Harvard Sailing Team

Sometimes we do some sketch comedy. Sometimes we put it on a stage. Sometimes we film it with sets and costumes. Sometimes we use guns. Don't worry, they aren't real.

On the right!

My BFF Billy has a new comic on the web. It's called The Librarianist, I linked it on the right, and it's really hilarious. Billy writes the comics and his friend Tim draws them. Go check out their site for a laff. And be their myspace friend - if you DARE.

Hang in there.

Okay. I'm gonna blog about dieting now. Leave the room before it gets ugly.

I used to write a diet blog - or - a weight loss blog. If you don't know, which you probably do, I lost 100 pounds. Great. Near the end of that process, I started writing about it, and that went on for about a year. I don't think I'm gonna link that sucker here - if you know it, you know it. If you don't, call me, I'll pay you $500 not to go read it.

I'm kidding, I'm not at all ashamed of it. But I don't write it anymore. I sort of grew away from it. It was a daily reguritation of a lot of the un-finer points of being a woman who was obsessively watching her weight. I'm not knockin' the diet blog. Many a diet blog got me through many a diet emergency. And there are many a diet blog that start out as a diet blog and morph into something much more meaningful and meaty. I needed to quit writing mine. And in general, I don't like to dissect my healthy living habits as much as I used to. I guess after four years of fairly shrude weight loss effort, I needed to pretend like I didn't even know the language for a little while. I wanted to feel 100% normal, not like a recovering fat-a-holic. So I relaxed my rules a bit, I guess, and did so for about a year.

And it was a great year.

Anyway, I was more relaxed about my habits than I had been since I began my weight loss journey and therefore, that year saw the return of about ten pounds. That'll happen. And I'm gonna get it back off. But that means that I have to return to a world of shruder dieting and attending meetings and counting and detailing and being a little more nuts than how I ultimately want to live my life. It works to get the weight off even if I don't want to be doing it forever.

So I've most recently been back on this bandwagon for three weeks now, full force, and it's moving along reasonably well. But I'm really having to hang in there sometimes. Sometimes it's TOUGH. Especially when the people closest to you love to eat. And yesterday was not a good food day. And tonight I'll spend my sorrow at the gym. And I won't eat the cookie in my drawer until later because I just finished lunch and I'm not hungry dammit.

Sometimes inforcing those kinds of rules and restrictions is the only way to achieve the goal.

Losing 100 pounds was the most transformative experience I've ever had. I'm sure that goes without saying. And I still work every day on retraining my brain to create a healthy body.

I'm gonna have some coffee.

easily

I could easily eat everything they've ever made to eat ever.



RARARARARARAAAAAAAR. < That's me being ravenous and insatiable. Here's an incomplete list of everything I want:

pizza
cookies
cakes
pies
candies
brownies
nachos
doritos
doritos of any kind
chips of any kind
noodles
noodles with sauce
noodles with oil
noodles with oil, sausage, pepper and onion
steak
steak with sauce
steak frites
a burger
a cheeseburger
CHILI FRIES
CHILI CHEESE FRIES
fried dough of any kind
a tuna melt
a panini
A MILKSHAKE
chips of any kind
brownies
nachos
mexican food, all types

Thanks.

So I can't sleep on that side.

My cat aggressively bit my ear on Sunday morning when I picked him up to say hello. It hurt so much, he held on for so long, that I flung his humongous body off my head as soon as I could regain control of the situation (human = I'm in charge....test me again you little fucker...), slammed the bedroom door in his face, and proceeded to burst into tears. It. HURT. Plus he's my loving kitty baby so this was shocking and emotional.

I'm not sure if my panicking caused him to bite me more than the playful ear nibbles he usually doles out. My ears were cold because I'd just been outside so when he started to nibble I freaked out. So maybe I actually made it worse by grabbing his muzzle. Maybe I actually helped apply some of the pressure myself. But I'm pretty sure it wasn't my fault. I'm pretty sure I actually had to PULL his HEAD off my HEAD. Death defying.

He broke skin in two places and it bled for a while. Now it's infected, despite my efforts to the contrary, and it's all red and tender and hot to the touch and is killing me. I'm popping advil and using neosporin with pain relief which is my new favorite cream substance. Take the pain away, topical analgesic. Take it away. So that was traumatic for everyone and the little bean apologized later with some light mewing and a few kisses and licks on my hands and face. Too little too late, Beelzebub.

Tonight will be low key. I'll go to the gym after work and then I'll go home and spend some time with my cat. I get it, Floyd. But next time, use your words.

(So what. It's dramatic for affect. Because I'm dramatic. For affect.)

CAN'T I JUST BE?!

You knowwwwww, I have spent many years of my life working to improve my quality of life. And it's not just for me. IT'S NOT JUST FOR ME. Ahem. It's not just for me. It's for everyone. Because when I'm being well and acting well and living well, the people around me aren't subjected to any negativity or toxicity. It's TERRIBLE to subject the people around you to your own unresolvedness.

And I have also spent many years coming to terms with the fact that I can wish until I'm blueish-purple that everyone would abide by this logic. But wishing that will never make it true. We're all wired differently. Makes us individuals, is beautiful about the human race, blah fuck blah.

Today feels like high school to me. I just wanna lay down. And you know what else? I just wanna be MAD. Can't I just be mad?! Can't I just get mad and pout about it and NOT be consolable or logical or benefit-of-the-doubt-ful? When I was fat and depressed and a complete mentalmesscase, being sad and feeling crappy felt safe and familiar to me. I so rarely give those feelings room to set up camp in my body these days, but I wonder if I sometimes don't miss that inconsolable thang. It served me for a time, certainly. (Then it got boring for me and, worse, challenging for everyone who wanted my wellness and that behavior's just a goddammed energy suck if ever there was one.)

I am always trying to take the higher road. Today, I wanna get down into the nitty and the gritty and roll around in the mud with the pigs and kick some fuckin dirt up into somebody's face. I'm tired of being level-headed and dignified. Today I just wanna be pissed off.

Just kidding. It's nice out.

...........

We shot some photos for our improv team's postcard. They're prittee pritteeeee hilarious.

I'm blah. I'm doing too much instant gratification stuff and not enough real life stuff. Plus, bored. So silly. I'm busy and I'm bored. I'm leaving work early today to go to Ikea with Daniel. It's a covert cut-out-of-work operation that will probably make me feel sick to my stomach at 9am tomorrow morning when I'll discover who noticed, who didn't, who's mad and who's not. WHO CARES. I have a series of mental problems.

I'm eating well, tho, and working out, so that's excellent. And I know nice people. So that's excellent too. I'd like some peppers, onions, and meat with sauce. Philly, anyone?

Forget what I said about vacation...

I went away! I went AWAAAAY! For a mini break! Over the weekend!!!! It was WONDERFUL and I feel refreshed and renewed and happy and glowy and grateful and glad. :o)

It was an awesome time and now I will commence not-eating for three days. Ding.

It's not a vacation when you're just unemployed.

I need a vacation. Nothing serious, just a little break. I know I was just out of work for two months, but that really doesn't count. I'm not crazy stressed right now or anything but things have been pretty hectic and busy and nonstop lately and I could really use a six to eight day nap, peppered in with some shopping, laying, eating, and NOT performing thankyouverymuch oh hahaha you're funny too oh hahaha BANG.

I am DESPERATE to go home after work today to shower and change and put some stuff down before improv practice. I'm also desperate to get a manicure, pedicure, and eyebrow wax. But I have a sneaking suspicion that none of this will happen today. Roar. Bob Roarman.*

*Pretty sure you're not gonna get that reference unless you're from Crystal Lake, Illinois.

If I don't have time to go home after work, I'm gonna have to go to the gym to take a shower on my way to practice. I need to shower, people. It's as simple as can be. Also, I can't wear those boots around town anymore this week. OUCH. I'm gonna throw a hissy if I hafta. I want some new shoes. Just some new cons for shows and some new boots for walking. I want a few new other things too but I can't think of what they are right now. Kevin just got a new blackberry. Hmph. I want some berries. And cool whip? And chocolate shavings? Cookies, anyone?

The most beautiful girl works here and her long luxurious hair is the envy of all my follicles.

I went to sleep at 4:30am. I woke up at 7:45am. The train ride into work, packed wall to wall with grumpy commuters, was a blast.

So what. No big deal.

Egg whites, turkey bacon, tomato slices, and one piece of american cheese on whole wheat toast, please.

Thanks.

Growing Pains (and Full House and Saved by the Bell: The College Years)

I feel like my life is somewhat foreign to me right now. It doesn't look, from the inside or the outside, like I expected it to, say, a year ago. That's not necessarily a bad thing at all, it's just a strange thing. Sometimes we find ourselves in places we never imagined we'd be. It's taking some adjustment. But I also feel supremely lucky and blessed. Plus, dingdingding!

Today is definitely a day of check-in: my routine is a little different today than it's been lately, I have therapy this evening (I've been going to therapy every other week lately, so the nights when I have it always make me reflective), and after I'm done exercising and getting my brain drained, I'll go home and chill out all by my lonesome, something I've done very little of lately. I anticipate some good tv and some early zzzzz. I'm super tired.

Part of big life changes is the fear that they won't stick or that things will change back just as you're getting used to the new stuff. Another part of big life changes is that sometimes they do stick. Maybe that's the bigger fear. Oooo....exciiiiiting. Liiiiiife. Ooooooo.

I'm tired. What the H else is new. There was some discussion of my possibly going out of town this weekend and now I might not but I was kind of excited to get the H out of Dodge and not have a care in the world for a 48 hour period. So we'll see what happens. I feel like I need a wee break from the winter? the city? my cat? Something...

See you in H.

The Baldwins

(My good dear friend Keith takes the most wonderfully interesting photos. He's +!)

So, that was fun! We had a really good time and the bar afterwards was a nice time too. Nothin like having a bunch of your favorite people in one place. It's great when nights like that work out. I was out super late and am quite tired and hung over today. I came home from work early to take a nap. Cuz I can. :o) This temp job is great.

We just got more shows, Fridays in March, added to our Baldwins calendar. That is so exciting, I'm really looking forward to that. And then I'll be in HST every Saturday night too. Oof. Did I say this already? All this traveling for sketch stuff and performing and doing shows and having practices and rehearsals makes me feel like that's my job and temping is just for cash. It's awesome/weird. Wow.

Soooo...sometimes that's the kinda thing that makes me afraid to look directly at it, like it might be too bright if I let myself really enjoy those happy and successful feelings because the whole thing might eventually burn out. But guess what. Who cares.

Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

See you at the PIT. Gah.

Standing O and Other Tales

I just woofed down a yogurt like it was the last food on earth. Good.

Hi! I'm back from Saratoga. Not to be confused with Sarasota. Which is in Florida. Which is not where I was. It was very snowy where I was. It's not snowy in Sarasota right now. Feel the difference?

We had a great trip. Listen, traveling's always exhausting. You know it now, settle yourself to that fact. That, that prior sentence, is an example of the sort of thing I said to myself before our trip. And so I had a really nice time on the trip. We stayed in a hotel. We rocked the casbah with one of the sickest show's we've done in a while. We got a standing O from 250 people. We taught workshops to college sketch groups and gave them some pretty good advice. We saw a bunch of comedy, some great, some awful, plenty in between. We went to a party. We overheard and subsequently eavesdropped on a young married couple, whose 2 year old daughter was in the room with them, screaming and yelling about having cheated on one another, a conversation that went on over the course of many hours; some of us took turns standing on the toilet the bathroom listening at the vent, where we could hear every word they uttered. We ate a lot of pizza and dunkin donuts. We played a lot of car games. We got lost. We had a few fights. We arrived home safe and sound on Sunday afternoon and I spent the rest of my weekend enjoying some serious down time. Things is good.

I only took a few pictures before my camera died.




Today, I decompress, reorder my life, exercise, eat a warm meal, lay down in my own bed. Tomorrow my improv group, The Baldwins, has their second-ever show. Can't wait.

Sugar Prison

I know I'm not the first person to call this out, but what is with the fucking office treats?! Nobody is the sort of person that wants to be constantly eating this shit. Nobody. And even if they do want to be eating it, they shouldn't be eating it! Because I'm the fat police and I say so!

We've all exchanged a sing-songy "Uh-oh...whoooo did thiiiis?!" or an "Oh my gosh, I so cannot have that...maybe just a little bite," or an ">eye roll< Not again!" with a coworker when we happen upon each other in a sweettreat-laden kitchen. But it's the very presence of this sort of concern, disgust, and guilty-desire voiced by any and all colleagues over the excessive sweets that baffles me when I see a table of sugartown; if we all hate it, why do we keep providing one another with baked goods?!

Knowwhaddimean?

Blah blah, right? So. The baked goods today were remarkably large and in charge...cupcakes as big as two of my fists, no joke. Hubba hubba. The blurry photo does not do them justice. And there was a laaaarge plate of a variety of meltymoist cookies. I ate very very little of this spread, considering what I'm capable of when spreads are involved.

I'm in a tizzy at work today, very busy and trying to tie up loose ends. I have to call in sick tomorrow in order to go to Saratoga with the HST. (No telling, jerks!)I wish I didn't have to call in sick but I don't have a choice this time. So we're off to upstate NY for the weekend, big sketch fest, fully-packed weekend, staying in a hotel, etc. Yikes.

I had a nice Valentine's Day. I'm not a fan of the holiday on any level; I'd rather poke my own eyes out. But it was with these very low expectations that I had a pleasant night. Ding.

See you on the flipside.

*Later: Sooo, I see that just two posts below I'm bitching about how there aren't enough sweets in my office. Listen. I'm a versatile, malleable, ever-changing human form. Judge not lest ye want candies.

Hot Air

The space heater at my desk just doesn't cut it. After feeling unsatisfied with its performance in the office, I figured I'd try it at home in my bedroom since I'm always freezing at night and warmth is warmth, but roomie and I kept blowing the power when we both had our heaters on. So, once again, I freeze like a little icicle in my bedroom since I brought the heater back to work, where it won't be blowing fuses. (Except for that one time, but I didn't know!) It's still not cutting it, though. I think it would probably have to be an atomic powered fire blazer for me to feel satisfied. I'm freezing. Where's my scarf.

Dear Everyone,

I keep hoping to walk into the kitchen at work and find some sweets. There was a fucking box of chocolates in there at 9:20 this morning and they were gone about 12 minutes later. Animals, these people. I just want a little cookie or a chocolate or something sweet and good. But it's mostly just because I'm BORED LIKE A MOROFF. And I even have stuff to do! But I just get a little tickticknuts during these workadays. I think I have ADD. AddledDrugbrainDisease.

Tonight, I shall exercise after le job. Then eat some din and go see a PIT show with Friend Steve. Should be fun. It's too cold to be outside, in my opinion. But I do a lot of opining that nobody wants to listen to, so feel free to just turn away before I finish this sentence. Opine. Opine. Opine.

Dinggggg. Stir crizaaazy.

I'm gonna go in the bathroom and take this godawful nail polish off. This has gone on long enough. While I'm gone, if you could please find me some chocolates, a sweater, a heating pad, and a cat, it would be appreciated.

Love,

Cold In New York

p.s. Britney, I don't judge you. I get it. Too bad about those two kids though, that was pretty poor planning.....but I guess your mom can raise 'em, right? Good. Here's $50.

I think I have a wisdom tooth coming in!

I'm starting to hate that last post - not entirely sure why...just kinda hate it - but I'm leaving it up. As punishment.

Um, bullet points?

- The Boss just left for the day. I plan to Screw Round due to this development.
- My improv team, The Baldwins, had their first show on Wednesday night. It was a great night and the show was a success. The other new house team, SidViscous!, which is comprised of many of my close friends and companions, also had a stellar show. It was a great night for improv. And a great night for The PIT.
- I'm generally pretty happy right now. :o)
- Today, and today alone, I've elected to use the "o" in my smilie emoticons. Not sure why. Plumper-looking that way?
- Another busy weekend including filming stuff on Sunday and several planned hang outs. Zzzzz.
- Next weekend: Saratoga for the festival we're headlining. Zzzzz...
- I. Can't. Wait. For. My. Tax. Refund. It. Will. Be. Substantial.
- I. Owe. Money. All. Over. The. Place.
- My. Roommate. Has. Every. Right. To. Hate. Me. For. How. Long. I. Haven't. Paid. Him. Back. The. Money. He. Lent. Me. While. I. Was. Unemployed.
- Oh well! Whachoogondo? :o)
- I hate cleaning my room. I'm not home that often. So it stays pretty fuckin' messy.
- I think I'll drop some laundry off when I go home at lunchtime.
- Now I've just turned this into a To Do List for myself.
- Drop off laundry.
- Clean up apartment on Saturday during the day.
- Exercise tonight and tomorrow.
- Organize finances during workday today.
- Eat healthy this weekend. Fat = nobody likes that.
- Puke up the sausage you had for breakfast.
- Not really.
- Bye.

this probably won't be interesting if you don't know us...

Clayton's post inspired me to jot down some of my favorite memories from the trip. First of all, I’d like to point that he’s only slightly mistaken regarding one little detail. The Jen Curran pull-string joke did not happen in the first five minutes of the trip, but well into the trip, after I'd had sufficient time to become my rotten old self. I mean, come on, Clayton. Auschwitz. Get it together.

Anyway, even though we were only gone for three days and have been back for just as many, I love reminiscing about what stupid idiot morons we are. We laugh a LOT. So here, in no logical order, are my favorite parts of the trip, as retold in a grammatically butchered fashion (I mean, what verb tense do you use in these situations?!):

1. Faryn, who is notoriously O.C.D. about everything relating to our shows, often wants to over-rehearse. We love her, we adore her, she’s our TD and her persistence is almost always a blessing in disguise, but sometimes you just have to let stuff go and trust yourself. So just before our second show, after we’d completely warmed up and had maybe 45 seconds before places, Faryn blurts out in a panic, “Does anyone wanna run lines for ER?” which is a sketch we’ve done probably 50 times onstage alone, not even taking into account the millions of times we’ve rehearsed it. (No. Nobody wants to run lines for ER. We’d rather drill holes through our empty sockets after our eyes have been gouged out by rabid sketch comics than run lines for ER. Running lines for ER is like reciting the Pledge of Allegiance just for practice.) So everyone stops in shock (“Can she really be this obsessive compuslve?”), a beat of silence passes, and then, despite Just Before Showtime being considered a sacred time of group support and love no matter who’s hating who, Adam says, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” And then we teased her for the rest of the night. Poor Faryn. She’s Farynoid. And she knows it.

2. Billy and I in the backroom of the performance space after the show, deciding to go out to the bar and “find some Pennsylvania chicks” but instead happening upon Adam and the transvestite on the dance floor. I don’t need to expound. If you were there, you know what happened. If you weren’t, you don’t want to know what happened. If you ever go to King of Prussia, PA and catch a glimpse this glorious woodland creature, you’ll regret your ability to see three-dimensional shapes.

3. Billy guessing what song the DJ would play next and getting it right every single time. SOMEbody used to DJ at Hot Skates on Long Island. Ooo-la-la.

4. Me threatening Billy with our getting married and everyone on the team jumping on board and driving him craaazy all weekend. “What kind of flowers do you want, Jenny?” “What will your song be?” I said as long as our song is “Looks Like We Made It,” I don’t care what else they play.

5. Billy, on the dance floor on Saturday night, dancing by during “Tainted Love” and whispering to me, “This is what they’ll play at our wedding.” HA. That jerk.

6. Chris mimicking a news anchor flub he saw on YouTube: “The top cock….Top…cock…” and it never getting old no matter what. He’s hilarious like that.

7. Adam's incredulousness at Rebecca sneaking out of bed on Sunday morning before anyone else was awake and getting in and out of the shower like a little tiny mouse even though it was soooo not her turn to take a shower first. Several people had to take cold showers the day before, particularly Adam, because several others, (yes, me, but Rebe too!) used all the hot water.

8. Rebecca leaving a message on Adam’s phone saying, “Sorry about the shower, Adam. But fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, shame on me. Fool me four times, shame on me. Fool me five times…”

9. Katie, on the trip back, reporting to us how warm she was and how badly she had to pee…every 15 seconds…in various forms of whining, yelling, and whimpering…for a full 10 minutes. Non-stop. Because we all wanted to listen to it. Because nobody else was hot and had to pee……

10. Katie saying to Sara who was sitting on the bus in her winter coat, “Aren’t you hot with that coat on?! I’m dying over here!” And Sara responding with, “I guess I’m just more easy going than you are.”

11. Billy calling everyone’s phone while sitting directly next to us on the bus and when we answered saying, “Hi, this is Keith Huang from the PIT.”

)(#&!%)(*$#T)(U@aaaaaack!

I feel like I've unsuspectingly happened upon a luge ramp and am, without even having much of a chance to look around, being whisked down the ice tunnel at speeds faster than I ever imagined. It's semi-terrfying. But, surprisingly, there's something incredibly relaxing and awesome about giving over to the natural momentum of it all. I just did not expect to find myself here. Like, ever. I'll continue to be vague since I know how much you like it.

Yo. Guys. Things are good, okay? I'm happy? Get it? I'd like to return to the gym; I can't stop thinking about how I feel like I'm filling my clothes out a little more than I used to and about how MUCH HARD WORK I put into lifting and running last year and how RIDICULOUSLY AWFUL it feels to be slacking a little bit. However, it could easily be argued that I'm obsessing about that because I have nothing else important to obsess about. Listen, I'm a hoot. Take it or leave it.

My new improv group had a great first practice last night. The practice itself was short and quick, but we hung out afterwards, all 9 of us, and the conversation was lovely - we really got to know one another better. I hope to become good friends with them. Our official team name was decided last night: The Baldwins. I likes it.

Diet Dr. Pepper

Some photos from le trip:







I just ate plenty of cake. :( My boss comes back tomorrow. I don't even know what that means. I have improv practice tonight for my brand new house team. Radical.