It's a beautiful day.

Guess what?

I feel better.

I feel so. much. better. I'm not sure if I'm back to 100% or not, but I'm terrified of losing this mojo so I'm gonna take it real easy nonetheless.

The bottomline, however, is that I feel better. I woke up this morning, having gone to sleep last night with a slightly sore, but mostly numbed-out tooth, and two illnesses (stomach bug and sinus bug) hanging on for dear life. And I woke up this morning feeling like a normal person again.

And let me tell you. Normal personhood feels exquisite right now. I think I'm basically out of the woods entirely with the body illnesses. And this tooth thing - well - I could not be happier that it's FINALLY SOLVED. I don't have anywhere near the pain I had yesterday, I don't have anywhere near the pain I've been having for the last year. It actually feels better. Which is a miracle to me. This place in my mouth has been a constant source of pain and avoidance for a long while. I have no idea why I waited so long to deal with it. But when compounded with the other sickness stuff, it became unbearable and had to be addressed.

Jess mentioned to me that she's known people with mouth infections/issues who realized that they felt better in general, overall, once the infection got cleared up. I certainly wouldn't rule out that possibility here. Plus, the fact that I can tell that the antibiotic is fighting the infection is making me so happy. So whether that's psychosomatic or actual body chemistry - I'll take it.

My face muscles on the right side are a bit sore today. I had five different shots in my mouth yesterday and it makes your whole face feel tight and reactive. But I know that will go away in the next few days. I really hope the work the doctor did (he basically had to build out a whole extra piece onto my tooth so that the area wouldn't get re-infected) solves the problem completely. I'm going to be diligent about keeping the area clean. Any good advice for a super healthy mouth - I'll take it!

So I'm in a great mood right now. I get out of work in about 25 minutes for the rest of the weekend, obviously. And I'm excited. The office is very quiet right now - most everyone has already left for the holiday. Sweet Kevin is at home right now, trying his hand at some sausage cornbread stuffing for tomorrow. We basically have no idea what we're doing, specifically with regard to the turkey. But I've tried to read up a bit and we have somewhat of an action plan, so I think it should work itself out. I hope. We're getting up early tomorrow to get started, just in case shit goes awry. Regardless, I am so happy and excited and have warm feelings all over to get to cook my very first Thanksgiving dinner with my honey.

When I leave work in a little while, I'm hitting the gym. I'm really looking forward to it. I haven't worked out since Saturday and now that I'm feeling so good (I think the huge dose of antibiotic in my mouth recallibrated all body systems), I am EAGER to get back to it. I have a lot of energy today, relatively. And I plan to spend a good 60 minutes on whatever cardio strikes me, and get in some light lifting and ab work too.

After that, I'll head home to Brooklyn where Kevin is toiling away on his stuffing, stopping by the store on my way to grab some last minute ingredients for a pie he wants to make, and I'll help him finish up whatever he's doing. I made the cranberry sauce last night, we're doing the sweet potato casserole and the turkey tomorrow morning, and beyond throwing a salad together and heating up the mashed potatoes, I think we're good to go! Can't wait.

We have improv shows tonight, his is at 7 and mine is at 8. So we'll head back into the city around 6 and spend the night at the PIT (Peoples Improv Theater) with our good friends. I'll probably go out for a drink afterward and then I might go meet up with Daniel at his apartment for a little more hangin-out.

So that's the update. I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving with good friends and family. And I hope you're all able to get a little exercise in. ;) It makes eating plates and plates of food that much more enjoyable.

Cranberry Sauce

So. :) I've had an eventful day. But I'm ending it contently, blogging while Kevin watches TV. I have a full tummy (more on that in a moment), and I think when I'm done with this I'll crawl into bed and get some much needed rest. I've had sleep issues the last two nights.

Kevin is watching tivo'd American Music Awards. Beyonce is performing. I love this performance.

It smells like cranberry sauce in our house. I just made my first-ever batch. Sort of just to test it out. Then I let it cool down just a little bit and had a spoonful of it over all natural vanilla ice cream. With pecans. It was basically heaven in a small dish. I told Kevin, "I could eat a vat of that." And I could.

I also had a couple cookies, a TINY sliver of pie, really tiny, and some nuts and crackers. I suppose that was my dinner. My eating schedule was all screwed up today. I ate breakfast around 11, "lunch" at 7pm, and "dinner" at 10:30.

Here's what happened: I've been sick for the last 10 days. It's been unpleasant. Nothing terrible, but I've definitely had a bug or bugs and I haven't felt good. Then I got the aforementioned toothache. So I went to the doctor on Monday for the sickness (and I mentioned the toothache to her, yes). She said: sinus infection and stomach flu. I am just now this evening feeling better from all that in a noticeable way. I think the sinus infection is dying down. And my stomach, which felt sour today, feels better tonight.

This tooth thing, I knew, was not entirely related to this sickness though. Sure, being sick probably exacerbated it, but I have had problems with this area of my mouth since at least April, if not well before that.

So I went into the dentist today and got some answers. Problem 1: My gum was receding in a certain spot near my back tooth. And Problem 2: the tooth itself isn't properly aligned with the one next to it. So it exposed up the receding gum AND the gum under the tooth to bacteria. And Problem 3: the area is infected. Which means it's been infected for quite some time. Months. And I think getting sick with two different bugs caused a weakened immune system which caused an inflamed tooth infection. It was just killing me.

The dentist did some shit to my mouth today, unexpectedly, when I went to see him on my lunch break. I HATE the dentist. And this shit was not pleasant. An upside is that had I known this had to happen and had I a week to plan for it mentally, I would have been even more of a wreck today. I was still a wreck. Just like when I got a couple cavities filled in April, I sweat through my jeans. I hate the dentist.

He did some drilling, some shoving of teeth, some rebuilding of a tooth and then he applied some penicillin, and sent me on my way. As the numbing agent started to wear off, though, when I was back at my office 20 minutes later, I ended up in incredible agony. We're talking a 9 on a 10 scale of pain. I was basically in high panic mode on the inside. I couldn't see, think, talk, do anything but fixate on the pain and how badly I needed to get it to stop. I called back the dentist and told them. They told me to try advil and call back in 30 minutes. I'd already taken 2 advil. I took 2 more. I was in excruciating pain. I couldn't wait 30 minutes. I called back in 22. It was the longest 22 minutes of my life.

I was really worried because I came in late to work yesterday because I was sick and had to go to the doctor. I am out of sick days, though. So leaving 2.5 hours early today after coming in 4 hours late yesterday seemed like a stretch to me. But I was in dire straits. I basically shut the door to my boss's office and welled up with tears as I tried to explain to her what was happening. While I was in with her the dentist's receptionist called me back and said to come back into see him immediately. My boss was empathetic and didn't care at all, of course, that I had to go back to the dentist.

I pretty much flew to the dentist's office. It was everything I could do to tell my other bosses I was leaving and to organize my desk and finish up some last tasks. I was in a pain-panic. Nothing else mattered.

By the time I'd gotten to him, the double advil dose had kicked in and I was at a 7 on a 10 scale. I spoke to him and he looked at it and basically said, either we can take out the whole thing we put in your mouth and scrape out the infected tissue. Or you can wait until the antibiotic starts working, which is when the pain will hopefully subside. He said the antibiotic is a huge dose. And with the tissue so infected, it made sense that the tissue would react angrily to the antibiotic and that it would be trying to fight back. It was definitely fighting back. Of course, the antibiotic will prevail. I know this. So I agreed to wait. I didn't want him digging around in there anymore. I said, "But what am I supposed to do until then. Because I'm in agony here." He gave me a shot of another numbing agent in my mouth, which also makes your face feel weird and sore, but it was better than the pain of the infection.

I was on cloud 9 when I walked out of there ten minutes later. Not because it felt good by any means, but because the relief of the excruciating pain was a joyful feeling. Feeling only kinda sore was a god send.

The numbing agent has worn off by now. And yup, the antibiotic seems to have started working. I feel sore but I feel okay. I can stand the pain at this level. And I can already tell that this is gonna make a huge difference in my mouth. This infection has been bothering me for a lot longer than I realized. Now that I associate the soreness to the fact that it's healing, not to the fact that I have an undiagnosed mouth issue, I realize how long I've been living with it as an everyday part of my life. I had stopped noticing that I was noticing it all the time. Isn't that weird?

So that's the saga. Of course it wasn't the end of the world. But there were some moments there where I was in a panic.

WHEW.

It's on the mend. And I think! I might be GETTING BETTER! Overall! This is exciting to me. I've felt like crap for daaaays. I cannot wait to wake up tomorrow feeling good. I know I might not be 100% by any means, but I think I will certainly be on the up and up.

And just in time. We get out of work tomorrow at 3pm and I'm going to go spend a good hour and a half at the gym. I really look forward to it. I haven't worked out since my Saturday run, when I got sick 3/4 of the way through it and didn't recover for 36 hours. I feel like a sloth from the lack of exercise, which is ridiculous, I know. But an amazing workout tomorrow will take care of that, without a doubt. Then I'm going to come home and do some food prep. :) :) And then I have a show at 8pm. I am excited to do some improv tomorrow night and then hopefully - all things permitting - go have a beer with some friends. It's been quite some time since I've been able to do that. Since my birthday weekend to be exact. This has been a rough month.

To borrow a line from my friend Jess, Thursday is Thanksgiving, obviously. And I'm looking forward to it. Kevin, Daniel and I are cooking at my house. I've never made Thanksgiving dinner before and I'm totally stoked. I'm gonna take lots of pictures and really enjoy the day. I plan to go for a run in the morning that day, and a walk in the afternoon with Daniel and Kevin. And then we're gonna eat around 4 or 5. I'm excited to enjoy the day. There are lots of yummy things on the menu. We might meet up with some friends or go see a movie in the evening. And I will be consuming cocktails.

Then, during the weekend, I plan to workout each day. Friday we're getting and hopefully putting up our Christmas tree, Saturday I have a sketch show, and Sunday we're going to see Kevin's parents during the day and going to see a standup comedian (Jim Gaffigan! I love him!) at night. The tickets were a birthday present from Kevin. I'm looking forward to the down time, the time away from work, the time to exercise, and the festivity. I love this time of year.

Honestly, whatever happens now that I'm starting to feel better is fine with me. I'm excited to just be part of the human race again.

I’m up. It’s 2:45am on Sunday/Monday and I’m awake. I am having a terrible, painful, awful toothache. So about 2 hours ago now, I took a percoset that I had left over from my back injury. My friend at work gave me two percoset. I took one when my back when out three months ago and one tonight. And it’s keeping me up, I think. Or maybe it’s the tooth pain. I’m not actually sure at this point. But I’m sitting here, awake, and well…

I finally googled “severe toothpain” and one common theme I read was vanilla extract. That and baking soda were really the only two consistently mentioned remedies. I did the vanilla extract. And you know what? I kinda worked. That is huge. Because I don’t have the severe, hot-screw-being-drilled pain I had before. But it still hurts like a real bitch. I realized a couple days ago that I actually haven’t being chewing on that side of my mouth for, seriously – MONTHS.

So there’s that. And the other thing is that I’ve had a second go-round, a repeat, if you will, of my flu. I’ve been down and out, big time, for the last 36 hours. I actually finally started feeling better tonight – just before the tooth happened! – after spending the day resting. Long story short, I haven’t felt 100% for two weeks, since the Monday after my birthday. But after the first experience with it, last week, I felt like I was finally recovering. I’ve still had a noticeable headache, sinus congestion, sore throat, and a consistent cough ever since then. So I know I’ve still been mildly sick, but I’ve been really laying low. I have been going to work but I also haven’t been drinking, smoking, or doing anything at all, really, except working, working out, and going to rehearsals and shows. Otherwise I’m at home. I guess it wasn’t enough though. Because I went for a run on Saturday during the day, a long run around the park. And yes it was pretty cold out at the time. Yes. But I was bundled up and I felt good. I’d already been back to working out since I’d first gotten sick.

Well about ¾ of the way through the run, I didn’t feel right. And when I came home, I got sick. It was awful. And I had to get ready, get dressed, and go to my show right after that. I felt pretty rotten for the rest of the night. We went straight home after the rehearsal and show, and I crashed.

I did nothing today. I originally had three things on the agenda: go to an HST business meeting at 11am, go to the Bodies exhibit at 3pm (the tickets for that thing apparently have to be for a specific time and date and we’d gotten tickets as a gift), and a Girls Movie Night with some girlfriends at 7pm. I bailed on all three! Aack! I felt guilty! I was surprised that I felt guilty, actually, but I really did. I had to keep telling myself that it was actually the right thing to do – rather than that it was me bailing on stuff.

I ended up having a really nice day while trying to recuperate. I laid around, Kevin made me breakfast, we watched two episodes of Top Chef, we bought plane tickets online for a wedding we’re going to /I’m in in Miami in March, we had a small soup lunch. We finished planning Thanksgiving. ☺ Then I took a nap, woke up, needed some fresh air badly, so we bundled up and took a walk. I had a nice chat with my mom on the phone just before I left the house – we checked in on holiday stuff (I won’t see her for Thanksgiving, but I am going home for Christmas. Kevin’s coming! Yay!)

The fresh air was great, I actually got a small coffee (half decaf/half reg) and ate a banana while I was out, and I went to the grocery store for a couple small Thanksgiving things. It felt excellent to be out and about., like I really needed the fresh air and to get the blood flowing.

Kevin had gone to pick up Thai food for us and was home when I got there. So we hung out. He talked to his parents, I baked brownies from TJ’s that I’ve been meaning to make (they turned out to be amazing and surprisingly okay calorie-wise). We ate dinner, watched House, watched the movie Catch Me If You Can, in the dark! With popcorn! It was fun. We even moved the couch to a better viewing place for movie-watching. So the room felt fun and different. It was fun.

So it was a really lovely day. And flu-wise, I’m feeling better right now. Even though it’s actually 2am and I’m actually awake with an actual toothache. The last few days have been a joke, health-wise.

Because not only that, but get this – I have a rash on my ankle. I’ve had it for a while, it’s not going away, and I need to get it checked out. I already have a doctor’s appointment for it for tomorrow, which I made last week when I’d already been feeling better after the FIRST flu bout, so I didn’t mention that as my reason for coming in, I just called because I have this rash. So I’ll tell her about both tomorrow Unreal.

And you know what’s funny? I haven’t been sick in over a year.

So that’s that. Sigh. SIGH.

…my tooth is killing me.

☺ I guess if I’m gonna complain about it all though, I should also write about what’s good too. And lots is.

First of all, I’m sitting here in my lovely little house, blogging and eating a brownie.

I’ve had a lot of fun planning Thanksgiving. And I’m looking forward to Christmas. And I’m just generally feeling good about my life right now. I’m having fun, enjoying being myself, and being an adult. My relationship, which is not perfect by any means, is fulfilling, fun, and good. And that’s what I want in life. I love being alone. I also want to have a life with someone. And I really think I’ve found, in the last 4 months of living with my boyfriend for the first time ever, a nice balance of those two worlds. I love him. And I love how our relationship challenges me to be a better person. And I cherish him. He’s wonderful. He’s my best friend.

Work is okay right now and working out is bringing me a great sense of peace and relaxation lately. I’m able to utilize it in that way right now. It feels good. And it makes me feel powerful, capable, and sane.

I’ve lost a total of 11.6 pounds since I recommitted to losing the 18 I gained. YES! I just saw the lowest number I’ve ever seen, this morning. Sweet.

I can’t wait for Christmas.

I think I might get a raise soon. And I’m gonna get a holiday bonus.

So stuff is good. I guess I’m gonna post this and go lay down. I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep but I should try. It’s either that or I’ll start munching. Because that brownie was good.

I’m calling the dentist in the morning. I’ll be better by Thanksgiving, dammit.

It's beginning to look a lot like...!

Well, it can certainly be hard to get back into regular blogging when you've taken a long break. But I'll attempt it today. One of my bosses at work is out of the office today (thank you, God) and even though things seem like they could easily get very busy at any moment, I'm going to carve out some personal time.

Most notably, I guess, is that I'm still recovering from having been sick. It wasn't too bad, only lasted about a week, and I wasn't completely down for the count for the entire week. But I have been feeling some form or another of under-the-weather for a while. It's mostly devolved into a nasty sounding cough at this point. But I still wake up congested and headachy each day. It could be a lot worse, I'm well aware. But it's still no fun. I had a fantastic birthday weekend and woke up the Monday after sick as a dog.

Kevin was even sicker than I was, the poor thing. He was down and out for a solid 7 days. He's feeling much better now. And it's so nice to see him alive and well again. He was totally bored, miserable, and in a serious funk by the end of that week.

Anyway. We're both on the up and up, and JUST in the nic. Because things are gettin' festive around here. And I'm loving it.

So. Food and exercise. All is well on both fronts. Despite a minor gain after the week of Halloween, the Election (had a big party), and my Birthday, which was complete with several dinners out and several gatherings involving cupcakes, things are stable, moving down again, and looking good.

As has been my custom since the summer, I'm exercising a lot - usually about 6 times a week - because I love it. If I go a day without it, I can live, but two days, and I start to feel antsy. I've been going on long runs, doing yoga, doing pilates, lifting weights, mixing it up on cardio machines at the gym - pretty much the whole enchilada. And it feels really good. My body has responded really nicely and I feel really slim and fit. (I went to the doctor yesterday for something unrelated and she had to check my abdominal muscles and she said that they're in really great shape. Love that.)

On the days that I don't workout (and no, I don't get in 6 official workouts every single week - sometimes it's 5, sometimes it's 4), I still aim to do something active and physical to keep myself moving and keep the blood flowing. Moving to Brooklyn and adopting a huge, gorgeous park a block away from my apartment into part of my lifestyle has been just amazing. I run, walk and hike around or through that thing at least once a week, if not more. It's perfect. Watching the leaves changes and ultimately begin to fall off has been the inspiration for many long walks (one taken on my birthday, which was awesome); being able to go for a nice long run around the perimeter with lots of other runners, bikers, and walkers doing their thang at the same time has been a great joy for me. And Kevin and I have found ourselves taking long hikes through different hilly parts of the park that we've never seen before (it's a HUGE park) as a way to spend a nice Sunday afternoon together. I will often decide to get on the subway at a stop that is farther away than the one near my house, just so I can walk through the park to get there. It's awesome. I'm dreading when it's way too cold to even think about walking around outside. But I'm hoping those days are few and far between and that even in winter, I can bundle up and get movin. It never stays intolerably frigid for long in New York. (Although it is surprisingly cold today. Gah!)

I've also been doing lots of other activities outside the house like shopping at grocery stores far away and using the varied trip home (up and down the stairs to the subway, walking to and from the store and the house) while carrying the heavy bags as a way to stay active. I pull my abs in, make sure I'm varying the arm muscles I'm using, do little squats at stop lights, and generally try to help myself get stronger. It's fun. I carried home a heavy butternut squash on Saturday and certainly looked like a big weirdo as a I did bicep curls and shoulder presses as I walked.

On Sunday morning I had some errands to run - a trip to Target to return some things and get some other things, and a trip to Trader Joe's to get some ingredients to use with some produce we'd gotten at the farmer's market the day before. Kevin is notoriously difficult to get moving in the morning and usually I'm happy to laze around with him, but on this particular Sunday morning I just wanted to get up and get going. So when I woke up, I announced to him that I was putting on pants and going to run my errands by myself. I spent the morning shopping at my own pace, got in lots of walking and stair climbing and eventual carrying of extremely heavy bags (so heavy I had to call him to meet me at the subway station because I didn't think I could make the 1.5 block walk from the train to the house by myself). I had a tiny piece of bread with a smear of peanut butter on it before I left the house, some coffee and water while I was out and about, and I came home pleasantly ravenous and exhausted but energized. It was a great, active morning. I'm sure I easily burned 500 calories just carrying those fucking bags. It's experiences like that that remind me why I consider myself so lucky to live in a big city where "by-foot" is one of the primary modes of transportation. I wouldn't know what to do with myself otherwise.

I don't usually give myself activity points (the weight watchers version of allowing a little more food in your diet in exchange for exercise) for these kinds of "active" days. I just chalk them up to an active lifestyle and then I don't fret if I have a glass of wine that's a little larger than 4 ounces every once in a while. You get the idea.

Spiritually, my current connection to my physical life is such a blessing. I really feel more connected to myself, my body, and my thoughts when I'm active. I feel a meditative state wash over me and I remind myself to slow down mentally, stop ruminating about so many little details, and just be. It's something I really need.

Another spiritual experience for me lately has been cooking. I know I've mentioned here before that since moving in with Kevin, I've becoming a lot more aware of what we're both putting into our bodies by way of making sure we have healthy, natural, organic foods in the house at all times. We made a lasagna, a butternut squash soup from scratch, and an apple cake this weekend. It was a blast. And very tiring. But we had a great time cooking together and now we have a ton of food for the whole week.

Also, I'm trying to take more time when eating my meals - that doesn't mean focusing more on food - it actually means focusing less on food. I'm doing stuff like saying a quick blessing before I eat to be thankful for the fact that I'm able to sit down to a delicious meal, taking my time to chew each bite and savor the flavors, and giving my body and mind time to sync up and register when I've had enough to eat.

So the general experience of buying, preparing, and consuming food lately has been something special for me. I'm sure it's not something I will always have the time or mental wherewithal to do, but for now, it's a nice habit to practice.

I'm in a great place with how much I'm eating. There's no food I can't have right now. Quite the contrary actually. If I want dessert, I try to find something very decadent and rich to eat. That way, it feels special and I feel satisfied after just a few bites. If I want pizza, I get the best looking slice I can find, maybe two slices! And enjoy every morsel. Usually I want veggies or whole grains or some filling lean protein. But when I crave something else, I have it.

I guess a lot of what led me to this place of relaxation and ease with some of this stuff is this book I've mentioned a few times called "Fit From Within." It's just a collection of really short chapters on ways to eat and live more intuitively and naturally, without having to focus on what you're eating or not eating. It is certainly something that wouldn't have helped me when I had 110+ pounds to lose. I needed something much more guided then. But now that I've lost the weigh and I'm in a place of wanting to lose a tiny bit more, but mostly to maintain my weight, while getting my mind out of the place of needing to count calories or deprive myself of certain things, this book has been a nice tool. I haven't even read the whole thing. But after just a few pages you really start to get a sense of what this woman is talking about. And you begin to realize the ways in which you, or I guess I should say 'I', have NOT been living/eating as intuitively as I'd like to be.

Ultimately, I don't want to have to think about any of it. I want to be 40, 50, 60 years old, naturally thin, active, healthy, and able to eat three squares a day that maintain my weight, keep me nutritiously fueled, and allow for a giant piece of cake once a month - all without having to think about it much more than "Hm. I should probably go for a run tomorrow. That was a big glass of wine."

THAT is the reality I dream of. I'm not there yet. But I'm closer than I was a month ago. And much closer than I was 6 years ago. It's exciting. And I know it's within reach.

Something very obvious that this book discusses is the idea that life doesn't revolve around eating. I KNOW it, but I haven't fully lived it, possibly ever. It's been really nice to learn to have an understanding of what that means and to consider being finished thinking about food for a while when I've finished the last bite of a meal. It's an ongoing process, but something I'm grateful to have in my frame of reference now. There is no doubt in my mind that reading this book is helping me enjoy food in a different way and is helping me to live a more fulfilling life by not caring so much about what I eat.

I feel 28, I really do. Whatever the hell that means. I feel more mature, responsible, capable, and qualified than I ever have before in my life. It's really sort of a wonderful place to be. I had a really tough fucking time of it in my late teens and early twenties. It was easily the darkest darkness I think I'll ever know. It gave me the capacity to relate to people who've lived through difficult circumstances. And I feel now like I've really earned my 28 years. I feel that I really deserve to say No to people when I say No, to stand up for myself when I do, to have the friends and family I have, to be in the relationship I'm in. And I also have a greater sense than ever before that this is "It." Meaning, my life is not gonna be starting at any point in the future. This is IT. For better or worse, this is my life, this is my ADULT life. This is who I am and every day is a day in my life. I'm not waiting for anything to happen or any big event to change everything or for anything to begin. There is no "once I" or "as soon as I" or "someday I'll" that makes NOW any less real or less My Life. It's interesting to realize that I haven't fully felt that way until now. And I'm not sure what made me realize it. There's just something so adult about hearing myself say "28" when asked how hold I am. I remember being a kid and thinking 28 was ancient.

Anyway, you get the idea.

Oh and a quick note about my job: It's good for a paycheck. And I'm glad I have a job and health benefits in this difficult economic time. I'm still regularly broke and have to be very aware of what I'm spending, but it could absolutely be significantly worse and I know that. And I'm grateful for the privilege to come to work every day. That said, things have been a bit insane around here lately. There has been some major drama going on that is no fun. Offices, I find, are like that. There's drama. I do not want to be someone who ends up spending her life working in an office environment. (The chairs alone would kill me.) So my movable goal is to stay here for another year (this past week was my 1 year anniversary at this job), and leave to move onto greener pastures. Pastures that are not in an office. It's not THIS office that I don't want to work in - it's not so bad - it's all of them that I don't want to work in. This is not what I want for my life. (Which is happening NOW, btw ;) I'm not sure what I'll do or what it will involve - though I have some ideas. But I am sure that I want a lifestyle different than this one. And it's my lose goal to be able to get there by my 29th birthday. I can certainly tough it out in the meantime. After all, this IS my life, and I'll be damned if I'm going to be a grouch about my job every day, even if it's not the ideal workplace. So in the year that I have left here, I'm going to attempt to make the most of it - since I'm sure there are aspects of it that I'll miss when it's gone. I'm hoping that the next calendar year, starting right now, will be about opening myself up to finding out what the next thing will be. I'm eager to embark on what will hopefully be a journey of discovery in that regard.

On a much lighter, less hippie-chick note, I'm so excited that it's basically the holidays! I love the holidays. I had a fun Halloween - check, and a great birthday - check, and now it's onto Thanksgiving. Kev and I are going to cook at our house for ourselves and our friend Daniel for turkey day. And we're also planning to volunteer that day (which is proving harder than expected - I can't get anyone to call me back about volunteering!), or if not on Thursday, at some point that weekend. I want to really focus on giving back and giving of myself this holiday season. It's something I need a lot more of in my life. And I think the constant purchasing of material gifts for the people we love this time of year is absolutely inane. So I'm boycotting that, I'm going to make most of my presents this year, and I'm going to try to do a little volunteering. It's a start.

I'm excited to cook my first-ever Thanksgiving meal! I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. Should be fun! :) Having a Home for the first time in a long time (my last apartment was not a place that anyone would want to spend a great deal of time - very dingy, dark, and not conducive to comfort), and having a home with Kevin, has been so fun for me and for us as a couple. And of course, the holidays will now be that much more exciting! I have a house to decorate, much to my Jewish boyfriend's dismay, with Christmas paraphernalia, holiday tunes to play, and general festivity to exude. I'm excited. We're going to put up our tree the day after Thanksgiving. I bought some trimmings for it this past weekend, I already have a ton of ornaments, and I bought us four cheap stockings (Jen, Kevin, Floyd, and Chawser) and we put our names on them with glue and glitter! Awwww. So gross and crafty I can't even stand it. But it was fun. And I'm having a blast with it.

I'm so excited to get the tree put up and our house smelling like pine, and to snuggle in for a festive December. It's cold here today, and as I was walking to work this morning, there were tons of workers putting up holiday decorations all over the city. It felt so nice. And of course 5th Avenue is already completely decorated with lights, bows, and bells. It's about that time!

YUCK.

I'm sick. I'm 98% sure it's the flu. Zzzzzzzzz.

Belated Birthday Blogging

Sooo. Long overdue blogpost here.

Let me first starting by saying that I'm 97% certain that I'm getting sick. Kevin's health has been slowly declining in the last week or so and it all culminated with him finally crashing yesterday. We've been going nonstop for a solid two weeks now. And yesterday we took a nice long 45 minute walk through the park, during which he seemed fine and said he felt good, but then we got on the subway (final destination was to be Ikea to look for new beds) and he looked at me with these big puppy dogs eyes and said that he felt really drained and yucky all of a sudden. The poor guy. We got off the train, got him some lunch, and turned right back around to go home. No need to put him through a full day of shopping and walking around.

He spent the rest of the day on the pull-out couch (we've been sleeping in the living room because there's a serious draft in our bedroom that we haven't had a chance to mend yet), watching TV, resting, sipping tea, and eating soup and a grilled cheese sandwich.

I woke up at 3am to him coughing like crazy, which broke my heart. I got up and fixed him some theraflu, but I noticed that I suddenly also didn't feel 100%. My ears were feeling cloggy, my throat was hurting, my sinuses all felt sore and I had a killer headache. I'm sure it didn't help that I, as a final birthday weekend hurrah, had two margaritas and a cupcake last night. But after getting a full 8 hours of sleep and plenty of water, I still feel pretty lethargic, achey, and generally not 100% today. Alas, all good things do come to an end, don't they.

Good things: I had a wonderful birthday! :) My actual birthday was on Friday.

Rewind to two Fridays ago, Halloween, which is also my good friend Faryn's birthday. She had a party at a bar downtown. We all dressed up in costumes (I was a Kid on Christmas Morning) and we got pretty drunk. It was the first time in a long time that I've gone out full tilt like that. It was fun for a little while but after a few drinks I was pretty miserable and ready to get the hell out of there. It was hot, dark, and very very crowded. So that was big party night Number One.

Then, Tuesday was Election Day, as you're all well aware. I had a party at my apartment that night. Kevin couldn't be there because he was hosting a political type comedy show at the PIT (the theater we're involved in). I was bummed we didn't get to be together on election night but he got home in time to watch Obama's speech, so that was nice. That was another alcohol-infused, food-infused event. We had a great time. My neighborhood went absolutely insane when it was announced that Obama won. It was easily one of the best, most memorable nights of my life. But in terms of healthy living, I ate a lot and drank a lot that night. More than I intended to. And my stomach certainly paid for it for the next few days. So that was another big party night, only a few days after the one prior.

Two days later, Thursday, was my birthday eve. I worked during the day on Thursday, had to do a quick 10-minute sketch comedy set around 7:30pm and then began my Birthday Weekend. :)I took Friday off work (which was a brilliant move that I now plan to execute every year for my birthday) so Thursday night was a small birthday party at a bar in the East Village. I met up with Kevin before the pary, who looked adorable and was obviously very excited to shower me with birthday love for a few days. We grabbed a quick sandwich at this falafel place (best chicken shwarma I've ever had) and then headed to the bar.

It ended up being a really nice night. We didn't stay too late, which was lovely, and I only had a couple beers and did a shot of some yummy blueberry vodka. Then! At midnight! Kevin surprised me, with the help of a few of our friends, with 28 gourmet cupcakes! (28th birthday.) Everyone sang to me, then I blew out the candles and enjoyed a most-delicious cupcake. We left shortly after that, with our friends Faryn and David, who live near us. Before we got in the cab, we got some pizza (I split a slice with Faryn), which was also delicious. So it was a fun party, all my dearest friends showed up, and I didn't get too drunk or too full on cupcakes, which was ideal. (We had plenty of leftover cupcakes, though. I made Faryn take a whole tray of them home with her. Thank god.)

When we got home that night, it was probably around 1:30am (so, officially my birthday), and I got another wonderful surprise. Kevin, who is honestly the best guy I've ever known :), had cleaned the entire apartment INCLUDING reorganizing a messy closet that had been stressing me out. AND he set up big balloons and a stunning boquet of roses in the kitchen, which were waiting for me when I walked in. I almost cried. It was the sweetest, most perfect surprise. I love flowers, especially roses, especially yellow roses, I love surprises, I haven't gotten balloons on a birthday in AGES, and I felt so special. And it never left my mind that I was also carting around a big bag of delicious CUPCAKES. What girl would not be thrilled? Balloons, roses, cupcakes, a CLEAN APARTMENT, and surprises! I was in heaven. I could not stop thanking him and smooching him. It was awesome.

There were also a couple gifts and cards on the table, but I decided to wait until the morning to open them. I'm pretty strict like that about birthday presents, and Christmas presents for that matter.

We woke up around 10:45 on my birthday. And I was pleased as can be to be alive. I'd had a really fun party and if my birthday had ended right when I walked in the door the night before, I would have been happy. But there was more in store! Yessss.

I was so glad I took the day off work. We decided to just relax and do whatever we pleased all day. It was so lovely. We sat at the kitchen table in the morning and opened my presents in our pajamas, while my phone buzzed nonstop with text messages, emails, and phone calls. It was so nice. I think I had a perma-grin on my face all day long on Friday. I got lots of lovely presents from my mom, cards from family, another awesome gift from Kevin (wonderful slippers called Hot Sox that you can heat in the microwave to keep your feet toasty in the winter), and a card from my cats. ;)

After present-opening, we decided to take a nice long walk through the park. The fall colors in Prospect Park are absolutely breathtaking right now. We were pretty hungry when we left the house but we wanted to wait to eat, because we'd planned to make a big breakfast after our long walk. But birthday excitement and hunger got the best of me and I did something I've been daydreaming of doing for probably a year now. I went to McDonalds.

We decided to split a quarter pounder and a small fry. That was more than enough food - so ridiculous to think there was a time years ago when I could have eaten the entire meal and then some, but half of the sandwich a few fries was more than enough. Let me just say: Yum. It's certainly not something I could eat everyday or even every week, and I did feel a little odd/gross after I finished eating, but it was delicious (in that fake kinda way) and definitely satisfied a craving.

We set off on our walk right away, which easily burned off everything we ate at McDonalds. It was a nice long walk, about an hour and a half, and I got to chat with my mom on the phone at one point, which was also nice. I love taking walks with Kevin. It's very peaceful.

Once home, we showered and got ready to head into the city. He had a show at 7, I had one at 11, and I wanted to stop by DSW to look for boots AND get a massage beforehand. DSW yielded nothing, but the massage, 60 full minutes, was very nice. I watched Kevin's show at 7, and then he took me out to a fancy dinner at a place called The House.

It was a FANCY place so I felt a little out of my element, but it was deeeelicious food and a very enjoyable experience overall. Great atmosphere, good wine, good service. I really enjoyed it. Kev told me over dinner that he had one more surprise for me: he's taking me to see one of our favorite stand-up comedians at the end of the month! Awwww. Great present.

After dinner, including delicious dessert of which I only had a few bites, we decided to walk off our meal once again by heading back to the theater on foot. Only about a 20 minute walk, but good for calorie-burning.

I did my show at 11, which was fun, and then Kevin and I headed home. I didn't think my stomach could handle another night of drinking, so I opted out of the bar scene, even though it was technically still my birthday. We just went home instead. Where I had a cupcake. ;)

The next day, Saturday, which I decided was still my birthday, sorta, was a lovely day. It rained like crazy for most of the day, but I didn't mind. I woke up around 11, Kevin made us a big delicious breakfast, then I fell back to sleep! I woke up momentarily when Kevin kissed me goodbye (he had to go into the city for a meeting for most of the day and was then doing a show at night) and I proceeded to fall right back to sleep. FOR THREE HOURS! Amazing.

Of course I woke up around 4pm in a fit of "What the fuck just happened?!" and I had a little bit of guilt that I'd wasted the day. But it seems I really needed that sleep. I haven't had a good midday nap like that in a long time. I felt awesome when I woke up. Since it was raining all day long, the cats slept with me the entire time. Lovely.

After that, I got my act together, enjoying the solitude in every respect, and headed to Target. I had a gift certificate to spend and some birthday money to spend. It was great - I let myself get a bunch of new stuff that I wouldn't normally spring for (new winter boots, some new sweaters and tops, new finger bowls for smaller portions) and had a great time doing it. Then I went to the new Trader Joe's in Brooklyn, which was also delightful. I had a bit of a train nightmare trying to get there, but I didn't mind. Once I arrived, I enjoyed another great shopping trip. This location is bigger and less hectic than the one in Union Square. I got lots of great stuff. And then took a cab home. I was feeling very content.

Once home, I noticed that the rain had cleared and we were enjoying a beautiful night. Even though it was lateish, I had a ton of energy (from my huge nap), so I set out on a long run. It was so wonderful. There were lots of people out running around the park or walking their dogs, and the leaves on the ground were crunching beneath my feet. I hadn't gone on a long outdoor run in quite some time and it was easy and awesome. I felt fantastic. An hour later, a little sore and definitely hungry, I headed home.

I stretched, made a great big meal (chicken sausage with peppers and onions, butternut squash soup, a big spinach salad, and a piece of focaccia bread) since I hadn't eaten since breakfast, and settled in for some TV. Alllll alone. :) :)

I haven't spent an almost-entire-day alone in a long time. I love to spend time by myself. I was an only child so I'm sure that has something to do with it. I love hanging out with Kevin, but there's something equally as delightful in being able to be completely by myself. I spent the day exactly as I wanted to: I got to exercise, got to shop at my own pace, got to watch whatever I wanted on tv - it was just a great day. A second birthday, if you will. ;)

Yesterday, Sunday, was a gorgeous, sunny, warm day. I went out for coffee and then made a big breakfast while Kevin slept in (his sickness was creeping in) and woke him up to eat. Then we took our walk, enjoying the weather, the beautiful leaves, the people watching, and the delightful Brooklyn Sunday.

After Kevin's sickness kicked in and we cut our trip short to head home so he could rest, I forced myself to go for another outdoor run. I didn't necessarily want to, and I'd already gone on a long walk earlier in the day. But I had plans to go out for Tex Mex dinner at my favorite restaurant with Daniel. Last birthday hurrah. (Daniel hadn't been able to come to my party on Thursday.) So I decided that if I had the time to kill and knew I was going out for a big meal, a run was probably the responsible move. It ended up being another great one, though, so I'm glad I went. I stretched and did some abs when I got home. Then I showered, made Kevin some get-well dinner, and headed back out to meet up with Daniel.

A big meal of fajitas and two strong margaritas later, Daniel came back to the apartment with me to watch some TV and have one of those fancy cupcakes.

I was stuffed (and still tipsy) when I got into bed. I had snacked on a couple more items after Daniel left, which was totally unnecessary and made me feel sick with fullness. But I vowed that that would be the end of the celebrating for a while and made my peace with it all before falling asleep.

A great birthday, a great birthday weekend, and I'm now glad to return to some normalcy.

I do 'feel' 28, whatever that means. Most importantly, I know it's going to be another really good year.

I've got nothing to celebrate in the next few weeks, no big parties, no birthdays, no elections, no reason to overeat or overdrink. And that's fine by me. I need a little detox after this week and a half of indulgence.

I will say that in terms of the potential for damage, I did very little. And I wrote down every morsel, for accountability, and (generally) stopped when I was full. I only had bites of things that seemed to be too rich or filling for me to eat in their entirety, I drank lots of water, kept the alcohol consumption relatively low for the most part, and the best best part is that despite being busy every night, and despite being in celebration mode half the time, I didn't let exercise fall by the wayside once.

This past week was another week of 6 workouts. And it felt really good. I know that my exercise has been instrumental in my not gaining 5 pounds or feeling like a big donut after all these festivities. Again, I was pretty good and never stuffed my face (except for maybe a little on election night - yikes), but the exercise is key. I've been enjoying the hell out of working up a sweat every day. And I don't see that changing any time soon. Even when I'm not able to get a formal heart-pumping session in, I've been choosing to go for long walks to get from point A to B, rather than taking the subway. The key this upcoming week is to a.) accept the inevitable gain I will see on the scale tomorrow, b.) keep exercising, and c.) return to a healthy, diverse diet with plenty of fruits and greens, and WITHOUT rich desserts every night. I know I can do it. I know I will see a birthday gain on the scale tomorrow, but I know I can return to normalcy without much fuss. The ability to do that, which I've honed over the years, is a blessing. (The book I'm reading "Fit From Within," is really interesting and has allowed me to shift perspective recently on what role food plays in my life. Good stuff there.)

Hopefully, mostly for myself more than anything, I will post some thoughts soon on turning 28 and what I hope for out of the next year (just like I did last year - and a lot of those hopes became reality!) because I think it really helps me to reframe and refocus. But for now, I had a really nice, really lovely, really thoughtful-thanks-to-my-wonderful-boyfriend birthday that made me feel really special and loved. It was a perfect few days, spent exactly as I hoped they'd be spent - enjoying myself and my friends. :) I can't say I'm not bummed that it's over. Returning to work this morning was not fun. But with Thanksgiving vacation only 2.5 weeks away, I think I'll be okay.

President Elect Barack Obama!!!

All is well with me, I've just been super busy lately, which is why I haven't been posting. And this post will be really quick because I have to leave work for the day shortly.

I just want to say how thrilled, excited, and moved I am by the fact that this country elected Barack Obama yesterday. I have believed, beyond a shadow of a doubt, since before the primaries that this man was the man for the job. Hilary Clinton said it best when she said that what America needs right now is a transformational figure and that Obama can be that for us. She's right. That figure is this man. And I could not be happier.

It was a blessing and an honor to be a New Yorker last night. This city celebrated with such fierce joy and elation that I will never in my life forget. When the networks announced that he'd won, everyone at the gathering at my apartment began to cheer, and then we went outside only to hear other people screaming and cheering from inside their houses. And then everyone began to pour into the streets. And this happened all across the city. What the unfolded was basically the biggest party this town has ever seen. I high-fived, hugged, and grinned at so many people last night. There was such an excellent sense of community to discover how badly we wanted the same thing and how happy we all were to have achieved it. It felt like the world experienced a shift in those moments. And it was striking.

I've blogged this on my regular blog (link on the right), and retold it to several people today, but I have to write it here too: Voting on Tuesday in a predominantly black neighborhood was awesome, watching grandsons wheel their grannies up to the polls to vote the first black president into office was awesome, partying, cheering, and celebrating with my best friends and in Brooklyn, NY was awesome, but one of the loveliest moments of all for me was this morning: I stopped at the deli to get a coffee and an old black woman with a cane hobbled in at the same time. She was there to buy a newspaper with Barack Obama's face on the cover. And as she paid for her newspaper, she started to sing "This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it."

I'll never forget it.


-------------------------------------

On a totally separate and completely meaningless-in-comparison Weight Watcher note, all is well with that too. I ate A LOT last night at my election party - I guess when I wrote it all down it wasn't that bad, but I was beyond stuffed once everyone finally left our apartment. Plenty of chips, dip, and alcohol. Plus other crap. But I'm back on it today, had a great week last week (6 days of working out - nice), the scale has been rewarding me, and I feel good.

And my 28th birthday! Is on Friday! I'm doing drinks out tomorrow night with friends and a full-day of whatever we please with Kevin on Friday. (I took the day off work.) So if I overeat a little this week, I'll live. ;) However after last night's festivities, I could easily see myself going light for a few days. And I've got a bunch of workouts planned for the rest of the week, all of which I'm looking forward to executing.

To sum up: I'm exhausted, I've been so busy, I'm excited to turn 28, I'm happy with my weight, and I'm so thrilled about our new President. :)

I wrote a whole big long entry last night that got promptly DELETED due to a blogger error. ROAR.

Meanwhile, my cubicle mate is presently eating a huge cupcake for breakfast. Red velvet. (She's...um...not thin?...so...I don't feel SO jealous.)

I'll try to write later today. All is well. Looking forward to the weekend. Blah blah blah.

Stupid computers.

Comedy.

I can't figure out how to post a video directly to my blog, so this link with have to suffice.

My sketch comedy group was featured on a TV show called "Attack of the Show."

It's a nice segment and it makes me feel proud. :)

Nope, a brownie.

I ended up having such a nice night last night.

I left work, fully intending to go to a pilates class with my night off from rehearsal. Then I realized that the days that I get to go directly home from work are so few and far between that I can only remember having done it one other time since I moved into Kevin's apartment in July. JULY! So I decided, eff it, I already worked out once today, I'll do pilates on my own when I get home, I'm skipping the class.

I'm glad I did because about 8 seconds after making this decision, my period started. Ah, yes. Wonderful. I had to stop at a store and buy advil immediately - there was no way I could wait the 40 minutes until I got home to calm the cramps. Thank god for advil. It works every time for me.

I'd already decided earlier in the day that I'd stop at the store to get some kind of special sweet treat. I popped into a gourmet market on my way to the subway and picked up a most delicious (and surprisingly low-calorie even though it was regular full fat) organic coffee flavored ice cream and a small package of all-natural caramel pecan brownies. I was so excited to make a decadent treat for after supper. And it was not my intention to self-soothe with the sweets or anything like that, I just knew I wanted a yummy reward for a good OP day. But as I stood in the check out line with advil, ice cream, and brownies, it did not escape me that I was clearly a girl who just started her period. It made me laugh.

I tucked my precious brownies into a safe place in my gym bag so they wouldn't get smushed, downed my advil, and headed to the subway. I kept hoping I'd find something to read on the way home, like a newspaper or magazine just laying around, but I didn't see anything as I walked down the street. But when I got on the train there was a Page Six magazine sitting right on the seat I was going to sit in. Sweet! So I read trashy gossip the whole train ride home.

My cramps had subsided when I got home so I changed into clean workout clothes, having already done a solid 30 minutes of hard cardio at the gym over my lunch break, and did some pilates in front of the TV. It was nice and felt good, probably did about 25-30 minutes worth.

Kevin was out with a friend for the evening so I was on my own for dinner. I was so excited to broil up my tilapia, to have along with some brown rice and a salad. But when I got the tilapia out of the package and onto the broiling pan, I knew I just couldn't eat it. I know, I know, it's not that fishy. And I totally believe you, Jess, when you tell me you like it and that I will too. I am definitely willing to try it again. And I plan to. But last night it just wasn't happening. Maybe it was hormonal, but the smell of the raw fish made me gag and I could barely stand to handle it to put it in the oven, let alone eat it. What a baby, right? I cooked it anyway, thinking maybe I'd taste it once it was done and like it. But I knew it wasn't happening. I made an egg and bacon sandwich while the fish cooked. :) I'm such a wuss.

I cooked it through, though, and saved it for Kevin who said he might reheat it today for lunch. It looked tasty when it was done cooking but I was already so over it, mentally, that there was no hope for me.

I still had a spinach salad, which was delicious and filling. And then my 1 egg, low-sodium bacon, half a piece of cheese sandwich on spelt bread. It was very delicious and I enjoyed my dinner very much. (Probably mostly because it meant I was one step closer to dessert.)

I puttered around a bit after that, doing some dishes, playing with the cats, organizing some paperwork, and watching TV. When I finally couldn't distract myself any longer, I prepared my dessert.

Let me just tell you that it was one of the most enjoyable flavor explosions I've experienced in a while. It was a delicious, decadent dessert that tasted heavenly, was all-natural, all made with ingredients I could pronounce, and took a while to eat. Also, I had the points to spare from my two workouts of the day. And it was a wonderful reward.

Here it is, on my lap on the couch, looking unfortunately unappealing due to being semi-eaten and the pic being from a low-quality camera:



I know it looks a little weird, but I still had to show you. It was about 3/4 of a cup of organic coffee ice cream (this was so good and made the dish), sprinkled with cappucino flavored wafers that I received in a package from my dad, along with half of a caramel pecan brownie that was rich and to die for. And then! To top it off! I made some gourmet hot cocoa that my dad also sent. Just a tiny cup of it for about 1 point. But it tasted like a chocolate dream. Perhaps I'm gushing now, but I was in heaven. Just to reitterate. Heaven.

ANYWAY. After that, I did a little emailing, had a small handful of nuts, then snuggled onto the couch (decided to fall asleep watching TV until Kevin came home - makes the house feel less scary), and drifted off.

He woke me up when he got home around 2 and brought me into the bedroom. I woke up again at 5:55am to more bad cramps (I'd forgotten to take advil before going to sleep), so I got up to take some meds, feed the cats, and then Kevin woke up too. We ended up laying there chatting for a good 35 minutes around 6am. We were both feeling restless and not super sleepy. He rubbed my lower back for a while, which was so soothing and wonderful because my insides felt really sore. I finally fell asleep and got another hour and a half before waking up for good.

It's CHILLY today! I woke up a bit late and had to rush around but I still made it to work on time with my gym clothes, lunch, and afternoon snack all in tow. I had a yummy filling breakfast and just now finished part 1 of my lunch, a spinach salad with feta and cranberries. I feel pretty satisifed from it so I think I'll head to the gym shortly for a light lifting session before I eat part 2, which is beef chili with light sour cream and organic multigrain tortilla chips. This afternoon's snack will be a carrot, some hummus, and a small truffle for a sweet treat.

Wednesdays are one of my long cardio days, usually, so I'm going to go back to the gym after work tonight to get in a good 60 minutes of whatever kind of cardio I'm feeling up to. I've already planned out my dinner, since I have an improv show tonight at 9:30 and I anticipate it being a late night. I'm going to have a slice of pizza after my workout, maybe an apple or a banana, and I plan to have a couple beers at the bar tonight. I rarely go out with my friends after these Wednesday night shows, since it's a school night, but I think I might do so tonight. And I've also alotted points to eat the other half of my decadent brownie when I get home tonight. We'll see how it all plays out, but that's the idea for now.

It's so exciting to me that I get to have pizza, beer, and maybe a small brownie tonight and that that's STILL within my "diet." I will have done the exercise to earn it, I will have eaten plenty of other healthy things during the day to counteract it, and it's not even going to cost me too much in the calorie department. This is the life.

I'm looking forward to the weekend. I think it will include a little bit of everything: a party, maybe two parties (one that I'm really excited about), some alone time (Kevin's taking a class on Saturday), some outdoor exercise (I WILL do a long run outside this weekend. Can't wait.), perhaps some cooking, and also, the best part: my cutie boyfriend has arranged for us to rent a car and drive upstate to see the fall foilage! We use a service called zip car, which makes it super super easy to rent a car; you literally just reserve the car online, go to a parking garage or street location near your house, swipe your membership card over a thing on the inside of the car which unlocks the car, and then you get in and go! That's the ENTIRE rental process. No joke. You can rent it for an hour, for a day, however long you want. And it's cheap. And they pay for the fucking gas. Crazy. We've used it a lot since the service came out a year or so ago. Anyway, I told him I really wanted to drive out of the city to look at the trees before they changed too much or it got too cold but I was hemming and hawing about spending the money and when to go, etc., so he just decided - he booked us for this Sunday and said we can drive up, look around, maybe find an apple orchard, stop at the big mall, and find a place to have dinner. Adorable and fun. Can't wait. I love him for arranging it and I LOVE the fall.

Off to the gym!

Maybe a cupcake.

The scale was down for weigh-in this morning another half pound. I was surprised by this because I thought last week's overeating due to my little cousin being in town and this week's overeating due to several family parties was sure to catch up to me and cause a gain. Plus I think I'm in PMS stages right now. But I was surprised to see a welcome loss and I'm glad for it.

I have had consistent losses for the last 7 weeks, except for last week's maintain. It's a good streak. I would certainly attribute it to being more serious and diligent with my exercise lately (been preplanning my weekly workout schedule, doing an average of 6 days per week, varied types and lengths of cardio, light strength training, yoga, and pilates).

I'd also attribute it to being as honest as possible with myself when I write down what I've eaten in a day. The week my little cousin was here, I went over my points for the week by 95 points! I'm allowed 22 points a day and I ate beyond that by 95 points. Now 35 of those are the allotted flex points (for anyone non-WW, flex points are extra points you're given in a week to spend as you choose: all in one day, spread out over the course of the week, not at all, etc.). The other 60 points I ate were beyond what's 'allowed.' Now that's quite a bit of food - nothing to sneeze at and I certainly certainly work each week to keep that number low. (95 is an all-time high for me in recent months. That's not an average week or anything.) And I'd say the healthy majority of those points are consumed as lean proteins, whole grains, fruits and veggies, and nuts and beans. Mostly organic, whole stuff. But regardless of what I'm eating, I'd rather be totally open and honest about all the little BLT's (bites, licks, and tastes) than fudge the numbers and wonder why the hell I'm not losing at a more rapid pace.

I realize sometimes all this talk about food and exercise might sound a little over the top - that the details about what I've lost over 7 weeks, how I conduct my exercise lifestyle, what I eat, how I write everything down might sound like a mildy insane person's life. And maybe it is. But as I said yesterday, being "Fit From Within" (the name of a book I just ordered) is something that has always eluded me. So until I miraculously grow the piece of my brain chemistry that's able to simply wake up each day and automatically make the best possible choices without having to think twice about it ever, I'm probably gonna have to be someone who writes down what she eats, gives a little forethought to her workout schedule, and is accountable for it all to a scale, her pants, and a blogging community. It is what it is.

And today, what it is, is a pleased feeling that the scale was down. I actually didn't think it was gonna happen. I ate less this week than the 95-points-over week, but it was still a high number - I think maybe 85 points over? Something nuts like that? I usually do about 65 points over (that includes the 35 allowed) so I'm lucky that whatever I'm doing is working well enough that I'm still having success. Of course my goal for this upcoming week is to get that number back down to a more reasonable place, like 65 points over. I know I can't keep up with the amount of calories I've consumed in the last two weeks and still show losses. So we'll head it off at the pass and rein it in this week.

I made a workout plan for the week yesterday, as I have been doing a lot lately. I'm excited to inact it this week. There's this brand new weird contraption at the gym that is sort of a cross between a stair master, an ellipitical, and a treadmill. I can't explain it. But it doesn't have a name on it. It's got all these gears and levers and it's kinda hard to use at first but I tried it last week, finally got the hang of it, and holy SHIT. That thing - whatever it is - is a killer. My heart rate is at a steady 180 whenever I'm on it. Wild.

I'll also take a couple classes this week, pilates and yoga, and I'm looking forward to those too. It's been a couple weeks since I went to a gym class.

I have another type of goal this week which is to be very frugal financially speaking. I'm on a cash diet right now, which means my goal is to only spend a certain amount (or less, of course) each day. I'm already a little behind and have to make up for it by not spending much at all in the next few days. This means I'm eating breakfasts and lunches that I bring into work from home AND preparing dinner at home each night - another bonus for the healthy living effort, because I can control what I'm consuming. So it's a nice hand-in-hand scenario with the cash and the food.

I have a few days off in the next two weeks that are not usually my own. I have HST rehearsals every Tuesday night but we are off for the next two Tuesdays (for a handful of reasons) and I have an HST show every Saturday night but I will not have one this Saturday. So I am looking at a few days of freetime that I'm not used to. And it is definitely welcome. Of course the days are filling up fast and I already have plans on a couple of the open nights, but I don't mind since they'll be deviations from the normal routine. Tonight, my first Tuesday off, I'll take a pilates class. And the other two nights, Saturday and next Tuesday, I have parties to attend! Yay! Parties!

My 28th birthday is swiftly approaching. Friday, November 7. I'm looking forward to it, as I do every birthday, but in a moment of weakness and vulnerable PMSing last night, I cried in bed to Kevin for an hour, sobbed actually, about how I'm almost 30. Completely and utterly ridiculous, I'm beyond aware. Not necessary, not REAL (since I'm almost 28, not almost 30), and not worth my time or emotion since what exactly is 30 but a number and what exactly is "almost" but a descriptive word that means nothing tangible in my life day to day. Not to mention, it is all completely without warrant because if I'm going to waste my time focusing on numbers, 30 is a number that I know I will be proud to say is my age when the time comes. WHATEVER. Regardless, I sobbed to him last night. About that and about other stuff. And I'm allowed to because apparently I needed to. And it felt good. He was very patient and kind with me and listened carefully and asked all the right questions and offered some solutions and new perspectives and also just let me cry. He's very sweet.

I'm still in a bit of a funk about what exactly to do for my birthday. But I'll figure it out and I need to get the fuck over myself, also. PMS for sure. (I think it will be over in a matter of hours though. Then it will move to MS, remove the P.)

I'm gonna go get in some light cardio on my lunch break. I just ate a delicious turkey, cheese, spinach wrap for lunch, which I made in my kitchen this morning, and I'm already @#)%(* hungry. PMS. So I'm going to have a find a substantial snack to have after my lunchtime workout if I expect to make it to pilates class tonight.

Oh the trials and tribulations of being alive. Woe is me. Right? PuhhhLEEEZE.

I'm excited to have some quiet time to myself tonight. Kevin's going out with a friend and I think I'm gonna go home after pilates, possibly have a glass of wine, and watch my political programs. :) I might make fish for dinner! Whaaat! I'm NOT a fish eater for the most part. I am pretty finicky when it comes to fish. But I've heard tilapia is not fishy at all and they had a nice looking garlic chipotle tilapia at TJ's so I swiped it. Might try it tonight with some pilaf or brown rice and salad. We'll see.

I think I shall also find myself some kind of special sweet treat for dessert. Maybe a fancy cupcake? Maybe. :) :)

A sampling.

First of all, I am really getting excited for the election. I'm so excited by the prospect that Obama might win this thing; I'm remaining only cautiously optimistic. I know these things can change overnight, for no discernable reason. My hope is that exactly what Colin Powell said in his controversial endorsement will come true - that we need a transitional figure, and a new generation, in the White House.

Lately it seems like all Kev and I watch on TV are political shows. I love Countdown with Keith Olberman which is, admittedly, very left-biased. But I think the guy is funny and I love hearing his spin. Then, of course, are the comedy central shows - The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. I recently caught "Sarah Palin: Revealed," which is on MSNBC - it's a program they've done for all four of the nominees, just about their lives. It's a documentary, so of course it's meant to be neutral. But regardless, it's hard for me to watch the program because I dislike the woman so much. Learning about her as a young woman is even more off-putting.

Anyway, I hope he wins and I'm eager to find out what will happen.

We had a nice weekend - Friday night was just quiet time at home together. Kevin and I went to the grocery store after I was done with work and he was done with some meetings - had a nice time shopping and hangin out together. And then we went home and made the most delicious comfort-food, fall-weather supper.

We sampled an organic tomato-pepper soup at Trader Joe's and it was so delicious, we decided to buy it and make grilled cheese on rye bread (oh god yum), organic tomato soup, and a big spinach salad. It was seriously SUCH a yummy meal, I was obsessed with it. The flavors all mixed together so delightfully and the tastes stayed in my mouth for a good 30 minutes after I was done eating, reminding me of how flavorful and delicious it all was. I wanted to get up after the first bite to take a photo of my plate, but it was so delicious that I couldn't stop eating it!

Anyway, I think I found a new favorite-of-the-moment meal that I'm definitely going to have to make again. Seriously. YUM. The grilled cheese cost me about 10 points by itself. I didn't skimp on the butter. I used an organic vegan spread, but there's no calorie difference from regular butter or margarine. And I used two full pieces of rye bread so it was costly. But I smartly gave the BF a big tear off my sandwich because he gobbled his up so fast and I felt bad for him. (Plus I didn't want to eat the whole thing myself.;)

I had a glass of wine as we cooked, and he a beer. And we basically puttered around cutting up veggies for the week, doing dishes, tending to the cats, and making dinner. It was a really nice night. After eating, we caught up on some tivo and then turned in relatively early because we were going to see his family early the following morning.

I did, however, snack well beyond necessity before going to sleep. Not sure if it was the wine or the intense workout I'd had earlier in the day that left me feeling like I was "allowed," but I ended up eating handfuls of almost everything in our pantry. We bought a bunch of snacky stuff at the store and of course I had to sample every single thing.

It's just about self control, of course. And I decided to let mine go out the window on Friday night. Eh. No big deal.

Saturday morning we got up early to go see Kevin's family. We saw his sister for her birthday and then we all (sister Lisa, her hub, their baby, and Kevin's parents) went to New Jersey to go to his Lisa's in-law's house for an engagement party for their daughter. Kevin and I couldn't stay long because we had to catch a train back to the city for the HST show.

I definitely overate that day too. It was tough because I had two parties to attend and we were up early and out and about, surrounded by food, all day long. I did the best I could to keep it on the modest side, but it was tough. I was never stuffed but I still felt like I ate a lot that day.

Sunday was another lovely day. I had to get up early and go into the city for an HST meeting. I skipped breakfast (something I NEVER do), just had coffee and a bite of someone's eggs. Then Kevin and I met for lunch in Brooklyn where I had a mexican egg brunch dish, which was very filling and yummy and kept me satisifed for a good 6-7 hours! Seriously.

After that, we went shopping for fall jackets because we were both without them, then went home, cleaned the apartment, and prepared for our friends Faryn and David to come over for a casual dinner together.

The four of us whipped up a chicken sausage whole wheat pasta with peppers dish, a yummy salad, and garlic bread - it was so delicious and we all helped prepare it, which was cool. And then we had some nice conversation, a little beer (I had 1.5 beers), and a cookie for dessert.

Kevin and I stayed up for a while longer after they left, watching tv and chatting, and went to bed pretty late. I was exhausted when I woke up this morning.

One thing I did not do on Saturday or Sunday was exercise! Gah! I knew I was taking Saturday off and had intentionally exercised every other day during the week because I planned to take Saturday off, since we were going to be running around with family all day. I had big plans to go for a nice long run with my man on Sunday but we got to shopping, which is always tiring, and by the time we got home it was dark, and we got to cleaning, which is also tiring, and then it was way too late and Faryn and David were on their way over. I kept thinking - "I'll just put on my running clothes and GO!" I really wanted to. But it didn't workout. Alas. I'm sure I burned some calories with the shopping, walking, trying on a million fall jackets, and cleaning/vacuuming the apartment.

I am purposefully eating light today to offset another week of a little more food than I wanted to consume. I ordered a book today called "Fit from Within" which I read about on this blog. This is a blog that my friend Jess turned me onto, and I LOVE it. Anyway, I ordered this book because I really want to consciously transition from being someone who feels they have certain benchmarks to reach each day with food and exercise to someone who naturally behaves in that way without having to think about it.

I have a sense that I'm leaning more toward the latter than I give myself credit for, but there are certainly still times when I think a lot about food, obsess over what I should eat, and focus more on the details than on the big picture. So I'm eager to read this book.

I had a nice 30 minute hard cardio session at the gym today during my lunch break. Weigh-in is tomorrow morning and I will only have a small snack or a cookie when I get home tonight, but beyond that, I'm done eating for the day. I had lots of satisfying and delicious things to eat today, including a turkey, cheddar wrap, prepared lovingly by my boyfriend. So I think I should be fine to metaphorically close down the kitchen for the night.

I have improv practice and then I'm going to see a friend's show. I probably won't be home until closer to midnight when I will surely fall right into bed.

Mondays are always tough for me.

Separately - I love Trader Joe's more and more the longer I shop there.

Just had to note that. Thank you. Good night.

Build a bridge and get over it? Or not?

I spilled a whole container of delicious organic (expensive) blueberries all over our kitchen floor last night. I thought the blue dots all over the orange tile looked kind of funny so I took a picture, but it doesn't look as funny on film. :) New blackberry. Hence all the pictures as of late.

Soooooooooo. I still don't feel like blogging today but I have a good hour to kill this evening before I leave work for the day so I thought this might waste some time. ;) That's a really inviting way to entice you read this post, right? "I don't really wanna write but I'm bored so here, read this drivel."

Har.

Work has been a little mentally difficult for me lately. I feel like I'm being asked to do more than other people are asked to do - and without a raise - and it's sort of getting to me. Granted, I still have freetime available to me. So it's not as if I'm up against the wire and don't have a free moment to myself (as is evidenced by this kill-time blog entry). And part of me does wonder if maybe I should just grow up, shut up, and do what's being asked of me without complaint.

The problem is that the person who's asking me to do stuff is on my same level, not above me. And she, we'll call her B, point-blank told me a couple weeks ago that she had too much to do, and assisting one of the people she assists, who we'll call D, is becoming too much for her, so her solution, she said, was to just start doing a bad job for D so that the management would get the hint that she is too busy and would give D's work to someone else. Odd solution.

The management is mostly this one ditzy lady who barely works 30 hours a week and is too busy answering her friends' phone calls to notice or care. So when B's plan to get rid of her D workload wasn't working she finally made a grand plea to this manager woman about her workload for D.The manager didn't want to deal with it as a larger issue I guess because she just assigned his work to me - but just for that day. I was annoyed because I have plenty to do myself but I got over it, realizing it's probably better just to help out when asked rather than pout and stomp about it. That action will look good come review time.

But that was last week. And since then B has asked me on no fewer than 5 occasions to do MORE of D's work. First it was because she was out sick, then it was because she was back in the office but still not feeling well, and today it was because she was busy, yet again, with other work.

Now, as I've mentioned, I recently took on another attorney of my own to assist, which means I'm now assisting three people. Most of the other assistants work for two attorneys or just one. So why can't one of THOSE people do B's extra work? Why is it me?

NOT TO MENTION, beyond assisting all three of my people, I'm ALSO the only designated person in the office to take over for the head assistant, C, who assists the big head honcho guy, whenever C is at lunch, in the bathroom, taking a day off, running an errand. (And let me tell you, this bitch is ALWAYS doing one of those things.) Because he's a big music exec and the big head honcho here, his phones are always ringing off the hook, every call must be answered or else, and he always needs something. So I do that every day at least twice a day, sometimes for whole weeks even, in addition to all my other stuff.

So basically, B asked me again today to do something for D that she didn't want to/didn't have time to do. She didn't ask management to ask me, she just asked me herself. And I didn't think it was right or fair. But I agreed to do it because I figured helping out looked better than causing a scene by saying "No," and then logging back onto Perez Hilton.(My other work was done.)

It could certainly be argued that B saw me not working and saw an opportunity to ask me to do her the favor. But shortly after that she was not-working herself.

Now, my actual suspicion is that B, who is actually a paralegal/assistant, DOES have time, but would RATHER work on the legal stuff she's assigned as opposed to the administrative stuff she's assigned. She feels above the tasks of a typical assistant. Perhaps, in her mind, she'll eventually get to quit doing all assistant tasks at all. The only problem is, in addition to her roll as a paralegal, her JOB is to ASSIST two attorneys. That's part of her job. And right now she's delegating one of them to me, and the other one - get this - is on maternity leave! For three months! So B's phones are quiet, her workload has lessened, yet she's giving me the extra stuff she "doesn't have time" to do. She has time. I promise you. Mentally, it might be difficult for her to have more than one piece of her job to focus on, but time-wise, she has time.

So I'm feeling disgruntled, obviously. Things have gotten busier than ever for me at work, my phones are constantly ringing, I answer 3 (usually 4 when C is off running errands) phone lines, assist 3.5 people (including D) and I feel like there are other people in the office who are always playing computer games or emailing with their friends.

Don't get me wrong - I have free time, as I said. But I feel as though there's a misconception about the amount of work I do, that somehow I'm viewed as someone who could use a little more work to do, so to complain about it or question it when I'm asked to help out might be viewed poorly. I'm also the newest assistant, having only been here a year. So maybe that's part of it. I'm not sure where my own insecurities about being perceived a slacker end the reality of the situation begins. The reality is, however, that I do my work, don't generally screw things up, and never leave for a day without having done what needs to be done that day. I'm on time every single day (B is, without fail, 15-30 minutes late every day), and I'm always helpful. I am online or doing personal stuff just as often as other people. And I feel I actually have more responsibility than some other people.

I guess my irritation is less about having more work to do for B, which is really not that big of a deal at all and usually only takes me a few minutes to complete, but is more about the power-play of her asking me to do it just because she doesn't really feel like it, the assumption that what she has to get done in a day is more important than what I have to get done, and that I can easily take a few minutes and just do her work for her. That's why we have interns, to do work we don't want to/can't do. And that's why we have a manager, to delegate work when things become unbalanced.

Basically, I'm not sure WHAT to do. There is the option of talking to my new boss, who is a great guy, and who would be understanding and maybe be irritated with the situation if I explained it to him, and who has some leverage around here. But I also feel like I don't want to act like a bratty kid and just bitch about having to do a couple extra things a day. It's more the principle of it really. It's more that B told me she was going to do a bad job so she didn't have to keep working for D. And the manager woman has her head too far up her ass to check in on the situation. Part of me feels like maybe I should just wait until my review, which should be any week now, and explain how much my work load is increased. Leverage. And part of me feels that I should express my frustrations.

Any advice that any of you may have, you who have experience in the working world, or you who have a much less child-like disposition when asked to do extra work than I, would be greatly appreciated. I need some direction here. Otherwise I'm going to bottle it up and get real bitchy and the whole thing is gonna seem a lot bigger in my head than it actually is.

I guess I did have stuff to write about...

In OTHER less ridiculous news, I had a nice quick lunch workout yesterday, which felt good. I'll go back to the gym tonight (skipped the lunch workout today in favor of a slow, meandering walk around midtown) for a lifting session and a long cardio session. I'm looking forward to it, I need the stress relief. (My sketch group is driving me a little nuts right now too, so add that to the pile of stressful things to be relieved.) I've got my improv show tonight and then I'll head home to catch the debate on the tivo.

When I got home last night Kevin had a couple slices of pizza waiting for me. (I ate one and shared the other with him.) It was so delicious and such a welcome treat. He set out all the toppings I like (parm. cheese, garlic, etc.) and lined the toaster oven tray with aluminum foil so we could heat them right up away and eat them. It was so sweet of him. He really is such a good guy. I'm not sure how I found him, but I'm keeping him.

We split a small cupcake that I brought home from a bakery for dessert. Not amazing but yummy enough.

Not exactly a salad and lean protein, but it was a good supper.

I made myself a delicious egg sandwich for breakfast this morning, had a mexican themed veggie thing for lunch, and will have who-knows-what for dinner.

The next few days will be fun - Girls movie night tomorrow night with some friends (seeing "The Dutchess"), massages with Kev on Friday, his sister's birthday and her sis-in-law's engagement party both on Saturday, and hopefully some niiiice relaxation on Sunday (after a quick biz meeting in the morning). I don't care what we do on Sunday but my vote is that it's something mostly horizontal and involving the television and a delicious filling dinner.

I'm so excited for the election. I think Obama's gonna win and I'm stoked! We're having a few people over that night, just close friends who didn't have other plans. We'll have snacks and drinks and hopefully be celebrating before midnight. You kinda gotta believe your guy is gonna win in order to have an election party or it could turn out to be a very anti-climactic party. But I have a good feeling. McCain has made a mess of things in his campaign, especially lately with all the negative attacks and his supporters yelling things like "Kill him!" about Obama at rallys. I think that scares even rightwing people, and rightfully so.

Anyway, I didn't mean to get political but I'm not afraid of my position. So there it is.

That's it! Good evening! (Still have 30 minutes to go! Grrr.)

Despite larger-than-normal quantities of food consumed this week, this morning's weigh-in presented me with a MAINTAIN! Phew. That was a nice surprise and it reminded me that I have been working really hard lately. It felt good and I feel slim today.

Don't really feel like writing. Feeling kinda down. Gonna try to improve that by going to workout on my lunch break.

Veggie Lasagna

In response to your requests :) here's the veggie lasagna recipe I made yesterday. I liked it because it called for more veggies than just spinach, but it did not call for mushrooms, which I do not care for. A friend who's a talented cook was over last night and he said "Veggie lasagna will take almost any vegetable you put into it." So I figure you can use whatever you want, including mushrooms, if that's your thing.

It's yummy.

A few caveats:

I did not make the tomato-basil-sauce that they give you a recipe for, I just used regular chunky tomato sauce from a jar.

And I cut my lasagna into 12 portions, not the 8 servings it suggests here. It just depends on how big you want the pieces, of course.

Also, I thought maybe a little less than the suggested 1/2 a cup of water poured along the edges at the end would have sufficed.

And lastly, I stuck mine in the broiler for about two minutes after it was done baking to get the cheese nice and brown on top.

working for the weekend

Holy cow - what a weekend.

I'm completely exhausted. And a little overfed, for sure. I also am in desperate need of a good 12 hours of complete alone-time.

Let's back track.

First of all, as you know, I had plenty to eat at that Yom Kippur dinner on Thursday night. Marina served delicious food and I drank (more than plenty of) wine and had a really nice time. As you can see:




Friday was a tough day at work as I was completely exhausted. I did get in a nice workout on my lunch break, just a quick 30 minutes, but it was hard cardio and I felt nice and relaxed afterwards.

Then, that evening, my cousin Kalan arrived! We ended up having a really lovely weekend together. Kevin, being the great guy that he is, picked her up at the airport so she wasn't overwhelmed traveling into Manhattan for the first time by herself. They had a nice cab ride and then walked around 5th Avenue (my office is there), looking at some of the silly designer shops and fancy rich people. We did dinner in Brooklyn that night because all the Manhattan places just seemed like they were going to be packed. The place we LOVE in Park Slope, Brooklyn (Santa Fe Grill - amazing tex mex) was really busy too. We had to wait about 15 minutes for a table which absolutely never happens there. Weird. I was beyond starving by the time we sat down and ate many more free chips than I should have. I didn't have anything to drink but water because I was still pretty sore from the Yom Kippur drinking. I ordered chicken/guacamole tacos, didn't finish them, but had a few bites of Kevin and Kalan's meals. I was full when we left.

The next day, Saturday, was a beautiful day. The weather was perfect, even a little too warm at points, which I don't really mind. We woke up early, Kevin made eggs for us girls, and we all got ready to go do some sightseeing. We headed to Ellis Island, which I haven't been to since I was probably 10 years old. The ferry that takes you to Ellis Island stops at the Statue of Liberty for those who want to get off (we didn't), but we did sail by her so Kalan could see her and we also got to see some beautiful views of the city.



Ellis Island was cool and it didn't take us too long to move through the museum. We were all starving, sick of standing, and feeling really low-energy by the time we were ready to go. Luckily a ferry was about to pull away to head back to New York right when we exited the building, so we hopped on and were back on land in no time. I love transportation luck like that. ;)

We walked around a bit more in the Wall Street area, walked by the ground zero site, did lunch on the Lower East Side, and went home to Brooklyn to take quick naps and showers before a big night of rehearsals, two shows, and drinks with friends.

We headed back into the city around 5:00pm and I had two back-to-back shows with a little bit of downtime (for Chipotle salads) in between. Both shows went really well and I think (I hope) it was really cool for Kalan to see this part of my life/New York City culture. She had a good time.

We were completely drained by the time all was said and done, around 11pm. But we sat with friends at an outside table at a bar (weather still amazing) for a beer and some nice conversation with friends before grabbing a cab home. It was late and I was zonked.

We got up the next morning and took a (longer-than-I-thought-it-was-gonna-be) walk through Prospect Park to a little diner in another neighborhood in Brooklyn to meet up with Randy and Daniel for brunch. We had yummy breakfasts with all kinds of interesting dishes and then we all took another nice long walk to a nearby subway.

Kalan, Kevin and I headed uptown to see Central Park and the Upper West Side. More walking. I'm usually not very conscious of how much walking one does in this city but because I was with someone who lives in a place where driving in the primary mode of transportation, I was more aware of how much we were walking (dragging) her around. My mom, who is probably the fittest person I know (works out constantly, eats incredibly well, and has an amazing body) and lives in the suburban midwest, is always complaining about how her feet, legs, and hips ache when she comes to New York and spends whole days walking around for hours. I guess if you don't do it every day as your main way to get around, you would be in a bit of pain after a while. But even Kevin and I were hurting after all the walking we did with Kalan this weekend. Sunday afternoon, when we saw Central Park, Lincoln Center, Carnagie Hall, Columbus Circle, we were all so sore we kept stopping to stretch out our backs and legs every ten minutes. But it was still a very nice day. The weather was, again, perfect, and I was glad we were able to show Kalan more of the city. I think that girl saw almost all the neighborhoods we offer around here. ;)

After our afternoon of sightseeing, we headed to Trader Joe's to pick up groceries for our little dinner party. (It was the first one I've thrown at mine and Kevin's apartment - and maybe the first one I've thrown ever? Just seven people total. But a dinner party nonetheless.) I was planning veggie lasagna, my friend Faryn was going to bring a salad (thank god), and I was doing some appetizers and a big loaf of bread too.

We headed home with lots of groceries in tow. (TJ's was packed and the three of us took turns waiting on line while the other two people shopped. Kalan was overwhelmed, understandably. I warned her it might be chaotic in there - and it was.) We relaxed a little bit when we got home - Kalan had her first slice of New York pizza (she loved) - and then we decided to do an hour-long yoga podcast together before starting on dinner! (Kevin didn't join us. He did chores instead, the cutie.) It was so fun. I think Kalan, who is very physically active and ran a marathon at age 18 (she's now 22), had a hard time with the class because she wasn't used to the kind of yoga this teacher was doing, so I'm not sure she liked it as much as I did. I had a hard time too with some of the stuff, but it was still good to be active like that.

I hadn't done any yoga in over a week and it felt awesome on my body. I am sore today and my legs and arms definitely felt tingly when the "class" was over, but it was the perfect way to spend an hour before starting on dinner prep. Also helped to alleviate some of the guilt I was feeling for not having gotten in the exercise I'd hoped to earlier in the weekend.

Kevin chopped veggies like a PRO, and did lots of other odds and ends tasks to get the place ready for guests, Kalan prepared and arranged all the appetizers, helped Kevin with odds and ends things, and washed some dishes for me, all while I cooked and arranged the veggie lasagna. It turned out really well for my first ever batch. It. Was. YUMMY.



I will absolutely be making this recipe again and I was shocked to notice later on that each piece was only around 180 calories, or 4 ww points. And I didn't even use lowfat cheese or anything! The pieces were substantial with plenty of veggies (zucchini, carrots, and spinach - SO good), gooey cheese, and lots of sauce and flavor. I loved it. I already know a few alterations I'll make to the recipe to make it more my own next time around. The only regret I have is that there wasn't a whole other pan of it so we could have it for leftovers. (There was one leftover piece which I immediately snatched up, stored away, and just now ate for lunch! Yum!)

The guests arrived right on time and we had appetizers and drinks while the lasagna baked, then sat down to a most delicious dinner, complete with Faryn's incredibly tasty salad, which complemented the lasagna perfectly. It had all kinds of really delicious ingredients and she made a great dressing from scratch and the whole meal was just really lovely. We chatted about the economy over dinner, which is always fun.

Dessert was this INCREDIBLE cake - I only had a small amount of it so everyone only got a tiny piece, along with yummy sea-salt brownie bites from Trader Joe's and some organic vanilla soy cream. Everyone agreed that this cake was the best they'd ever tasted (long story about the cake, but basically, it's from an amazing delicatessen in Tampa, FL, and it's to die for) and we drank more wine, mourned our empty dessert plates, and chatted for a while longer until BOTH Faryn and her boyfriend fell asleep (!) and everyone finally made their way home.

It was a really nice night. I was completely full when it was over, although I don't think I overate on any one thing. I certainly could have had fewer pieces of cheese at the beginning of the night, but alas, what can you do.

The scale was up this morning, as I knew it would be, and will probably show a gain for my official weigh-in tomorrow. This will be the first time I've had a gain in 5 weigh-in's so I'm comfortable with it. I tried to make good choices this weekend and certainly succeeded often, but I was also hungry more often than not, after doing so much sight-seeing and generally exerting of energy, and I went over points every day. This past week will be the most I've gone over points in quite some time, combined with the least amount of exercise I've achieved in a week in quite some time (4 official sessions, so not too bad, plus all the walking, but still), but I'm not gonna sweat it. I'll get right back on track this upcoming week, workout often (already loosely planned out my workouts for the week), eat well, and spend some time with myself.

Things will ramp up again on Thursday night with a girls movie night with some friends and then an engagement/birthday gathering on Saturday, but I'm not worried. I'll take that gain tomorrow morning in stride and focus forward.

I had a great weekend with my cousin. I'm so glad she got to meet so many of my friends, see so much of my life, and I'm so glad I got to spend some time talking to her and listening to her articulate herself about her life and her career. She just started her first year teaching special-needs 8th graders (she's a saint) and she is such a smart, interesting, funny, opinionated young woman. My extended family is really close and we always have been so it's really cool to get to know her better as an adult and to get to spend time learning about who she has become and is still becoming. I also loved the chance to show her around the city, even though it was pretty tiring at points.

That said, I'm excited to have my life back tonight. I'm going to get in some post-lots-of-food cardio at lunch today, but I told Kevin I'm coming straight home after improv practice (of course I have improv practice tonight - I wish I could skip it but I can't - I'm going to fall asleep standing up), then I'm going to lay on the couch and stare at the television for an hour, and then I'm going straight to bed. I need some serious downtime. ZZZZZzzzz.

p.s. 28th birthday is coming up in 3.5 weeks!

p.p.s There's a very loud Columbus Day parade going on right outside my office right now on 5th Ave. We've been listening to brassy parade music for 4 hours straight!