Guess what?
I feel better.
I feel so. much. better. I'm not sure if I'm back to 100% or not, but I'm terrified of losing this mojo so I'm gonna take it real easy nonetheless.
The bottomline, however, is that I feel better. I woke up this morning, having gone to sleep last night with a slightly sore, but mostly numbed-out tooth, and two illnesses (stomach bug and sinus bug) hanging on for dear life. And I woke up this morning feeling like a normal person again.
And let me tell you. Normal personhood feels exquisite right now. I think I'm basically out of the woods entirely with the body illnesses. And this tooth thing - well - I could not be happier that it's FINALLY SOLVED. I don't have anywhere near the pain I had yesterday, I don't have anywhere near the pain I've been having for the last year. It actually feels better. Which is a miracle to me. This place in my mouth has been a constant source of pain and avoidance for a long while. I have no idea why I waited so long to deal with it. But when compounded with the other sickness stuff, it became unbearable and had to be addressed.
Jess mentioned to me that she's known people with mouth infections/issues who realized that they felt better in general, overall, once the infection got cleared up. I certainly wouldn't rule out that possibility here. Plus, the fact that I can tell that the antibiotic is fighting the infection is making me so happy. So whether that's psychosomatic or actual body chemistry - I'll take it.
My face muscles on the right side are a bit sore today. I had five different shots in my mouth yesterday and it makes your whole face feel tight and reactive. But I know that will go away in the next few days. I really hope the work the doctor did (he basically had to build out a whole extra piece onto my tooth so that the area wouldn't get re-infected) solves the problem completely. I'm going to be diligent about keeping the area clean. Any good advice for a super healthy mouth - I'll take it!
So I'm in a great mood right now. I get out of work in about 25 minutes for the rest of the weekend, obviously. And I'm excited. The office is very quiet right now - most everyone has already left for the holiday. Sweet Kevin is at home right now, trying his hand at some sausage cornbread stuffing for tomorrow. We basically have no idea what we're doing, specifically with regard to the turkey. But I've tried to read up a bit and we have somewhat of an action plan, so I think it should work itself out. I hope. We're getting up early tomorrow to get started, just in case shit goes awry. Regardless, I am so happy and excited and have warm feelings all over to get to cook my very first Thanksgiving dinner with my honey.
When I leave work in a little while, I'm hitting the gym. I'm really looking forward to it. I haven't worked out since Saturday and now that I'm feeling so good (I think the huge dose of antibiotic in my mouth recallibrated all body systems), I am EAGER to get back to it. I have a lot of energy today, relatively. And I plan to spend a good 60 minutes on whatever cardio strikes me, and get in some light lifting and ab work too.
After that, I'll head home to Brooklyn where Kevin is toiling away on his stuffing, stopping by the store on my way to grab some last minute ingredients for a pie he wants to make, and I'll help him finish up whatever he's doing. I made the cranberry sauce last night, we're doing the sweet potato casserole and the turkey tomorrow morning, and beyond throwing a salad together and heating up the mashed potatoes, I think we're good to go! Can't wait.
We have improv shows tonight, his is at 7 and mine is at 8. So we'll head back into the city around 6 and spend the night at the PIT (Peoples Improv Theater) with our good friends. I'll probably go out for a drink afterward and then I might go meet up with Daniel at his apartment for a little more hangin-out.
So that's the update. I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving with good friends and family. And I hope you're all able to get a little exercise in. ;) It makes eating plates and plates of food that much more enjoyable.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Cranberry Sauce
So. :) I've had an eventful day. But I'm ending it contently, blogging while Kevin watches TV. I have a full tummy (more on that in a moment), and I think when I'm done with this I'll crawl into bed and get some much needed rest. I've had sleep issues the last two nights.
Kevin is watching tivo'd American Music Awards. Beyonce is performing. I love this performance.
It smells like cranberry sauce in our house. I just made my first-ever batch. Sort of just to test it out. Then I let it cool down just a little bit and had a spoonful of it over all natural vanilla ice cream. With pecans. It was basically heaven in a small dish. I told Kevin, "I could eat a vat of that." And I could.
I also had a couple cookies, a TINY sliver of pie, really tiny, and some nuts and crackers. I suppose that was my dinner. My eating schedule was all screwed up today. I ate breakfast around 11, "lunch" at 7pm, and "dinner" at 10:30.
Here's what happened: I've been sick for the last 10 days. It's been unpleasant. Nothing terrible, but I've definitely had a bug or bugs and I haven't felt good. Then I got the aforementioned toothache. So I went to the doctor on Monday for the sickness (and I mentioned the toothache to her, yes). She said: sinus infection and stomach flu. I am just now this evening feeling better from all that in a noticeable way. I think the sinus infection is dying down. And my stomach, which felt sour today, feels better tonight.
This tooth thing, I knew, was not entirely related to this sickness though. Sure, being sick probably exacerbated it, but I have had problems with this area of my mouth since at least April, if not well before that.
So I went into the dentist today and got some answers. Problem 1: My gum was receding in a certain spot near my back tooth. And Problem 2: the tooth itself isn't properly aligned with the one next to it. So it exposed up the receding gum AND the gum under the tooth to bacteria. And Problem 3: the area is infected. Which means it's been infected for quite some time. Months. And I think getting sick with two different bugs caused a weakened immune system which caused an inflamed tooth infection. It was just killing me.
The dentist did some shit to my mouth today, unexpectedly, when I went to see him on my lunch break. I HATE the dentist. And this shit was not pleasant. An upside is that had I known this had to happen and had I a week to plan for it mentally, I would have been even more of a wreck today. I was still a wreck. Just like when I got a couple cavities filled in April, I sweat through my jeans. I hate the dentist.
He did some drilling, some shoving of teeth, some rebuilding of a tooth and then he applied some penicillin, and sent me on my way. As the numbing agent started to wear off, though, when I was back at my office 20 minutes later, I ended up in incredible agony. We're talking a 9 on a 10 scale of pain. I was basically in high panic mode on the inside. I couldn't see, think, talk, do anything but fixate on the pain and how badly I needed to get it to stop. I called back the dentist and told them. They told me to try advil and call back in 30 minutes. I'd already taken 2 advil. I took 2 more. I was in excruciating pain. I couldn't wait 30 minutes. I called back in 22. It was the longest 22 minutes of my life.
I was really worried because I came in late to work yesterday because I was sick and had to go to the doctor. I am out of sick days, though. So leaving 2.5 hours early today after coming in 4 hours late yesterday seemed like a stretch to me. But I was in dire straits. I basically shut the door to my boss's office and welled up with tears as I tried to explain to her what was happening. While I was in with her the dentist's receptionist called me back and said to come back into see him immediately. My boss was empathetic and didn't care at all, of course, that I had to go back to the dentist.
I pretty much flew to the dentist's office. It was everything I could do to tell my other bosses I was leaving and to organize my desk and finish up some last tasks. I was in a pain-panic. Nothing else mattered.
By the time I'd gotten to him, the double advil dose had kicked in and I was at a 7 on a 10 scale. I spoke to him and he looked at it and basically said, either we can take out the whole thing we put in your mouth and scrape out the infected tissue. Or you can wait until the antibiotic starts working, which is when the pain will hopefully subside. He said the antibiotic is a huge dose. And with the tissue so infected, it made sense that the tissue would react angrily to the antibiotic and that it would be trying to fight back. It was definitely fighting back. Of course, the antibiotic will prevail. I know this. So I agreed to wait. I didn't want him digging around in there anymore. I said, "But what am I supposed to do until then. Because I'm in agony here." He gave me a shot of another numbing agent in my mouth, which also makes your face feel weird and sore, but it was better than the pain of the infection.
I was on cloud 9 when I walked out of there ten minutes later. Not because it felt good by any means, but because the relief of the excruciating pain was a joyful feeling. Feeling only kinda sore was a god send.
The numbing agent has worn off by now. And yup, the antibiotic seems to have started working. I feel sore but I feel okay. I can stand the pain at this level. And I can already tell that this is gonna make a huge difference in my mouth. This infection has been bothering me for a lot longer than I realized. Now that I associate the soreness to the fact that it's healing, not to the fact that I have an undiagnosed mouth issue, I realize how long I've been living with it as an everyday part of my life. I had stopped noticing that I was noticing it all the time. Isn't that weird?
So that's the saga. Of course it wasn't the end of the world. But there were some moments there where I was in a panic.
WHEW.
It's on the mend. And I think! I might be GETTING BETTER! Overall! This is exciting to me. I've felt like crap for daaaays. I cannot wait to wake up tomorrow feeling good. I know I might not be 100% by any means, but I think I will certainly be on the up and up.
And just in time. We get out of work tomorrow at 3pm and I'm going to go spend a good hour and a half at the gym. I really look forward to it. I haven't worked out since my Saturday run, when I got sick 3/4 of the way through it and didn't recover for 36 hours. I feel like a sloth from the lack of exercise, which is ridiculous, I know. But an amazing workout tomorrow will take care of that, without a doubt. Then I'm going to come home and do some food prep. :) :) And then I have a show at 8pm. I am excited to do some improv tomorrow night and then hopefully - all things permitting - go have a beer with some friends. It's been quite some time since I've been able to do that. Since my birthday weekend to be exact. This has been a rough month.
To borrow a line from my friend Jess, Thursday is Thanksgiving, obviously. And I'm looking forward to it. Kevin, Daniel and I are cooking at my house. I've never made Thanksgiving dinner before and I'm totally stoked. I'm gonna take lots of pictures and really enjoy the day. I plan to go for a run in the morning that day, and a walk in the afternoon with Daniel and Kevin. And then we're gonna eat around 4 or 5. I'm excited to enjoy the day. There are lots of yummy things on the menu. We might meet up with some friends or go see a movie in the evening. And I will be consuming cocktails.
Then, during the weekend, I plan to workout each day. Friday we're getting and hopefully putting up our Christmas tree, Saturday I have a sketch show, and Sunday we're going to see Kevin's parents during the day and going to see a standup comedian (Jim Gaffigan! I love him!) at night. The tickets were a birthday present from Kevin. I'm looking forward to the down time, the time away from work, the time to exercise, and the festivity. I love this time of year.
Honestly, whatever happens now that I'm starting to feel better is fine with me. I'm excited to just be part of the human race again.
Kevin is watching tivo'd American Music Awards. Beyonce is performing. I love this performance.
It smells like cranberry sauce in our house. I just made my first-ever batch. Sort of just to test it out. Then I let it cool down just a little bit and had a spoonful of it over all natural vanilla ice cream. With pecans. It was basically heaven in a small dish. I told Kevin, "I could eat a vat of that." And I could.
I also had a couple cookies, a TINY sliver of pie, really tiny, and some nuts and crackers. I suppose that was my dinner. My eating schedule was all screwed up today. I ate breakfast around 11, "lunch" at 7pm, and "dinner" at 10:30.
Here's what happened: I've been sick for the last 10 days. It's been unpleasant. Nothing terrible, but I've definitely had a bug or bugs and I haven't felt good. Then I got the aforementioned toothache. So I went to the doctor on Monday for the sickness (and I mentioned the toothache to her, yes). She said: sinus infection and stomach flu. I am just now this evening feeling better from all that in a noticeable way. I think the sinus infection is dying down. And my stomach, which felt sour today, feels better tonight.
This tooth thing, I knew, was not entirely related to this sickness though. Sure, being sick probably exacerbated it, but I have had problems with this area of my mouth since at least April, if not well before that.
So I went into the dentist today and got some answers. Problem 1: My gum was receding in a certain spot near my back tooth. And Problem 2: the tooth itself isn't properly aligned with the one next to it. So it exposed up the receding gum AND the gum under the tooth to bacteria. And Problem 3: the area is infected. Which means it's been infected for quite some time. Months. And I think getting sick with two different bugs caused a weakened immune system which caused an inflamed tooth infection. It was just killing me.
The dentist did some shit to my mouth today, unexpectedly, when I went to see him on my lunch break. I HATE the dentist. And this shit was not pleasant. An upside is that had I known this had to happen and had I a week to plan for it mentally, I would have been even more of a wreck today. I was still a wreck. Just like when I got a couple cavities filled in April, I sweat through my jeans. I hate the dentist.
He did some drilling, some shoving of teeth, some rebuilding of a tooth and then he applied some penicillin, and sent me on my way. As the numbing agent started to wear off, though, when I was back at my office 20 minutes later, I ended up in incredible agony. We're talking a 9 on a 10 scale of pain. I was basically in high panic mode on the inside. I couldn't see, think, talk, do anything but fixate on the pain and how badly I needed to get it to stop. I called back the dentist and told them. They told me to try advil and call back in 30 minutes. I'd already taken 2 advil. I took 2 more. I was in excruciating pain. I couldn't wait 30 minutes. I called back in 22. It was the longest 22 minutes of my life.
I was really worried because I came in late to work yesterday because I was sick and had to go to the doctor. I am out of sick days, though. So leaving 2.5 hours early today after coming in 4 hours late yesterday seemed like a stretch to me. But I was in dire straits. I basically shut the door to my boss's office and welled up with tears as I tried to explain to her what was happening. While I was in with her the dentist's receptionist called me back and said to come back into see him immediately. My boss was empathetic and didn't care at all, of course, that I had to go back to the dentist.
I pretty much flew to the dentist's office. It was everything I could do to tell my other bosses I was leaving and to organize my desk and finish up some last tasks. I was in a pain-panic. Nothing else mattered.
By the time I'd gotten to him, the double advil dose had kicked in and I was at a 7 on a 10 scale. I spoke to him and he looked at it and basically said, either we can take out the whole thing we put in your mouth and scrape out the infected tissue. Or you can wait until the antibiotic starts working, which is when the pain will hopefully subside. He said the antibiotic is a huge dose. And with the tissue so infected, it made sense that the tissue would react angrily to the antibiotic and that it would be trying to fight back. It was definitely fighting back. Of course, the antibiotic will prevail. I know this. So I agreed to wait. I didn't want him digging around in there anymore. I said, "But what am I supposed to do until then. Because I'm in agony here." He gave me a shot of another numbing agent in my mouth, which also makes your face feel weird and sore, but it was better than the pain of the infection.
I was on cloud 9 when I walked out of there ten minutes later. Not because it felt good by any means, but because the relief of the excruciating pain was a joyful feeling. Feeling only kinda sore was a god send.
The numbing agent has worn off by now. And yup, the antibiotic seems to have started working. I feel sore but I feel okay. I can stand the pain at this level. And I can already tell that this is gonna make a huge difference in my mouth. This infection has been bothering me for a lot longer than I realized. Now that I associate the soreness to the fact that it's healing, not to the fact that I have an undiagnosed mouth issue, I realize how long I've been living with it as an everyday part of my life. I had stopped noticing that I was noticing it all the time. Isn't that weird?
So that's the saga. Of course it wasn't the end of the world. But there were some moments there where I was in a panic.
WHEW.
It's on the mend. And I think! I might be GETTING BETTER! Overall! This is exciting to me. I've felt like crap for daaaays. I cannot wait to wake up tomorrow feeling good. I know I might not be 100% by any means, but I think I will certainly be on the up and up.
And just in time. We get out of work tomorrow at 3pm and I'm going to go spend a good hour and a half at the gym. I really look forward to it. I haven't worked out since my Saturday run, when I got sick 3/4 of the way through it and didn't recover for 36 hours. I feel like a sloth from the lack of exercise, which is ridiculous, I know. But an amazing workout tomorrow will take care of that, without a doubt. Then I'm going to come home and do some food prep. :) :) And then I have a show at 8pm. I am excited to do some improv tomorrow night and then hopefully - all things permitting - go have a beer with some friends. It's been quite some time since I've been able to do that. Since my birthday weekend to be exact. This has been a rough month.
To borrow a line from my friend Jess, Thursday is Thanksgiving, obviously. And I'm looking forward to it. Kevin, Daniel and I are cooking at my house. I've never made Thanksgiving dinner before and I'm totally stoked. I'm gonna take lots of pictures and really enjoy the day. I plan to go for a run in the morning that day, and a walk in the afternoon with Daniel and Kevin. And then we're gonna eat around 4 or 5. I'm excited to enjoy the day. There are lots of yummy things on the menu. We might meet up with some friends or go see a movie in the evening. And I will be consuming cocktails.
Then, during the weekend, I plan to workout each day. Friday we're getting and hopefully putting up our Christmas tree, Saturday I have a sketch show, and Sunday we're going to see Kevin's parents during the day and going to see a standup comedian (Jim Gaffigan! I love him!) at night. The tickets were a birthday present from Kevin. I'm looking forward to the down time, the time away from work, the time to exercise, and the festivity. I love this time of year.
Honestly, whatever happens now that I'm starting to feel better is fine with me. I'm excited to just be part of the human race again.
Monday, November 24, 2008
I’m up. It’s 2:45am on Sunday/Monday and I’m awake. I am having a terrible, painful, awful toothache. So about 2 hours ago now, I took a percoset that I had left over from my back injury. My friend at work gave me two percoset. I took one when my back when out three months ago and one tonight. And it’s keeping me up, I think. Or maybe it’s the tooth pain. I’m not actually sure at this point. But I’m sitting here, awake, and well…
I finally googled “severe toothpain” and one common theme I read was vanilla extract. That and baking soda were really the only two consistently mentioned remedies. I did the vanilla extract. And you know what? I kinda worked. That is huge. Because I don’t have the severe, hot-screw-being-drilled pain I had before. But it still hurts like a real bitch. I realized a couple days ago that I actually haven’t being chewing on that side of my mouth for, seriously – MONTHS.
So there’s that. And the other thing is that I’ve had a second go-round, a repeat, if you will, of my flu. I’ve been down and out, big time, for the last 36 hours. I actually finally started feeling better tonight – just before the tooth happened! – after spending the day resting. Long story short, I haven’t felt 100% for two weeks, since the Monday after my birthday. But after the first experience with it, last week, I felt like I was finally recovering. I’ve still had a noticeable headache, sinus congestion, sore throat, and a consistent cough ever since then. So I know I’ve still been mildly sick, but I’ve been really laying low. I have been going to work but I also haven’t been drinking, smoking, or doing anything at all, really, except working, working out, and going to rehearsals and shows. Otherwise I’m at home. I guess it wasn’t enough though. Because I went for a run on Saturday during the day, a long run around the park. And yes it was pretty cold out at the time. Yes. But I was bundled up and I felt good. I’d already been back to working out since I’d first gotten sick.
Well about ¾ of the way through the run, I didn’t feel right. And when I came home, I got sick. It was awful. And I had to get ready, get dressed, and go to my show right after that. I felt pretty rotten for the rest of the night. We went straight home after the rehearsal and show, and I crashed.
I did nothing today. I originally had three things on the agenda: go to an HST business meeting at 11am, go to the Bodies exhibit at 3pm (the tickets for that thing apparently have to be for a specific time and date and we’d gotten tickets as a gift), and a Girls Movie Night with some girlfriends at 7pm. I bailed on all three! Aack! I felt guilty! I was surprised that I felt guilty, actually, but I really did. I had to keep telling myself that it was actually the right thing to do – rather than that it was me bailing on stuff.
I ended up having a really nice day while trying to recuperate. I laid around, Kevin made me breakfast, we watched two episodes of Top Chef, we bought plane tickets online for a wedding we’re going to /I’m in in Miami in March, we had a small soup lunch. We finished planning Thanksgiving. ☺ Then I took a nap, woke up, needed some fresh air badly, so we bundled up and took a walk. I had a nice chat with my mom on the phone just before I left the house – we checked in on holiday stuff (I won’t see her for Thanksgiving, but I am going home for Christmas. Kevin’s coming! Yay!)
The fresh air was great, I actually got a small coffee (half decaf/half reg) and ate a banana while I was out, and I went to the grocery store for a couple small Thanksgiving things. It felt excellent to be out and about., like I really needed the fresh air and to get the blood flowing.
Kevin had gone to pick up Thai food for us and was home when I got there. So we hung out. He talked to his parents, I baked brownies from TJ’s that I’ve been meaning to make (they turned out to be amazing and surprisingly okay calorie-wise). We ate dinner, watched House, watched the movie Catch Me If You Can, in the dark! With popcorn! It was fun. We even moved the couch to a better viewing place for movie-watching. So the room felt fun and different. It was fun.
So it was a really lovely day. And flu-wise, I’m feeling better right now. Even though it’s actually 2am and I’m actually awake with an actual toothache. The last few days have been a joke, health-wise.
Because not only that, but get this – I have a rash on my ankle. I’ve had it for a while, it’s not going away, and I need to get it checked out. I already have a doctor’s appointment for it for tomorrow, which I made last week when I’d already been feeling better after the FIRST flu bout, so I didn’t mention that as my reason for coming in, I just called because I have this rash. So I’ll tell her about both tomorrow Unreal.
And you know what’s funny? I haven’t been sick in over a year.
So that’s that. Sigh. SIGH.
…my tooth is killing me.
☺ I guess if I’m gonna complain about it all though, I should also write about what’s good too. And lots is.
First of all, I’m sitting here in my lovely little house, blogging and eating a brownie.
I’ve had a lot of fun planning Thanksgiving. And I’m looking forward to Christmas. And I’m just generally feeling good about my life right now. I’m having fun, enjoying being myself, and being an adult. My relationship, which is not perfect by any means, is fulfilling, fun, and good. And that’s what I want in life. I love being alone. I also want to have a life with someone. And I really think I’ve found, in the last 4 months of living with my boyfriend for the first time ever, a nice balance of those two worlds. I love him. And I love how our relationship challenges me to be a better person. And I cherish him. He’s wonderful. He’s my best friend.
Work is okay right now and working out is bringing me a great sense of peace and relaxation lately. I’m able to utilize it in that way right now. It feels good. And it makes me feel powerful, capable, and sane.
I’ve lost a total of 11.6 pounds since I recommitted to losing the 18 I gained. YES! I just saw the lowest number I’ve ever seen, this morning. Sweet.
I can’t wait for Christmas.
I think I might get a raise soon. And I’m gonna get a holiday bonus.
So stuff is good. I guess I’m gonna post this and go lay down. I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep but I should try. It’s either that or I’ll start munching. Because that brownie was good.
I’m calling the dentist in the morning. I’ll be better by Thanksgiving, dammit.
I finally googled “severe toothpain” and one common theme I read was vanilla extract. That and baking soda were really the only two consistently mentioned remedies. I did the vanilla extract. And you know what? I kinda worked. That is huge. Because I don’t have the severe, hot-screw-being-drilled pain I had before. But it still hurts like a real bitch. I realized a couple days ago that I actually haven’t being chewing on that side of my mouth for, seriously – MONTHS.
So there’s that. And the other thing is that I’ve had a second go-round, a repeat, if you will, of my flu. I’ve been down and out, big time, for the last 36 hours. I actually finally started feeling better tonight – just before the tooth happened! – after spending the day resting. Long story short, I haven’t felt 100% for two weeks, since the Monday after my birthday. But after the first experience with it, last week, I felt like I was finally recovering. I’ve still had a noticeable headache, sinus congestion, sore throat, and a consistent cough ever since then. So I know I’ve still been mildly sick, but I’ve been really laying low. I have been going to work but I also haven’t been drinking, smoking, or doing anything at all, really, except working, working out, and going to rehearsals and shows. Otherwise I’m at home. I guess it wasn’t enough though. Because I went for a run on Saturday during the day, a long run around the park. And yes it was pretty cold out at the time. Yes. But I was bundled up and I felt good. I’d already been back to working out since I’d first gotten sick.
Well about ¾ of the way through the run, I didn’t feel right. And when I came home, I got sick. It was awful. And I had to get ready, get dressed, and go to my show right after that. I felt pretty rotten for the rest of the night. We went straight home after the rehearsal and show, and I crashed.
I did nothing today. I originally had three things on the agenda: go to an HST business meeting at 11am, go to the Bodies exhibit at 3pm (the tickets for that thing apparently have to be for a specific time and date and we’d gotten tickets as a gift), and a Girls Movie Night with some girlfriends at 7pm. I bailed on all three! Aack! I felt guilty! I was surprised that I felt guilty, actually, but I really did. I had to keep telling myself that it was actually the right thing to do – rather than that it was me bailing on stuff.
I ended up having a really nice day while trying to recuperate. I laid around, Kevin made me breakfast, we watched two episodes of Top Chef, we bought plane tickets online for a wedding we’re going to /I’m in in Miami in March, we had a small soup lunch. We finished planning Thanksgiving. ☺ Then I took a nap, woke up, needed some fresh air badly, so we bundled up and took a walk. I had a nice chat with my mom on the phone just before I left the house – we checked in on holiday stuff (I won’t see her for Thanksgiving, but I am going home for Christmas. Kevin’s coming! Yay!)
The fresh air was great, I actually got a small coffee (half decaf/half reg) and ate a banana while I was out, and I went to the grocery store for a couple small Thanksgiving things. It felt excellent to be out and about., like I really needed the fresh air and to get the blood flowing.
Kevin had gone to pick up Thai food for us and was home when I got there. So we hung out. He talked to his parents, I baked brownies from TJ’s that I’ve been meaning to make (they turned out to be amazing and surprisingly okay calorie-wise). We ate dinner, watched House, watched the movie Catch Me If You Can, in the dark! With popcorn! It was fun. We even moved the couch to a better viewing place for movie-watching. So the room felt fun and different. It was fun.
So it was a really lovely day. And flu-wise, I’m feeling better right now. Even though it’s actually 2am and I’m actually awake with an actual toothache. The last few days have been a joke, health-wise.
Because not only that, but get this – I have a rash on my ankle. I’ve had it for a while, it’s not going away, and I need to get it checked out. I already have a doctor’s appointment for it for tomorrow, which I made last week when I’d already been feeling better after the FIRST flu bout, so I didn’t mention that as my reason for coming in, I just called because I have this rash. So I’ll tell her about both tomorrow Unreal.
And you know what’s funny? I haven’t been sick in over a year.
So that’s that. Sigh. SIGH.
…my tooth is killing me.
☺ I guess if I’m gonna complain about it all though, I should also write about what’s good too. And lots is.
First of all, I’m sitting here in my lovely little house, blogging and eating a brownie.
I’ve had a lot of fun planning Thanksgiving. And I’m looking forward to Christmas. And I’m just generally feeling good about my life right now. I’m having fun, enjoying being myself, and being an adult. My relationship, which is not perfect by any means, is fulfilling, fun, and good. And that’s what I want in life. I love being alone. I also want to have a life with someone. And I really think I’ve found, in the last 4 months of living with my boyfriend for the first time ever, a nice balance of those two worlds. I love him. And I love how our relationship challenges me to be a better person. And I cherish him. He’s wonderful. He’s my best friend.
Work is okay right now and working out is bringing me a great sense of peace and relaxation lately. I’m able to utilize it in that way right now. It feels good. And it makes me feel powerful, capable, and sane.
I’ve lost a total of 11.6 pounds since I recommitted to losing the 18 I gained. YES! I just saw the lowest number I’ve ever seen, this morning. Sweet.
I can’t wait for Christmas.
I think I might get a raise soon. And I’m gonna get a holiday bonus.
So stuff is good. I guess I’m gonna post this and go lay down. I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep but I should try. It’s either that or I’ll start munching. Because that brownie was good.
I’m calling the dentist in the morning. I’ll be better by Thanksgiving, dammit.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
It's beginning to look a lot like...!
Well, it can certainly be hard to get back into regular blogging when you've taken a long break. But I'll attempt it today. One of my bosses at work is out of the office today (thank you, God) and even though things seem like they could easily get very busy at any moment, I'm going to carve out some personal time.
Most notably, I guess, is that I'm still recovering from having been sick. It wasn't too bad, only lasted about a week, and I wasn't completely down for the count for the entire week. But I have been feeling some form or another of under-the-weather for a while. It's mostly devolved into a nasty sounding cough at this point. But I still wake up congested and headachy each day. It could be a lot worse, I'm well aware. But it's still no fun. I had a fantastic birthday weekend and woke up the Monday after sick as a dog.
Kevin was even sicker than I was, the poor thing. He was down and out for a solid 7 days. He's feeling much better now. And it's so nice to see him alive and well again. He was totally bored, miserable, and in a serious funk by the end of that week.
Anyway. We're both on the up and up, and JUST in the nic. Because things are gettin' festive around here. And I'm loving it.
So. Food and exercise. All is well on both fronts. Despite a minor gain after the week of Halloween, the Election (had a big party), and my Birthday, which was complete with several dinners out and several gatherings involving cupcakes, things are stable, moving down again, and looking good.
As has been my custom since the summer, I'm exercising a lot - usually about 6 times a week - because I love it. If I go a day without it, I can live, but two days, and I start to feel antsy. I've been going on long runs, doing yoga, doing pilates, lifting weights, mixing it up on cardio machines at the gym - pretty much the whole enchilada. And it feels really good. My body has responded really nicely and I feel really slim and fit. (I went to the doctor yesterday for something unrelated and she had to check my abdominal muscles and she said that they're in really great shape. Love that.)
On the days that I don't workout (and no, I don't get in 6 official workouts every single week - sometimes it's 5, sometimes it's 4), I still aim to do something active and physical to keep myself moving and keep the blood flowing. Moving to Brooklyn and adopting a huge, gorgeous park a block away from my apartment into part of my lifestyle has been just amazing. I run, walk and hike around or through that thing at least once a week, if not more. It's perfect. Watching the leaves changes and ultimately begin to fall off has been the inspiration for many long walks (one taken on my birthday, which was awesome); being able to go for a nice long run around the perimeter with lots of other runners, bikers, and walkers doing their thang at the same time has been a great joy for me. And Kevin and I have found ourselves taking long hikes through different hilly parts of the park that we've never seen before (it's a HUGE park) as a way to spend a nice Sunday afternoon together. I will often decide to get on the subway at a stop that is farther away than the one near my house, just so I can walk through the park to get there. It's awesome. I'm dreading when it's way too cold to even think about walking around outside. But I'm hoping those days are few and far between and that even in winter, I can bundle up and get movin. It never stays intolerably frigid for long in New York. (Although it is surprisingly cold today. Gah!)
I've also been doing lots of other activities outside the house like shopping at grocery stores far away and using the varied trip home (up and down the stairs to the subway, walking to and from the store and the house) while carrying the heavy bags as a way to stay active. I pull my abs in, make sure I'm varying the arm muscles I'm using, do little squats at stop lights, and generally try to help myself get stronger. It's fun. I carried home a heavy butternut squash on Saturday and certainly looked like a big weirdo as a I did bicep curls and shoulder presses as I walked.
On Sunday morning I had some errands to run - a trip to Target to return some things and get some other things, and a trip to Trader Joe's to get some ingredients to use with some produce we'd gotten at the farmer's market the day before. Kevin is notoriously difficult to get moving in the morning and usually I'm happy to laze around with him, but on this particular Sunday morning I just wanted to get up and get going. So when I woke up, I announced to him that I was putting on pants and going to run my errands by myself. I spent the morning shopping at my own pace, got in lots of walking and stair climbing and eventual carrying of extremely heavy bags (so heavy I had to call him to meet me at the subway station because I didn't think I could make the 1.5 block walk from the train to the house by myself). I had a tiny piece of bread with a smear of peanut butter on it before I left the house, some coffee and water while I was out and about, and I came home pleasantly ravenous and exhausted but energized. It was a great, active morning. I'm sure I easily burned 500 calories just carrying those fucking bags. It's experiences like that that remind me why I consider myself so lucky to live in a big city where "by-foot" is one of the primary modes of transportation. I wouldn't know what to do with myself otherwise.
I don't usually give myself activity points (the weight watchers version of allowing a little more food in your diet in exchange for exercise) for these kinds of "active" days. I just chalk them up to an active lifestyle and then I don't fret if I have a glass of wine that's a little larger than 4 ounces every once in a while. You get the idea.
Spiritually, my current connection to my physical life is such a blessing. I really feel more connected to myself, my body, and my thoughts when I'm active. I feel a meditative state wash over me and I remind myself to slow down mentally, stop ruminating about so many little details, and just be. It's something I really need.
Another spiritual experience for me lately has been cooking. I know I've mentioned here before that since moving in with Kevin, I've becoming a lot more aware of what we're both putting into our bodies by way of making sure we have healthy, natural, organic foods in the house at all times. We made a lasagna, a butternut squash soup from scratch, and an apple cake this weekend. It was a blast. And very tiring. But we had a great time cooking together and now we have a ton of food for the whole week.
Also, I'm trying to take more time when eating my meals - that doesn't mean focusing more on food - it actually means focusing less on food. I'm doing stuff like saying a quick blessing before I eat to be thankful for the fact that I'm able to sit down to a delicious meal, taking my time to chew each bite and savor the flavors, and giving my body and mind time to sync up and register when I've had enough to eat.
So the general experience of buying, preparing, and consuming food lately has been something special for me. I'm sure it's not something I will always have the time or mental wherewithal to do, but for now, it's a nice habit to practice.
I'm in a great place with how much I'm eating. There's no food I can't have right now. Quite the contrary actually. If I want dessert, I try to find something very decadent and rich to eat. That way, it feels special and I feel satisfied after just a few bites. If I want pizza, I get the best looking slice I can find, maybe two slices! And enjoy every morsel. Usually I want veggies or whole grains or some filling lean protein. But when I crave something else, I have it.
I guess a lot of what led me to this place of relaxation and ease with some of this stuff is this book I've mentioned a few times called "Fit From Within." It's just a collection of really short chapters on ways to eat and live more intuitively and naturally, without having to focus on what you're eating or not eating. It is certainly something that wouldn't have helped me when I had 110+ pounds to lose. I needed something much more guided then. But now that I've lost the weigh and I'm in a place of wanting to lose a tiny bit more, but mostly to maintain my weight, while getting my mind out of the place of needing to count calories or deprive myself of certain things, this book has been a nice tool. I haven't even read the whole thing. But after just a few pages you really start to get a sense of what this woman is talking about. And you begin to realize the ways in which you, or I guess I should say 'I', have NOT been living/eating as intuitively as I'd like to be.
Ultimately, I don't want to have to think about any of it. I want to be 40, 50, 60 years old, naturally thin, active, healthy, and able to eat three squares a day that maintain my weight, keep me nutritiously fueled, and allow for a giant piece of cake once a month - all without having to think about it much more than "Hm. I should probably go for a run tomorrow. That was a big glass of wine."
THAT is the reality I dream of. I'm not there yet. But I'm closer than I was a month ago. And much closer than I was 6 years ago. It's exciting. And I know it's within reach.
Something very obvious that this book discusses is the idea that life doesn't revolve around eating. I KNOW it, but I haven't fully lived it, possibly ever. It's been really nice to learn to have an understanding of what that means and to consider being finished thinking about food for a while when I've finished the last bite of a meal. It's an ongoing process, but something I'm grateful to have in my frame of reference now. There is no doubt in my mind that reading this book is helping me enjoy food in a different way and is helping me to live a more fulfilling life by not caring so much about what I eat.
I feel 28, I really do. Whatever the hell that means. I feel more mature, responsible, capable, and qualified than I ever have before in my life. It's really sort of a wonderful place to be. I had a really tough fucking time of it in my late teens and early twenties. It was easily the darkest darkness I think I'll ever know. It gave me the capacity to relate to people who've lived through difficult circumstances. And I feel now like I've really earned my 28 years. I feel that I really deserve to say No to people when I say No, to stand up for myself when I do, to have the friends and family I have, to be in the relationship I'm in. And I also have a greater sense than ever before that this is "It." Meaning, my life is not gonna be starting at any point in the future. This is IT. For better or worse, this is my life, this is my ADULT life. This is who I am and every day is a day in my life. I'm not waiting for anything to happen or any big event to change everything or for anything to begin. There is no "once I" or "as soon as I" or "someday I'll" that makes NOW any less real or less My Life. It's interesting to realize that I haven't fully felt that way until now. And I'm not sure what made me realize it. There's just something so adult about hearing myself say "28" when asked how hold I am. I remember being a kid and thinking 28 was ancient.
Anyway, you get the idea.
Oh and a quick note about my job: It's good for a paycheck. And I'm glad I have a job and health benefits in this difficult economic time. I'm still regularly broke and have to be very aware of what I'm spending, but it could absolutely be significantly worse and I know that. And I'm grateful for the privilege to come to work every day. That said, things have been a bit insane around here lately. There has been some major drama going on that is no fun. Offices, I find, are like that. There's drama. I do not want to be someone who ends up spending her life working in an office environment. (The chairs alone would kill me.) So my movable goal is to stay here for another year (this past week was my 1 year anniversary at this job), and leave to move onto greener pastures. Pastures that are not in an office. It's not THIS office that I don't want to work in - it's not so bad - it's all of them that I don't want to work in. This is not what I want for my life. (Which is happening NOW, btw ;) I'm not sure what I'll do or what it will involve - though I have some ideas. But I am sure that I want a lifestyle different than this one. And it's my lose goal to be able to get there by my 29th birthday. I can certainly tough it out in the meantime. After all, this IS my life, and I'll be damned if I'm going to be a grouch about my job every day, even if it's not the ideal workplace. So in the year that I have left here, I'm going to attempt to make the most of it - since I'm sure there are aspects of it that I'll miss when it's gone. I'm hoping that the next calendar year, starting right now, will be about opening myself up to finding out what the next thing will be. I'm eager to embark on what will hopefully be a journey of discovery in that regard.
On a much lighter, less hippie-chick note, I'm so excited that it's basically the holidays! I love the holidays. I had a fun Halloween - check, and a great birthday - check, and now it's onto Thanksgiving. Kev and I are going to cook at our house for ourselves and our friend Daniel for turkey day. And we're also planning to volunteer that day (which is proving harder than expected - I can't get anyone to call me back about volunteering!), or if not on Thursday, at some point that weekend. I want to really focus on giving back and giving of myself this holiday season. It's something I need a lot more of in my life. And I think the constant purchasing of material gifts for the people we love this time of year is absolutely inane. So I'm boycotting that, I'm going to make most of my presents this year, and I'm going to try to do a little volunteering. It's a start.
I'm excited to cook my first-ever Thanksgiving meal! I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. Should be fun! :) Having a Home for the first time in a long time (my last apartment was not a place that anyone would want to spend a great deal of time - very dingy, dark, and not conducive to comfort), and having a home with Kevin, has been so fun for me and for us as a couple. And of course, the holidays will now be that much more exciting! I have a house to decorate, much to my Jewish boyfriend's dismay, with Christmas paraphernalia, holiday tunes to play, and general festivity to exude. I'm excited. We're going to put up our tree the day after Thanksgiving. I bought some trimmings for it this past weekend, I already have a ton of ornaments, and I bought us four cheap stockings (Jen, Kevin, Floyd, and Chawser) and we put our names on them with glue and glitter! Awwww. So gross and crafty I can't even stand it. But it was fun. And I'm having a blast with it.
I'm so excited to get the tree put up and our house smelling like pine, and to snuggle in for a festive December. It's cold here today, and as I was walking to work this morning, there were tons of workers putting up holiday decorations all over the city. It felt so nice. And of course 5th Avenue is already completely decorated with lights, bows, and bells. It's about that time!
Most notably, I guess, is that I'm still recovering from having been sick. It wasn't too bad, only lasted about a week, and I wasn't completely down for the count for the entire week. But I have been feeling some form or another of under-the-weather for a while. It's mostly devolved into a nasty sounding cough at this point. But I still wake up congested and headachy each day. It could be a lot worse, I'm well aware. But it's still no fun. I had a fantastic birthday weekend and woke up the Monday after sick as a dog.
Kevin was even sicker than I was, the poor thing. He was down and out for a solid 7 days. He's feeling much better now. And it's so nice to see him alive and well again. He was totally bored, miserable, and in a serious funk by the end of that week.
Anyway. We're both on the up and up, and JUST in the nic. Because things are gettin' festive around here. And I'm loving it.
So. Food and exercise. All is well on both fronts. Despite a minor gain after the week of Halloween, the Election (had a big party), and my Birthday, which was complete with several dinners out and several gatherings involving cupcakes, things are stable, moving down again, and looking good.
As has been my custom since the summer, I'm exercising a lot - usually about 6 times a week - because I love it. If I go a day without it, I can live, but two days, and I start to feel antsy. I've been going on long runs, doing yoga, doing pilates, lifting weights, mixing it up on cardio machines at the gym - pretty much the whole enchilada. And it feels really good. My body has responded really nicely and I feel really slim and fit. (I went to the doctor yesterday for something unrelated and she had to check my abdominal muscles and she said that they're in really great shape. Love that.)
On the days that I don't workout (and no, I don't get in 6 official workouts every single week - sometimes it's 5, sometimes it's 4), I still aim to do something active and physical to keep myself moving and keep the blood flowing. Moving to Brooklyn and adopting a huge, gorgeous park a block away from my apartment into part of my lifestyle has been just amazing. I run, walk and hike around or through that thing at least once a week, if not more. It's perfect. Watching the leaves changes and ultimately begin to fall off has been the inspiration for many long walks (one taken on my birthday, which was awesome); being able to go for a nice long run around the perimeter with lots of other runners, bikers, and walkers doing their thang at the same time has been a great joy for me. And Kevin and I have found ourselves taking long hikes through different hilly parts of the park that we've never seen before (it's a HUGE park) as a way to spend a nice Sunday afternoon together. I will often decide to get on the subway at a stop that is farther away than the one near my house, just so I can walk through the park to get there. It's awesome. I'm dreading when it's way too cold to even think about walking around outside. But I'm hoping those days are few and far between and that even in winter, I can bundle up and get movin. It never stays intolerably frigid for long in New York. (Although it is surprisingly cold today. Gah!)
I've also been doing lots of other activities outside the house like shopping at grocery stores far away and using the varied trip home (up and down the stairs to the subway, walking to and from the store and the house) while carrying the heavy bags as a way to stay active. I pull my abs in, make sure I'm varying the arm muscles I'm using, do little squats at stop lights, and generally try to help myself get stronger. It's fun. I carried home a heavy butternut squash on Saturday and certainly looked like a big weirdo as a I did bicep curls and shoulder presses as I walked.
On Sunday morning I had some errands to run - a trip to Target to return some things and get some other things, and a trip to Trader Joe's to get some ingredients to use with some produce we'd gotten at the farmer's market the day before. Kevin is notoriously difficult to get moving in the morning and usually I'm happy to laze around with him, but on this particular Sunday morning I just wanted to get up and get going. So when I woke up, I announced to him that I was putting on pants and going to run my errands by myself. I spent the morning shopping at my own pace, got in lots of walking and stair climbing and eventual carrying of extremely heavy bags (so heavy I had to call him to meet me at the subway station because I didn't think I could make the 1.5 block walk from the train to the house by myself). I had a tiny piece of bread with a smear of peanut butter on it before I left the house, some coffee and water while I was out and about, and I came home pleasantly ravenous and exhausted but energized. It was a great, active morning. I'm sure I easily burned 500 calories just carrying those fucking bags. It's experiences like that that remind me why I consider myself so lucky to live in a big city where "by-foot" is one of the primary modes of transportation. I wouldn't know what to do with myself otherwise.
I don't usually give myself activity points (the weight watchers version of allowing a little more food in your diet in exchange for exercise) for these kinds of "active" days. I just chalk them up to an active lifestyle and then I don't fret if I have a glass of wine that's a little larger than 4 ounces every once in a while. You get the idea.
Spiritually, my current connection to my physical life is such a blessing. I really feel more connected to myself, my body, and my thoughts when I'm active. I feel a meditative state wash over me and I remind myself to slow down mentally, stop ruminating about so many little details, and just be. It's something I really need.
Another spiritual experience for me lately has been cooking. I know I've mentioned here before that since moving in with Kevin, I've becoming a lot more aware of what we're both putting into our bodies by way of making sure we have healthy, natural, organic foods in the house at all times. We made a lasagna, a butternut squash soup from scratch, and an apple cake this weekend. It was a blast. And very tiring. But we had a great time cooking together and now we have a ton of food for the whole week.
Also, I'm trying to take more time when eating my meals - that doesn't mean focusing more on food - it actually means focusing less on food. I'm doing stuff like saying a quick blessing before I eat to be thankful for the fact that I'm able to sit down to a delicious meal, taking my time to chew each bite and savor the flavors, and giving my body and mind time to sync up and register when I've had enough to eat.
So the general experience of buying, preparing, and consuming food lately has been something special for me. I'm sure it's not something I will always have the time or mental wherewithal to do, but for now, it's a nice habit to practice.
I'm in a great place with how much I'm eating. There's no food I can't have right now. Quite the contrary actually. If I want dessert, I try to find something very decadent and rich to eat. That way, it feels special and I feel satisfied after just a few bites. If I want pizza, I get the best looking slice I can find, maybe two slices! And enjoy every morsel. Usually I want veggies or whole grains or some filling lean protein. But when I crave something else, I have it.
I guess a lot of what led me to this place of relaxation and ease with some of this stuff is this book I've mentioned a few times called "Fit From Within." It's just a collection of really short chapters on ways to eat and live more intuitively and naturally, without having to focus on what you're eating or not eating. It is certainly something that wouldn't have helped me when I had 110+ pounds to lose. I needed something much more guided then. But now that I've lost the weigh and I'm in a place of wanting to lose a tiny bit more, but mostly to maintain my weight, while getting my mind out of the place of needing to count calories or deprive myself of certain things, this book has been a nice tool. I haven't even read the whole thing. But after just a few pages you really start to get a sense of what this woman is talking about. And you begin to realize the ways in which you, or I guess I should say 'I', have NOT been living/eating as intuitively as I'd like to be.
Ultimately, I don't want to have to think about any of it. I want to be 40, 50, 60 years old, naturally thin, active, healthy, and able to eat three squares a day that maintain my weight, keep me nutritiously fueled, and allow for a giant piece of cake once a month - all without having to think about it much more than "Hm. I should probably go for a run tomorrow. That was a big glass of wine."
THAT is the reality I dream of. I'm not there yet. But I'm closer than I was a month ago. And much closer than I was 6 years ago. It's exciting. And I know it's within reach.
Something very obvious that this book discusses is the idea that life doesn't revolve around eating. I KNOW it, but I haven't fully lived it, possibly ever. It's been really nice to learn to have an understanding of what that means and to consider being finished thinking about food for a while when I've finished the last bite of a meal. It's an ongoing process, but something I'm grateful to have in my frame of reference now. There is no doubt in my mind that reading this book is helping me enjoy food in a different way and is helping me to live a more fulfilling life by not caring so much about what I eat.
I feel 28, I really do. Whatever the hell that means. I feel more mature, responsible, capable, and qualified than I ever have before in my life. It's really sort of a wonderful place to be. I had a really tough fucking time of it in my late teens and early twenties. It was easily the darkest darkness I think I'll ever know. It gave me the capacity to relate to people who've lived through difficult circumstances. And I feel now like I've really earned my 28 years. I feel that I really deserve to say No to people when I say No, to stand up for myself when I do, to have the friends and family I have, to be in the relationship I'm in. And I also have a greater sense than ever before that this is "It." Meaning, my life is not gonna be starting at any point in the future. This is IT. For better or worse, this is my life, this is my ADULT life. This is who I am and every day is a day in my life. I'm not waiting for anything to happen or any big event to change everything or for anything to begin. There is no "once I" or "as soon as I" or "someday I'll" that makes NOW any less real or less My Life. It's interesting to realize that I haven't fully felt that way until now. And I'm not sure what made me realize it. There's just something so adult about hearing myself say "28" when asked how hold I am. I remember being a kid and thinking 28 was ancient.
Anyway, you get the idea.
Oh and a quick note about my job: It's good for a paycheck. And I'm glad I have a job and health benefits in this difficult economic time. I'm still regularly broke and have to be very aware of what I'm spending, but it could absolutely be significantly worse and I know that. And I'm grateful for the privilege to come to work every day. That said, things have been a bit insane around here lately. There has been some major drama going on that is no fun. Offices, I find, are like that. There's drama. I do not want to be someone who ends up spending her life working in an office environment. (The chairs alone would kill me.) So my movable goal is to stay here for another year (this past week was my 1 year anniversary at this job), and leave to move onto greener pastures. Pastures that are not in an office. It's not THIS office that I don't want to work in - it's not so bad - it's all of them that I don't want to work in. This is not what I want for my life. (Which is happening NOW, btw ;) I'm not sure what I'll do or what it will involve - though I have some ideas. But I am sure that I want a lifestyle different than this one. And it's my lose goal to be able to get there by my 29th birthday. I can certainly tough it out in the meantime. After all, this IS my life, and I'll be damned if I'm going to be a grouch about my job every day, even if it's not the ideal workplace. So in the year that I have left here, I'm going to attempt to make the most of it - since I'm sure there are aspects of it that I'll miss when it's gone. I'm hoping that the next calendar year, starting right now, will be about opening myself up to finding out what the next thing will be. I'm eager to embark on what will hopefully be a journey of discovery in that regard.
On a much lighter, less hippie-chick note, I'm so excited that it's basically the holidays! I love the holidays. I had a fun Halloween - check, and a great birthday - check, and now it's onto Thanksgiving. Kev and I are going to cook at our house for ourselves and our friend Daniel for turkey day. And we're also planning to volunteer that day (which is proving harder than expected - I can't get anyone to call me back about volunteering!), or if not on Thursday, at some point that weekend. I want to really focus on giving back and giving of myself this holiday season. It's something I need a lot more of in my life. And I think the constant purchasing of material gifts for the people we love this time of year is absolutely inane. So I'm boycotting that, I'm going to make most of my presents this year, and I'm going to try to do a little volunteering. It's a start.
I'm excited to cook my first-ever Thanksgiving meal! I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. Should be fun! :) Having a Home for the first time in a long time (my last apartment was not a place that anyone would want to spend a great deal of time - very dingy, dark, and not conducive to comfort), and having a home with Kevin, has been so fun for me and for us as a couple. And of course, the holidays will now be that much more exciting! I have a house to decorate, much to my Jewish boyfriend's dismay, with Christmas paraphernalia, holiday tunes to play, and general festivity to exude. I'm excited. We're going to put up our tree the day after Thanksgiving. I bought some trimmings for it this past weekend, I already have a ton of ornaments, and I bought us four cheap stockings (Jen, Kevin, Floyd, and Chawser) and we put our names on them with glue and glitter! Awwww. So gross and crafty I can't even stand it. But it was fun. And I'm having a blast with it.
I'm so excited to get the tree put up and our house smelling like pine, and to snuggle in for a festive December. It's cold here today, and as I was walking to work this morning, there were tons of workers putting up holiday decorations all over the city. It felt so nice. And of course 5th Avenue is already completely decorated with lights, bows, and bells. It's about that time!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
Belated Birthday Blogging
Sooo. Long overdue blogpost here.
Let me first starting by saying that I'm 97% certain that I'm getting sick. Kevin's health has been slowly declining in the last week or so and it all culminated with him finally crashing yesterday. We've been going nonstop for a solid two weeks now. And yesterday we took a nice long 45 minute walk through the park, during which he seemed fine and said he felt good, but then we got on the subway (final destination was to be Ikea to look for new beds) and he looked at me with these big puppy dogs eyes and said that he felt really drained and yucky all of a sudden. The poor guy. We got off the train, got him some lunch, and turned right back around to go home. No need to put him through a full day of shopping and walking around.
He spent the rest of the day on the pull-out couch (we've been sleeping in the living room because there's a serious draft in our bedroom that we haven't had a chance to mend yet), watching TV, resting, sipping tea, and eating soup and a grilled cheese sandwich.
I woke up at 3am to him coughing like crazy, which broke my heart. I got up and fixed him some theraflu, but I noticed that I suddenly also didn't feel 100%. My ears were feeling cloggy, my throat was hurting, my sinuses all felt sore and I had a killer headache. I'm sure it didn't help that I, as a final birthday weekend hurrah, had two margaritas and a cupcake last night. But after getting a full 8 hours of sleep and plenty of water, I still feel pretty lethargic, achey, and generally not 100% today. Alas, all good things do come to an end, don't they.
Good things: I had a wonderful birthday! :) My actual birthday was on Friday.
Rewind to two Fridays ago, Halloween, which is also my good friend Faryn's birthday. She had a party at a bar downtown. We all dressed up in costumes (I was a Kid on Christmas Morning) and we got pretty drunk. It was the first time in a long time that I've gone out full tilt like that. It was fun for a little while but after a few drinks I was pretty miserable and ready to get the hell out of there. It was hot, dark, and very very crowded. So that was big party night Number One.
Then, Tuesday was Election Day, as you're all well aware. I had a party at my apartment that night. Kevin couldn't be there because he was hosting a political type comedy show at the PIT (the theater we're involved in). I was bummed we didn't get to be together on election night but he got home in time to watch Obama's speech, so that was nice. That was another alcohol-infused, food-infused event. We had a great time. My neighborhood went absolutely insane when it was announced that Obama won. It was easily one of the best, most memorable nights of my life. But in terms of healthy living, I ate a lot and drank a lot that night. More than I intended to. And my stomach certainly paid for it for the next few days. So that was another big party night, only a few days after the one prior.
Two days later, Thursday, was my birthday eve. I worked during the day on Thursday, had to do a quick 10-minute sketch comedy set around 7:30pm and then began my Birthday Weekend. :)I took Friday off work (which was a brilliant move that I now plan to execute every year for my birthday) so Thursday night was a small birthday party at a bar in the East Village. I met up with Kevin before the pary, who looked adorable and was obviously very excited to shower me with birthday love for a few days. We grabbed a quick sandwich at this falafel place (best chicken shwarma I've ever had) and then headed to the bar.
It ended up being a really nice night. We didn't stay too late, which was lovely, and I only had a couple beers and did a shot of some yummy blueberry vodka. Then! At midnight! Kevin surprised me, with the help of a few of our friends, with 28 gourmet cupcakes! (28th birthday.) Everyone sang to me, then I blew out the candles and enjoyed a most-delicious cupcake. We left shortly after that, with our friends Faryn and David, who live near us. Before we got in the cab, we got some pizza (I split a slice with Faryn), which was also delicious. So it was a fun party, all my dearest friends showed up, and I didn't get too drunk or too full on cupcakes, which was ideal. (We had plenty of leftover cupcakes, though. I made Faryn take a whole tray of them home with her. Thank god.)
When we got home that night, it was probably around 1:30am (so, officially my birthday), and I got another wonderful surprise. Kevin, who is honestly the best guy I've ever known :), had cleaned the entire apartment INCLUDING reorganizing a messy closet that had been stressing me out. AND he set up big balloons and a stunning boquet of roses in the kitchen, which were waiting for me when I walked in. I almost cried. It was the sweetest, most perfect surprise. I love flowers, especially roses, especially yellow roses, I love surprises, I haven't gotten balloons on a birthday in AGES, and I felt so special. And it never left my mind that I was also carting around a big bag of delicious CUPCAKES. What girl would not be thrilled? Balloons, roses, cupcakes, a CLEAN APARTMENT, and surprises! I was in heaven. I could not stop thanking him and smooching him. It was awesome.
There were also a couple gifts and cards on the table, but I decided to wait until the morning to open them. I'm pretty strict like that about birthday presents, and Christmas presents for that matter.
We woke up around 10:45 on my birthday. And I was pleased as can be to be alive. I'd had a really fun party and if my birthday had ended right when I walked in the door the night before, I would have been happy. But there was more in store! Yessss.
I was so glad I took the day off work. We decided to just relax and do whatever we pleased all day. It was so lovely. We sat at the kitchen table in the morning and opened my presents in our pajamas, while my phone buzzed nonstop with text messages, emails, and phone calls. It was so nice. I think I had a perma-grin on my face all day long on Friday. I got lots of lovely presents from my mom, cards from family, another awesome gift from Kevin (wonderful slippers called Hot Sox that you can heat in the microwave to keep your feet toasty in the winter), and a card from my cats. ;)
After present-opening, we decided to take a nice long walk through the park. The fall colors in Prospect Park are absolutely breathtaking right now. We were pretty hungry when we left the house but we wanted to wait to eat, because we'd planned to make a big breakfast after our long walk. But birthday excitement and hunger got the best of me and I did something I've been daydreaming of doing for probably a year now. I went to McDonalds.
We decided to split a quarter pounder and a small fry. That was more than enough food - so ridiculous to think there was a time years ago when I could have eaten the entire meal and then some, but half of the sandwich a few fries was more than enough. Let me just say: Yum. It's certainly not something I could eat everyday or even every week, and I did feel a little odd/gross after I finished eating, but it was delicious (in that fake kinda way) and definitely satisfied a craving.
We set off on our walk right away, which easily burned off everything we ate at McDonalds. It was a nice long walk, about an hour and a half, and I got to chat with my mom on the phone at one point, which was also nice. I love taking walks with Kevin. It's very peaceful.
Once home, we showered and got ready to head into the city. He had a show at 7, I had one at 11, and I wanted to stop by DSW to look for boots AND get a massage beforehand. DSW yielded nothing, but the massage, 60 full minutes, was very nice. I watched Kevin's show at 7, and then he took me out to a fancy dinner at a place called The House.
It was a FANCY place so I felt a little out of my element, but it was deeeelicious food and a very enjoyable experience overall. Great atmosphere, good wine, good service. I really enjoyed it. Kev told me over dinner that he had one more surprise for me: he's taking me to see one of our favorite stand-up comedians at the end of the month! Awwww. Great present.
After dinner, including delicious dessert of which I only had a few bites, we decided to walk off our meal once again by heading back to the theater on foot. Only about a 20 minute walk, but good for calorie-burning.
I did my show at 11, which was fun, and then Kevin and I headed home. I didn't think my stomach could handle another night of drinking, so I opted out of the bar scene, even though it was technically still my birthday. We just went home instead. Where I had a cupcake. ;)
The next day, Saturday, which I decided was still my birthday, sorta, was a lovely day. It rained like crazy for most of the day, but I didn't mind. I woke up around 11, Kevin made us a big delicious breakfast, then I fell back to sleep! I woke up momentarily when Kevin kissed me goodbye (he had to go into the city for a meeting for most of the day and was then doing a show at night) and I proceeded to fall right back to sleep. FOR THREE HOURS! Amazing.
Of course I woke up around 4pm in a fit of "What the fuck just happened?!" and I had a little bit of guilt that I'd wasted the day. But it seems I really needed that sleep. I haven't had a good midday nap like that in a long time. I felt awesome when I woke up. Since it was raining all day long, the cats slept with me the entire time. Lovely.
After that, I got my act together, enjoying the solitude in every respect, and headed to Target. I had a gift certificate to spend and some birthday money to spend. It was great - I let myself get a bunch of new stuff that I wouldn't normally spring for (new winter boots, some new sweaters and tops, new finger bowls for smaller portions) and had a great time doing it. Then I went to the new Trader Joe's in Brooklyn, which was also delightful. I had a bit of a train nightmare trying to get there, but I didn't mind. Once I arrived, I enjoyed another great shopping trip. This location is bigger and less hectic than the one in Union Square. I got lots of great stuff. And then took a cab home. I was feeling very content.
Once home, I noticed that the rain had cleared and we were enjoying a beautiful night. Even though it was lateish, I had a ton of energy (from my huge nap), so I set out on a long run. It was so wonderful. There were lots of people out running around the park or walking their dogs, and the leaves on the ground were crunching beneath my feet. I hadn't gone on a long outdoor run in quite some time and it was easy and awesome. I felt fantastic. An hour later, a little sore and definitely hungry, I headed home.
I stretched, made a great big meal (chicken sausage with peppers and onions, butternut squash soup, a big spinach salad, and a piece of focaccia bread) since I hadn't eaten since breakfast, and settled in for some TV. Alllll alone. :) :)
I haven't spent an almost-entire-day alone in a long time. I love to spend time by myself. I was an only child so I'm sure that has something to do with it. I love hanging out with Kevin, but there's something equally as delightful in being able to be completely by myself. I spent the day exactly as I wanted to: I got to exercise, got to shop at my own pace, got to watch whatever I wanted on tv - it was just a great day. A second birthday, if you will. ;)
Yesterday, Sunday, was a gorgeous, sunny, warm day. I went out for coffee and then made a big breakfast while Kevin slept in (his sickness was creeping in) and woke him up to eat. Then we took our walk, enjoying the weather, the beautiful leaves, the people watching, and the delightful Brooklyn Sunday.
After Kevin's sickness kicked in and we cut our trip short to head home so he could rest, I forced myself to go for another outdoor run. I didn't necessarily want to, and I'd already gone on a long walk earlier in the day. But I had plans to go out for Tex Mex dinner at my favorite restaurant with Daniel. Last birthday hurrah. (Daniel hadn't been able to come to my party on Thursday.) So I decided that if I had the time to kill and knew I was going out for a big meal, a run was probably the responsible move. It ended up being another great one, though, so I'm glad I went. I stretched and did some abs when I got home. Then I showered, made Kevin some get-well dinner, and headed back out to meet up with Daniel.
A big meal of fajitas and two strong margaritas later, Daniel came back to the apartment with me to watch some TV and have one of those fancy cupcakes.
I was stuffed (and still tipsy) when I got into bed. I had snacked on a couple more items after Daniel left, which was totally unnecessary and made me feel sick with fullness. But I vowed that that would be the end of the celebrating for a while and made my peace with it all before falling asleep.
A great birthday, a great birthday weekend, and I'm now glad to return to some normalcy.
I do 'feel' 28, whatever that means. Most importantly, I know it's going to be another really good year.
I've got nothing to celebrate in the next few weeks, no big parties, no birthdays, no elections, no reason to overeat or overdrink. And that's fine by me. I need a little detox after this week and a half of indulgence.
I will say that in terms of the potential for damage, I did very little. And I wrote down every morsel, for accountability, and (generally) stopped when I was full. I only had bites of things that seemed to be too rich or filling for me to eat in their entirety, I drank lots of water, kept the alcohol consumption relatively low for the most part, and the best best part is that despite being busy every night, and despite being in celebration mode half the time, I didn't let exercise fall by the wayside once.
This past week was another week of 6 workouts. And it felt really good. I know that my exercise has been instrumental in my not gaining 5 pounds or feeling like a big donut after all these festivities. Again, I was pretty good and never stuffed my face (except for maybe a little on election night - yikes), but the exercise is key. I've been enjoying the hell out of working up a sweat every day. And I don't see that changing any time soon. Even when I'm not able to get a formal heart-pumping session in, I've been choosing to go for long walks to get from point A to B, rather than taking the subway. The key this upcoming week is to a.) accept the inevitable gain I will see on the scale tomorrow, b.) keep exercising, and c.) return to a healthy, diverse diet with plenty of fruits and greens, and WITHOUT rich desserts every night. I know I can do it. I know I will see a birthday gain on the scale tomorrow, but I know I can return to normalcy without much fuss. The ability to do that, which I've honed over the years, is a blessing. (The book I'm reading "Fit From Within," is really interesting and has allowed me to shift perspective recently on what role food plays in my life. Good stuff there.)
Hopefully, mostly for myself more than anything, I will post some thoughts soon on turning 28 and what I hope for out of the next year (just like I did last year - and a lot of those hopes became reality!) because I think it really helps me to reframe and refocus. But for now, I had a really nice, really lovely, really thoughtful-thanks-to-my-wonderful-boyfriend birthday that made me feel really special and loved. It was a perfect few days, spent exactly as I hoped they'd be spent - enjoying myself and my friends. :) I can't say I'm not bummed that it's over. Returning to work this morning was not fun. But with Thanksgiving vacation only 2.5 weeks away, I think I'll be okay.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
President Elect Barack Obama!!!
All is well with me, I've just been super busy lately, which is why I haven't been posting. And this post will be really quick because I have to leave work for the day shortly.
I just want to say how thrilled, excited, and moved I am by the fact that this country elected Barack Obama yesterday. I have believed, beyond a shadow of a doubt, since before the primaries that this man was the man for the job. Hilary Clinton said it best when she said that what America needs right now is a transformational figure and that Obama can be that for us. She's right. That figure is this man. And I could not be happier.
It was a blessing and an honor to be a New Yorker last night. This city celebrated with such fierce joy and elation that I will never in my life forget. When the networks announced that he'd won, everyone at the gathering at my apartment began to cheer, and then we went outside only to hear other people screaming and cheering from inside their houses. And then everyone began to pour into the streets. And this happened all across the city. What the unfolded was basically the biggest party this town has ever seen. I high-fived, hugged, and grinned at so many people last night. There was such an excellent sense of community to discover how badly we wanted the same thing and how happy we all were to have achieved it. It felt like the world experienced a shift in those moments. And it was striking.
I've blogged this on my regular blog (link on the right), and retold it to several people today, but I have to write it here too: Voting on Tuesday in a predominantly black neighborhood was awesome, watching grandsons wheel their grannies up to the polls to vote the first black president into office was awesome, partying, cheering, and celebrating with my best friends and in Brooklyn, NY was awesome, but one of the loveliest moments of all for me was this morning: I stopped at the deli to get a coffee and an old black woman with a cane hobbled in at the same time. She was there to buy a newspaper with Barack Obama's face on the cover. And as she paid for her newspaper, she started to sing "This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it."
I'll never forget it.
-------------------------------------
On a totally separate and completely meaningless-in-comparison Weight Watcher note, all is well with that too. I ate A LOT last night at my election party - I guess when I wrote it all down it wasn't that bad, but I was beyond stuffed once everyone finally left our apartment. Plenty of chips, dip, and alcohol. Plus other crap. But I'm back on it today, had a great week last week (6 days of working out - nice), the scale has been rewarding me, and I feel good.
And my 28th birthday! Is on Friday! I'm doing drinks out tomorrow night with friends and a full-day of whatever we please with Kevin on Friday. (I took the day off work.) So if I overeat a little this week, I'll live. ;) However after last night's festivities, I could easily see myself going light for a few days. And I've got a bunch of workouts planned for the rest of the week, all of which I'm looking forward to executing.
To sum up: I'm exhausted, I've been so busy, I'm excited to turn 28, I'm happy with my weight, and I'm so thrilled about our new President. :)
I just want to say how thrilled, excited, and moved I am by the fact that this country elected Barack Obama yesterday. I have believed, beyond a shadow of a doubt, since before the primaries that this man was the man for the job. Hilary Clinton said it best when she said that what America needs right now is a transformational figure and that Obama can be that for us. She's right. That figure is this man. And I could not be happier.
It was a blessing and an honor to be a New Yorker last night. This city celebrated with such fierce joy and elation that I will never in my life forget. When the networks announced that he'd won, everyone at the gathering at my apartment began to cheer, and then we went outside only to hear other people screaming and cheering from inside their houses. And then everyone began to pour into the streets. And this happened all across the city. What the unfolded was basically the biggest party this town has ever seen. I high-fived, hugged, and grinned at so many people last night. There was such an excellent sense of community to discover how badly we wanted the same thing and how happy we all were to have achieved it. It felt like the world experienced a shift in those moments. And it was striking.
I've blogged this on my regular blog (link on the right), and retold it to several people today, but I have to write it here too: Voting on Tuesday in a predominantly black neighborhood was awesome, watching grandsons wheel their grannies up to the polls to vote the first black president into office was awesome, partying, cheering, and celebrating with my best friends and in Brooklyn, NY was awesome, but one of the loveliest moments of all for me was this morning: I stopped at the deli to get a coffee and an old black woman with a cane hobbled in at the same time. She was there to buy a newspaper with Barack Obama's face on the cover. And as she paid for her newspaper, she started to sing "This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it."
I'll never forget it.
-------------------------------------
On a totally separate and completely meaningless-in-comparison Weight Watcher note, all is well with that too. I ate A LOT last night at my election party - I guess when I wrote it all down it wasn't that bad, but I was beyond stuffed once everyone finally left our apartment. Plenty of chips, dip, and alcohol. Plus other crap. But I'm back on it today, had a great week last week (6 days of working out - nice), the scale has been rewarding me, and I feel good.
And my 28th birthday! Is on Friday! I'm doing drinks out tomorrow night with friends and a full-day of whatever we please with Kevin on Friday. (I took the day off work.) So if I overeat a little this week, I'll live. ;) However after last night's festivities, I could easily see myself going light for a few days. And I've got a bunch of workouts planned for the rest of the week, all of which I'm looking forward to executing.
To sum up: I'm exhausted, I've been so busy, I'm excited to turn 28, I'm happy with my weight, and I'm so thrilled about our new President. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
