YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

That concert was AWESOME.

That was the perfect way to spend a Thursday night. I had a FUCKING BLAST.

Pretend there's a photo here.

Thanks Jess...

...for your comment. It actually made me feel a lot better. (And btw, I think you commented a while back and I never responded. Thanks for that one too.)

It’s funny because as I was writing that post last night, I was actually thinking of you. (You, whom I barely know.) Because I remember you writing things like that before – that you need two weeks away from everything. We are same.

I’m feeling better today, internet. Writing that last night probably helped a lot. And my coworker was in her usual miserable form today but somehow it slid more easily off my back.

Speaking of, I’d like to refer everyone to the comment left by “irritated” on yesterday’s post. I think that might be my first ever experience of a drive-by-inappropriate-blog-comment! which I know all you seasoned bloggers are old pros at receiving. (Btw, if you ever want to read some doozies of nasty comments go to Dooce's blog. That poor woman gets more nasty hatemail…But she wonderfully weaves the best hatemails into hilarious posts on her blog every month or two. I love her.) Luckily, I’m relatively easy going about meanies, so it wasn’t terribly upsetting, but if you have a second, take a glance at it. I’m pretty proud of it – as it’s my first ever.

Oh and I should add, I might take some stock in what “irritated” had to say if I hadn’t written a post just inches down the screen with the title “Happy As Clam.” Somehow I feel like that and other positive entries preclude me from having to justify job stress. Waaaait a minuuuuute…do you have me second guessing myself, irritated? Certainly, no. Back to regularly scheduled self-assurance.

p.s. Beastie Boys concert in Bklyn tonight! Whuuut!

>sighs<

I'm depressed. Simple. I feel crappy. I'm feeling misunderstood and alone in my struggles. I'm sick of it being so fucking muggy and hot all the time. There was a tornado in Brooklyn this morning and I couldn't get into work all day today. I'm sick of getting up early. I'm sick of being sick of getting up early. I'm sick of bitching about my job on here - with Kevin - to my friends - to my coworkers - in my improv. I want to turn the whole world off for 21 days. I want time to stop. I want to go home to Illinois and eat cheese and crackers in my grandparents kitchen while time stops and nothing matters. I'm sick and tired of the crazy woman at my job exhausting the fuck out of me with her insanity - she's the nightmarish great aunt or obnoxious oldladynextdoor that everyone hates. I'm pissed off that I don't know what next, that I have to work daily to rewrap my mind around why I'm doing this, what it gets me, and what reality would be like if I weren't doing it. I'm furious that leaving this job would cause a lot more problems than it would solve. I'm furious that being at this job is causing at a lot more problems than I expected it to. I'm pissed off, I'm tired, I'm hungry all the damn time for no realistic reason, I'm CONSTANTLY HAVING TO DEAL WITH THESE ENORMOUSLY DIFFICULT PERSONALITIES AT MY JOB AND I'M THE LAST PERSON ON THE PLANET WHO WOULD WIN A "CAPABLE OF TOLERATING INSANE BEHAVIOR AWARD." I'm fucking pissed fucking off. Okay? And that's the goddammed long and short of it. I wish everyone would shut up and get outta my face.

And as livinginthemoment, which is how I'm trying to live, would have it, I apparently have three choices: remove myself from the situation, change the situation, accept the situation.

I'll think on that. Meanwhile, fuck this.

Has it really come to this?

I'll try to write more later today. But has it really come to a weekly blog update? Yeeps. That's terrible.

I'm workin like crazy and it makes me tired and I have a little self pity over it this weekend. I had to bail on plans with friends of Kevin's today because I am desperate to get some laundry done and spend a little time at my apartment. I feel awful about it because nobody likes a plan-bailer, but I had to make this decision.

Luckily, I got to catch up with Keith and Phil last night at the bar, which was great. I rarely get to sit down with those guys anymore, so it was really nice to get to chat and laugh with them.

I have been grouchier, more irritable, and less patient lately. And it's taking its toll. Kevin's being awesome about it, but I still wish the circumstances could be different.

This weekend, like the others, will probably go by too quickly, especially with an HST video shoot tomorrow at 9am. I'm livin day by day right now with a paycheck-as-carrot being constantly dangled in front of me.

Happy As Clam - July Edition

I'm sitting in my bedroom in shorts and a tankini top; I'm about to go outside and read Harry Potter in the sun, only after I eat the brown rice sushi I bought at Go Wasabi on Ditmars. My hair is currently air-drying because I was instructed to show up at my 5pm hair appointment with my hair down, not pulled back, with minimal product in it, so that they can see what they're "working with," she said. Have I mentioned that this salon specializes in curly hair? And that I've wanted to go here for probably four years? And that I need a haircut badly right now and I have a good feeling about this one? Oh and I just got back from my massage appointment. Holy. Fuck. That was pretty much actual heaven. I feel so good right now. She did 45 minutes of reflexology which is apparently just some sort of magical manipulation of every single muscle in my feet - that was unreal. Then she did 30 minutes of incredible back work. I died, came back to life, died again, and solved world hunger - I was so zen. Oh and I went to sleep at 11pm last night and slept for 12 hours in my freshly laundered bed with my kitten by my side. Oh and I bought new earrings on sale at the spa which are adorable. Oh and this morning I organized a shitload of money stuff and paid some bills that desperately needed paying. Oh before going to sleep last night I did laundry and folded all. my. clothes.

This is the best day.

I'm finally using the massage gift certificate Todd gave me in OCTOBER tomorrow. And I'm getting my hair cut some place fancy. And tonight I'm doing laundry and doing nothing and relaaaaaxing bigtime. The ol' bf is out of town for the night and as much as I'd love to go get my groove on in town, I'll probably be asleep by 10:30. It's pathetic and delicious.

Booked my tix home for Christmas today. My cousin Trisha is getting married on December 29 so I'll be in the midwest for a whole week this holiday. Interesting. My cousins, Mallory, Trisha, Kalan, and Leia are my mom's brother's four girls. My mom and her brother have grown extremely close in their adulthood and we five girls were very close growing up too. I love them like sisters and they treat me like one. As the wedding gets closer I get more excited about seeing Trisha get married.

I just googled myself.

It felt weird.

I'm wondering how much I can talk about work on here and not get someday fired for it. I'm paranoid about being fired. Being fired sucks. It feels shitty.

Yo, so, I've come home from a day of this life and, look, it is a LOT. I always say one day at this place feels like two days. And today at the end of the day I was physically exhausted. No joke. I could feel it. Yikes.

I had a fight with my manager today. A fight. We were mad at each other. And she was mean to me. There were tears. It was...I'm exhausted. I'm just exhausted.

I feel so solitary in this experience. I feel like no one can relate to my unique point of view right now. And I am juggling a lot - not just schedule, obligation, or commitment wise, but psychologically. It's a lot. This woman I fought with today, my relationship with her has been a draining factor at times. But it's also this environment, the hours are just long here. People work hard. And I'm learning a lot about myself. And I'm working out on my goddammed lunch breaks.

And it's ripping me up that this is all I want to talk about for the first ten minutes of seeing anyone I know and love. Poor Kevin. He said he owes me for the years he talked to me about his job. He did, however, point out that he didn't leave me 2 minute long voicemails about his job. Which I did leave him. Today. So.

WHAT ELSE! Life! Comedyyyyy, my loving frieeeends, my pretty caaaat. Things else are okay. I don't have time for them not to be. I'm going to see SidViscious! tonight, which is always so fun and I'm glad to be going out and seeing some humans.

Priorities have become, in no particular order, sleep, exercise, comedy, loved ones, job, cat. That's all I really know right now. Oh and I'm rereading Potter 6 in prepartion for 7 which sits on my dresser. It's still summer, dammit. And I can't wait for the weekend.


p.s. I miss my life on the internet. I miss you, Internet Life. But we probably needed this break.

"We're doing the best we can!"

laying on couch. watching kathy griffin show. eating donut. drinking iced coffee. needed this so bad.

what a dumb day.

except for one really cool part.

and a good workout.

and sushi for lunch.

and i'm so tired.

and i'm looking forward to conquering tomorrow.

Monday? Feck.

"Honey, what you don't understand is that I want to talk to someone here in the United States of America."

Someone at work was calling their phone company and the call was outsourced. I mean, how could I not laugh?

I am so aware of trying to be careful about my blog content these days. I could see myself getting swiftly fired from this place for writing basically anything at all on my blog. In fact, I could see myself getting fired for writing stuff that doesn't even have anything to do with work. And I could certainly see myself getting fired for the very paragraph I'm writing right now.

But life's too short, ya know?

Current status is as follows: I'm cold because of the rainy weather and a little grumpy because I have cramps. I'm glad to be working because the money is nice and I blew some of it at Target this weekend which was fun. I'm not glad to be working because I miss my boyfriend who has had to put up with my falling asleep at what sometimes feels like 8:30pm and my being tired all the time and napping sporadically. But I have about ten days off from anything HST related. It will be nice to have a little break. And I'm really enjoying improv stuff right now. Had a good productive enlightening practice yesterday and will have another one tonight. As soon as I can afford it, I'm getting new headshots. Harry Potter warms me.

I love this photo of Sara...

It breaks my heart

that I haven't blogged in so long. Keith.

I have accepted a new permanent job at the company I was temping at last time I posted. The 12 month gig kept getting pushed back and pushed back, so I was gonna keep temping. And I wasn't really looking hard for something permanent because I wanted the flexibility that temping offered so that I could focus on comedy, but the boss at this latest place offered me way too much money for me to turn down and I felt obligated (to my bank account and outstanding debts) to take the money.

I'll work here for as long as I can tolerate it. And the thing is, for now at least, I sorta don't mind it as much as you'd think I would. Don't get me wrong: the hours are long, I have to be here at 8am every day and I'm the opposite of a morning person so that blows, and the work itself, although not terribly difficult or mentally challenging, can definitely be exhausting at times. I leave work completely numb after working basically non-stop during the ten plus hour workday. I started to find pockets to carve out a little internet time here and there - then I found out the boss can see every single website we visit and even read to whom we've sent gmails and the subjects of the gmails, all with some fancy securty software he has. So.

But here's what I tell myself: I'm making some money. Good. I'll pay off the minor debts I have and be at $0. I'll take an hour lunch every day that I possibly can, because I must. And one of my gym locations is literally in the same building. I've gone twice already. It's pretty ridiculous how perfect that part of it is. The first day I was already changed into gym clothes and on the treadmill 120 seconds after leaving my desk, I said, "This is awesome." I'm going to utilize that as much as I can - score a plus one for mental sanity. And the only other sector that's on my mind is my comedy. The first few weeks I worked there I was late for, missed, or slept through three different comedy obligations due to adjusting to this hecticness. This week I did a lot better. So that's got to remain a huge priority. I'm only working this job so I can keep doing that stuff.

Hopefully it will be managable for a while. The structure isn't my enemy, I think.

All else is good. Busy busy busy - shows practices rehearsals shows meetings socializing etc. I'm wiped out. But I'm sleeping hard when I can and that feels nice.

Oh and hey Kevin! Yeah, Kevin. Hey you! I like this picture of us and I'm putting it on my blog. And right now, I'm writing to you. You can take it up with me later. ;)

This would be more interesting if I had the time.

This stuff:

- working a new temp job until my 12 month gig begins. the boss is demanding and yells a lot and i sorta don't mind. the hours are 8-6. it's brutal to wake up that early every day, as the morning and i are not close friends, but who cares. money train.

- my momma's in town this weekend! with my aunt lisa! very cool. haven't seen them since christmas. they'll see the show, we'll shop around, they'll hang with the HST, and they'll meet Kev. grin grin.

- i'm working on a better body image relationship. it's an uphill battle.

- all i want in the world right now is to reclaim the path to financial wellness. and i will do it, dammit.

- next week: EXERCISE. i have not been doing enough of it. but eating healthy is going pretty well. someday it will all line up exactly as i imagine it should. and naturally, i'm aware of my body even more right now because my mom is in town. ladies, you know what i mean.

- i love cats. so what.

And coming up next....!

I got home from Brooklyn around noon this morning and have been doing verrrry little all day long. In fact, aside from exercising for an hour and a half around 8:30 this evening, I have done nothing but sit on my butt and watch delicious television all day long. I've watched three different hour long episodes of The First 48, which rivals only the various SWAT shows (e.g. Dallas SWAT, Kansas City SWAT, Detroit SWAT) in terms of exciting true-crime docu-dramas. Frankly I wish I had three more of those puppies tivo'd. Then I watched a new show called Confessions of a Matchmaker, which was a delight. That woman tells it like it is. She even outted some 41 year old guy who didn't even know he was gay until she set him up with a dude! (He didn't know he was gay, though? Come on.) I most recently just finished an inspired episode of The Best of Bridezillas. O.M.G. Those bitches is crAAAzy. You kinda wonder if the show purposely causes stressful things to happen on these people's wedding days because it's almost too convenient that in every segment, someone's florist just doesn't show up, or someone's mother-in-law is 90 minutes late to the ceremony. Regardless of whether or not these "disasters" are fabricated, the psycho control freak brides flip OUT, big time, and without fail. It's pretty uncomfortable and hideous. If I ever get married and behave even a fraction that crazy, I hope someone would have the good sense to just put me out of my misery right there. Aside from all the miserable female bridezillas, the show featured one male bridezilla, who was marrying his partner. Oh man, that dude had a screw loose. At one point, after deciding that everyone had betrayed him and was trying to steal his spotlight, he was caught wandering from room to room in his apartment yelling "It's MY DAY. This is MY DAY. IT'S NOT MY FAULT. IT'S NOT MY FAULT," over and over. Lord have mercy on us all.

I'm not a big tv watcher. Rarely home, and never home during the good tv hours. But I think I reached my quota for the month today. I've still got three Gene Simmons: Family Jewels tivo'd that I haven't watched yet, and two movies at my beck and call should I so choose. Also, I'm saving that Bridezillas show for Daniel. That gay needs to see it.

>runs back to indented spot on couch, returns remote to gentle resting place in right hand<

This weekend I'll

go to a bar to watch the Mets game with Chris, Rebe, and Kev
go to see Knocked Up, where Fanny and David will join us. yaaaay.
exercise
clean some areas of my house
rehearse
do a show
watch Kevin's show
hang out with my old friend Steve
relax

and it will probably be in that very order.

It's been a strange week that ended roughly. But I booked that freelance gig I was talking about, so that's nice. It should begin July 1. I'm broke until then, but it can only get better from here.

not working today...

Does anyone else feel uncomfortable with the relationship between Montel Williams and his psychic ghost-reader mistress Sylvia Browne? I mean, I guess I understand the intrigue, but what about her finger nails?

par

for the course.

I'm feeling crappy. After all those good times and joyful feelings, today I feel crappy. I'm tired because I've been staying up late and sleeping in really late and everything feels outta whack, I don't have a new temp job yet, and everything just feels useless today. I have to clean my room, go to the grocery store, workout, and run two errands. These all sound like things that I am NOT interested in doing. And I'm feeling bummed and blue about it and fighting every possible urge in existence to keep myself from just snuggling back into bed and doing nothing productive all day long. But I know that will make me feel even worse when all is said and done.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

And now for a public service announcement.

My new "step-sister" (my father is married to his fourth wife she has two kids) Anna is in her early teens, or maybe she's just twelve. She has a myspace page and she's pretty active on it. She's been posting her phone number for her friends and asking them to post theirs, and they do. I'm fairly disturbed by this and find myself making promises to myself about my own eventual parenting. Weird.

Adam's on his way over with a brownie and a diet snapple. Holla.

We're back!

Yo, that festival was a smash HIT. We had a blast, we got so tan, we vacationed like rock stars, and best of all, we had five packed houses, five hit shows, and we got some really stellar reviews.

Kevin came with us, the darling, and we were so glad he was there. <3 And besides being a general joy to have around, he took some really great photos of our tech rehearsal on the first day.



Charleston is a beautiful city with a lot of culture and wonderful people. The Charleston City Paper, who scored each show at the festival on a regular grading scale, gave us the only A+ rewarded to any performance. And said, "Saturday night live wishes it was as funny as the Havard Sailing Team." Here's the rest of that article...awesome:

Charleston City Paper

And this reviewer loved us too, calling our show, "just as good as you've heard it is" and our sketches as "deeply creative vignettes that are as often self-referencing (i.e. about the Harvard Sailing Team) as they are reflective of pop culture stalwarts" (and I'm one of the puppets in that marionettes sketch he praises ;).

Plus we were on the morning news program, "Low Country Live" which was one of the single most hilarious experiences of my young life.

We got to see some great comedy while we were there, too, and I even ran into my old friend Jeff Gandy who happened to be in Charleston with his really delightful show "The Fowler Family Radio Hour" which stars a bunch of Chicago improvisors who I happen to know sort of sideways-style way through the blogging community and Arnie (who I actually don't know at all, but I read his blog religiously, okay??)

Oh Charleston, how I miss thee. I loved that trip. Best trip in a long long time. Ding!

I have to get ready for rehearsal now. We're playing On the Jitney tonight at the PIT and I think there'll be an energy in the air; right back into it. And then it's Steve's b-day at the TC. And tomorrow I rest. :)

WHEEEEE!

I already love this day. Sometimes I feel anxious about loving days like today to the extent that I want to love them, because how disappointing when other days aren't like today, but who cares. I love today.

I took a nice shower this morning, my hair's all wet and curly q right now, I'm wearing something super summery with exposed upper arms(!) and short pants for summer fun. Even better, though, is that I didn't have to be here until 10am and I get to leave at 3pm. And it's sooo warm out and I really enjoy working at this job and when I leave here I've got some errands to run and laundry to finish and I'm gonna squeeze a workout in, I think. And then tonight it's shows, drinks, birthday boys, and summer fun.

I can't imagine I'll have much chance to blog while we're away. So I'll leave you with this, which is just as good as being there:

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhyessssss...

She's talkative today...

The food at those deli buffets is always slightly less edible than you want it to be. It terms of inedibility, however, nothing quite rivals the egg sandwich I got from europa this morning which was not egg whites, like I paid for, and did not have cheese in it, like I paid for, but did have an egg shell in it, which I did not pay for. I decided not to call back and complain, though. Which felt nice and relaxing.

I'm finally out of that awful Hotel Death job. I had really resigned myself to the oppression that was that experience when I was in it, but now that I'm out of it, oh MAAAAAN, FUCK you, Hotel Death. FUCK you. Life outside of you is humane. So much so that I woke up slightly hungover this morning with maybe four hours of sleep under my belt to go to fill in at my old law firm job for a couple days and actually said aloud, "I'm so excited to be going to work right now." Whhhuut. What world is this. Yesterday I was wearing corporate attire and heels, clicking a mouse a for hours and hours while not being allowed to traverse the blessed interweb. Today I'm wearing jeans, a cotton summer dress and flip flops, being paid to surf the net, work on HST bizz, and generally do whatever the eff I please, while occasionally doing some "job" related tasks that I don't remotely remind doing at all because hello, it's fun. And I didn't have to be here until 10. And it's not Hotel Death. And this chair isn't stained with something brown. Get it?

We leave for Charleston verrrrry soon! Tonight I must pack and clean and do laundry and tomorrow night I'll run some errands, go see some shows, and go to a partaaaay for some awesome dudes I know before retiring reasonably early sos I can get into that damn van at 6am on Saturday morning. Oh baby baby it's gonna be fun. And Kev's coming with us down south. That makes me pretty happy. Pretty pretty happy.

I'm so looking forward to chilling out at home tonight. I'll be there alone with my sweet kitten and it's so nice outside and there's watchable tv on and I can putter around and get mah shit done. I love nights like this.

Oh impending vacation, you make everything taste so good.

Another one!

Today is my last day at miserable temp job 2007, which, incidentally, has taken place at one of New York's fanciest hotels. If I were a better planner-ahead, and if I hadn't lost the cord that connects the camera to the computer, I would have taken some sneaky photos of the place for blog'ssake. Like, maybe I'd take a photo of one of the restaurant receipts where a glass of orange juice is six dollars and a bowl of special K is nine dollars and a cup of coffee is four dollars and a full meal can run you upwards of $1000. And, uh, I've seen the kitchen where they're preparing these things. Go to another restaurant, I beg you.

Instead, here's this photo:



I'm presently eating oatmeal.

I woke up at 5am. Daniel: "Jen. Jen. The door is open and the cat is missing." What. "We've got to go get him." By 'we' he meant 'me' because when I (not he) opened the back door, where was the cat but relaxing in his back yard garden looking like he was about to have a go down the child-size slide. Crisis averted. Or, crisis never existed. Scary, though, is that the back door was wide open. He pushed it open. The cat. Pushed the door open. Which I apparently neglected to lock when I went outside around 11pm. Details details. Can't be bothered.

My wallet's gone again also. (Ohhh, details, okay...I get it.) This time it's for real, I'm certain. I think someone slipped it out of my bag on the subway. That's never happened to me in nine years of living in New York. First I had it, then I didn't. I had a rough afternoon yesterday.

I'm thinking I need to find something. Else. Like...to....grab onto...believe in....reach back for...when...whatever...you know? Anyone follow? I don't do organized religion, so that won't work, but...something. Something.

It will be a life saving moment when I walk out of these doors tonight at 5:01pm and never return. I've hated this gig, it's hated me, and I can't wait to find some other way to spend my weekdays.