Harvard Sailing Team

Sometimes we do some sketch comedy. Sometimes we put it on a stage. Sometimes we film it with sets and costumes. Sometimes we use guns. Don't worry, they aren't real.

On the right!

My BFF Billy has a new comic on the web. It's called The Librarianist, I linked it on the right, and it's really hilarious. Billy writes the comics and his friend Tim draws them. Go check out their site for a laff. And be their myspace friend - if you DARE.

Hang in there.

Okay. I'm gonna blog about dieting now. Leave the room before it gets ugly.

I used to write a diet blog - or - a weight loss blog. If you don't know, which you probably do, I lost 100 pounds. Great. Near the end of that process, I started writing about it, and that went on for about a year. I don't think I'm gonna link that sucker here - if you know it, you know it. If you don't, call me, I'll pay you $500 not to go read it.

I'm kidding, I'm not at all ashamed of it. But I don't write it anymore. I sort of grew away from it. It was a daily reguritation of a lot of the un-finer points of being a woman who was obsessively watching her weight. I'm not knockin' the diet blog. Many a diet blog got me through many a diet emergency. And there are many a diet blog that start out as a diet blog and morph into something much more meaningful and meaty. I needed to quit writing mine. And in general, I don't like to dissect my healthy living habits as much as I used to. I guess after four years of fairly shrude weight loss effort, I needed to pretend like I didn't even know the language for a little while. I wanted to feel 100% normal, not like a recovering fat-a-holic. So I relaxed my rules a bit, I guess, and did so for about a year.

And it was a great year.

Anyway, I was more relaxed about my habits than I had been since I began my weight loss journey and therefore, that year saw the return of about ten pounds. That'll happen. And I'm gonna get it back off. But that means that I have to return to a world of shruder dieting and attending meetings and counting and detailing and being a little more nuts than how I ultimately want to live my life. It works to get the weight off even if I don't want to be doing it forever.

So I've most recently been back on this bandwagon for three weeks now, full force, and it's moving along reasonably well. But I'm really having to hang in there sometimes. Sometimes it's TOUGH. Especially when the people closest to you love to eat. And yesterday was not a good food day. And tonight I'll spend my sorrow at the gym. And I won't eat the cookie in my drawer until later because I just finished lunch and I'm not hungry dammit.

Sometimes inforcing those kinds of rules and restrictions is the only way to achieve the goal.

Losing 100 pounds was the most transformative experience I've ever had. I'm sure that goes without saying. And I still work every day on retraining my brain to create a healthy body.

I'm gonna have some coffee.

easily

I could easily eat everything they've ever made to eat ever.



RARARARARARAAAAAAAR. < That's me being ravenous and insatiable. Here's an incomplete list of everything I want:

pizza
cookies
cakes
pies
candies
brownies
nachos
doritos
doritos of any kind
chips of any kind
noodles
noodles with sauce
noodles with oil
noodles with oil, sausage, pepper and onion
steak
steak with sauce
steak frites
a burger
a cheeseburger
CHILI FRIES
CHILI CHEESE FRIES
fried dough of any kind
a tuna melt
a panini
A MILKSHAKE
chips of any kind
brownies
nachos
mexican food, all types

Thanks.

So I can't sleep on that side.

My cat aggressively bit my ear on Sunday morning when I picked him up to say hello. It hurt so much, he held on for so long, that I flung his humongous body off my head as soon as I could regain control of the situation (human = I'm in charge....test me again you little fucker...), slammed the bedroom door in his face, and proceeded to burst into tears. It. HURT. Plus he's my loving kitty baby so this was shocking and emotional.

I'm not sure if my panicking caused him to bite me more than the playful ear nibbles he usually doles out. My ears were cold because I'd just been outside so when he started to nibble I freaked out. So maybe I actually made it worse by grabbing his muzzle. Maybe I actually helped apply some of the pressure myself. But I'm pretty sure it wasn't my fault. I'm pretty sure I actually had to PULL his HEAD off my HEAD. Death defying.

He broke skin in two places and it bled for a while. Now it's infected, despite my efforts to the contrary, and it's all red and tender and hot to the touch and is killing me. I'm popping advil and using neosporin with pain relief which is my new favorite cream substance. Take the pain away, topical analgesic. Take it away. So that was traumatic for everyone and the little bean apologized later with some light mewing and a few kisses and licks on my hands and face. Too little too late, Beelzebub.

Tonight will be low key. I'll go to the gym after work and then I'll go home and spend some time with my cat. I get it, Floyd. But next time, use your words.

(So what. It's dramatic for affect. Because I'm dramatic. For affect.)

CAN'T I JUST BE?!

You knowwwwww, I have spent many years of my life working to improve my quality of life. And it's not just for me. IT'S NOT JUST FOR ME. Ahem. It's not just for me. It's for everyone. Because when I'm being well and acting well and living well, the people around me aren't subjected to any negativity or toxicity. It's TERRIBLE to subject the people around you to your own unresolvedness.

And I have also spent many years coming to terms with the fact that I can wish until I'm blueish-purple that everyone would abide by this logic. But wishing that will never make it true. We're all wired differently. Makes us individuals, is beautiful about the human race, blah fuck blah.

Today feels like high school to me. I just wanna lay down. And you know what else? I just wanna be MAD. Can't I just be mad?! Can't I just get mad and pout about it and NOT be consolable or logical or benefit-of-the-doubt-ful? When I was fat and depressed and a complete mentalmesscase, being sad and feeling crappy felt safe and familiar to me. I so rarely give those feelings room to set up camp in my body these days, but I wonder if I sometimes don't miss that inconsolable thang. It served me for a time, certainly. (Then it got boring for me and, worse, challenging for everyone who wanted my wellness and that behavior's just a goddammed energy suck if ever there was one.)

I am always trying to take the higher road. Today, I wanna get down into the nitty and the gritty and roll around in the mud with the pigs and kick some fuckin dirt up into somebody's face. I'm tired of being level-headed and dignified. Today I just wanna be pissed off.

Just kidding. It's nice out.

...........

We shot some photos for our improv team's postcard. They're prittee pritteeeee hilarious.

I'm blah. I'm doing too much instant gratification stuff and not enough real life stuff. Plus, bored. So silly. I'm busy and I'm bored. I'm leaving work early today to go to Ikea with Daniel. It's a covert cut-out-of-work operation that will probably make me feel sick to my stomach at 9am tomorrow morning when I'll discover who noticed, who didn't, who's mad and who's not. WHO CARES. I have a series of mental problems.

I'm eating well, tho, and working out, so that's excellent. And I know nice people. So that's excellent too. I'd like some peppers, onions, and meat with sauce. Philly, anyone?

Forget what I said about vacation...

I went away! I went AWAAAAY! For a mini break! Over the weekend!!!! It was WONDERFUL and I feel refreshed and renewed and happy and glowy and grateful and glad. :o)

It was an awesome time and now I will commence not-eating for three days. Ding.

It's not a vacation when you're just unemployed.

I need a vacation. Nothing serious, just a little break. I know I was just out of work for two months, but that really doesn't count. I'm not crazy stressed right now or anything but things have been pretty hectic and busy and nonstop lately and I could really use a six to eight day nap, peppered in with some shopping, laying, eating, and NOT performing thankyouverymuch oh hahaha you're funny too oh hahaha BANG.

I am DESPERATE to go home after work today to shower and change and put some stuff down before improv practice. I'm also desperate to get a manicure, pedicure, and eyebrow wax. But I have a sneaking suspicion that none of this will happen today. Roar. Bob Roarman.*

*Pretty sure you're not gonna get that reference unless you're from Crystal Lake, Illinois.

If I don't have time to go home after work, I'm gonna have to go to the gym to take a shower on my way to practice. I need to shower, people. It's as simple as can be. Also, I can't wear those boots around town anymore this week. OUCH. I'm gonna throw a hissy if I hafta. I want some new shoes. Just some new cons for shows and some new boots for walking. I want a few new other things too but I can't think of what they are right now. Kevin just got a new blackberry. Hmph. I want some berries. And cool whip? And chocolate shavings? Cookies, anyone?

The most beautiful girl works here and her long luxurious hair is the envy of all my follicles.

I went to sleep at 4:30am. I woke up at 7:45am. The train ride into work, packed wall to wall with grumpy commuters, was a blast.