The Baldwins

(My good dear friend Keith takes the most wonderfully interesting photos. He's +!)

So, that was fun! We had a really good time and the bar afterwards was a nice time too. Nothin like having a bunch of your favorite people in one place. It's great when nights like that work out. I was out super late and am quite tired and hung over today. I came home from work early to take a nap. Cuz I can. :o) This temp job is great.

We just got more shows, Fridays in March, added to our Baldwins calendar. That is so exciting, I'm really looking forward to that. And then I'll be in HST every Saturday night too. Oof. Did I say this already? All this traveling for sketch stuff and performing and doing shows and having practices and rehearsals makes me feel like that's my job and temping is just for cash. It's awesome/weird. Wow.

Soooo...sometimes that's the kinda thing that makes me afraid to look directly at it, like it might be too bright if I let myself really enjoy those happy and successful feelings because the whole thing might eventually burn out. But guess what. Who cares.

Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

See you at the PIT. Gah.

Standing O and Other Tales

I just woofed down a yogurt like it was the last food on earth. Good.

Hi! I'm back from Saratoga. Not to be confused with Sarasota. Which is in Florida. Which is not where I was. It was very snowy where I was. It's not snowy in Sarasota right now. Feel the difference?

We had a great trip. Listen, traveling's always exhausting. You know it now, settle yourself to that fact. That, that prior sentence, is an example of the sort of thing I said to myself before our trip. And so I had a really nice time on the trip. We stayed in a hotel. We rocked the casbah with one of the sickest show's we've done in a while. We got a standing O from 250 people. We taught workshops to college sketch groups and gave them some pretty good advice. We saw a bunch of comedy, some great, some awful, plenty in between. We went to a party. We overheard and subsequently eavesdropped on a young married couple, whose 2 year old daughter was in the room with them, screaming and yelling about having cheated on one another, a conversation that went on over the course of many hours; some of us took turns standing on the toilet the bathroom listening at the vent, where we could hear every word they uttered. We ate a lot of pizza and dunkin donuts. We played a lot of car games. We got lost. We had a few fights. We arrived home safe and sound on Sunday afternoon and I spent the rest of my weekend enjoying some serious down time. Things is good.

I only took a few pictures before my camera died.




Today, I decompress, reorder my life, exercise, eat a warm meal, lay down in my own bed. Tomorrow my improv group, The Baldwins, has their second-ever show. Can't wait.

Sugar Prison

I know I'm not the first person to call this out, but what is with the fucking office treats?! Nobody is the sort of person that wants to be constantly eating this shit. Nobody. And even if they do want to be eating it, they shouldn't be eating it! Because I'm the fat police and I say so!

We've all exchanged a sing-songy "Uh-oh...whoooo did thiiiis?!" or an "Oh my gosh, I so cannot have that...maybe just a little bite," or an ">eye roll< Not again!" with a coworker when we happen upon each other in a sweettreat-laden kitchen. But it's the very presence of this sort of concern, disgust, and guilty-desire voiced by any and all colleagues over the excessive sweets that baffles me when I see a table of sugartown; if we all hate it, why do we keep providing one another with baked goods?!

Knowwhaddimean?

Blah blah, right? So. The baked goods today were remarkably large and in charge...cupcakes as big as two of my fists, no joke. Hubba hubba. The blurry photo does not do them justice. And there was a laaaarge plate of a variety of meltymoist cookies. I ate very very little of this spread, considering what I'm capable of when spreads are involved.

I'm in a tizzy at work today, very busy and trying to tie up loose ends. I have to call in sick tomorrow in order to go to Saratoga with the HST. (No telling, jerks!)I wish I didn't have to call in sick but I don't have a choice this time. So we're off to upstate NY for the weekend, big sketch fest, fully-packed weekend, staying in a hotel, etc. Yikes.

I had a nice Valentine's Day. I'm not a fan of the holiday on any level; I'd rather poke my own eyes out. But it was with these very low expectations that I had a pleasant night. Ding.

See you on the flipside.

*Later: Sooo, I see that just two posts below I'm bitching about how there aren't enough sweets in my office. Listen. I'm a versatile, malleable, ever-changing human form. Judge not lest ye want candies.

Hot Air

The space heater at my desk just doesn't cut it. After feeling unsatisfied with its performance in the office, I figured I'd try it at home in my bedroom since I'm always freezing at night and warmth is warmth, but roomie and I kept blowing the power when we both had our heaters on. So, once again, I freeze like a little icicle in my bedroom since I brought the heater back to work, where it won't be blowing fuses. (Except for that one time, but I didn't know!) It's still not cutting it, though. I think it would probably have to be an atomic powered fire blazer for me to feel satisfied. I'm freezing. Where's my scarf.

Dear Everyone,

I keep hoping to walk into the kitchen at work and find some sweets. There was a fucking box of chocolates in there at 9:20 this morning and they were gone about 12 minutes later. Animals, these people. I just want a little cookie or a chocolate or something sweet and good. But it's mostly just because I'm BORED LIKE A MOROFF. And I even have stuff to do! But I just get a little tickticknuts during these workadays. I think I have ADD. AddledDrugbrainDisease.

Tonight, I shall exercise after le job. Then eat some din and go see a PIT show with Friend Steve. Should be fun. It's too cold to be outside, in my opinion. But I do a lot of opining that nobody wants to listen to, so feel free to just turn away before I finish this sentence. Opine. Opine. Opine.

Dinggggg. Stir crizaaazy.

I'm gonna go in the bathroom and take this godawful nail polish off. This has gone on long enough. While I'm gone, if you could please find me some chocolates, a sweater, a heating pad, and a cat, it would be appreciated.

Love,

Cold In New York

p.s. Britney, I don't judge you. I get it. Too bad about those two kids though, that was pretty poor planning.....but I guess your mom can raise 'em, right? Good. Here's $50.

I think I have a wisdom tooth coming in!

I'm starting to hate that last post - not entirely sure why...just kinda hate it - but I'm leaving it up. As punishment.

Um, bullet points?

- The Boss just left for the day. I plan to Screw Round due to this development.
- My improv team, The Baldwins, had their first show on Wednesday night. It was a great night and the show was a success. The other new house team, SidViscous!, which is comprised of many of my close friends and companions, also had a stellar show. It was a great night for improv. And a great night for The PIT.
- I'm generally pretty happy right now. :o)
- Today, and today alone, I've elected to use the "o" in my smilie emoticons. Not sure why. Plumper-looking that way?
- Another busy weekend including filming stuff on Sunday and several planned hang outs. Zzzzz.
- Next weekend: Saratoga for the festival we're headlining. Zzzzz...
- I. Can't. Wait. For. My. Tax. Refund. It. Will. Be. Substantial.
- I. Owe. Money. All. Over. The. Place.
- My. Roommate. Has. Every. Right. To. Hate. Me. For. How. Long. I. Haven't. Paid. Him. Back. The. Money. He. Lent. Me. While. I. Was. Unemployed.
- Oh well! Whachoogondo? :o)
- I hate cleaning my room. I'm not home that often. So it stays pretty fuckin' messy.
- I think I'll drop some laundry off when I go home at lunchtime.
- Now I've just turned this into a To Do List for myself.
- Drop off laundry.
- Clean up apartment on Saturday during the day.
- Exercise tonight and tomorrow.
- Organize finances during workday today.
- Eat healthy this weekend. Fat = nobody likes that.
- Puke up the sausage you had for breakfast.
- Not really.
- Bye.

this probably won't be interesting if you don't know us...

Clayton's post inspired me to jot down some of my favorite memories from the trip. First of all, I’d like to point that he’s only slightly mistaken regarding one little detail. The Jen Curran pull-string joke did not happen in the first five minutes of the trip, but well into the trip, after I'd had sufficient time to become my rotten old self. I mean, come on, Clayton. Auschwitz. Get it together.

Anyway, even though we were only gone for three days and have been back for just as many, I love reminiscing about what stupid idiot morons we are. We laugh a LOT. So here, in no logical order, are my favorite parts of the trip, as retold in a grammatically butchered fashion (I mean, what verb tense do you use in these situations?!):

1. Faryn, who is notoriously O.C.D. about everything relating to our shows, often wants to over-rehearse. We love her, we adore her, she’s our TD and her persistence is almost always a blessing in disguise, but sometimes you just have to let stuff go and trust yourself. So just before our second show, after we’d completely warmed up and had maybe 45 seconds before places, Faryn blurts out in a panic, “Does anyone wanna run lines for ER?” which is a sketch we’ve done probably 50 times onstage alone, not even taking into account the millions of times we’ve rehearsed it. (No. Nobody wants to run lines for ER. We’d rather drill holes through our empty sockets after our eyes have been gouged out by rabid sketch comics than run lines for ER. Running lines for ER is like reciting the Pledge of Allegiance just for practice.) So everyone stops in shock (“Can she really be this obsessive compuslve?”), a beat of silence passes, and then, despite Just Before Showtime being considered a sacred time of group support and love no matter who’s hating who, Adam says, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” And then we teased her for the rest of the night. Poor Faryn. She’s Farynoid. And she knows it.

2. Billy and I in the backroom of the performance space after the show, deciding to go out to the bar and “find some Pennsylvania chicks” but instead happening upon Adam and the transvestite on the dance floor. I don’t need to expound. If you were there, you know what happened. If you weren’t, you don’t want to know what happened. If you ever go to King of Prussia, PA and catch a glimpse this glorious woodland creature, you’ll regret your ability to see three-dimensional shapes.

3. Billy guessing what song the DJ would play next and getting it right every single time. SOMEbody used to DJ at Hot Skates on Long Island. Ooo-la-la.

4. Me threatening Billy with our getting married and everyone on the team jumping on board and driving him craaazy all weekend. “What kind of flowers do you want, Jenny?” “What will your song be?” I said as long as our song is “Looks Like We Made It,” I don’t care what else they play.

5. Billy, on the dance floor on Saturday night, dancing by during “Tainted Love” and whispering to me, “This is what they’ll play at our wedding.” HA. That jerk.

6. Chris mimicking a news anchor flub he saw on YouTube: “The top cock….Top…cock…” and it never getting old no matter what. He’s hilarious like that.

7. Adam's incredulousness at Rebecca sneaking out of bed on Sunday morning before anyone else was awake and getting in and out of the shower like a little tiny mouse even though it was soooo not her turn to take a shower first. Several people had to take cold showers the day before, particularly Adam, because several others, (yes, me, but Rebe too!) used all the hot water.

8. Rebecca leaving a message on Adam’s phone saying, “Sorry about the shower, Adam. But fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, shame on me. Fool me four times, shame on me. Fool me five times…”

9. Katie, on the trip back, reporting to us how warm she was and how badly she had to pee…every 15 seconds…in various forms of whining, yelling, and whimpering…for a full 10 minutes. Non-stop. Because we all wanted to listen to it. Because nobody else was hot and had to pee……

10. Katie saying to Sara who was sitting on the bus in her winter coat, “Aren’t you hot with that coat on?! I’m dying over here!” And Sara responding with, “I guess I’m just more easy going than you are.”

11. Billy calling everyone’s phone while sitting directly next to us on the bus and when we answered saying, “Hi, this is Keith Huang from the PIT.”

)(#&!%)(*$#T)(U@aaaaaack!

I feel like I've unsuspectingly happened upon a luge ramp and am, without even having much of a chance to look around, being whisked down the ice tunnel at speeds faster than I ever imagined. It's semi-terrfying. But, surprisingly, there's something incredibly relaxing and awesome about giving over to the natural momentum of it all. I just did not expect to find myself here. Like, ever. I'll continue to be vague since I know how much you like it.

Yo. Guys. Things are good, okay? I'm happy? Get it? I'd like to return to the gym; I can't stop thinking about how I feel like I'm filling my clothes out a little more than I used to and about how MUCH HARD WORK I put into lifting and running last year and how RIDICULOUSLY AWFUL it feels to be slacking a little bit. However, it could easily be argued that I'm obsessing about that because I have nothing else important to obsess about. Listen, I'm a hoot. Take it or leave it.

My new improv group had a great first practice last night. The practice itself was short and quick, but we hung out afterwards, all 9 of us, and the conversation was lovely - we really got to know one another better. I hope to become good friends with them. Our official team name was decided last night: The Baldwins. I likes it.

Diet Dr. Pepper

Some photos from le trip:







I just ate plenty of cake. :( My boss comes back tomorrow. I don't even know what that means. I have improv practice tonight for my brand new house team. Radical.

Well I'm already on the computer.

Back! Home. Phew. Good trip, good trip. I look forward to uploading some of the photos. We had fun.

It's always so tiring, traveling, even if it's only for a couple of days. We had a blast but we exerted a lot of energy in the process. Oh, excuse me.. and we exerted a lot of energy in the process. We did 3 shows, we danced the night away, we did some quaint siteseeing, and some perusing at the mall. It was a lot of fun. Plus the sleepovers and the eating and the drinking. We have a good time together, almost always. Highlights included Billy's bloody nose at the top of the second show and a scary tranvestite who wanted to dance with Adam.

Going over to Billy's to watch the Super Bowl. Gonna have a few beers. Happy. Back in New York. Best city on earth.

I packed two pairs of pants....that should be plenty.

On my way to Philly for the weekend to do three shows. We'll be back on Sunday afternoon. These mini-trips always take me by surprise. Whaaat, I'm supposed to be away from my cat and that other cat and that other cat for 3 days? Fine. Fine, fine, I hear there's good food there.

I suppose it will be nice to be away. It will help with perspective and what not. And next week at work will actually be busy again.

We had sushi last night. I was still hungry when it was over.

Bye!

What if I blink?

This is the view from my window at work. I'm tucked away in a corner of the floor with my own little area next to the CEO's office. My computer faces me and a window and nobody else (oh you dirty girl, get off the bad part of the internet!) so I have a nice little nest back here that's mine all mine. Until April at least. Arguably, the view from my window leaves something to be desired, but I've actually become quite accustomed to it and sort of enjoy its ambiguity. Not to mention, if you stand on your toes and lean forward just so, you can see the upper half of the Hercules statue that sits atop Grand Central. There's steam constantly billowing from the top of all these immense buildings, who's roofs and top floors are all I can see, which makes me feel like I'm getting a secret glimpse of a massive urban factory, like I'm the only witness to a real life Behind the Music about Functional Midtown Architecture. There are many amazing things about living in New York, any New Yorker will tell you, but one really exceptionally amazing thing that you can't quite grasp until you experience first-hand is the fact that you, a human, end up developing intimate, personal, private relationships with stuff that's not human...like buildings or street corners or particular nooks and crannies of the city that hold meaning to you in some way...or that don't hold meaning to you in some way, but just strike you for some reason....or tables at restaurants or doorways where you always see that homeless guy or particular staircases in the subway. New York is the loneliest place on earth sometimes and it's these pieces of the city that you putter past, day in and day out, that keep you grounded and connected, even if you go an entire 24 hour period without speaking to another human soul.

I'm sure a time will come when I remember that I was happy during these few weeks and I'll wonder what it's gonna take to get that back. And I'll remember being happy and why I was happy and I'll miss these happy feelings. But for now, they ain' goin anywhere. Things are good lately. Really good. Scary good, like, is this my life? And why do I deserve this? And what quantity of canned goods should I set aside to be prepared for when it all comes to a crashing halt? But I do deserve it. And even if it all goes away tomorrow, I'll have had it for this long. Good things really do come all at once and I feel an abundance lately.

Now if I could just lose ten pounds. ;) *

*Sick how I had to ruin a perfectly good post with that, huh? Too bad. I'm a woman. And I can feel my thighs rubbing together right now.....

Lemme just tell you this stuff....

I just ate four not that small cookies. Okay?

I made an improv house team! Yay! That was fun, the audition weekend, and I'm glad it's over and I'm psyched about my teammates and getting to play regularly with people I really admire. Very cool. We're gonna have so much fun.

And I had a great night last night in celebration of a weekend's worth of hard work. (The Sunday morning callback was from 9-12 which doesn't sound awful and it's not, but it is tough to wake up early on a Sunday and feel like having fun and being funny.) After we all got our phone calls, I met up with Keith, Steve, Kevin, and Chris at a bar on St. Marks and we drank until duskish and then parted ways. The night wore on with good friends and I am in a good place today. Keith takes good pictures.

I don't have plans tonight. That sounds about right. I'm gonna go home, nap, exercise, eat dinner, clean up, watch tv, go to sleep. You know, that sorta order of things.

Kevin's cat is insanely cute. My cat is also very cute, but Kevin's cat is very cute.

I'm happy today.

I had a rough day yesterday that turned into a really surprising evening and I'm happy about it today.

Life is so great like that with its suprises. Ohh, Life...you get over here, you rascal.

Ooof, I'm TIRED, though. I didn't get enough sleep last night or the night before and the next few days are about to be a bit hectic as well. Tonight is Rebecca's 24th birthday (adorable), tomorrow I have an audition to be on an improv team and then we have a sketch show in the evening, Sunday will be callbacks for the improv team audition and then I have a rehearsal afterwards. Good god. Monday night I have off, but Tuesday night I'm going to see Kevin's sketch show, Wednesday night I have to perform in a show and go to a rehearsal, and then Friday morning I'm going to Philly for the weekend to do three shows with Harvard Sailing Team! Ooof! WhatEVER omg zzzzzzzz.

I can handle it though. I'm looking forward to the busy-ness in some strange way. I'm also hoping to (when?) find some time to exercise more often. I had to cancel my gym membership so it's really my responsbility to make it happen now. That's my main priority in the next calendar week, exercising at least 4 times. That and playing with as many cats as possible.

the pleasant hum of a routine

I got paid today, my third reasonably sized paycheck since my return to the work force. And even though all of the money I've made so far is already allotted to debts I wracked up, public and private, while unemployed; and even though I don't yet have quite enough money to pay back those whom I've agreed to pay back by when I've agreed to pay them back; and even though I can spend basically no dollars and no cents between now and sometime in February, I still feel a sense of abundance and responsibility that I haven't felt in a while. If something horribly awful happened.......I'd be able to take a cab to it. Ya know? So...that's gotta count for something. It brings me back to a sense of semi-security that I was completely without for two solid months. Additionally, I feel some true pride at the fact that I haven't squandered away the money I've been making, which is owed to other places, on crap for myself like beers and cabs. Like, I can go to therapy tonight and hand her a check that won't bounce. Hmm, 26 and still learning to earn more than she spends. Is this America, or what?!?!?!

The blog link on the right called "Arnie" links to a blog that I like a lot. Arnie used to write another blog before he started the one that that link will take you to. The other blog is called "A Year In Pictures Following The Break-Up," and it is fantastic. I've never met Arnie, even though we actually happen to know a few of the same people. He doesn't know me and he probably doesn't know I link his blog to mine. (Now it's creepy.) Anyway, my friend Sarah (also linked on the right) recommended his blog to me a few months ago. If you've never read it, I suggest you try it out. You can get there from his current blog. Start at the beginning. I spent yesterday at work re-reading it. Because I have nothing to do at this job. And because I'm in love with boys, boys who are capable of falling in love, boys with feelings, boys with cute blogs, improv, Chicago improv, and boys who do Chicago improv. At least for today that's what I'm in love with.

Check back tomorrow, when I'll be in love with any number of other things, most of which will depend on what I watch on tv this evening or whether or not I hear any funny stories about cute things between now and then.

This one might be all over the place.

Billy WON the freestyle rap competition. It was amazing. The whole night was a blast. Ask me sometime, I'll tell you all about it.

There is so little going on at work that I'm craving some tasks or hobbies. I learned to use the self-timer on my camera. Then the phone rang.

I have some "things" I'd like to "work on" this week, like eating more slowly and being more frugal and enjoying the simple things during my alone time and putting the cap back on the toothpaste. I usually do that last one, but I want to keep doing it, ya know?

It was an interesting weekend, nothing exciting, but interesting nonetheless. I wonder what it would be like if I just *snap* learned to be happy with exactly how things are.

Like these guys. We could all learn a thing or two from these guys. Needless to say, in this photo, they'd just come back from an ice cream and cheesecake run.

Look at those dimples!

Tonight, one of my very very very best friends, Billy, is competing in a free style rap competition at this comedy/improv venue. I. Can't. Fucking. Wait. Fuck. First of all, I adore this kid and if he ever reads this he'll just say, "Sick." But I adore him and he knows it. I wanna marry him and he knows it. Second of all, he is, as I mentioned, one of my very best friends of all time. Thirdly, he's a fellow HST member, so there's love and support flowing through me for that reason as well. You know, teammates.

Anyway, this competition is gonna be hilarious. I know one of the other kids who's competing too. And get this, there are two GIRLS in the competition! Is there any better way to spend a Friday night than watching some girls free style rap? No, is the answer.

I hope a big crowd comes out tonight for Billy. He's a pretty popular and likable guy, so I don't think it will be a problem. Dang am I excited.

I should have left the office 15 minutes ago....

...but I didn't, so....

1. I am easily crazy. EASILY. It's just a matter of a few uncomfortable events and BAM, crazytown. I mask it really well. And then sometimes I don't. But my closest friends and confidants know the whole truth. And I'm willing to accept that they hate me a little bit for it. It's only fair.

2. My therapist would take umbrage with almost all of the above sentence. Eff that.

3. Level 5 class show tonight. Great, fine, letsdoit. I'll wear this ol' thang.

4. When you exercise, you feel better. It's like math.

5. It's COLD here. Fine, it's not that cold, everybody stop yelling. But I find it COLD. Okay?! Can't I be my own person?! Gawd.

6. Cats = exactly.

7. I've been getting plenty of sleep lately. That's WONderful.

8. Keith. We're getting married. You and me. Tonight's the rehearsal dinner.

9. Bye !

Those Are Some Boys I Know

I can't get warm enough today. I slept with three comforters last night, I woke up this morning and refused to shower because I couldn't stand the idea of going outside with wet hair oh GOD, and I fatefully discovered a space heater (Space heater, Sarah! I just remembered what they're called!) under my desk that has become my new best friend, mother figure, and life partner in a matter of hours. I'm really easy to get to know if you're heating my office area with warmth.

I'm not feeling as fat as I felt yesterday. An hour of cardio helped. It's really funny (sad?) (sort of a mental illness?) that the difference of 3 or 4 pounds can instantly take me from feeling normal to feeling obese. I don't think I've ever had a normal body image thang goin' on. And you throw two breast reduction surgeries and a 100+ pound weight loss into mix...fuhgettaboutit.

I'm looking forward to spending a night with myself. I had some mixups at the bank which means my delicious paycheck isn't available until tomorrow, so an evening at home sounds just about right. I have rehearsal until 8:30. After that, I think I'll head home, find some supper, tidy up my bedroom, light some incense, put on whatever good program I have tivoed, and pour myself a glass of wine to enjoy. Oh feck, I need to do laundry. I forgot. Okay, so Do Laundry. Then all the rest of that stuff. Maybe I'll drink the wine while doing the laundry. Ohh, look at this little plan shaping up.

Fat.

So I'm feeling pretty fat today. I overate a ton this weekend. Sunday and Monday (holiday weekend) were both just wrought with excess eating of the easily avoidable variety. It was like I just didn't care. It's rare that you'll find a weight-loss related post on this here blog, but I feel it's due.

I weighed in at WW this past Friday, assuming I'd had one of the better weeks I've had in a while. I got in some good workouts, I'd eaten well, I was feeling thin. But when I weighed in, I had only lost .4 of a pound. Somehow this wasn't enough for me, even though as I see it written down now, I regret that I hadn't been thrilled with a "loss" at all. The point is, I must have felt like it was time to inflict a little damage, for whatever sad and pathetic self-sabotage-related reason, because I overate more than I have in months. It was pretty gross. I had three pieces of pizza at one point.

I took a lot of naps this weekend.

This is something that makes me feel awful about myself -- when I overeat to the point of gluttony. I'm feeling pretty awful about myself now. I want to erase it all from having happened. And mostly, I just want a whole week to go by wherein I eat really well all week long. That's particularly hard to do. Let's add to the fire that I've had to recently cancel my gym membership because of money constraints. I'm a worker-outter. I love it. And i need it in order to get the fats off me. I have my gym bag packed with me at work this evening. Apparently I think I'm just going to knock on gym doors until someone takes me in.

Alright, 2007. Not just yet with the eating. Let's lose some fucking weight, you JERK.