'll have much chance to blog while we're away. So I'll leave you with this, which is just as good as being there:

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhyessssss...

She's talkative today...

The food at those deli buffets is always slightly less edible than you want it to be. It terms of inedibility, however, nothing quite rivals the egg sandwich I got from europa this morning which was not egg whites, like I paid for, and did not have cheese in it, like I paid for, but did have an egg shell in it, which I did not pay for. I decided not to call back and complain, though. Which felt nice and relaxing.

I'm finally out of that awful Hotel Death job. I had really resigned myself to the oppression that was that experience when I was in it, but now that I'm out of it, oh MAAAAAN, FUCK you, Hotel Death. FUCK you. Life outside of you is humane. So much so that I woke up slightly hungover this morning with maybe four hours of sleep under my belt to go to fill in at my old law firm job for a couple days and actually said aloud, "I'm so excited to be going to work right now." Whhhuut. What world is this. Yesterday I was wearing corporate attire and heels, clicking a mouse a for hours and hours while not being allowed to traverse the blessed interweb. Today I'm wearing jeans, a cotton summer dress and flip flops, being paid to surf the net, work on HST bizz, and generally do whatever the eff I please, while occasionally doing some "job" related tasks that I don't remotely remind doing at all because hello, it's fun. And I didn't have to be here until 10. And it's not Hotel Death. And this chair isn't stained with something brown. Get it?

We leave for Charleston verrrrry soon! Tonight I must pack and clean and do laundry and tomorrow night I'll run some errands, go see some shows, and go to a partaaaay for some awesome dudes I know before retiring reasonably early sos I can get into that damn van at 6am on Saturday morning. Oh baby baby it's gonna be fun. And Kev's coming with us down south. That makes me pretty happy. Pretty pretty happy.

I'm so looking forward to chilling out at home tonight. I'll be there alone with my sweet kitten and it's so nice outside and there's watchable tv on and I can putter around and get mah shit done. I love nights like this.

Oh impending vacation, you make everything taste so good.

Another one!

Today is my last day at miserable temp job 2007, which, incidentally, has taken place at one of New York's fanciest hotels. If I were a better planner-ahead, and if I hadn't lost the cord that connects the camera to the computer, I would have taken some sneaky photos of the place for blog'ssake. Like, maybe I'd take a photo of one of the restaurant receipts where a glass of orange juice is six dollars and a bowl of special K is nine dollars and a cup of coffee is four dollars and a full meal can run you upwards of $1000. And, uh, I've seen the kitchen where they're preparing these things. Go to another restaurant, I beg you.

Instead, here's this photo:



I'm presently eating oatmeal.

I woke up at 5am. Daniel: "Jen. Jen. The door is open and the cat is missing." What. "We've got to go get him." By 'we' he meant 'me' because when I (not he) opened the back door, where was the cat but relaxing in his back yard garden looking like he was about to have a go down the child-size slide. Crisis averted. Or, crisis never existed. Scary, though, is that the back door was wide open. He pushed it open. The cat. Pushed the door open. Which I apparently neglected to lock when I went outside around 11pm. Details details. Can't be bothered.

My wallet's gone again also. (Ohhh, details, okay...I get it.) This time it's for real, I'm certain. I think someone slipped it out of my bag on the subway. That's never happened to me in nine years of living in New York. First I had it, then I didn't. I had a rough afternoon yesterday.

I'm thinking I need to find something. Else. Like...to....grab onto...believe in....reach back for...when...whatever...you know? Anyone follow? I don't do organized religion, so that won't work, but...something. Something.

It will be a life saving moment when I walk out of these doors tonight at 5:01pm and never return. I've hated this gig, it's hated me, and I can't wait to find some other way to spend my weekdays.

update this, keith

temp job, sketch group, improv, gym, therapy, home playing with cat, at kevin's playing with cat - that's been the bulk of it...

I saw Ricky Gervais do standup this past weekend, which was a lifetime highlight. And we performed at a bar mitzvah, another highlight.

On Saturday morning at 6am HST leaves for Charleston for one week. We'll drive the 15 hours down in a fifteen passenger van and perform seven lives shows, two radio shows, and make an appearance on the local morning news. This. Is hilarious to me. And wonderful. It will be fun. Then we come back to New York and do Sketch Fest the following Thursday. It's a busy time. I'm enjoying it.

I wish I had some other insight to share relating to anything. My brain feels like mush; perhaps this office job has been the true brain drain I anticipated it would be. I know entire days have passed that I can't account for.

Truth be told, I've felt off kilter for a few days. Something felt eerie today. That's the right word for it. I haven't had my phone for three days, I left it at Billy's, and you'd think this would be maddening, and it is, but it's also just. fine.

These guys :)

INTERNEEEEEEEEEET!!

Hi! Hi Internet! Hi! >pants, looks around< It's nice to be here.

Soooooooo, after my really confident, capable-sounding post about my wonderful new career as a temporpary office employee I landed an AWFUL temp job.

It's fine.

I can deal with it.

It's only for eight more days.

Pardon all the italics. Apparently I've been feeling stifled.

So, I can't use the internet at the new job (!), and I sit in a big room with lots of computers in it, and stained chairs, and whoa, this blows, all alone, no windows, and no talks to me or knows my name and I complete the same series of seven clicks of the mouse - over and over and over and over ad infinitum for approximately six hours long each day. The same seven clicks. Do you understand? So it's a little maddening.

And I schedule my bathroom breaks and look forward to the next song on the ipod shuffle like I'm a dog and it's Pavlov.

I'm getting through it, tho. But it's making me bonkers. I'll be going running tonight. You couldn't pay me not to.

Tick tick.

(re)arrangements...

I'm a temp now. That's my job. That's my lifestyle. I'm temping. It's officially official. I've had back to back gigs since I started temping in December. That's four jobs in a row. This is no longer a stopgap thing until I find something better. It's working out pretty well, and although the two temp agencies I'm signed up with are calling me pretty regularly with positions, two of these jobs I've had in the last few months were actually gigs I landed myself - a friend needed a favor in one situation, and in the other, I was referred to the position (by a sweet lamb) and just happened to follow-up at the right time, it seems. There's something nice about feeling in control of my destiny in that way.

I was musing a month or two ago about whether or not I could actually make this temp lifestyle work long-term in the way I need it to, as opposed to just using it as a stopgap between more career-path-oriented day jobs. I do NOT want to have a career-path-oriented day job, I never have. It's one thing to know that about myself, but it's another thing to finally accept it and quit judging myself for it. But I'm doing it - it's certainly taking some adjustment, but it's working out better than I anticipated and I'm doing it. Frankly, it feels really "right" to honor the creative-career life I've been slowly building for myself for the last couple years. And I'm now officially working a day job for no other reason than to afford my after-hours lifestyle, which involves, among other endeavors, putting in a ton of hours with HST. Things are going swimmingly for us, as usual (we're some lucky jerks), and a more permanent day job arrangement would not, in fact, be worthwhile for me right now. Strange that that's what's real, but it is. I have to take too many days/weeks off for travel with the team to commit to a permanent employer.



(photo by: The Man)

There are lots of perks to this temp set-up: varied work environments; days, even weeks, off at a time when I need to; I don't have to "invest" in some organziation I'm supposed to pretend to really believe in (which was always the most miserable part of the permanent office job experience for me - faking it); new people and situations all the time.

There are also, I'm discovering, some....not-perks: you never really get to know anyone you're working with, nor they you; you never know what to expect, so some jobs you take suck; the pay and the hours can vary a lot; the job I'm currently on sucks huge youknowwhats and I want to poke my eyes out over it. I'm not being dramatic, it bloughs. BUT GUESS WHAT. IT'S ONLY FOR THREE WEEKS! I've had annoying jobs before and I can do anything for three weeks. Best of all, they don't have to like me, and I already know I don't like them. Sweet.




p.s. I just now realized that when you update this ticker thing, it automatically updates itself in all the places you've posted it previously too. I'm not sure I care for that, but I'm not sure how to change it. I'm also not sure anyone but me would even notice/care...No wait, I am sure - no one but me will notice/care. :)

Monday.

I have the day off today. I've needed this. I slept til 12:17pm today (thanks you, Kev) and now I'm going to get breakfast. :) I'm gonna workout, do a little laundry, and exercise. Tonight I have therapy and improv practice.

We filmed on Long Island all day yesterday. It was a really long day but we got a lot done and I was pretty lucky to get to sit around and relax for a lot of the day. Other people were working the entire time.

We opened our new show on Saturday night. It went super well. More on that later.

I need this day off. I have tomorrow off too, most likely. I need that day off too. I need to be completely alone for at least a few hours. I can't remember the last time................

boring exercise content. avoid like the plague if you know what's good for you.

Alright, okay, so here's the thing. I used to have this weight loss blog, right? Some of you who read this blog might have originally read that blog and navigated here from there. Others of you, thank god, will never read that blog. It served its purpose during the time I wrote it, but there came a time when I needed to stop putting so much daily, written focus on my weight loss effort. So I retired the ol' gal and I'm glad I did. Blogging about whateverthehell suits me better now.

That said, when I had that blog it was sometimes helpful when achieving certain goals to be accountable each day to the almighty internet. And as we enter into May, I've given myself a goal of 5 workouts per week for the month. That translates to 22 workouts, some of which will be cardio, some of which will be a mix of - eh, you get the idea, you don't need the details. Anyway, my friend Jess, whose weight-loss related blog I've read almost since she began writing it, has inspired me to use the almighty internet to my advantage once again by tracking my exercise efforts here. Jess uses her blog much to her advantage in that respect, and I stole the ticker idea from her, and I admire the time she takes to keep track of these things for herself, so I'm gonna take a page out of her book (blog) and give it a go...

Since I started losing weight (I lost 100 pounds between approximately 2002 and 2004), exercise has been enjoyable for me for the most part. I started out walking and hiking and then, after a few years, I slowly graduated to long distance runs and regular weight lifting with some pilates thrown in for good measure. It worked. And after getting to a weight that made me comfortable and ultimately attempting to shift my focus from losing weight to just living a regular life, my exercise stayed pretty strong for quite some time. However, it has become less of a priority in the last few months - as I become a famous comedy celebrity. ;) Kidding. Anyway, the POINT IS, I'm gettin back in the game this month because even if one isn't trying to lose 100 pounds, one still needs to maintain one's girlish figure. Plus, it feels oh so very good to be fit and two or three workouts a week, or sometimes one or none (!) is not enough for a bathing suit.

Rain

That's Clayton and me.

My dear friend Randy fixed my computer. I'm sitting in my own bedroom typing on my own computer. I have unlimited access to my itunes, my email, my photos, my everything else and hallelujah. I owe him a six pack, for sure.

My sweet kitten is sleeping peacefully on my bed. And I'm feeling better than I was this afternoon. Some exercise did the trick. And two posts in one day! What's this?

Something that's really quite lovely, I realized on my run in the rain tonight, is that I'm genuinely pretty happy lately. I still get down and blue and I'm still a little bit of a wackadoo, but I've been sort of at peace in this nice way, lately. The lows haven't gotten low in a while. This is progress, of some sort. And I will take it.

Grouch

I lost my wallet.

And she finally deleted me as her myspace friend today, which is sad in a way I didn't expect it to be.

I finished my serial killer book.

I feel grouchy and there's not a good reason for it.

Randy might fix my computer tonight. If he does, I'll charge my ipod and go workout. Even if he doesn't, I'll go workout. This idea does not stimulate me.

I feel kinda brain dead and there's not a good reason for it.

I've been doing data entry this afternoon that makes my mind numb.

Sometimes I get really sick and tired of watching what I eat.

I'm not looking forward to my show tomorrow night. I feel like I've run out of good ideas.

I LOST MY WALLET waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. I think someone slipped it out of my bag on the subway. waaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

(update: I found my wallet.)

up to speed...

Wednesday night Kevin had a show and we all went out afterwards.
Thursday night I saw a show Daniel directed and then went to Unos Pizzeria and overate.
Friday morning I got up at 6am to drive to Vermont with HST where we did a show, ate, drank, were merry, and slept in hotel beds.
Saturday, after shopping and brunching and ordering a Vermonster at Ben & Jerrys of which I only had four bites because I have to put on a bathing suit in a month, damnyou, we drove the seven hours home and played many car games on the way.
Sunday I lounged around at Kevin's house and read 200 pages of a book I bought about a serial killer.
Today I'm working at my old music law firm job.
I have a pesky cough that makes my chest hurt and reading about killers is a good way to lose sleep.
I love cats. All cats. Name a cat, I love it. Please do not ever harm cats. Like this serial killer did.

FAME AND FORTUNE

Harvard Sailing Team has discovered that TWO of our new videos were put up on the myspace home page in the last couple weeks. This is very exciting. You know those random four videos on www.myspace.com that show up even before you login to your own profile - they change every day and they're always little shorts that myspace has randomly pulled off people's profiles? Yup. Last week Clayton and Sara's Closet Light sketch got 75,000 views! And they put another HST video up there today, except this time I'M in it!! It's called Kickball. Go watch it. Then send me checks. I'll clear out some room in my bank account for the windfall I'm expecting. ;)

(I realize that in the grand scheme of things this is not that big of a deal, but just let me have my moment. I'll be over it by noon.)

it's 12:27 of the midnight hour

Daniel and I are sitting on the couch harmonizing and he's flossing his teeth. The cat is sitting in the window and looking out, presumably, for his white cat friend. They had a row Saturday night, Floyd and the white cat, and it was drama. Floyd's a man of the evening. I respect that.

I had a show tonight, it was fun. I worked out today, it was excellent. I plan to do it again tomorrow, it will be good. It's been really warm out, I love that. I saw some radical and famous improv tonight and it was hilarious and I'm a lucky girl that I live in this town and get to see and do shit like that. Magic. I plan to go to sleep momentarily, and that will be really nice. I had a pretty good day at work today too.

My allergies are acting up big time. Everything's itchy and irritated. I can't wait to take these contacts out. Night.

YOU SUCK, GUNS. I HATE YOU.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/04/18/commentary.plate/index.html

I couldn't agree more with this article. (I will make it a link later today, this computer won't let me.)

I'm not a very political person, generally believing that I'm relatively too under-educated with regard to much of the issues that swirl in and around the political realm to form a reasonably supported opinion about stuff. But I responded to this editorial (there's an "email us" button at the bottom of the page) with a long diatribe about how and why I agree, because I do agree. Not to mention, this isn't really a political issue so much as it's an ethical one. And I've never responded to an editorial in my LIFE. But good, GOD. Get rid of the guns, America. It's fucking common sense and any human being with an ounce of logic and a shred of humanity can see that.

Comedians, all of us...

...even the photog.

Dear Mom,

Don't open mail that comes to your house for me. I know I haven't lived there in almost ten years, but you can still just as easily drop the UNOPENED envelope into the mail and send it to me in New York and save yourself the agony of wondering what this bill means, which I know is keeping you up at night, you goose. Seriously. Don't open it. It's a federal offense. And I don't know why they still have your address.

I love you.

Love,
Your daughter who has a different relationship with money than the one you wish she had but she's a grown woman and it's no longer your concern.

p.s. Note to self: Call and have that mailing address changed, asap.

I guess I don't really know how to use macs.

How the hell do you right click on something? I'd so be posting an hilarious photo right now (because Keith is a wizard) if I could just figure out how to save the bugger onto the ol' desktop. Alas.

Sooooo I'm temping at the new gig. Not bad atall. In fact, we worked some yesterday but today has been DEAD - something about some files not being ready or whatever. I'm making nice bank for this bullshit. And everyone comes in super late every day. I suppose I shouldn't knock it. This is a wonderful institution and I hope to be taking advantage of their lack of organization and office-hours-as-gentle-guideline-or-suggestion for weeks to come.

I'm trying to be good, lately. That means a buncha stuff. But just interpret as you'd like.

We had Thai last night in Park Slope. And I picked up a piece of the garlic shrimp that I'd already eaten most of and pressed it between my fingers, trying to squeeze the last little bit of shrimpy yum yum out of its tail before I cast it aside. And like a scene right out of Pretty Woman, that little shit shrimp tail popped right out of my fingers and flew several feet into the air, hitting the woman next to me. Yikes. And we'd JUST been talking about how I'm a clutz and a risk taker. Whatever. I like to do stuff fast and without thought. Everybody should! ;)

Here's the main thing...and I think about this probably once a day: any single one of us could die at any moment...any FUCKING MOMENT. In an instant. And that's the saddest thing I can imagine. Because we sure spend a lot of time complaining about our jobs and our social dramas and our landlords and the subway. So silly.

Not sure exactly why but today's a pretty good day.

Despite the rotten rainy blech blech outside, this day is a pretty good one. I'm not sure why, but I'll take it! Right?

1.) Sarah's a wonderful person and she referred me to a posting she saw about a temp assignment starting soon. I applied last week, I interviewed today, and I booked it before I left their building. I start on Monday. Nice. It's only for a couple weeks, but they want me for a more permanent position - it almost sounds like I just have to say yay or nay and the fulltime gig is mine! Hi, health insurance? You taste yummy. But we'll see. I want to focus on my comedy stuff, so we'll see....The temp portion pays pretty well and I have another gig lined up for the week after this one ends. As Sarah said to me yesterday, "There's plenty of work to be had in this town." Agreed. (Sadly, I might have to do a bit of fibbing to be able to take both temp jobs, as one might end up overlapping with the other...but when has that stopped me.)

2.) Look! We put up new videos! Oh they're funny stuff. Kevin really helped us out by having his guys do editing and sound stuff on these new videos, so they look awesome.

3.) I think I'm finding that life, this year anyway, is a lot about balancing the personalities of a bunch of different people at one time. Social environments are all around us and interacting with others is part of the job description. Everyone's different. Some people have the same world view as you, some have the exact opposite, some aren't even working within the same operating system. It's easy to get furious. It's worth it to get zen. I'll let you know when I finally finish the magic elixir that solves this bugger of a challenge.

4.) Waking up this morning was niiiice. It was all rainy out and I was all warm. I've always liked Thursdays. Always. When I was a kid I had day of the week underpants and Thursdays were the best pair. They had dark lilac colored hearts on them. Excuse me, but that's basically my idea of perfect panties.

5.) I had a nice time at the bar last night, left at a reasonable hour, and wasn't drunk at all. Sweet.

6.) I love my friends. They are all really wonderful, smart, funny, loving people.*

* No, I have not recently taken any ectasy. Can't I just be manically jovial? ;)

plus!

This is so cool of him!

coming out

1. I'm seeing someone. There. Now you all know. Surprise!

2. My boss at my temp job, which ends on Friday, just told me he's been unhappy with my work the entire time I've been here. He said that it doesn't matter now because my (and his) last day is Friday, but he thinks that telling me is a respectful gesture toward me..... It didn't feel that respectful. But okay. He said, "You operate in a different world than I do." Yup. I think I'm gonna embrace that and take it as a compliment.

3. I sometimes have a lot of nagging guilt about things that I can't control...and guilt about things I can control...and that reminds me that my cat hasn't eaten breakfast yet and it's 11:40am. Shit.

4. I plan to exercise tonight. I don't want to exercise tonight. I still plan to.

5. I'm not cut out for office work.

bits

I kinda hate that last post now. It was a bit grouchy. But I'm not gonna take it down because then it's like I'm being a chicken. I'M NOT A CHICKEN YOU JERKS.

Ahem.

Okay, so hiiiiiii. I'm working at my OLD job today. I used to work at a music law firm - about a year and a half ago - and I'm back here today filling in for someone who's out. It's cool to be back in the same environment that was my day-to-day reality almost two years ago. Sort of a rare experience, really. And a lot has changed in these last two years, all for the better, really. It's very cool to be able to check back in in this way. And I have some nice memories of awesome stuff that started in my life when I was at this job, stuff that's still around now in bigger and better ways. I joined Harvard Sailing Team when I was at this job. A lot has happened since then.

I'm looking forward to the nice relaxing weekend. A birthday tonight, a show tomorrow night, and then Sunday = nothing at alllll. Easter Sunday and I think I'll just lay low and do easy breezy stuff with somebody I like. :o)

Sometimes women are scary and mean when you don't know them personally and you talk to them on the internet.

But, why?

I have a hard time choosing salad dressing so this is progress.

With the help of my therapist and a couple good friends who are always willing to supportively nod while I drone on - I've decided to keep temping after this long-term assignment ends at the end of next week.

Now, despite the obvious points such as there's no health insurance in temping, and very little money, and quite literally no job stability, this isn't the poor decision it might look like on paper.

I'm not sure how to explain it as succinctly as I want to, especially for the critics (mom), but the bottom line is this: I'm doing what I love with the ol' sketch and the ol' improv. And there might actually be a time in the not-so-distant future when that becomes more lucrative than it's been. (And by "more lucrative" I mean "at all lucrative.") So if the possibility of getting paid to do what I love is actually on the horizon, who on EARTH am I to not chase after that with a little more pizazz. In this case, pizazz will take the form of nicer head shots, and continuing to temp because of the flexibility/low-commitment-level it provides, and looking to a freelancers' organization for some health insurance. There's more to it all, from a psychological perspective and from a personal-history perspective, but I won't go into that now. Basically, I've been doing this performance stuff just-for-fun for the last two years and maybe now I want to do it just-for-fun-and-cash. I mean, I went to school for it! So, c'mere little degree, let's play make believe.

Whatever. It made sense yesterday over burritos.

It's good news. :)

Harvard Sailing Team

Sometimes we do some sketch comedy. Sometimes we put it on a stage. Sometimes we film it with sets and costumes. Sometimes we use guns. Don't worry, they aren't real.

On the right!

My BFF Billy has a new comic on the web. It's called The Librarianist, I linked it on the right, and it's really hilarious. Billy writes the comics and his friend Tim draws them. Go check out their site for a laff. And be their myspace friend - if you DARE.

Hang in there.

Okay. I'm gonna blog about dieting now. Leave the room before it gets ugly.

I used to write a diet blog - or - a weight loss blog. If you don't know, which you probably do, I lost 100 pounds. Great. Near the end of that process, I started writing about it, and that went on for about a year. I don't think I'm gonna link that sucker here - if you know it, you know it. If you don't, call me, I'll pay you $500 not to go read it.

I'm kidding, I'm not at all ashamed of it. But I don't write it anymore. I sort of grew away from it. It was a daily reguritation of a lot of the un-finer points of being a woman who was obsessively watching her weight. I'm not knockin' the diet blog. Many a diet blog got me through many a diet emergency. And there are many a diet blog that start out as a diet blog and morph into something much more meaningful and meaty. I needed to quit writing mine. And in general, I don't like to dissect my healthy living habits as much as I used to. I guess after four years of fairly shrude weight loss effort, I needed to pretend like I didn't even know the language for a little while. I wanted to feel 100% normal, not like a recovering fat-a-holic. So I relaxed my rules a bit, I guess, and did so for about a year.

And it was a great year.

Anyway, I was more relaxed about my habits than I had been since I began my weight loss journey and therefore, that year saw the return of about ten pounds. That'll happen. And I'm gonna get it back off. But that means that I have to return to a world of shruder dieting and attending meetings and counting and detailing and being a little more nuts than how I ultimately want to live my life. It works to get the weight off even if I don't want to be doing it forever.

So I've most recently been back on this bandwagon for three weeks now, full force, and it's moving along reasonably well. But I'm really having to hang in there sometimes. Sometimes it's TOUGH. Especially when the people closest to you love to eat. And yesterday was not a good food day. And tonight I'll spend my sorrow at the gym. And I won't eat the cookie in my drawer until later because I just finished lunch and I'm not hungry dammit.

Sometimes inforcing those kinds of rules and restrictions is the only way to achieve the goal.

Losing 100 pounds was the most transformative experience I've ever had. I'm sure that goes without saying. And I still work every day on retraining my brain to create a healthy body.

I'm gonna have some coffee.