I've been eating relatively well. It can't go unnoticed that I've made some great choices lately and showed restraint in moments when I might not have in the recent past.
The scale is up. Weigh in is tomorrow. I worked out twice this week, not enough, but more than I've been doing. One was a nice long session too. And I did 250 situps another day. So not awful. Not great though. And late last night I had three chicken wings and some milkshake. :( Wasn't necessary. But I wanted it. So I had it.
I'm gonna keep on, of course. It's only minorly frustrating.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
I worked out today for the first time in two weeks. That's an incredibly long stretch of time for me not to exercise, but due to illness and laziness, it wasn't happening. Today's workout was brief - 30 mins on the 'mill - but it felt good and it was all the time I had. I sincerely want to regain some footing in terms of regular exercise. It's so difficult with my very hectic schedule to find the time and the energy, but there was a time in my life where 5 days a week at the gym was the norm. I must have done nothing else but go to work and ride the subway to have had the time for that, but I know it used to happen one way or another. I'm not going to reach for that sort of improvement, not just yet, but I know I can get there 4 days a week. Maybe it could mean getting up early some days? Naaaah. Let's not jump to conclusions...
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
this is good
Weigh-in day! So I lost 2.8 pounds this past week, for a total loss of 5 pounds since I started this true recommitment on January 1. I'm pretty pleased about this. Granted, I gained a bit last week, but who cares when it just comes right off the following week.
I ended the week eating 15 more flex points than we're allowed. This is progress. The first week back on this program (doing the online thang) I ate 23 more than we're allowed. The second week, 19 more. And this past week, 15 more. That means I've improved each and every week. I haven't improved by leaps and bounds, but considering that I've been relatively unable to eat less than 40 flex points MORE than we're supposed to (for a total of 75 flex each week!) for the last several months, this is huge. I knew I just needed the structure of the online thing to kick me into gear. If I had the time and logistical headspace to go back to meetings, I probably would, but it's just not something I can feasibly take on right now. There's not enough hours in the day. But I still feel like I'm part of a larger community when I'm using the WW online system and I think that's really helpful to me. Buying the scale to keep at home is helpful too. Funny how sometimes in life one thing works for you and sometimes the exact opposite works. (There was a time when having a home scale was NOT a good idea for me.) I also like having the stuff all written down on the computer rather than by hand. I don't cheat as often, weirdly. Maybe the honeymoon will end with this novelty soon, but who cares. It's working for now.
I'm finally feeling better, after almost two weeks of feeling under the weather. This is some welcome relief. When we got back from Charleston, I felt like a new person. I'd forgotten what it was like to live in this city as a healthy human being - I was sick for so long and then I was out of town for 5 days. When we got home, I realized that I hadn't actually felt like myself as a New Yorker in weeks. It was so nice to be out in the city, not feeling nauseous as hell, wanting to do stuff and see people instead of go straight home and loll around in misery. I really want to keep up my health now. I hated being sick. And I was a big baby about it. But I'm seriously never ever sick. I haven't had an illness like that since maybe the 8th grade? No kidding. My body did not appreciate it. I'm going to focus on eating fruits and veggies and taking vitamins to avoid it happening again.
Now that I'm well again, my appetite has returned. Naturally. Welcome back, appetite. I did not miss you. But also my desire to workout has returned. I'm sad to say that I haven't formally exercised in two weeks. I was coming down with a sickness, experiencing the sickness, or getting over a sickness for most of those two weeks so it's forgivable, but it doesn't feel good to ol' hips, ass, and thighs. I'm eager to get back to the gym. I hope I have the energy for a good workout tonight. I think my body is going to be shocked that it's moving at a speed above 1 mile an hour.
I'm pretty pleased that I've been able to lose these 5 pounds by just changing my food consumption. I have exercised very very little since January 1. Probably a total of 4 days. But I have eaten less food and made good choices and worked on portion control and quitting eating when I'm full. That's a biggie. So I'm excited to see what happens when I add exercise back into the mix.
Goals this week:
4 workouts
continue to lower flex points consumption
more fruits and veggies
Things are right on track. I'm thrilled to have lost 5 pounds in less than a month. Only 22 more to go!
I ended the week eating 15 more flex points than we're allowed. This is progress. The first week back on this program (doing the online thang) I ate 23 more than we're allowed. The second week, 19 more. And this past week, 15 more. That means I've improved each and every week. I haven't improved by leaps and bounds, but considering that I've been relatively unable to eat less than 40 flex points MORE than we're supposed to (for a total of 75 flex each week!) for the last several months, this is huge. I knew I just needed the structure of the online thing to kick me into gear. If I had the time and logistical headspace to go back to meetings, I probably would, but it's just not something I can feasibly take on right now. There's not enough hours in the day. But I still feel like I'm part of a larger community when I'm using the WW online system and I think that's really helpful to me. Buying the scale to keep at home is helpful too. Funny how sometimes in life one thing works for you and sometimes the exact opposite works. (There was a time when having a home scale was NOT a good idea for me.) I also like having the stuff all written down on the computer rather than by hand. I don't cheat as often, weirdly. Maybe the honeymoon will end with this novelty soon, but who cares. It's working for now.
I'm finally feeling better, after almost two weeks of feeling under the weather. This is some welcome relief. When we got back from Charleston, I felt like a new person. I'd forgotten what it was like to live in this city as a healthy human being - I was sick for so long and then I was out of town for 5 days. When we got home, I realized that I hadn't actually felt like myself as a New Yorker in weeks. It was so nice to be out in the city, not feeling nauseous as hell, wanting to do stuff and see people instead of go straight home and loll around in misery. I really want to keep up my health now. I hated being sick. And I was a big baby about it. But I'm seriously never ever sick. I haven't had an illness like that since maybe the 8th grade? No kidding. My body did not appreciate it. I'm going to focus on eating fruits and veggies and taking vitamins to avoid it happening again.
Now that I'm well again, my appetite has returned. Naturally. Welcome back, appetite. I did not miss you. But also my desire to workout has returned. I'm sad to say that I haven't formally exercised in two weeks. I was coming down with a sickness, experiencing the sickness, or getting over a sickness for most of those two weeks so it's forgivable, but it doesn't feel good to ol' hips, ass, and thighs. I'm eager to get back to the gym. I hope I have the energy for a good workout tonight. I think my body is going to be shocked that it's moving at a speed above 1 mile an hour.
I'm pretty pleased that I've been able to lose these 5 pounds by just changing my food consumption. I have exercised very very little since January 1. Probably a total of 4 days. But I have eaten less food and made good choices and worked on portion control and quitting eating when I'm full. That's a biggie. So I'm excited to see what happens when I add exercise back into the mix.
Goals this week:
4 workouts
continue to lower flex points consumption
more fruits and veggies
Things are right on track. I'm thrilled to have lost 5 pounds in less than a month. Only 22 more to go!
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Naturally
...the scale was DOWN this morning two pounds from yesterday's number. Apparently the ol' bod just needed 24 more hours to let go of some of the water weight from being a lady. And had today been weigh in, I would have shown a loss, as opposed to a gain for the week. But today is not weigh in and the next weigh in isn't for another six days. Such is life. (But if today WERE weigh in, I would have lost a total of 5 pounds in two weeks! Wahoo! But it wasn't. So.) No big deal. I'll just keep doing what I'm doing (plus a little more exercise, minus a little more food) until next Tuesday and hope my efforts are reflected.
I have really had such a minimal appetite since this sickness hit. And I'm not complaining about that. Jen with a weak appetite is a RARE thing in this world and has probably only happened a combined 15 times in my whole life. So I'll take it. Yesterday I didn't want anything besides soup. And then when I got home and got some dinner, I suddenly couldn't taste anything (this flu seems to have morphed into a head/chest cold) which made eating that much less interesting. I'd also bought a some cookies at the deli so daniel and i could each have one and I didn't even have all mine because who wants calories they can't taste. So, yah.
Off to Charleston in a couple hours. Looking forward to the trip. I think that despite the fact that this is an HST trip, the likes of which usually includes drinking and staying up late, this will end up being a somewhat restful time for me. I'm going to opt to stay in on the nights everyone else goes out. I just can't risk getting sicker. I'm getting over this damn bug slowly but surely and I refuse to encounter setbacks. This illness has been the bane. So I got some magazines and a book to read and i'll bring my gym clothes so i can spend some time at the hotel gym if i'm feeling up to it and I think i'll generally lay low while every else gets their drink on. It's not ideal; of course i'd rather be well and be able to go out and have fun, but this will be just fine. We get back Saturday afternoon and I have Monday off work for MLK day, so I will have time to recoup once back in the city. It should be a nice long break from work, almost a week in fact, and I think the freetime will do me some good. Of course we'll be busy in Charleston. We have a tv interview and a radio interview and two shows to perform and other shows to see, but I plan to get some SLEEP also. :)
Feelin a little bit better today. It's nice.
I have really had such a minimal appetite since this sickness hit. And I'm not complaining about that. Jen with a weak appetite is a RARE thing in this world and has probably only happened a combined 15 times in my whole life. So I'll take it. Yesterday I didn't want anything besides soup. And then when I got home and got some dinner, I suddenly couldn't taste anything (this flu seems to have morphed into a head/chest cold) which made eating that much less interesting. I'd also bought a some cookies at the deli so daniel and i could each have one and I didn't even have all mine because who wants calories they can't taste. So, yah.
Off to Charleston in a couple hours. Looking forward to the trip. I think that despite the fact that this is an HST trip, the likes of which usually includes drinking and staying up late, this will end up being a somewhat restful time for me. I'm going to opt to stay in on the nights everyone else goes out. I just can't risk getting sicker. I'm getting over this damn bug slowly but surely and I refuse to encounter setbacks. This illness has been the bane. So I got some magazines and a book to read and i'll bring my gym clothes so i can spend some time at the hotel gym if i'm feeling up to it and I think i'll generally lay low while every else gets their drink on. It's not ideal; of course i'd rather be well and be able to go out and have fun, but this will be just fine. We get back Saturday afternoon and I have Monday off work for MLK day, so I will have time to recoup once back in the city. It should be a nice long break from work, almost a week in fact, and I think the freetime will do me some good. Of course we'll be busy in Charleston. We have a tv interview and a radio interview and two shows to perform and other shows to see, but I plan to get some SLEEP also. :)
Feelin a little bit better today. It's nice.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
one more thing...
Wanted to add, I'm going to Charleston tomorrow until Saturday with HST. So, the eating might be a challenge, as we'll be in the BBQ south and on "vacation" (sorta) and that always breeds eating-for-fun. But my appetite hasn't been stellar and I don't anticipate doing a lot of partying while we're away because I don't want to get sicker. So hopefully I'll be able to avoid any horrible dangerous food choices and I won't be drinking at all again because of sickness. I will keep my wits about me, regardless, and maybe get in some exercise at the hotel gym. :)
Minor Setback
So this morning was week 2, weigh in. I gained 1.2. This is okay with me. I lost 3.4 or whatever it was last week, so this is a minor setback and still gives me a total loss of 2.2 pounds in these two weeks and I'm okay with that.
First of all, I have been sick for the last week. As I mentioned in my last entry, the flu part of it didn't really come to fruition until Saturday, but I was feeling uneasy and not like myself starting on Monday of last week. So I only exercised Monday and Tuesday and then felt way too blech to do anything for the rest of the week. This is a shame, because the last two weeks have been pretty pathetic in terms of exercise - the first week was due to being busy and not interested in exercise, and the second week was due to sickness. So it's a wash. I hope to make up for it in the coming days, as I get better.
Also, I started my period yesterday morning. So I'm sure the weight gain has something to do with that as well. ALSO, because I was sick, not only was I not exercising, but I was literally not moving at all, practically, for about 72 hours straight. I walked to the deli once or twice to get some fresh air but that's about it. So I feel a little fatter than usual today. I mentioned that to Kevin, however, and he got very upset and told me not to say things like that about myself. Yikes. Sweet boyfriend.
Anyway, the point is, I could have done better this past week as well, but my heart was in it when the week began. Sickness and period derailed things a bit, but I'm not sweating it. As usual, I feel rejuved by the prospect of kicking off a fresh, new week, with 35 more flex points on the books and a whole 7 days in which to exercise and eat well.
I ate 19 points over flex this past week. Down from 23 the week before. It's not ideal, no, but the progress, although slight, cannot be overlooked. So that's 54 down from 58 (down from the 75 I was eating per week for a while). I feel good about that.
Practice makes fucking progress, right Weight Watchers?
Alright. Back to Tuesday.
First of all, I have been sick for the last week. As I mentioned in my last entry, the flu part of it didn't really come to fruition until Saturday, but I was feeling uneasy and not like myself starting on Monday of last week. So I only exercised Monday and Tuesday and then felt way too blech to do anything for the rest of the week. This is a shame, because the last two weeks have been pretty pathetic in terms of exercise - the first week was due to being busy and not interested in exercise, and the second week was due to sickness. So it's a wash. I hope to make up for it in the coming days, as I get better.
Also, I started my period yesterday morning. So I'm sure the weight gain has something to do with that as well. ALSO, because I was sick, not only was I not exercising, but I was literally not moving at all, practically, for about 72 hours straight. I walked to the deli once or twice to get some fresh air but that's about it. So I feel a little fatter than usual today. I mentioned that to Kevin, however, and he got very upset and told me not to say things like that about myself. Yikes. Sweet boyfriend.
Anyway, the point is, I could have done better this past week as well, but my heart was in it when the week began. Sickness and period derailed things a bit, but I'm not sweating it. As usual, I feel rejuved by the prospect of kicking off a fresh, new week, with 35 more flex points on the books and a whole 7 days in which to exercise and eat well.
I ate 19 points over flex this past week. Down from 23 the week before. It's not ideal, no, but the progress, although slight, cannot be overlooked. So that's 54 down from 58 (down from the 75 I was eating per week for a while). I feel good about that.
Practice makes fucking progress, right Weight Watchers?
Alright. Back to Tuesday.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
sick
I have the flu. Truth be told, I've been feeling under the weather and not like myself since MONDAY. And today is Sunday.
Monday night I started to feel oddly nauseous. It was only for about an hour and it was accompanied by some exhaustion but I thought nothing of it, even though I'm not the type to ever get nauseous.
The next night I also felt weird and tired. Achy, crampy, nauseous. I actually stayed home from something because of it. But still thought it was no big deal. Wednesday night I did a show and felt awful during most of it - tired, sore tummy, just worn out. I opted to go straight home that night even though I had planned on and wanted to hang with friends for a bit. But I felt too blech. I kept getting nauseous, but only at night, weirdly. I even tried to avoid eating cheese all day one day (I eat a lot of dairy, I've realized) to see if it was some kind of allergy or something. Nope. That next night, like clockwork, I got sick and tired around 8pm. Except when I woke up the next morning, Friday, I felt sick in the morning too, so it had become an all day thing. I felt sick that whole day, into the evening - just nauseous, headache, back ache, exhausted. Kevin insisted I go to the doctor the next day (I don't have insurance until it kicks in on Feb 15 so we went to the urgent care place by my house). $75 later the doc said "I think it's the flu." I was like hmmm...i don't know...wait a minute...of course it is. I feel like crap. It's a virus so no meds can help. Just tylenol, rest, and fluids. Sigh.
I had to do a show and a rehearsal that night though, Saturday, which just about took it out of me completely. I went home and slept for 12 hours and woke up feeling the worst I've felt yet. Whole body ache, exhausted, hurts to move, sore neck, coughing, sore lungs. Blech. No temperature or puking, just general malaise big time. I'm supposed to go out of town on Wednesday night to do some shows in Charleston. I'm going to rest hard until then. I might skip work tomorrow. We'll see.
I haven't gotten to exercise at all during the second half of this week. I got in two mediocre workouts early in the week when I was feeling okay but I just haven't felt up to it. And now I definitely don't. That sucks.
Food has been okay though. I don't have much of an appetite.
Back to bed...
Monday night I started to feel oddly nauseous. It was only for about an hour and it was accompanied by some exhaustion but I thought nothing of it, even though I'm not the type to ever get nauseous.
The next night I also felt weird and tired. Achy, crampy, nauseous. I actually stayed home from something because of it. But still thought it was no big deal. Wednesday night I did a show and felt awful during most of it - tired, sore tummy, just worn out. I opted to go straight home that night even though I had planned on and wanted to hang with friends for a bit. But I felt too blech. I kept getting nauseous, but only at night, weirdly. I even tried to avoid eating cheese all day one day (I eat a lot of dairy, I've realized) to see if it was some kind of allergy or something. Nope. That next night, like clockwork, I got sick and tired around 8pm. Except when I woke up the next morning, Friday, I felt sick in the morning too, so it had become an all day thing. I felt sick that whole day, into the evening - just nauseous, headache, back ache, exhausted. Kevin insisted I go to the doctor the next day (I don't have insurance until it kicks in on Feb 15 so we went to the urgent care place by my house). $75 later the doc said "I think it's the flu." I was like hmmm...i don't know...wait a minute...of course it is. I feel like crap. It's a virus so no meds can help. Just tylenol, rest, and fluids. Sigh.
I had to do a show and a rehearsal that night though, Saturday, which just about took it out of me completely. I went home and slept for 12 hours and woke up feeling the worst I've felt yet. Whole body ache, exhausted, hurts to move, sore neck, coughing, sore lungs. Blech. No temperature or puking, just general malaise big time. I'm supposed to go out of town on Wednesday night to do some shows in Charleston. I'm going to rest hard until then. I might skip work tomorrow. We'll see.
I haven't gotten to exercise at all during the second half of this week. I got in two mediocre workouts early in the week when I was feeling okay but I just haven't felt up to it. And now I definitely don't. That sucks.
Food has been okay though. I don't have much of an appetite.
Back to bed...
Friday, January 11, 2008
Chug chug
Chugging along. All's well. I'm doing my best to eat reasonably and I've had a couple workouts this week. Nothing stellar, but like I said before, I think slow and steady is the name of the game this time around. I'm going to go to the gym again at lunch today and do some much needed stretching and a little light lifting. My plan for the day is to eat lightly so that I can have dinner and a glass of wine with Daniel tonight. We're slotted to hang out, but I don't want to go over my points, so I'll do my best to avoid it.
I'm feeling sick today. I've been feeling sick the past few days. Somehow it's not impacting my desire to eat though. What could? Nothing.
I'm feeling sick today. I've been feeling sick the past few days. Somehow it's not impacting my desire to eat though. What could? Nothing.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Weigh in...
Well, lovely news. After a workout yesterday and relatively mindful eating in hopes of correcting some damage done over the weekend, I lost 3.4 pounds this week! This is good news.
Again, I didn't really have a stellar week, but it wasn't a terrible week either. I ended up eating 59 flex points...which is 24 more than they want me to have, but about 15 less than I've been eating lately, so it's progress. I didn't workout nearly as much as I like to either, but I got in two good cardio sessions (and I plan to improve that this week) so I feel like it's a start.
Like I've said a few times, it's really nice to be back within the WW system, tracking online and being immersed in the lingo and the rewards system. It's a community like any other so it's nice to feel like I've returned to my roots in terms of weight loss. And it works as well as it always has. I'm really pleased with this loss. I might even eventually return to meetings just to mix things up.
I am standing at the beginning of a whole new week...35 new flex points, 7 days in which to decide to exercise and make good food choices. Another thing I've always loved about WW is the renewal process that occurs at the beginning of each week. It really feels like you hit reset and have another shot. So I'm excited to do well this week.
As I said yesterday, my goals for this week are: exercise 4 times, stay within 35 flex. That seems pretty reasonable.
I had a sensible breakfast this morning...but I just now had a cookie...so I hope to get some fruits and vegs in at lunchtime. And hopefully a workout later this evening.
Again, I didn't really have a stellar week, but it wasn't a terrible week either. I ended up eating 59 flex points...which is 24 more than they want me to have, but about 15 less than I've been eating lately, so it's progress. I didn't workout nearly as much as I like to either, but I got in two good cardio sessions (and I plan to improve that this week) so I feel like it's a start.
Like I've said a few times, it's really nice to be back within the WW system, tracking online and being immersed in the lingo and the rewards system. It's a community like any other so it's nice to feel like I've returned to my roots in terms of weight loss. And it works as well as it always has. I'm really pleased with this loss. I might even eventually return to meetings just to mix things up.
I am standing at the beginning of a whole new week...35 new flex points, 7 days in which to decide to exercise and make good food choices. Another thing I've always loved about WW is the renewal process that occurs at the beginning of each week. It really feels like you hit reset and have another shot. So I'm excited to do well this week.
As I said yesterday, my goals for this week are: exercise 4 times, stay within 35 flex. That seems pretty reasonable.
I had a sensible breakfast this morning...but I just now had a cookie...so I hope to get some fruits and vegs in at lunchtime. And hopefully a workout later this evening.
Monday, January 07, 2008
It's a fucking processssssss.
I didn't do a great job, this weekend, foodwise. I didn't do a terrible job either. I made a couple poor choices and I'm 20 points over my flex. This is STILL an improvement. And seeing it written on the website tracker all in red like it is makes me want to work that much harder not to do it again.
I ate some pizza late Saturday night. I'm not sure why I did it other than everyone else wanted it and then there it was, after being delivered, sitting in my kitchen, and everyone else was eating it, and it looked soooo fuckingggg goooood. So i had a piece and a half. Yup. Whatever. My weaknesses, I've realized, with this food stuff involve when "everyone else is." How are you supposed to sit around a table of your dear friends, who're all eating fries and nachos, and not have some?! Like, that's fine when you're just starting out losing weight, but you can't do that for your whole lifetime! All you can do it curb how MUCH of it you eat and what you eat the rest of the day to counteract it. But it's just inhumane to avoid all bad foods. I suppose that's the beauty of WW. So I don't feel like I've failed, but I do feel like this is a process and I need to train myself with some better skills for avoiding unnecessary overeating.
As my weigh-in is tomorrow morning, I will have only worked out two days this past week when all is said and done. That's not ideal either. But it gives me a good jumping off point for next week.
I have both food and exercise demons to battle this next week. This past week hasn't been a defeat or a victory, it's been a good learning experience. I made some good choices, some good changes, and there's plenty more to do. My goals for next week are: exercise 4 times and stay within 35 flex points. I didn't pay money for this damn WW online membership for nothing!
I ate some pizza late Saturday night. I'm not sure why I did it other than everyone else wanted it and then there it was, after being delivered, sitting in my kitchen, and everyone else was eating it, and it looked soooo fuckingggg goooood. So i had a piece and a half. Yup. Whatever. My weaknesses, I've realized, with this food stuff involve when "everyone else is." How are you supposed to sit around a table of your dear friends, who're all eating fries and nachos, and not have some?! Like, that's fine when you're just starting out losing weight, but you can't do that for your whole lifetime! All you can do it curb how MUCH of it you eat and what you eat the rest of the day to counteract it. But it's just inhumane to avoid all bad foods. I suppose that's the beauty of WW. So I don't feel like I've failed, but I do feel like this is a process and I need to train myself with some better skills for avoiding unnecessary overeating.
As my weigh-in is tomorrow morning, I will have only worked out two days this past week when all is said and done. That's not ideal either. But it gives me a good jumping off point for next week.
I have both food and exercise demons to battle this next week. This past week hasn't been a defeat or a victory, it's been a good learning experience. I made some good choices, some good changes, and there's plenty more to do. My goals for next week are: exercise 4 times and stay within 35 flex points. I didn't pay money for this damn WW online membership for nothing!
Friday, January 04, 2008
breakin it down
REMINDER: I’m blogging about things not related to weight loss here: www.jenc.tumblr.com. Go there instead of here for normalcy.
Things are moving along quite nicely with my new approach to losing 27 pounds. Being back in the WW system, by joining the program online, was a good move for me at this particular point.
Hang with me while I break it down and perhaps risk repeating myself:
After losing almost all the weight I needed to lose by attending meetings pretty religiously for the first 3 or 4 years I was involved in WW, I haven’t attended meetings regularly in probably over two years. I have, for the last two years or so, been weighing myself pretty regularly, writing down what I eat every day, exercising as often as I am psychologically able without making myself hate exercise and resent my whole life, and doing my best to stay on track and eat within my points each week. It hasn’t been simple. And I’ve definitely eaten more than my allotted points each week. To my credit, I wasn’t terribly focused on losing more weight. And I also wasn’t doing a ton to combat weight gain if and when it would occasionally knock on my door. I got fired from my job and then I feel in love, both of which impacted my eating habits, I would venture to guess.
So despite my “best” (I put that in quotes because they haven’t been the best) efforts to the contrary, I’ve definitely gained some weight in the last two years as I’ve focused less on the number on the scale and practiced living my life as a thinner person who doesn’t attend a weekly meeting because she used to be fat. I needed to go there with it. To return to the land of those people who don’t go to weight loss meetings. And I’m glad I did it. It has given me invaluable perspective to learn to be a healthy eater without the scale as my compass. It has certainly been a balancing act. And frankly I’m sort of happy to have put back on a little bit of the weight over two years because it means a.) I didn’t put a lot of it back on, only a little tiny bit! Which is great! Because that means I wasn’t perfect in my habits, I experienced failure, but I’m still a normal weight. That’s a wonderful thing. I wasn’t normal for a long time. So to want to lose 20 pounds feels like nothing. And b.) I have been forced to become comfortable with this body, with being imperfect, which was a lesson I needed to learn the entire time I was fat and the entire time I was losing weight. I needed to learn that it’s okay to feel good about oneself if one’s body isn’t up to Hollywood standards. And I’ve learned that. Being imperfect has helped me to accept being imperfect.
Plus my boyfriend likes my big booty.
And now I’d like to swing the balance back in the other direction for a little while. I’m confident and content being me and now I’d love to exercise and healthy-eat my way back to a slightly more toned me that can fit into a lot of cute stuff! So that means giving those habits a bit more focus than I’ve been giving them in the last couple years.
Joining WW online and buying a new scale (I threw the old one out a long time ago) is the most formal effort I’ve made in recent memory to committing myself to getting back to my fighting weight, besides starting to blog again about the effort.
I’ve already seen nice results on the scale this week alone. (Granted, I documented my new “starting weight” when I was rocking some serious after-several-bad-eating-days bloat that was bound to disappear quickly, but hey, why not pad my success a little bit.) And it’s lovely to be accountable to the online system, which seems so much more “real” than just jotting stuff down in my own personal food journal. ADDITIONALLY, having all my tracking done online as opposed to on paper in my purse has been an unexpected stress reducer. I don’t need more charts and graphs and papers and numbers and lists and notations and slips of paper to worry about. I will make myself crazy with that shit. It’s nice that it’s all in one place now. I sound like an ad for WW. I’m not. I’m just rejoicing in my honeymoon period. We’ve all been there before upon a rejoining experience. I’m in the phase where I can do no wrong.
However, I haven’t been perfect this week. All my flex are gone. And I have through Monday to eat 23 points a day. It’s gonna be tough. I worked my ass a week or two ago and was only able to reign in the flex points per week to 55 (down from a habitual 75 that I’d gotten up to) so I anticipate some hunger in my future. Granted it’s been a tough few weeks of holiday and wedding eating (little cousin got married at Christmastime) so perhaps without all the temptation I’ll be able to come out on top. (I should add that losing the 27 pounds I want to lose will actually put me below my lowest ever recorded weight when I was losing the first time. I had about 7 pounds left to go when I quit losing, so my current goal includes losing those too.)
I also didn’t exercise until today. But I was very good while I was away in the midwest for a week. In the interest of counterbalancing the food intake, I worked out several times during the week. So my body hasn’t seemed to mind that I’ve taken it easy since I returned to New York. It was essential, mentally, that I not push things. I made my triumphant return to the gym today and got in some treadmill time. I’ll make a quick stop tomorrow for some light lifting. We’ll do this in small doses. There’s no reason to work my ass off like I used to when I was 15 pounds lighter. I’ll reserve that for the next time I’m 15 pounds lighter. In the meantime, I’m just going to do what it takes to have this week look good on the books. I think slow and steady might win this race. Excuse me, this journey. It’s not a race. ;)
Things are moving along quite nicely with my new approach to losing 27 pounds. Being back in the WW system, by joining the program online, was a good move for me at this particular point.
Hang with me while I break it down and perhaps risk repeating myself:
After losing almost all the weight I needed to lose by attending meetings pretty religiously for the first 3 or 4 years I was involved in WW, I haven’t attended meetings regularly in probably over two years. I have, for the last two years or so, been weighing myself pretty regularly, writing down what I eat every day, exercising as often as I am psychologically able without making myself hate exercise and resent my whole life, and doing my best to stay on track and eat within my points each week. It hasn’t been simple. And I’ve definitely eaten more than my allotted points each week. To my credit, I wasn’t terribly focused on losing more weight. And I also wasn’t doing a ton to combat weight gain if and when it would occasionally knock on my door. I got fired from my job and then I feel in love, both of which impacted my eating habits, I would venture to guess.
So despite my “best” (I put that in quotes because they haven’t been the best) efforts to the contrary, I’ve definitely gained some weight in the last two years as I’ve focused less on the number on the scale and practiced living my life as a thinner person who doesn’t attend a weekly meeting because she used to be fat. I needed to go there with it. To return to the land of those people who don’t go to weight loss meetings. And I’m glad I did it. It has given me invaluable perspective to learn to be a healthy eater without the scale as my compass. It has certainly been a balancing act. And frankly I’m sort of happy to have put back on a little bit of the weight over two years because it means a.) I didn’t put a lot of it back on, only a little tiny bit! Which is great! Because that means I wasn’t perfect in my habits, I experienced failure, but I’m still a normal weight. That’s a wonderful thing. I wasn’t normal for a long time. So to want to lose 20 pounds feels like nothing. And b.) I have been forced to become comfortable with this body, with being imperfect, which was a lesson I needed to learn the entire time I was fat and the entire time I was losing weight. I needed to learn that it’s okay to feel good about oneself if one’s body isn’t up to Hollywood standards. And I’ve learned that. Being imperfect has helped me to accept being imperfect.
Plus my boyfriend likes my big booty.
And now I’d like to swing the balance back in the other direction for a little while. I’m confident and content being me and now I’d love to exercise and healthy-eat my way back to a slightly more toned me that can fit into a lot of cute stuff! So that means giving those habits a bit more focus than I’ve been giving them in the last couple years.
Joining WW online and buying a new scale (I threw the old one out a long time ago) is the most formal effort I’ve made in recent memory to committing myself to getting back to my fighting weight, besides starting to blog again about the effort.
I’ve already seen nice results on the scale this week alone. (Granted, I documented my new “starting weight” when I was rocking some serious after-several-bad-eating-days bloat that was bound to disappear quickly, but hey, why not pad my success a little bit.) And it’s lovely to be accountable to the online system, which seems so much more “real” than just jotting stuff down in my own personal food journal. ADDITIONALLY, having all my tracking done online as opposed to on paper in my purse has been an unexpected stress reducer. I don’t need more charts and graphs and papers and numbers and lists and notations and slips of paper to worry about. I will make myself crazy with that shit. It’s nice that it’s all in one place now. I sound like an ad for WW. I’m not. I’m just rejoicing in my honeymoon period. We’ve all been there before upon a rejoining experience. I’m in the phase where I can do no wrong.
However, I haven’t been perfect this week. All my flex are gone. And I have through Monday to eat 23 points a day. It’s gonna be tough. I worked my ass a week or two ago and was only able to reign in the flex points per week to 55 (down from a habitual 75 that I’d gotten up to) so I anticipate some hunger in my future. Granted it’s been a tough few weeks of holiday and wedding eating (little cousin got married at Christmastime) so perhaps without all the temptation I’ll be able to come out on top. (I should add that losing the 27 pounds I want to lose will actually put me below my lowest ever recorded weight when I was losing the first time. I had about 7 pounds left to go when I quit losing, so my current goal includes losing those too.)
I also didn’t exercise until today. But I was very good while I was away in the midwest for a week. In the interest of counterbalancing the food intake, I worked out several times during the week. So my body hasn’t seemed to mind that I’ve taken it easy since I returned to New York. It was essential, mentally, that I not push things. I made my triumphant return to the gym today and got in some treadmill time. I’ll make a quick stop tomorrow for some light lifting. We’ll do this in small doses. There’s no reason to work my ass off like I used to when I was 15 pounds lighter. I’ll reserve that for the next time I’m 15 pounds lighter. In the meantime, I’m just going to do what it takes to have this week look good on the books. I think slow and steady might win this race. Excuse me, this journey. It’s not a race. ;)
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Here we go, 08.
So I'm back in the real world. Back from the land of engagement parties and weddings and food-as-gifts and christmas and new years and one year anniversary with boyfriend. And they ALL involved food.
There were some areas in which I did a tremendous job. I exercised preemptively and avoided certain foods and overeating at certain times. But there were certainly areas in which I strayed and I'mn up anywhere from 2-4 pounds to prove it.
I was seriously up against a lot of food obstacles.
So, it is with resolve that I've decided to begin 2008 with a little bit of structure. I spent the $65 and joined WW online for 3 months. I think it's a good investment. It's actually a huge relief not to be tracking my food intake by hand. I'm on a computer a bunch during a day, so I can certain keep track of things this way. Plus, there's something really agonizing about going over points when you have to enter it into the WW website, as opposed to writing it in your own personal food journal. I joined yesterday and I'm feeling good about it.
I still ate pretty freely yesterday. It was my and Kevin's one year anniversary. So I felt justified in enjoying myself.
I also bought a scale two days ago. I think it will be nice to have that accountability around the house too. I really would like to lose about 27 pounds, if I'm being honest. So I'm gonna reset my mind to the task.
Getting back on track these past two days, which is really how long I've been trying to set my mind to it since I returned from Foodland, has been relatively difficult. Today I returned to work, which usually brings some structure, but I went home for lunch where Kevin surprised me with a slice of pizza and some chicken. And I've been nibbling on nuts and chocolate at work! Gaaah.
I also won't have a chance to workout today.
I will reign in the eating for the rest of today, it will be a scratch and a claw to do it, but I will. And I'll workout tomorrow in hopes to counteracting some of this.
I feel good about my decisions to get some structure back in my life in terms of weight loss, if losing weight is what I want. Now I just have to abide by those structures, which is always a ramping-up process. Day 2. I think I'll be having sushi for dinner.
There were some areas in which I did a tremendous job. I exercised preemptively and avoided certain foods and overeating at certain times. But there were certainly areas in which I strayed and I'mn up anywhere from 2-4 pounds to prove it.
I was seriously up against a lot of food obstacles.
So, it is with resolve that I've decided to begin 2008 with a little bit of structure. I spent the $65 and joined WW online for 3 months. I think it's a good investment. It's actually a huge relief not to be tracking my food intake by hand. I'm on a computer a bunch during a day, so I can certain keep track of things this way. Plus, there's something really agonizing about going over points when you have to enter it into the WW website, as opposed to writing it in your own personal food journal. I joined yesterday and I'm feeling good about it.
I still ate pretty freely yesterday. It was my and Kevin's one year anniversary. So I felt justified in enjoying myself.
I also bought a scale two days ago. I think it will be nice to have that accountability around the house too. I really would like to lose about 27 pounds, if I'm being honest. So I'm gonna reset my mind to the task.
Getting back on track these past two days, which is really how long I've been trying to set my mind to it since I returned from Foodland, has been relatively difficult. Today I returned to work, which usually brings some structure, but I went home for lunch where Kevin surprised me with a slice of pizza and some chicken. And I've been nibbling on nuts and chocolate at work! Gaaah.
I also won't have a chance to workout today.
I will reign in the eating for the rest of today, it will be a scratch and a claw to do it, but I will. And I'll workout tomorrow in hopes to counteracting some of this.
I feel good about my decisions to get some structure back in my life in terms of weight loss, if losing weight is what I want. Now I just have to abide by those structures, which is always a ramping-up process. Day 2. I think I'll be having sushi for dinner.
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