I had SUCH a great night last night.
My office holiday party the night before was eh. Nothing special, same old. I always leave those things feeling glad that I have other stuff that's important to me in life, because if I didn't, I'm not sure just that job would suffice. And I hate to say it but I think there are a lot of people who do the same stuff I do in my office for whom that is the case. I don't say that to be judgmental, I say it because I cannot relate.
Then, Kevin and I got in a HUGE fight on the way home from the party/at home after the party. Everything's fine now, we've made up and said our apologies and worked it all out but we were PISSED at each other and it sucked. I hate when we fight. We don't fight often, but everyone's gonna fight from time to time, ya know? It was our night for it. Oof.
But LAST night was great fun. Kev and I had a few friends over, just 5 people, so there were 7 of us in total. It was just perfect. We had snacks, fun festive Christmas drinks (mulled wine and hot buttered rum!), and after we sat in the kitchen around the food, chatting, drinking, eating, and telling stories for a good hour or so, we eventually moved into the living room (by the light of the tree and the other Christmas decorations - my dream come true!;) and played games all night! We played a game called Celebrity (that my college friends and I call "Slips") and once that was over, we just moved onto straight up Charades. It was such a blast.
I haven't done something like this in ages. Whenever I hang out with a group of friends, we never THINK to play games. We still enjoy ourselves, chatting, eating and drinking, generally relaxing. But the game playing added such a great element. It was seriously the best evening I've had in quite a while.
All the people who were here are people I'd absolutely consider good friends. They aren't all people, however, that I've historically spent a ton of time hanging out with outside of my improv world. But they are all people I would happily sit around and chat with at any time. We all know each other well from how much time we've spent together at The PIT (except for one friend who was here last night who has nothing to do with the improv scene) and it was just so fun to be in a totally different environment, not relating to performing or to the theater, hangin out and laughing.
My HST friends are my "family" in this city and have been for years. They are the people with whom I've spent the most time socially and professionally in the last 4 years and they are awesome friends, great people, and a blast to be with. We have so many inside jokes and old stories and such a great understanding of each other. And just like family, they drive me crazy sometimes too. I wouldn't change it, of course.
But they are also all younger than I am! That definitely has its perks. Because it means that, from time to time, I get "forced" into doing crazy, silly things that I would probably otherwise avoid. :)
The small crowd here last night, I realized at one point, are ALL either my exact age or older. And there is just something so different about that. It was kinda refreshing. The conversations we had, the way we enjoyed ourselves, the games we played, the stuff we shared with each other just felt like a different ballgame entirely than if I'd been hanging out with another, younger group. It made me appreciate even more than I have been lately (which is a lot) how much I love the people I've met through The PIT, and how incredibly blessed, grateful and happy I am to have found The PIT community. It is one of the best things in my life.
(Incidentally, for the sake of explanation, HST performs at The PIT too. We aren't a "PIT" group, meaning we didn't start our group through the theater or at the theater, we didn't meet because of the theater - we met in college at NYU - and we aren't promoted by the theater in a regular way. So we aren't an official "PIT" group. We do shows other places and we originally got started of our own accord. We do, however, do a show at the PIT every Saturday night and have done so for 2 or 3 years. So all the HST kids know the PIT people and vise versa. HST was invited to the PIT Holiday party, etc. etc. I don't know why you need to know that but I can think of a few detail-loving people who read this blog who'd want to know.;)
ANYWAY. My sweet friends brought gifts and wine and food last night. My friend Sarah, who is awesome, brought me this ADORABLE little ornament for my tree. (How did she know?!) And my lovely friend Meg brought me a handmade card - so sweet! My good friend Keith brought a NICE lookin bottle of wine and my good friend Matt stayed after everyone left and did. Every. Single. Dish. In. The. Sink. What the fuck. That was so awesome. I dried while he washed and we chatted and chatted, our voices hoarse and cracking from having talked all night long, and it was so nice.
Once everyone left, it was around 2:15, Kevin and I were exhausted, but so happy and fulfilled. We finally fell asleep after laying awake chatting about all the highlights of the evening, how much fun we had, how we'd like to do it again in the New Year, and what a great group of people we were blessed with tonight.
I guess I've gone on and on. And it was only a few hours total. But it was just one of those nights in life where I felt really happy to be where I am in life, really lucky to be able to invite some good friends over for food and drinks and just hang out and enjoy each others' company, where I felt so glad to be young, healthy, childless, and sharing a really nice life with my great boyfriend.
I've gotta get off here - just came on to talk about last night *blush*. (I'm a weirdo.) I've got just a couple hours to eat breakfast, exercise, shower, pack up my shit, and get the hell outta the house.
I have to shop for one last present for the Winter Wishes program I'm giving to this year. Then I have to deliver the huge bag of presents that I've been buying for the last few weeks to my work this afternoon - they will all go to children who wouldn't otherwise get this stuff for Christmas. Through this program, these kids write letters specifically asking for certain presents! It's so adorable. So first, I am off to Target to buy a 12 year old his "Adias soccer ball, please." Then to the office to drop it all off. Then I've got HST rehearsal and our first of two Holiday Shows! Yay!
Kevin's shooting comedy videos all day today for a non-profit organization he founded with a few friends, the darling. They're doin a big comedy show on NYE and he's got to get some of the material ready before we go out of town in a week and a half. So he woke up and left early. I woke up at NOON! I needed the sleep. And it was absolute bliss having the bed all to myself. I flopped around into a million different positions, spreading my legs and arms every which way, and slept like a rock.
It's sunny but COLD here today. An outside run might be a bit too much but I'm always so itchy to get out there on the weekends, especially if it's sunny! Aaack! We'll see.
Happy Saturday, all.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Welp. I sorta wanna throw up right now, but otherwise, I'm okay. ;)
We had our holiday party at the PIT (the theater where Kev and I do improv and sketch comedy) last night. It was great fun, everyone got dressed up (I think I looked pretty fancy, if I do say so myself ;), and we had a really nice time. But I had two VERY VERY big glasses of wine. And I feel pretty nauseous today. It sucks. At the time it didn't feel like I was drinking that much, but being that I'm not a big drinker to begin with, and being that I didn't eat a lot at the party, it seems to have absorbed itself into my system. I also, for whatever weirdo reason, shared a cigarette with my friend Clayton. No clue why, but it was probably the white wine's decision. I only had a good 5-6 drags. But I have a cough from it today! Grr! Just goes to show that the body does not prefer to be toyed with. I will not be doing that again any time soon. GROSS.
I really don't want to be at work right now. Like, really really not.
The party, as I said, was a lot of fun. I love seeing all my good friends dressed up and enjoying themselves. There wasn't a huge array of food, which was probably best. I had a subway sandwich, which was very yummy, a handful of chips, the icing off a small cupcake, and a few bites of mac and cheese. I was pretty satisfied when I was done eating and decided to simply STOP on the food front after I'd finished that plate. That's not something I'm historically good at doing at parties where there's food available AND alcohol in my system. But I was bound and determined to leave this party feeling good about how I'd conducted myself. And not overeating is the key to that for me.
I knew I wanted to get a little tipsy; it's a party with my favorite people, after all. So I allowed myself to drink, but not more than felt comfortable. And somehow, once the "awards ceremony"* official part of the evening was over, once everyone was again milling about by the food and drink, or dancing or chatting, I decided to just focus on hanging out with my friends and enjoying their conversation. And I really did. I didn't miss picking at the food one bit. So that was a big success. (*I won MVP of my improv team! Aw, fun. - For the record I'm sort of against voting an most valuable player for an improv team since the very spirit of an improv team is that no one is more "valuable" than anyone else. But then I won. That felt nice. I'm still ethically against the award. Ahem. ;)
I took a cab home - probably left around 11:30 or something - knowing that I didn't want to push it. I'm glad I did that because I was able to get in a relatively full night's sleep. I'd be hurting even more today if I was more tired than I am right now.
Because I had a rough morning yesterday, having left at home both the breakfast AND lunch I'd prepared for myself to bring to work that day (booo!!!), I came home last night to find that I had a healthy wrap with turkey and light cheese already put together in the fridge, so I ate that once I was home. The wine had started to really do it's thing by that point and I needed something more in my system. I watched an episode of House, since that's the only thing I ever watch on tv ever these days, and then I went to sleep. I don't even really remember getting into bed. I was OUT before my head hit the pillow.
The scale has been going down down down lately and I couldn't be happier. I went to the gym yesterday on my lunch break to offset any potential damage I might do at the party. That was a good move. And I'll go again today (even though it will be MUCH less appealing to be there - oof) so that I can offset any potential damage I might do TONIGHT at my OFFICE holiday party! Whhat! Two holiday parties in two days. That might be considered mild torture in some places.
I love parties, don't get me wrong. But arrays of food and spirits in the form of festive holiday-ness two days in a row is definitely challenging. I don't even feel like drinking tonight. Maybe I'll have a glass of champaigne or something small but beyond that, I think I'm just going to stick to club soda. I do NOT need the alcohol in my system. It makes me sleep shittier, I don't need the calories, and it certainly won't make my stomach feel better.
There will definitely be food there tonight. And I won't have had dinner. I had a nice healthy delicious egg sandwich breakfast (to make up for the fact that I -waaaaaaah- left the one I painstakingly prepared yesterday morning sitting on the effin kitchen counter -waaaah- can you tell I was very upset about that whole mess?) and I just ordered some lunch - grilled chicken over brown rice with peppers, tomatoes, and low sodium tomato sauce. Cannot WAIT for that. I think it will really hit the spot.
So my plan tonight at the party is to, first of all, have exercised on my lunch break, and then to eat no more nor less than I would if I was sitting down to a normal supper. I think it will all be in the form of passed finger foods, which can be tough because it's hard to eyeball how much you've eaten in that case. But I'll try to keep a reasonable count of what I've had, snack on veggies in between, and sip water the whole time. Should be easy peazy. I also like to leave these work things earlier rather than later. So perhaps my reward for a party successfully navigated will be a hot cocoa or some other small dessert when I get home tonight.
NEXT on the list of mini-challenges will be TOMORROW. Gah! This one, I did to myself. I'm having a few friends over tomorrow night to sip festive Christmas drinks, enjoy our tree, and play games. Another historically difficult scenario for me where overeating is involved: the party I throw myself. I knew when I planned this small fete (just a couple people) that it would be the day after two parties in a row. I tossed around the idea of doing it on Sunday instead of Friday, giving me a couple days to recover in between events. But honestly? I don't want to run my life like that. I'd rather have the get together on a Friday night, I'm sure my friends would rather it be on a Friday night, and if the only reason I want to do it on another day is to save myself the hassle, calorie-wise...well that's silly. And it's not how I want to be operating now, six years into my life as a weight loss success story.
SO. It will just mean yet another day of counter balancing things with a good workout on my lunch break (or perhaps something at home in the morning before work? some pilates and yoga?). And then I will also make good breakfast and lunch choices tomorrow. I think I'll prepare stuff at home to bring with me into the office for both of those meals, giving me even more control over what I'm consuming. And then I'll make sure to have some baby carrots and some nuts before the party starts, keep water close at hand as I sip on the Christmas cocktails, and be sure that the snacks I get are healthy and don't make me want to stand over them and inhale. (I think that might be the key, I just realized, to not overeating at my own parties - don't buy snacks that I love to eat! Dur!) We'll order pizza if people get hungry and if that's the case, I'll just have a slice. Perhaps preplanning my game plan in this way might be just as nutty as moving the day of the party to avoid overeating. But whatever. I do what I gotta, I guess, right?
Phew! Navigation! Planning! Exercise!
Luckily, beyond doing an HST Christmas show on Saturday night (fun!), shopping for children's gifts for the charity I'm donating to this year, and dropping said gifts off at my office on Saturday, I don't have anything to do this weekend. Awesome. No plans on Sunday (besides possibly more shopping?), which is superb. So I should have plenty of time on both days to get in nice, long, relaxing workouts. I think I'll also spend some time trying to use up some of the food we have in the house before we go out of town for the holidays. Perhaps I'll make a lasagna and some kind of chicken sausage and whole wheat pasta dish? Should be good.
As I said, the scale is being very good to me lately. I'm so proud of myself for recommitting to losing weight this past January. In case you don't know the tale, I lost 115 between 2002-2004, then I gained 21 pounds back. I've since lost 11 of those pounds (I said 11.6 the other day! My math was wrong! >blush!<) and I'm so thrilled that I have. I'm seeing numbers on the scale right now that I haven't seen in 2 to 3 years. It's great.
I recommitted to my goal on January 1, 2007 with these words:
After losing almost 115 pounds five years ago, I’ve gained about 20 pounds back in last two years. In these last two years, I’ve focused less on the number on the scale and practiced living my life as a thinner person who doesn’t attend a weekly meeting or weigh herself every day because she used to be fat. I needed to go there with it. To return to the land of those people who don’t weigh themselves every day or obsess about how much they ate or what size their pants are… And I’m glad I did it. Practicing living my life as a thinner person who doesn’t have a huge weight problem has given me invaluable perspective on how to be a relatively healthy eater without the scale as my compass.
But it has certainly been a balancing act, these two years without utilizing all those measurements and barometers that I had set so firmly in place when I lost the bulk of my weight. It was almost like taking away my pacifier when I stopped obsessing over the details. And frankly I’m sort of happy to have put back on a little bit of the weight over two years. Because I didn’t put a lot of it back on, only a little bit! Which is great! I’m still a normal weight. That’s a wonderful thing. I wasn’t normal for a long time and I wasn’t entirely sure if I had the capacity to be normal. Also, I have been forced to become comfortable with THIS body, with being imperfect, with being a few pounds heavier than I want to be. That is a lesson I needed to learn the entire time I was fat and the entire time I was losing weight. I needed to learn that it’s okay to feel good about oneself even if one’s body isn’t up to Hollywood standards. And I think I’ve finally learned that. Being imperfect and not working toward perfection for these two years has helped me to accept that it's okay to be imperfect for the rest of my life. I do want to be healthy and active and feel good about myself, though.
So I’d like to swing the balance back in the other direction for a little while. I’m confident and content being me and now I’d love to exercise and healthy-eat my way back to a slightly more toned me, who doesn’t feel like she’s at the top of her weight range, but somewhere in the middle to low end. A me who can fit into a lot of cute stuff! So that means giving those habits a bit more focus than I’ve been giving them in the last two years. I've been doing it in some form or another since 2002. I think I can recommit to doing it with more focus for a little while.
And that's what I did! My life has changed in small but noticeable ways in these last 11 months, since recommitting to this. Aside from slowly losing weight, there are also these things:
1.)I am madly in love with exercise right now. And I have been for a few months. I've worked out regularly for the last 6 years and my love affairs with it have come and gone. But my current love affair is at an all-time high. When I first recommitted back in January I had a hard time getting to the gym even 3 times a week. Now I am doing active stuff every chance I get. I work out 6 days a week most weeks, walk as much as I can, do extra situps or pushups whenever I get the chance. There’s no quick fixes to this stuff. So I’m either gonna stay active or I’m not. And for whatever reason, my body doesn’t respond to just 3 days a week, 30 minutes per session anymore. And I’m fine with that. Exercise has become a kind of religion for me lately. It’s meditative, spiritual, relaxing, helps to de-stress me, and makes me feel great. I think it ALSO makes my skin look incredible. But that’s just a theory. ;)
It took a solid 6 months before any feelings close to those about exercise started kicking in, but they ultimately did. And I'm so glad I was able to get there with it.
And here’s the cool thing: I honestly think if I'd been dropping weight a lot faster for one reason or another, I wouldn't have fallen so I love with my workout regime. I think I would have coasted by on the fact that the number on the scale was dropping and I wouldn’t have had a reason to go deeper into my relationship with my body, which is what ultimately led me to finding a more spiritual side of my life through my exercise. Dropping the weight a bit more slowly led me to think, "Well, if I'm not working out to lose weight, than why am I working out?” I had to come up with other reasons and other motivations than the number on the scale. I decided I was working out because it makes me feel so good, and because it's good for my body, and most importantly, it's good to form these habits so I can keep them forever. I'd much rather have THAT kind of relationship to exercise than one where I do it as a means to an end. It's all about the process, baby.
2.) I care now more than ever about the kinds of foods I put into my body. I'm into organic living, cooking all-natural, whole, healthy things, using healthy oils and getting in my fruits, veggies, whole grains and good fats. And I know that is because, similar to what I said about exercise, I was losing slowly enough that I had to come up with ANOTHER reason or motivation, besides weight loss, to encourage myself to want to eat really well all the time. It made me feel so good to know exactly what I was eating, to avoid unnecessary preservatives or chemicals, and I was getting more satisfaction out of the foods I was eating. I was also enjoying learning about the local markets in the city and about how to be more ethical with my eating. I'll never be a vegetarian, but I care a lot more now about where my food comes from. I make choices about what to eat based on THAT stuff more than I do on the caloric content of something, almost every time. I can't remember the last time I ate a Lean Cuisine type meal or some empty, low-calorie from-a-box snack. I was always hungry when I was done eating that stuff. And I just started to grow away from wanting it, but not because of how it impacted the scale, but because I knew I didn’t want those foods in my system. I knew there was something else out there. I’m not sure I would have really “gotten” that to the extent that I do now if I this last year had been a different journey.
3.) Last and best of all, I know it's off for good. Even if I only ever maintain this exact weight, I know I've lost it and I know that I know how to keep it off. The lifestyle I lead today, right now, with regard to my health is one I could maintain forever. I love the relationship I’ve found with exercise, I love the relationship I’ve found with food, and I love that I been able to navigate an entire year of life – a year of birthdays, celebrations, parties, date nights with Kevin, barbecues, summer drinks, Thanksgiving, Halloween, all the other holidays we use as an excuse to overeat and overdrink, sadness, happiness, stress, relaxation, moving into a new apartment, snacks at work, dinners and brunches with the “in-laws,” hangouts with friends – all while slowly losing this weight. I haven’t encountered one of those activities wherein I felt deprived or alone or like I was different. I have honestly felt like it's all just good practice. I have enjoyed all those events, indulged beyond measure at some of them, kept more of a tight rope on myself at others of them, but mostly I have found balance. And to be completely honest, as much as I know what I weigh on a given day, this year has not been ABOUT losing the weight. I had to make it about something else because I just couldn't focus on losing weight just for the sake of it anymore. I had to make it about having a richer experience with my health. The 11 pounds and counting has been a wonderful bi-product.
My late teens and early twenties were not an easy time in my life, as many of you already know. So being 28 years old and honestly being able to say for the first time in my young life that I believe I’m finding a balance with this stuff is so nice. I wasn’t sure I’d ever end up here. I feel fantastic about it.
ANYWAY. I didn’t intend for this post to turn into this. But I’m feeling good about where things are with that stuff lately…so it happened. Apologies for the self –congratulations. ;)
Not much else to report. That’s pretty much the full story. Looking forward to seeing my family soon. Just 9 more work days! YEAAAAAAAAAAH. (I know this because we have a countdown calendar at work. I walk by the number 50 times a day.) Can’t wait.
We had our holiday party at the PIT (the theater where Kev and I do improv and sketch comedy) last night. It was great fun, everyone got dressed up (I think I looked pretty fancy, if I do say so myself ;), and we had a really nice time. But I had two VERY VERY big glasses of wine. And I feel pretty nauseous today. It sucks. At the time it didn't feel like I was drinking that much, but being that I'm not a big drinker to begin with, and being that I didn't eat a lot at the party, it seems to have absorbed itself into my system. I also, for whatever weirdo reason, shared a cigarette with my friend Clayton. No clue why, but it was probably the white wine's decision. I only had a good 5-6 drags. But I have a cough from it today! Grr! Just goes to show that the body does not prefer to be toyed with. I will not be doing that again any time soon. GROSS.
I really don't want to be at work right now. Like, really really not.
The party, as I said, was a lot of fun. I love seeing all my good friends dressed up and enjoying themselves. There wasn't a huge array of food, which was probably best. I had a subway sandwich, which was very yummy, a handful of chips, the icing off a small cupcake, and a few bites of mac and cheese. I was pretty satisfied when I was done eating and decided to simply STOP on the food front after I'd finished that plate. That's not something I'm historically good at doing at parties where there's food available AND alcohol in my system. But I was bound and determined to leave this party feeling good about how I'd conducted myself. And not overeating is the key to that for me.
I knew I wanted to get a little tipsy; it's a party with my favorite people, after all. So I allowed myself to drink, but not more than felt comfortable. And somehow, once the "awards ceremony"* official part of the evening was over, once everyone was again milling about by the food and drink, or dancing or chatting, I decided to just focus on hanging out with my friends and enjoying their conversation. And I really did. I didn't miss picking at the food one bit. So that was a big success. (*I won MVP of my improv team! Aw, fun. - For the record I'm sort of against voting an most valuable player for an improv team since the very spirit of an improv team is that no one is more "valuable" than anyone else. But then I won. That felt nice. I'm still ethically against the award. Ahem. ;)
I took a cab home - probably left around 11:30 or something - knowing that I didn't want to push it. I'm glad I did that because I was able to get in a relatively full night's sleep. I'd be hurting even more today if I was more tired than I am right now.
Because I had a rough morning yesterday, having left at home both the breakfast AND lunch I'd prepared for myself to bring to work that day (booo!!!), I came home last night to find that I had a healthy wrap with turkey and light cheese already put together in the fridge, so I ate that once I was home. The wine had started to really do it's thing by that point and I needed something more in my system. I watched an episode of House, since that's the only thing I ever watch on tv ever these days, and then I went to sleep. I don't even really remember getting into bed. I was OUT before my head hit the pillow.
The scale has been going down down down lately and I couldn't be happier. I went to the gym yesterday on my lunch break to offset any potential damage I might do at the party. That was a good move. And I'll go again today (even though it will be MUCH less appealing to be there - oof) so that I can offset any potential damage I might do TONIGHT at my OFFICE holiday party! Whhat! Two holiday parties in two days. That might be considered mild torture in some places.
I love parties, don't get me wrong. But arrays of food and spirits in the form of festive holiday-ness two days in a row is definitely challenging. I don't even feel like drinking tonight. Maybe I'll have a glass of champaigne or something small but beyond that, I think I'm just going to stick to club soda. I do NOT need the alcohol in my system. It makes me sleep shittier, I don't need the calories, and it certainly won't make my stomach feel better.
There will definitely be food there tonight. And I won't have had dinner. I had a nice healthy delicious egg sandwich breakfast (to make up for the fact that I -waaaaaaah- left the one I painstakingly prepared yesterday morning sitting on the effin kitchen counter -waaaah- can you tell I was very upset about that whole mess?) and I just ordered some lunch - grilled chicken over brown rice with peppers, tomatoes, and low sodium tomato sauce. Cannot WAIT for that. I think it will really hit the spot.
So my plan tonight at the party is to, first of all, have exercised on my lunch break, and then to eat no more nor less than I would if I was sitting down to a normal supper. I think it will all be in the form of passed finger foods, which can be tough because it's hard to eyeball how much you've eaten in that case. But I'll try to keep a reasonable count of what I've had, snack on veggies in between, and sip water the whole time. Should be easy peazy. I also like to leave these work things earlier rather than later. So perhaps my reward for a party successfully navigated will be a hot cocoa or some other small dessert when I get home tonight.
NEXT on the list of mini-challenges will be TOMORROW. Gah! This one, I did to myself. I'm having a few friends over tomorrow night to sip festive Christmas drinks, enjoy our tree, and play games. Another historically difficult scenario for me where overeating is involved: the party I throw myself. I knew when I planned this small fete (just a couple people) that it would be the day after two parties in a row. I tossed around the idea of doing it on Sunday instead of Friday, giving me a couple days to recover in between events. But honestly? I don't want to run my life like that. I'd rather have the get together on a Friday night, I'm sure my friends would rather it be on a Friday night, and if the only reason I want to do it on another day is to save myself the hassle, calorie-wise...well that's silly. And it's not how I want to be operating now, six years into my life as a weight loss success story.
SO. It will just mean yet another day of counter balancing things with a good workout on my lunch break (or perhaps something at home in the morning before work? some pilates and yoga?). And then I will also make good breakfast and lunch choices tomorrow. I think I'll prepare stuff at home to bring with me into the office for both of those meals, giving me even more control over what I'm consuming. And then I'll make sure to have some baby carrots and some nuts before the party starts, keep water close at hand as I sip on the Christmas cocktails, and be sure that the snacks I get are healthy and don't make me want to stand over them and inhale. (I think that might be the key, I just realized, to not overeating at my own parties - don't buy snacks that I love to eat! Dur!) We'll order pizza if people get hungry and if that's the case, I'll just have a slice. Perhaps preplanning my game plan in this way might be just as nutty as moving the day of the party to avoid overeating. But whatever. I do what I gotta, I guess, right?
Phew! Navigation! Planning! Exercise!
Luckily, beyond doing an HST Christmas show on Saturday night (fun!), shopping for children's gifts for the charity I'm donating to this year, and dropping said gifts off at my office on Saturday, I don't have anything to do this weekend. Awesome. No plans on Sunday (besides possibly more shopping?), which is superb. So I should have plenty of time on both days to get in nice, long, relaxing workouts. I think I'll also spend some time trying to use up some of the food we have in the house before we go out of town for the holidays. Perhaps I'll make a lasagna and some kind of chicken sausage and whole wheat pasta dish? Should be good.
As I said, the scale is being very good to me lately. I'm so proud of myself for recommitting to losing weight this past January. In case you don't know the tale, I lost 115 between 2002-2004, then I gained 21 pounds back. I've since lost 11 of those pounds (I said 11.6 the other day! My math was wrong! >blush!<) and I'm so thrilled that I have. I'm seeing numbers on the scale right now that I haven't seen in 2 to 3 years. It's great.
I recommitted to my goal on January 1, 2007 with these words:
After losing almost 115 pounds five years ago, I’ve gained about 20 pounds back in last two years. In these last two years, I’ve focused less on the number on the scale and practiced living my life as a thinner person who doesn’t attend a weekly meeting or weigh herself every day because she used to be fat. I needed to go there with it. To return to the land of those people who don’t weigh themselves every day or obsess about how much they ate or what size their pants are… And I’m glad I did it. Practicing living my life as a thinner person who doesn’t have a huge weight problem has given me invaluable perspective on how to be a relatively healthy eater without the scale as my compass.
But it has certainly been a balancing act, these two years without utilizing all those measurements and barometers that I had set so firmly in place when I lost the bulk of my weight. It was almost like taking away my pacifier when I stopped obsessing over the details. And frankly I’m sort of happy to have put back on a little bit of the weight over two years. Because I didn’t put a lot of it back on, only a little bit! Which is great! I’m still a normal weight. That’s a wonderful thing. I wasn’t normal for a long time and I wasn’t entirely sure if I had the capacity to be normal. Also, I have been forced to become comfortable with THIS body, with being imperfect, with being a few pounds heavier than I want to be. That is a lesson I needed to learn the entire time I was fat and the entire time I was losing weight. I needed to learn that it’s okay to feel good about oneself even if one’s body isn’t up to Hollywood standards. And I think I’ve finally learned that. Being imperfect and not working toward perfection for these two years has helped me to accept that it's okay to be imperfect for the rest of my life. I do want to be healthy and active and feel good about myself, though.
So I’d like to swing the balance back in the other direction for a little while. I’m confident and content being me and now I’d love to exercise and healthy-eat my way back to a slightly more toned me, who doesn’t feel like she’s at the top of her weight range, but somewhere in the middle to low end. A me who can fit into a lot of cute stuff! So that means giving those habits a bit more focus than I’ve been giving them in the last two years. I've been doing it in some form or another since 2002. I think I can recommit to doing it with more focus for a little while.
And that's what I did! My life has changed in small but noticeable ways in these last 11 months, since recommitting to this. Aside from slowly losing weight, there are also these things:
1.)I am madly in love with exercise right now. And I have been for a few months. I've worked out regularly for the last 6 years and my love affairs with it have come and gone. But my current love affair is at an all-time high. When I first recommitted back in January I had a hard time getting to the gym even 3 times a week. Now I am doing active stuff every chance I get. I work out 6 days a week most weeks, walk as much as I can, do extra situps or pushups whenever I get the chance. There’s no quick fixes to this stuff. So I’m either gonna stay active or I’m not. And for whatever reason, my body doesn’t respond to just 3 days a week, 30 minutes per session anymore. And I’m fine with that. Exercise has become a kind of religion for me lately. It’s meditative, spiritual, relaxing, helps to de-stress me, and makes me feel great. I think it ALSO makes my skin look incredible. But that’s just a theory. ;)
It took a solid 6 months before any feelings close to those about exercise started kicking in, but they ultimately did. And I'm so glad I was able to get there with it.
And here’s the cool thing: I honestly think if I'd been dropping weight a lot faster for one reason or another, I wouldn't have fallen so I love with my workout regime. I think I would have coasted by on the fact that the number on the scale was dropping and I wouldn’t have had a reason to go deeper into my relationship with my body, which is what ultimately led me to finding a more spiritual side of my life through my exercise. Dropping the weight a bit more slowly led me to think, "Well, if I'm not working out to lose weight, than why am I working out?” I had to come up with other reasons and other motivations than the number on the scale. I decided I was working out because it makes me feel so good, and because it's good for my body, and most importantly, it's good to form these habits so I can keep them forever. I'd much rather have THAT kind of relationship to exercise than one where I do it as a means to an end. It's all about the process, baby.
2.) I care now more than ever about the kinds of foods I put into my body. I'm into organic living, cooking all-natural, whole, healthy things, using healthy oils and getting in my fruits, veggies, whole grains and good fats. And I know that is because, similar to what I said about exercise, I was losing slowly enough that I had to come up with ANOTHER reason or motivation, besides weight loss, to encourage myself to want to eat really well all the time. It made me feel so good to know exactly what I was eating, to avoid unnecessary preservatives or chemicals, and I was getting more satisfaction out of the foods I was eating. I was also enjoying learning about the local markets in the city and about how to be more ethical with my eating. I'll never be a vegetarian, but I care a lot more now about where my food comes from. I make choices about what to eat based on THAT stuff more than I do on the caloric content of something, almost every time. I can't remember the last time I ate a Lean Cuisine type meal or some empty, low-calorie from-a-box snack. I was always hungry when I was done eating that stuff. And I just started to grow away from wanting it, but not because of how it impacted the scale, but because I knew I didn’t want those foods in my system. I knew there was something else out there. I’m not sure I would have really “gotten” that to the extent that I do now if I this last year had been a different journey.
3.) Last and best of all, I know it's off for good. Even if I only ever maintain this exact weight, I know I've lost it and I know that I know how to keep it off. The lifestyle I lead today, right now, with regard to my health is one I could maintain forever. I love the relationship I’ve found with exercise, I love the relationship I’ve found with food, and I love that I been able to navigate an entire year of life – a year of birthdays, celebrations, parties, date nights with Kevin, barbecues, summer drinks, Thanksgiving, Halloween, all the other holidays we use as an excuse to overeat and overdrink, sadness, happiness, stress, relaxation, moving into a new apartment, snacks at work, dinners and brunches with the “in-laws,” hangouts with friends – all while slowly losing this weight. I haven’t encountered one of those activities wherein I felt deprived or alone or like I was different. I have honestly felt like it's all just good practice. I have enjoyed all those events, indulged beyond measure at some of them, kept more of a tight rope on myself at others of them, but mostly I have found balance. And to be completely honest, as much as I know what I weigh on a given day, this year has not been ABOUT losing the weight. I had to make it about something else because I just couldn't focus on losing weight just for the sake of it anymore. I had to make it about having a richer experience with my health. The 11 pounds and counting has been a wonderful bi-product.
My late teens and early twenties were not an easy time in my life, as many of you already know. So being 28 years old and honestly being able to say for the first time in my young life that I believe I’m finding a balance with this stuff is so nice. I wasn’t sure I’d ever end up here. I feel fantastic about it.
ANYWAY. I didn’t intend for this post to turn into this. But I’m feeling good about where things are with that stuff lately…so it happened. Apologies for the self –congratulations. ;)
Not much else to report. That’s pretty much the full story. Looking forward to seeing my family soon. Just 9 more work days! YEAAAAAAAAAAH. (I know this because we have a countdown calendar at work. I walk by the number 50 times a day.) Can’t wait.
Monday, December 08, 2008
I had a good weekend. And one of the best things about returning to work this Monday is that I DO NOT have improv practice tonight, which means I get to go home right after work and DO WHATEVER I WANT. This is very exciting to me.
Usually, I have improv practice every Monday night. It's the worst night to have to have any standing obligation, in my opinion, but it's the best night for everyone on my team, myself included, schedule-wise. So Mondays it is. But because the year is winding down and we'll have a couple weeks off improv shows; and also because we are having a big holiday party at the theater, instead of our usual Wednesday night improv shows this week, we don't really need to have practice this Monday. We'll have one final practice of the year next Monday, and then we're done practicing until 2009. Wahoo! I like improv practice, but I also like to take breaks from it. Bigtime.
Along those lines, coaching last Thursday was a lot of fun. I was a bit trepidatious going into it - since I'd never done it before. But it was very easy and came very naturally and I didn't feel underqualified or like I didn't know what I was talking about once in the 2 hours, so that was good. I definitely came in prepared, so that I felt like I had a schedule to fall back on if shit hit the fan, but it was perfectly fine, the ladies on the team were lovely and talented and I left feeling good about what we'd done. (And it was nice to have a little extra cash in my pocket!;)
Anyway, tonight, I'm going to go straight home after work. Sometimes I use unusual nights off like this to get in a long gym workout, but few and far between are the days that I get to leave for home directly from the office. I think that's probably happened a total of 5 times since I moved in with Kevin. Out of probably about 100 days worked since then. Oof. So I'm taking advantage of it tonight. It's honestly one of the most wonderful little pleasures. For the evening, I don't feel like a chicken with her head cut off, running around from point A to B, scarfing down some random dinner as I walk to a rehearsal (which cannot be good for digestion). So tonight I'm gonna go home, finish decorating our Christmas tree (!), make myself a healthy supper, perhaps do some light pilates, watch as many episodes of House (my new favorite show ever) as I can stand before I get too tired to keep my eyes open, and then I'm going to go to bed early.
I won't actually arrive home until 8pm and I'd LOVE to be in bed by 11, so I'm not sure how I'll cram all that in. I'll see where the night takes me.
Going to sleep early-ish tonight is imperative. I went to bed really late last night and I am tired today. My sleep schedule was all out of whack last week too, so I'm trying to reset things.
Weekend recap: Friday night I left work and went straight to Port Authority to meet up with Kevin so we could catch a bus to Edgewater, New Jersey. (Only a few minutes drive from Manhattan.) Our good friend Ian turns 35 today so his girlfriend was throwing him a birthday party on Friday night in this big party room at their new apartment complex. It was super fun. We got to see a bunch of Kevin's old friends - people we hadn't seen in a long time, and even more people he hadn't seen in a really long time. It was great to catch up with everyone I already knew and to meet people I'd only ever heard about. I also got preeeettty drunk on some sangria and a beer, so that was fun. I haven't been drunk in eons. There were plenty of snacks at the party, which I definitely enjoyed. But not having had dinner, it basically evened itself out. There were certainly a few handfuls of things that I took once the alcohol took over my system that I wouldn't have chosen to eat otherwise, but it was fine.
Kevin took lovely care of me once we left. I was goofy and unbalanced, but he was great about it. We had a really nice bus ride back to the city and a pretty uneventful subway ride home to Brooklyn. I did start to feel sick on the subway, once I closed my eyes, but it was fine. I fell asleep and woke up to him pulling me off the train at our stop. I passed out AGAIN on our bed, fully clothed, and he woke me up a few minutes later, helped me get ready for bed, adorably laid out my pajamas for me to put on, and put me to sleep. What a darlin. You'd think I'd had a ton to drink, but it was really only 1.5 sangrias, a beer, and a couple other sips. It had just been so long since I'd had any alcohol. I was silly. But it was fun.
I thought I was really gonna be hurtin when I woke up the next day, but we slept really late (which was essential) and got up and made a big breakfast (er, Kevin made a big breakfast), which seemed to make everything right. We relaxed while watching another House episode. (I'm beyond addicted, I watched 5 episodes this weekend alone.)
And then! We set out on a very long workout. 2 hours later, we were back home. We walked fast or ran the whole time. Twice around the park. It was a bit chilly but so enjoyable. We talked a lot, got in a great workout, and I felt fantastic when we got home. I was tired and hungry but I also felt very alive. A nice long workout like that was exactly what I needed to absolve myself of any guilt I had about the night before's antics.
We had to head out to HST practice/show shortly after that and I came straight home after the show to watch more House (wow). I was up LATE again. Watching House.
I also slept late on Sunday. I had big plans for a workout, a trip to the store, an apartment clean, and to finish trimming the tree (we had a minor setback with the lights which has to be remedied by buying more lights - there aren't presently enough lights for my tastes). We ALSO had to go see the Bodies exhibit at 3.
After I woke up late, we basically got ready, made some coffee with our new coffee machine, which has changed our lives (we haven't had a working coffee machine in the house forever), and headed to the exhibit. It was COLD yesterday - YUCK. But we managed. We had a great time. The South Street Seaport, where the exhibit is located, has tons of great shops and stuff to see, so it was really nice just to be out and about, taking in the sites. We love doing stuff like that together. We grabbed a quick lunch to hold us over until we could eat something more substantial after the exhibit, and then we headed in.
The exhibit was very interesting and informative. I loved it. It was definitely gross at points, especially seeing the cancerous stuff and the malformed organs. Even certain cross sections of the healthy bodies were a bit hard to look at. But you get over it, of course. And it's just fascinating as hell. Who knew the body was this complicated. I mean, you KNOW, but you don't really realize until you see it with your own two eyes like this. I will never forget the experience.
We left after not too long (another nice feature is that the whole thing doesn't go on for hours) and beelined to this restaurant nearby that was pumping out some amazing burger smells. I wanted a burger. Bad.
We split a salad to start, and then I didn't eat the bun on my burger (it didn't seem worth it) and ate about 3/4 of the burger patty. It came with a plate full of fries, the really thin kind, and I probably had 10 total, if that. I barely made a dent in them. I was so incredibly pleased with myself for that restraint. Kevin said, "You don't want them?" I said, "No, I want them very badly. That's the problem." But the taste of just a few was all I really needed to feel like I'd gotten to sample them.
I'm just at this point where I want to be able to control myself in situations like that, without it being a big deal. Like, I'm done hemming and hawing about it. Fries. So what. They're yummy. But I don't need the whole plate. And it doesn't have to be a thing. I'm not gonna have them all. End of story. It doesn't even need to be a discussion I have with myself. And I don't need to feel sorry for myself or create drama around it (not that I'm generally like that, but you know what I mean). Food, even terrible-for-me food, is going to be around me my entire life. I've got to continue to practice growing this kind of healthy relationship to it. It's what I want for the rest of my life. If I eat and drink a lot on a Friday night, I want to wake up on Saturday and make time to have an extra long workout. And be done with the discussion. That is how every naturally thin person I know goes about maintaining their weight. And I think part of the reason I enjoyed this weekend so much is because I did just that. I was able to indulge and then counterbalance it with smart, natural, almost-involuntary choices. I took the focus off the food at almost every turn and just practiced putting the focus back onto things that matter. And best of all, I listened so carefully to my body at every meal (Friday night aside). I stopped eating when I felt my stomach pressing on my pants a little bit. Because I knew that if I kept eating, that feeling would only increase. And that means I've eaten too much. I was able to enjoy a "cheeseburger and fries," without feeling like I'd indulged at all. I got all the flavors I wanted (the cheese, the beef, the ketchup, the mustard, the fries) but only consumed probably 400-500 calories, if that. Excellent. I felt so good about myself after that. And the scale smiled on me today.
We then went to the grocery store and stocked up on some essentials. Our cupboards have been lean lately, so it was due. We were really judicious though, because times are very tight. So we are, like everyone else right now, all about not wasting food, not buying extra crap, and being frugal with our money. We got a lot of good stuff and because we bought less than usual it wasn't such a bear to carry home.
Kev had to head out to a meeting so I spent the evening by myself, which I didn't mind. I restrung lights on the tree to make room for more lights, cleaned the bedroom, bathroom, and tidied up the living room and kitchen. I made myself a light dinner of an english muffin with peanut butter, some baby carrots, and some nuts. And I had two of these small but amazing truffles for dessert.
I did NOT get in the workout I had planned, which was unfortunate. I had really intended on doing SOMETHING, but before I knew it was 11 o'clock and I hadn't had dinner. I suppose walking around the city all day and cleaning the house at night will have to serve as my calorie-burn for yesterday. I went to sleep late again because I'd woken up so late and wasn't that tired when bedtime rolled around.
It was a really good day.
I'm excited that it's almost Christmas. I've been really itching to spend some time with my family. My grandmother's house is filled with such familiar smells and sights. And the din of the family is so comforting to me. Even if it grates on me occasionally, I feel connected to my family right now. And I'm looking forward to the holiday with them. Plus, the break from work! I have a good 12 days off. YESSSSSSSSSSSSs.
The next few weeks will be filled with parties, get-togethers, shows, rehearsals, gift exchanges, and enjoying the lovely Christmas decorations in my little house. :)
I'm gonna workout on my lunch break today. And I brought lunch from home (salad and a sweet potato). I'm sort of itchy for this workday to move quickly. It's BORING. ;)
Usually, I have improv practice every Monday night. It's the worst night to have to have any standing obligation, in my opinion, but it's the best night for everyone on my team, myself included, schedule-wise. So Mondays it is. But because the year is winding down and we'll have a couple weeks off improv shows; and also because we are having a big holiday party at the theater, instead of our usual Wednesday night improv shows this week, we don't really need to have practice this Monday. We'll have one final practice of the year next Monday, and then we're done practicing until 2009. Wahoo! I like improv practice, but I also like to take breaks from it. Bigtime.
Along those lines, coaching last Thursday was a lot of fun. I was a bit trepidatious going into it - since I'd never done it before. But it was very easy and came very naturally and I didn't feel underqualified or like I didn't know what I was talking about once in the 2 hours, so that was good. I definitely came in prepared, so that I felt like I had a schedule to fall back on if shit hit the fan, but it was perfectly fine, the ladies on the team were lovely and talented and I left feeling good about what we'd done. (And it was nice to have a little extra cash in my pocket!;)
Anyway, tonight, I'm going to go straight home after work. Sometimes I use unusual nights off like this to get in a long gym workout, but few and far between are the days that I get to leave for home directly from the office. I think that's probably happened a total of 5 times since I moved in with Kevin. Out of probably about 100 days worked since then. Oof. So I'm taking advantage of it tonight. It's honestly one of the most wonderful little pleasures. For the evening, I don't feel like a chicken with her head cut off, running around from point A to B, scarfing down some random dinner as I walk to a rehearsal (which cannot be good for digestion). So tonight I'm gonna go home, finish decorating our Christmas tree (!), make myself a healthy supper, perhaps do some light pilates, watch as many episodes of House (my new favorite show ever) as I can stand before I get too tired to keep my eyes open, and then I'm going to go to bed early.
I won't actually arrive home until 8pm and I'd LOVE to be in bed by 11, so I'm not sure how I'll cram all that in. I'll see where the night takes me.
Going to sleep early-ish tonight is imperative. I went to bed really late last night and I am tired today. My sleep schedule was all out of whack last week too, so I'm trying to reset things.
Weekend recap: Friday night I left work and went straight to Port Authority to meet up with Kevin so we could catch a bus to Edgewater, New Jersey. (Only a few minutes drive from Manhattan.) Our good friend Ian turns 35 today so his girlfriend was throwing him a birthday party on Friday night in this big party room at their new apartment complex. It was super fun. We got to see a bunch of Kevin's old friends - people we hadn't seen in a long time, and even more people he hadn't seen in a really long time. It was great to catch up with everyone I already knew and to meet people I'd only ever heard about. I also got preeeettty drunk on some sangria and a beer, so that was fun. I haven't been drunk in eons. There were plenty of snacks at the party, which I definitely enjoyed. But not having had dinner, it basically evened itself out. There were certainly a few handfuls of things that I took once the alcohol took over my system that I wouldn't have chosen to eat otherwise, but it was fine.
Kevin took lovely care of me once we left. I was goofy and unbalanced, but he was great about it. We had a really nice bus ride back to the city and a pretty uneventful subway ride home to Brooklyn. I did start to feel sick on the subway, once I closed my eyes, but it was fine. I fell asleep and woke up to him pulling me off the train at our stop. I passed out AGAIN on our bed, fully clothed, and he woke me up a few minutes later, helped me get ready for bed, adorably laid out my pajamas for me to put on, and put me to sleep. What a darlin. You'd think I'd had a ton to drink, but it was really only 1.5 sangrias, a beer, and a couple other sips. It had just been so long since I'd had any alcohol. I was silly. But it was fun.
I thought I was really gonna be hurtin when I woke up the next day, but we slept really late (which was essential) and got up and made a big breakfast (er, Kevin made a big breakfast), which seemed to make everything right. We relaxed while watching another House episode. (I'm beyond addicted, I watched 5 episodes this weekend alone.)
And then! We set out on a very long workout. 2 hours later, we were back home. We walked fast or ran the whole time. Twice around the park. It was a bit chilly but so enjoyable. We talked a lot, got in a great workout, and I felt fantastic when we got home. I was tired and hungry but I also felt very alive. A nice long workout like that was exactly what I needed to absolve myself of any guilt I had about the night before's antics.
We had to head out to HST practice/show shortly after that and I came straight home after the show to watch more House (wow). I was up LATE again. Watching House.
I also slept late on Sunday. I had big plans for a workout, a trip to the store, an apartment clean, and to finish trimming the tree (we had a minor setback with the lights which has to be remedied by buying more lights - there aren't presently enough lights for my tastes). We ALSO had to go see the Bodies exhibit at 3.
After I woke up late, we basically got ready, made some coffee with our new coffee machine, which has changed our lives (we haven't had a working coffee machine in the house forever), and headed to the exhibit. It was COLD yesterday - YUCK. But we managed. We had a great time. The South Street Seaport, where the exhibit is located, has tons of great shops and stuff to see, so it was really nice just to be out and about, taking in the sites. We love doing stuff like that together. We grabbed a quick lunch to hold us over until we could eat something more substantial after the exhibit, and then we headed in.
The exhibit was very interesting and informative. I loved it. It was definitely gross at points, especially seeing the cancerous stuff and the malformed organs. Even certain cross sections of the healthy bodies were a bit hard to look at. But you get over it, of course. And it's just fascinating as hell. Who knew the body was this complicated. I mean, you KNOW, but you don't really realize until you see it with your own two eyes like this. I will never forget the experience.
We left after not too long (another nice feature is that the whole thing doesn't go on for hours) and beelined to this restaurant nearby that was pumping out some amazing burger smells. I wanted a burger. Bad.
We split a salad to start, and then I didn't eat the bun on my burger (it didn't seem worth it) and ate about 3/4 of the burger patty. It came with a plate full of fries, the really thin kind, and I probably had 10 total, if that. I barely made a dent in them. I was so incredibly pleased with myself for that restraint. Kevin said, "You don't want them?" I said, "No, I want them very badly. That's the problem." But the taste of just a few was all I really needed to feel like I'd gotten to sample them.
I'm just at this point where I want to be able to control myself in situations like that, without it being a big deal. Like, I'm done hemming and hawing about it. Fries. So what. They're yummy. But I don't need the whole plate. And it doesn't have to be a thing. I'm not gonna have them all. End of story. It doesn't even need to be a discussion I have with myself. And I don't need to feel sorry for myself or create drama around it (not that I'm generally like that, but you know what I mean). Food, even terrible-for-me food, is going to be around me my entire life. I've got to continue to practice growing this kind of healthy relationship to it. It's what I want for the rest of my life. If I eat and drink a lot on a Friday night, I want to wake up on Saturday and make time to have an extra long workout. And be done with the discussion. That is how every naturally thin person I know goes about maintaining their weight. And I think part of the reason I enjoyed this weekend so much is because I did just that. I was able to indulge and then counterbalance it with smart, natural, almost-involuntary choices. I took the focus off the food at almost every turn and just practiced putting the focus back onto things that matter. And best of all, I listened so carefully to my body at every meal (Friday night aside). I stopped eating when I felt my stomach pressing on my pants a little bit. Because I knew that if I kept eating, that feeling would only increase. And that means I've eaten too much. I was able to enjoy a "cheeseburger and fries," without feeling like I'd indulged at all. I got all the flavors I wanted (the cheese, the beef, the ketchup, the mustard, the fries) but only consumed probably 400-500 calories, if that. Excellent. I felt so good about myself after that. And the scale smiled on me today.
We then went to the grocery store and stocked up on some essentials. Our cupboards have been lean lately, so it was due. We were really judicious though, because times are very tight. So we are, like everyone else right now, all about not wasting food, not buying extra crap, and being frugal with our money. We got a lot of good stuff and because we bought less than usual it wasn't such a bear to carry home.
Kev had to head out to a meeting so I spent the evening by myself, which I didn't mind. I restrung lights on the tree to make room for more lights, cleaned the bedroom, bathroom, and tidied up the living room and kitchen. I made myself a light dinner of an english muffin with peanut butter, some baby carrots, and some nuts. And I had two of these small but amazing truffles for dessert.
I did NOT get in the workout I had planned, which was unfortunate. I had really intended on doing SOMETHING, but before I knew it was 11 o'clock and I hadn't had dinner. I suppose walking around the city all day and cleaning the house at night will have to serve as my calorie-burn for yesterday. I went to sleep late again because I'd woken up so late and wasn't that tired when bedtime rolled around.
It was a really good day.
I'm excited that it's almost Christmas. I've been really itching to spend some time with my family. My grandmother's house is filled with such familiar smells and sights. And the din of the family is so comforting to me. Even if it grates on me occasionally, I feel connected to my family right now. And I'm looking forward to the holiday with them. Plus, the break from work! I have a good 12 days off. YESSSSSSSSSSSSs.
The next few weeks will be filled with parties, get-togethers, shows, rehearsals, gift exchanges, and enjoying the lovely Christmas decorations in my little house. :)
I'm gonna workout on my lunch break today. And I brought lunch from home (salad and a sweet potato). I'm sort of itchy for this workday to move quickly. It's BORING. ;)
Thursday, December 04, 2008
I feel like I've got a lot whirling around in my mind right now. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Just is what it is.
On the whole, I'm feeling really good today. I think I've gotten a bit less sleep the last few nights than I really need/want to feel 100% during the day, but I woke up this morning feeling ready to go, so that's nice. I have another late night ahead of me tonight because I'm coaching an all-girls improv group. And tomorrow night we're going to a birthday party in Jersey for a good friend. Saturday night is the HST show and ANOTHER birthday party in Manhattan for ANOTHER good friend. And Sunday I have a business meeting in the morning and then we have tickets to the Bodies Exhibit (rescheduled from when I was sick). Gah! That's a lot. So I don't know when I'm going to sleep...or do the dishes...or vaccuum the living room...or declutter the living room and bedroom...zzzz....Luckily Kevin is a great Mr. Mom, as he likes to call himself, and does a ton of stuff around the house. Just thinking of all those plans makes me want to take a big long nap.
On a rather sad note, one of the attorneys who I assist at work is out of the office this week (and indefinitely) because his mom is dying of cancer. Ugh. It's so sad. She's been fighting it for the last year, but took a downward turn a couple weeks ago, and has gotten increasingly worse in the last couple days. They have no more treatments options left for her and she's at home with hospice care and her family by her side. Her son, my boss, has been at home with her all week, of course. But in this industry (entertainment law), you don't take big chunks of time off work unless it's a really serious matter. Obviously, it is. And it's so sad.
Did I mention he's just 28? Yeah. Not that it's probably much different from someone who's 38 or 48 losing a parent, but you know what I'm saying. His mom is relatively young, his brothers are young, his dad thought he'd have many more years with his wife. It's sad.
I don't know this guy very well. He's very quiet and sort of reserved. And I'm not someone who presses people to chit chat. So we haven't really gotten close over the last year I've worked here. Also, he's been sort of difficult with me, passive aggressively, at times. I'm sure his mother battling cancer hasn't helped his patience with me, his assistant. Anyway, despite not knowing him well at all, I still really feel for the guy, naturally, and am thinking a lot about him and his family. I just hate the idea of them hearing the doctor's say that there are no more treatment options. It seems like just a few weeks ago she was still getting chemo and was in and out of the hospital. How do you even come to grips with the fact that the fight is over? That the inevitable is upon you and your family?
His emails to a few select people at the firm (copying me) say she's sleeping a lot and that the time table is not looking good. How tragic and awful. I cannot imagine going through that. Nor can I imagine returning to a day job afterwards. I feel like this guy should take the rest of 2008 off, if not longer. But this is a very hard industry in which to do that. Luckily we work for a law firm that is very small and very respectful of their employees personal lives. I can only hope he takes all the time he needs. The idea of sending work related emails after your mother just passed away seems more than someone should have to handle. Then again, perhaps the distraction is a blessing in and of itself. I have no idea.
My family and I have really been so incredibly blessed because, knock on wood, we have seen a very limited amount of heartache, at least since I've been alive. I'm really close to my mom's side of the family and not close at all to my dad's side. And out of the members of my mom's side of the immediate family - grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins - who have been around since I was born, none of them have passed away, prematurely or otherwise. Both of my grandparents are still with us, vibrant, strong, fun, and in charge of the family. And besides my grandfather and my aunt both having cancers that were operable, nobody has been sick. That has been such an incredible blessing, I'm sure I don't even really fully understand the magnitude of it.
This Christmas, Kevin and I plan to film some footage of my family, documentary style. We'll ask them questions and get them answering the questions on tape. I'm so excited to commemorate them in this way. I love them so much.
Anyway, moving on to less heavy topics - this Saturday is December 6, aka St. Nicholas Day. This is a holiday most people I know have never heard of. I think it's German in origin. But my family has always practiced it. Basically, the idea is that St. Nicholas comes to your house on December 6th and leaves a little pre-Christmas present for you on your doorstep. But he rings the bell and runs away before you can see him. I've also heard versions where children leave their shoes out at night and they are filled with candies when they wake up in the morning.
When I was a kid, this was a very exciting, and sometimes scary day. Because I would get very freaked out when I heard the bell ring and I imagined that St. Nicholas was outside. The idea of this bizarre Santa Claus-like type figure who was mysterious and sneaky really freaked me out. But I would eventually creep to the front door to see if anything was there. And there was always a big brown paper bag, stapled shut, with little presents inside! It was the BEST.
My mom has kept up the tradition every year since I was a kid, always sending me something small and special for St. Nick's Day. And this year was no different. The package arrived yesterday and I couldn't wait until Saturday to open it! She sent us the most adorable little presents. A pair of earrings for me, a funny rudolph pen that has funny punching fists and a light-up nose, a cute keychain, awesome reindeer pajama pants for Kev, and three AWESOME ornaments for our tree! Two of them are these super neat (I LOVE THEM) cat face ornaments - one is a black cat and the other is a red cat! Just like our cats! We've put the lights on our tree so far, but haven't done the ornaments yet, so we put the Floyd and Chawser ornaments on it right away last night. They look so cool. My mom is the best.
Speaking of Floyd, another lovely treat was that this morning, I woke up around 6am to Floyd curled up sleeping right next to me. He usually sleeps at the food of our bed, if he sleeps with us at all, but he's never once in the entire time I've owned him slept with me, next to my head/torso, on the bed. It was so sweet and lovely. He's a big cat and I loved feeling his funny warm cat body all curled up next to me. He tried to get up a few times throughout the morning, but he just kept getting sleepy and plopping right back down and going back to sleep. I just LOVED it. He took up a ton of room on the bed, but I still hope this is the beginning of a new habit. I'd love to have him next to me every night. I think he's doing it because it's drafty in the apartment at night. Chawser was also curled up in his own little self-made cocoon of blankets on the couch when I got up this morning. He'd dug himself a little cave of covers. They are precious.
In food and exercise related news, things are good. The scale is down and I feel good. I definitely overate on Thanksgiving and I gained a pound last week from all the festivity, but the scale is already back down after a few good workouts. I spent a lunch hour lifting on Tuesday and I'm still pretty sore from it. And I took a nice long 50 minute walk through Central Park on my lunch break yesterday, which felt great. I chose to do that instead of hitting the gym and it was a good decision.
We went out for a friend's birthday dinner last night at a pulled pork joint - and I ate half a pound of pulled pork! All by myself! It was seriously beyond delicious. But I checked this morning and it was only 7 points, or about 325 calories. So no big deal. The upside is that I was SO full from it (Kev and I ate quickly because we had to leave the gathering early to perform our improv shows) that I spent the rest of the night digesting and chugging water and didn't need or want another lick of food. So the scale was actually down this morning, which was a nice surprise.
I'll go workout again tonight after work. I'm thinking some light lifting, some pilates, and a 30-35 minute cardio session. I'm not sure I'll have time for much more. After the gym, I'm going to coach improv, like I said, and won't be home until midnight. Oof. I'm looking forward to coaching though. I've never done it before, so it should be interesting. I think I know what I'm doing. I THINK. ;)
I plan to workout a lot this weekend too. I didn't get in as much as I wanted to last week, which was fine, but I've got the itch again, so I'll squeeze it in when I can. I also need to squeeze in a TJ's run! But I'm thinking of taking a page out of my friend Jess' book and trying to really eat all the stuff in my cabinets!
Workworkwork. Back to work.
On the whole, I'm feeling really good today. I think I've gotten a bit less sleep the last few nights than I really need/want to feel 100% during the day, but I woke up this morning feeling ready to go, so that's nice. I have another late night ahead of me tonight because I'm coaching an all-girls improv group. And tomorrow night we're going to a birthday party in Jersey for a good friend. Saturday night is the HST show and ANOTHER birthday party in Manhattan for ANOTHER good friend. And Sunday I have a business meeting in the morning and then we have tickets to the Bodies Exhibit (rescheduled from when I was sick). Gah! That's a lot. So I don't know when I'm going to sleep...or do the dishes...or vaccuum the living room...or declutter the living room and bedroom...zzzz....Luckily Kevin is a great Mr. Mom, as he likes to call himself, and does a ton of stuff around the house. Just thinking of all those plans makes me want to take a big long nap.
On a rather sad note, one of the attorneys who I assist at work is out of the office this week (and indefinitely) because his mom is dying of cancer. Ugh. It's so sad. She's been fighting it for the last year, but took a downward turn a couple weeks ago, and has gotten increasingly worse in the last couple days. They have no more treatments options left for her and she's at home with hospice care and her family by her side. Her son, my boss, has been at home with her all week, of course. But in this industry (entertainment law), you don't take big chunks of time off work unless it's a really serious matter. Obviously, it is. And it's so sad.
Did I mention he's just 28? Yeah. Not that it's probably much different from someone who's 38 or 48 losing a parent, but you know what I'm saying. His mom is relatively young, his brothers are young, his dad thought he'd have many more years with his wife. It's sad.
I don't know this guy very well. He's very quiet and sort of reserved. And I'm not someone who presses people to chit chat. So we haven't really gotten close over the last year I've worked here. Also, he's been sort of difficult with me, passive aggressively, at times. I'm sure his mother battling cancer hasn't helped his patience with me, his assistant. Anyway, despite not knowing him well at all, I still really feel for the guy, naturally, and am thinking a lot about him and his family. I just hate the idea of them hearing the doctor's say that there are no more treatment options. It seems like just a few weeks ago she was still getting chemo and was in and out of the hospital. How do you even come to grips with the fact that the fight is over? That the inevitable is upon you and your family?
His emails to a few select people at the firm (copying me) say she's sleeping a lot and that the time table is not looking good. How tragic and awful. I cannot imagine going through that. Nor can I imagine returning to a day job afterwards. I feel like this guy should take the rest of 2008 off, if not longer. But this is a very hard industry in which to do that. Luckily we work for a law firm that is very small and very respectful of their employees personal lives. I can only hope he takes all the time he needs. The idea of sending work related emails after your mother just passed away seems more than someone should have to handle. Then again, perhaps the distraction is a blessing in and of itself. I have no idea.
My family and I have really been so incredibly blessed because, knock on wood, we have seen a very limited amount of heartache, at least since I've been alive. I'm really close to my mom's side of the family and not close at all to my dad's side. And out of the members of my mom's side of the immediate family - grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins - who have been around since I was born, none of them have passed away, prematurely or otherwise. Both of my grandparents are still with us, vibrant, strong, fun, and in charge of the family. And besides my grandfather and my aunt both having cancers that were operable, nobody has been sick. That has been such an incredible blessing, I'm sure I don't even really fully understand the magnitude of it.
This Christmas, Kevin and I plan to film some footage of my family, documentary style. We'll ask them questions and get them answering the questions on tape. I'm so excited to commemorate them in this way. I love them so much.
Anyway, moving on to less heavy topics - this Saturday is December 6, aka St. Nicholas Day. This is a holiday most people I know have never heard of. I think it's German in origin. But my family has always practiced it. Basically, the idea is that St. Nicholas comes to your house on December 6th and leaves a little pre-Christmas present for you on your doorstep. But he rings the bell and runs away before you can see him. I've also heard versions where children leave their shoes out at night and they are filled with candies when they wake up in the morning.
When I was a kid, this was a very exciting, and sometimes scary day. Because I would get very freaked out when I heard the bell ring and I imagined that St. Nicholas was outside. The idea of this bizarre Santa Claus-like type figure who was mysterious and sneaky really freaked me out. But I would eventually creep to the front door to see if anything was there. And there was always a big brown paper bag, stapled shut, with little presents inside! It was the BEST.
My mom has kept up the tradition every year since I was a kid, always sending me something small and special for St. Nick's Day. And this year was no different. The package arrived yesterday and I couldn't wait until Saturday to open it! She sent us the most adorable little presents. A pair of earrings for me, a funny rudolph pen that has funny punching fists and a light-up nose, a cute keychain, awesome reindeer pajama pants for Kev, and three AWESOME ornaments for our tree! Two of them are these super neat (I LOVE THEM) cat face ornaments - one is a black cat and the other is a red cat! Just like our cats! We've put the lights on our tree so far, but haven't done the ornaments yet, so we put the Floyd and Chawser ornaments on it right away last night. They look so cool. My mom is the best.
Speaking of Floyd, another lovely treat was that this morning, I woke up around 6am to Floyd curled up sleeping right next to me. He usually sleeps at the food of our bed, if he sleeps with us at all, but he's never once in the entire time I've owned him slept with me, next to my head/torso, on the bed. It was so sweet and lovely. He's a big cat and I loved feeling his funny warm cat body all curled up next to me. He tried to get up a few times throughout the morning, but he just kept getting sleepy and plopping right back down and going back to sleep. I just LOVED it. He took up a ton of room on the bed, but I still hope this is the beginning of a new habit. I'd love to have him next to me every night. I think he's doing it because it's drafty in the apartment at night. Chawser was also curled up in his own little self-made cocoon of blankets on the couch when I got up this morning. He'd dug himself a little cave of covers. They are precious.
In food and exercise related news, things are good. The scale is down and I feel good. I definitely overate on Thanksgiving and I gained a pound last week from all the festivity, but the scale is already back down after a few good workouts. I spent a lunch hour lifting on Tuesday and I'm still pretty sore from it. And I took a nice long 50 minute walk through Central Park on my lunch break yesterday, which felt great. I chose to do that instead of hitting the gym and it was a good decision.
We went out for a friend's birthday dinner last night at a pulled pork joint - and I ate half a pound of pulled pork! All by myself! It was seriously beyond delicious. But I checked this morning and it was only 7 points, or about 325 calories. So no big deal. The upside is that I was SO full from it (Kev and I ate quickly because we had to leave the gathering early to perform our improv shows) that I spent the rest of the night digesting and chugging water and didn't need or want another lick of food. So the scale was actually down this morning, which was a nice surprise.
I'll go workout again tonight after work. I'm thinking some light lifting, some pilates, and a 30-35 minute cardio session. I'm not sure I'll have time for much more. After the gym, I'm going to coach improv, like I said, and won't be home until midnight. Oof. I'm looking forward to coaching though. I've never done it before, so it should be interesting. I think I know what I'm doing. I THINK. ;)
I plan to workout a lot this weekend too. I didn't get in as much as I wanted to last week, which was fine, but I've got the itch again, so I'll squeeze it in when I can. I also need to squeeze in a TJ's run! But I'm thinking of taking a page out of my friend Jess' book and trying to really eat all the stuff in my cabinets!
Workworkwork. Back to work.
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
The Tree.
That's my adorable boyfriend last night, standing in the 28th Street subway station WITH OUR CHRISTMAS TREE! WAHOO!!
You'd think it would be a horrible nightmare to get that thing from Manhattan to Brooklyn, on the subway, and ultimately down the block to our apartment. But you'd be wrong. It wasn't too bad at all.
Granted, I wasn't the one carrying it.
;)
He was a real trooper. AND, he's Jewish! So this was a true mitzvah, his carrying that tree home and helping me set it up. He was covered in sap and pine needles when all was said and done. I love him.
It was too late by the time we got home (around 11) to start decorating it. I still loved seeing it all unwrapped and settling into its new home in our living room. We trimmed some of the unruly branches and arranged it just-so, gave it some water, and enjoyed the amazing aroma. I plan to at least get the lights on it tonight. I'm so happy we have it, finally. I wanted to get it on Friday, after Thanksgiving, but we stayed in Brooklyn for most of the weekend and couldn't find anyone selling trees on Friday. The tree stands are popping up all over the place now, of course, so we could have bought it in Brooklyn, but we got it in Manhattan and it got to take a subway ride. How many Christmas trees can say that?
I did get to do some other decorating in the house - just some extra greens from the tree with blue lights and ornaments peppered throughout. Looks cheesy but it's cute and festive. I can't wait until the tree is done and we can hang out by treelight at night. Love that.
More tomorrow!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
